HA, She needs 'space'

[gc_scot]

Hi all,

I have a girlfriend that wants some space!!!
Things where going realy well I wasnt pushing and she was running the pace, she started to tell her family and I was getting invites from her family with her as a couple, all off a sudden she has told me she wants space, things are getting too serious she says, then she told me that she didnt want to be anymore than friends ever! If i cant deal with that then forget it. then 2 days later I get an SMS saying thanks for coming to her Birthday Party and she hopes I can get over this so we can both move on and have fun together again, I just dont know what she wants or means..

Now I would like to tell her to go get F***** but we have planned a weekend away to cairns in 2 weeks she still wants to go (of course i paid as it was for her birthday) in July we are both travelling to the UK from OZ, i am going home for 6 months ands she is going for two years, it was kind of perfect as we where keeping each other busy and planning the trip.


She sent me an email this morning saying she was really looking forward to cairns, truth is if I could find someone else to take I would just to spite her.
But what I am thinking is get through Cairns have fun as friends if it has to be then just move on and treat her as one of the boys and only talk to her about the trip in July.

Q. should I just give her more space treat her mean and let her want me or just move on??

I actually do like her but she says she just dosent like me the same way, I find that a little wierd as the day before she was telling people about us and excited to see me...

Help....

 

[MacDiddy]

dude, you really are a loser...

You gotta get someone else to go with you... If you let her go you'll lose even more respect from her... She'll hang out at night clubs and let other guys pick her up in front of you.... Is that what you want.... IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT!!!!!!

Just tell her you cancelled the trip... call your travel agent and delay it. Find someone else to go with even if its your sister!!! and then go... When she finds out you went without her then she'll be pissed and you'll have your satisfaction....

 

[MacDiddy]

Oops... forgot you were a newbie.... Sorry

Now read the fcuking bible!!!!!

She doesn't want you anymore!!!!!

 

[optimist prime]

Dude, don't take this girl on that trip. End contact with her. Move on. She doesnt respect you...at all.

 

[Donald Kaufman]

she hopes I can get over this

She is either losing it or playing games. I wouldn't want to be stuck with her for a week end. If there is anyway to get out of it, even if it costs a little money, do so. For you to go with her now means you accept what is going on.

Many girls will play the maybe-we-should-just-be-friends card to see how you really feel about her and not her random thing she thinks you are obsessed by.

If you go you are rewarding her for her behaviour. You are showing her that she is in charge.

Explain that in light of your new relationship you feel going away for the week end is too much. Explain that in order for you to explore your current understanding of the dynamics of what is happening you want to take it slow so you don't revisit past mistakes.

Then take someone else.

******** is great if you are using it. When ******** is used effectively there are only two responses; reasonable and unreasonable.

Reasonable: Either back down on some point she has laid out or accept what you are saying.

Unreasonable: Cry or get angry.

In either case stay calm and explain that you get that things are different and that you need time to adjust.

Brace yourself for tears or anger and hold your ground. If it continues for too long tell her it is becoming too emotional and that is exactly the reason you need to slow it down.

It feels like you are giving up control but you are actually taking it. When women pull this manuever they almost always wind up in control. If you can avoid being pulled into the drama of the situation you can actually achieve better results, on average, then women.

The final thing to realize when using this method is that if she pushes it to the point where she starts making threats that you would not want to be with her anyway.

 

[The Rake]

She's now your former GF, i.e. your EX. No more sex. Just a lot of emotional tamponing in the future on your part if you allow her to remain in your life still. She is essentially kicking you to the curb, but wants to remain "friends" so she can use you as social proof and feed off her ego when you two are in public. Now that she's no longer your GF with sex*ual benefits, you're not obligated to take her to Cairns or anywhere else for that matter. You're a free bird now.

 

[Centaurion]

what the other guys said. and also, i cant believe that you actually paid for her part of the trip to cairns. damn.

 

[gc_scot]

I only paid as it was her birthday and we where getting on really well..
So I take it from the advice above dont take her and take someone else..

I was kind of hoping i could take her then sh@g her a few times then dump her on our return, but thats sounds like too good to happen now

 

[The Rake]

Originally posted by gc_scot
I only paid as it was her birthday and we where getting on really well..
So I take it from the advice above dont take her and take someone else..

I was kind of hoping i could take her then sh@g her a few times then dump her on our return, but thats sounds like too good to happen now

Hey dude, she isn't going to give you her body "ever" again. Get used to this new reality. She's your EX. You are not obligated to hang out with her let alone take her to Cairns where she'll flirt with studs that she's physically attracted to.

 

[insomniac]

What everyone else said....

She wants space...give her that and more. Cease all contact, don't talk to her anymore, disappear, take someone else on the trip.

My ex dangled me for two weeks after we broke up. I was too emotional about it to take the same advice, but now wish I had. When women end it, they want to keep you around to use you for support until the next guy comes along. Don't give her the satisfaction.

 

[Royal Elite]

Women never, ever want space with a guy they are crazy over.

She is either not attracted to you anymore-you let your game fall off.

Some one else has gotten her attention-you let your game fall off.

She is not attracted to you anymore because someone else has gotter her attention-you let your game fall off

Step your game up.

 

[00Kevin]

I agree with everyone else here. Take someone else on the trip.

Tell her that she is right and that you need some space as well.

She already said she doesn't want you as a boyfriend so NEXT her! What could be more insulting to you?

 

[xiola]

Originally posted by 00Kevin

Tell her that she is right and that you need some space as well.

that is the best. totally turn the tables on her and tell her you need your space too and decided to take someone else. that one statement will put you back on top, and put her in her place

 

[Squid]

Dude, DO NOT TAKE HER ON THAT TRIP. I've been where you are, I know you think that maybe there is still hope, but there isn't. If you go it will be one of the worst experiences of your life.

Unfortunately I get the feeling from your posts that your not going to listen, your hoping that everyone on here is wrong and maybe the romance of the trip will change her mind. When you get back, read this thread again and don't make the same mistake again.

 

[DeathDealer]

Take her on the trip.

NOW before everyone gets mad.. you gotta get your game back.. and in order to do that, you must get revenge. Revenge won't make you the bigger person, but it brings redemption.

Do what she expects of you, she wants that support and puppy love (the lost hope of course.) and make a decision to bring someone else along, a buddy or another girl.

On that day of her getting ready and stuff, cut complete contact and change everything to prepare for this revenge to take place. Go pick up your buddy and go on your vacation.

 

[Void]

Oh man under any circumstances, do NOT take her on that trip...you think I'm just following the crowd saying this?
Let me tell you a story...

I got dumped by a girl that I was OH SO attracted to...she said the exact words "Hey...Let's just be friends we were better that way," so I stuck around for a week. Hoping she would come to her senses...and guess what? The next week she was trying to get my BEST FRIEND to go on a date with her...she called me and moaned, cried, asked me to talk to my best friend about coming to his senses...I tried to talk to her more for a chance and she basically tried to use me as an emotional tampon...I didn't do that though, I just talked to her more than I should've...But TWO DAYS ago (it's been like two months), I was superior. We were working at the same community service and when I entered I just tapped her on the arm and said "hey," she replied like "Oh hey! where are you working?!" I just said "Just walking around for now," and turned my back and left. An hour later I saw her and said "hey" and exited the door. Five minutes later she came out and watched me and my friend play basketball for five minutes. They were TOO SHY to come and talk to us (she had a friend with her.) When she did, I did everything right. And basically blew her off. I feel almost cured now, of my sick one-itis.

listen to these men

 

[dastal]

tell her what you think about the trip. figure it out between you. shes probably thinking the same thing. If you tell her, you dont come off as a loser, either. you paid for it. its your trip. act that way.

What do I know..... im only 15

 

[gc_scot]

Guys,
Emailed her today and told her that I wasnt intrested in being friends with her and she wasnt welcome on the trip.
She replied and told me I was being pathetic, so I told her to go get F*****, and dont bother getting in touch, seemingly she left work early in tears.

Think I feal better!!!

 

[gc_scot]

But I will add, I would still like to use this as a point of strength and make her crawl back and fill in my time.

Still unreasonable??

 

[MacDiddy]

Still unreasonable??

No.. so long as you still maintain the power... but since you're a newbie at all this, I'd say you'd lose it fast through her being able to use the guilt treatment on you...

She had the power and now you pulled it from under her. She doesn't know WTF is going on and her orderly world is collasping. She doesn't know why her attractiveness and desirability is lost... I predict she will try to regain this from you by turning the tables around and when order is restored, she'll dump you back to where you were and close the door...

You've won a victory of sorts today and I'd say its time for you to stay congruent and move on.... you don't need to hear what else she has to say...

Go read the bible and welcome to the wonderful world that is the DJ...