Had one great date, then nada

[thirdtimescharm]

I had a 2nd date planned for tonight but got a voice message last night , 2 days after I called her and left her a message so I could give her the details of what we were going to do. I thought, after our first date, which went 6 hours, things were in good shape.

"sorry I just got your message but I'm not a stander-upper, even though I just got stood up....but, I just don't think maybe it's a good idea, be well and have a good night."

So this is just an example of a woman flaking. But is there anything I can do at this point, if I want to try to get her to un-flake? She really sounded conflicted on the message. Or do I just next her and move on?

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Go with the "I don't appreciate your actions it shows you have no respect for me. Leave me alone until you are ready to make it up to me" approach.

 

[frivolousz21]

Do not contact her again and move on.

as they say in fight club.

Let go

 

[guru1000]

Read my thread again on Low Interest Level.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=136777

 

[Mr. Me]

But is there anything I can do at this point, if I want to try to get her to un-flake?

No, the horse is already out of the barn. The way to "unflake" a woman is to prevent it from happening in the first place. Women flake when they don't have sufficient interest. So, you lost her during the first date, if she even had that much interest in the first place.

Reading your other posted dating experiences, I'd have to say that you probably come across as rushing things. First dates on prime weekend nights and asking for the next date while you're still on the first date = rushing things. You probably come across that way in other aspects during the date too, it's hard to tell without being a fly on the wall.

But obviously her getting turned off happened during the first date.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Go with the "I don't appreciate your actions it shows you have no respect for me. Leave me alone until you are ready to make it up to me" approach.

I really like that one...very tempted to wait until next week and use it.

 

[tsmith2334]

Six hours sounds like overkill for a first date. Even if you saw a movie, that would be like two hours... what else did you do?

And you possibly did make a mistake like come across as needy. But, there is also chance that she lost interest for a reason that is you couldn't control (i.e. she loves to chase bad boys, is interested in someone else, etc.). No point in speculating.

What I would do is give it one more try, maybe in a week or two? And I'd be more casual about it. Like, super laidback, I don't give a damn casual. I'd just call her up and see if she wants to go out again. Try to rekindle all the positives of date one, but add a little more mystery to your game.

 

[nismo-4]

I really like that one...very tempted to wait until next week and use it.

I gotta use this sh*t tomorrow!

And Mr. Me hit the nail on the head about your flaking issue.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Six hours sounds like overkill for a first date. Even if you saw a movie, that would be like two hours... what else did you do?

And you possibly did make a mistake like come across as needy. But, there is also chance that she lost interest for a reason that is you couldn't control (i.e. she loves to chase bad boys, is interested in someone else, etc.). No point in speculating.

What I would do is give it one more try, maybe in a week or two? And I'd be more casual about it. Like, super laidback, I don't give a damn casual. I'd just call her up and see if she wants to go out again. Try to rekindle all the positives of date one, but add a little more mystery to your game.

I'm gonna argue against me being needy. We had drinks, then sushi, more drinks, then moved to another venue for more drinks. Conversation was easy the whole time, kino was happening. We just had a good time, period. However, I may still try the casual thing in a couple of weeks just for grins.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

So to turn a negative into positive, I went to the show that I was going to take her to -myself- (which I had planned to do in the first place). I met a couple at the bar early on, and the girl used the guys money to buy me 2 drinks! But since later on I saw them making out, I moved on, met some other women there and ended up number closing and kiss closing one woman, and kiss closed her friend also. The girl also bought me a drink. Can't complain about it at all, and the music rocked.

 

[penkitten]

gotta love going to shows!

 

[MacAvoy]

Go with the "I don't appreciate your actions it shows you have no respect for me. Leave me alone until you are ready to make it up to me" approach.

Whatever you do, don't do this. It accomplishes nothing. The fact is you screwed up, you can set up a date with a girl, by leaving her a voicemail.

I had a 2nd date planned for tonight but got a voice message last night , 2 days after I called her and left her a message so I could give her the details of what we were going to do.

The fact is you screwed up, she didn't have as much interest as you thought. She didn't disrespect you, she in fact, gave you respect by letting you know ahead of time that she doesn't like you, not many women are that respectful, they would rather think that they are not hurting someone by not saying anything and ignoring a guy.

Heres some great advice from Str8up:

Anything but "Ok, have a nice day" is akin to flipping the prison guard the bird as he stuffs you into solitary confinement and slams the door on your ass.

I have learned NOT to burn bridges.

All you are doing by giving her a piece of your mind is killing ANY last bit of attraction she MIGHT have had for you. There have been a small handful of women in the past year or so that I would have LOVED to have "flipped the bird" to, and I WOULD have in the past, until I realized that attraction spreads exponentially.

That means that any little bit of attraction one woman has for you wear off on other women. Women are VERY good at sensing when they have "competition" around. Men don't pick up on these subtle glances and body language and such, but women are very attuned to this kind of thing.

So all you are really doing by severing ties with a woman is decreasing your chances to hook up with other women, if even just a little bit.

Is it worth it to try to get the last word in? For me it isn't.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Go with the "I don't appreciate your actions it shows you have no respect for me. Leave me alone until you are ready to make it up to me" approach.

Leave out the "shows you have no respect for me. leave me a lone" parts.

How about:

"I don't tolerate second class behavior. For now I can't see you, since you are on probation. How will you make it up to me?"

 

[tsmith2334]

Leave out the "shows you have no respect for me. leave me a lone" parts.

How about:

"I don't tolerate second class behavior. For now I can't see you, since you are on probation. How will you make it up to me?"

I think most derisable girls have a couple options on the table at any given time. In other words, men that would gladly hook up with them without thinking twice.

How is this response going to help your chances at all? Granted it asserts dominance, but it seems so rigid. Doesn't a women want a guy that is interesting, fun, and adventurous?

Putting a girl you've dated once or twice "on probation" for flaking just comes across as ridiculously out-of-touch in terms of any kind of sensible behavior.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

I think most derisable girls have a couple options on the table at any given time. In other words, men that would gladly hook up with them without thinking twice.

How is this response going to help your chances at all? Granted it asserts dominance, but it seems so rigid. Doesn't a women want a guy that is interesting, fun, and adventurous?

Putting a girl you've dated once or twice "on probation" for flaking just comes across as ridiculously out-of-touch in terms of any kind of sensible behavior.

Really? And what is more "in touch", being a chode who puts up with that behavior? You don't understand attraction very well, do you? Makes no sense to you and I, but when dealing with women, it is not always the logical that is going to work.

You put up with it, you become just one of many who does. You said it, she has options. The guy needs to be different, a challenge, but not just for the sake of being a challenge, but because he expects better from the women he deals with. If you're gonna call out a girl on her bs, do it right, do it full force, don't do it half a$s, or you'll just come across as a needy girly man who can't handle tests. Works for me.

If you are a fun, funny guy, who is witty, and she can't really categorize, and she doesn't know if he's serious or joking, then she will respond, if only to find out just who is this guy with balls big enough to call her on her bs.

If being a trained puppy who will salivate, and jump through her hoops at her command, just because you consider her to have higher social value (as in, "she has too many options")works better for you, then, please pay no attention to my advice.

 

[tsmith2334]

If being a trained puppy who will salivate, and jump through her hoops at her command, just because you consider her to have higher social value (as in, "she has too many options")works better for you, then, please pay no attention to my advice.

There's a difference between being a push-over and being laidback.

Of course, you wouldn't want to be push-over who is following every command. But whining, acting stand-offish and stamping your foot everytime she's unable to see you doesn't display much value either.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

There's a difference between being a push-over and being laidback.

Of course, you wouldn't want to be push-over who is following every command. But whining, acting stand-offish and stamping your foot everytime she's unable to see you doesn't display much value either.

Who said I advocate being whinny, acting stand offish and stamping, etc.? Words are only 7% of communication. You can focus on the larger percentage and get any point across more effectively, regardless of the words you say.

After spending 6 hours with a girl, she should know you are witty, and fun, yet you have no problem calling her on stuff. When you do call her, you use a tone that communicates you are busting on it, not one where you are whinning and complaining. You must be willing to walk away from any broad. Most guys are not willing to walk away, they do everything you just mentioned, and they come across as needy. Big difference from what I advocate.

 

[ready123]

her message barely made any sense

 

[DonJuan11]

"sorry I just got your message but I'm not a stander-upper, even though I just got stood up....but, I just don't think maybe it's a good idea, be well and have a good night."

That makes no sense.

 

[MacAvoy]

It makes perfect sense to me. She doesn't like him and thought she would do the honourable thing and tell him instead of standing him up and not showing up for the day.