Guys I think I Just Got a DATE!!!

[InvisibleMan]

A perfect example of how NLP works!
You should have went for the lasergame and have some fun. Start doing what you like. Start acting like you're the only person on this planet!

Have you ever played videogames? Getting women is just game. The problem with niceguys is that they take this stuff too seriously which inevitably leads to emotional crises. Come on, you knew this was one of the possible outcomes. You're just getting on the right track, keep it up.

Yeah I play video games. Except I CAN'T EVEN GET PAST THE FIRST F*CKING LEVEL OF F*CKING PONG!! I'll F*cking rip the goddam controller out of the f*cking game and stomp the sh!t out of it, until it's laying in a bunch of plastic little goddam pieces all over the f*cking floor, that's what I'll do.

I knew her not showing up was the possible outcome, but I thought I would dance with other chicks when I was there. No other chicks were available there for dancing, and when we all got out there to pick partners the guy on the mic said "It looks like THIS guy over HERE doesn't have a partner" REAL LOUD. There was nobody to step up and he kept REPEATING it on the mic. I was just about to slink off the stage when some old fat woman said "Oh I'll dance with him" like she was doing ME a favor or some sh!t.

Anyway, dude. I thought it was seriously humilating and just brought back home all the reasons why I don't do clubs. I AM ALONE IN A CROWDED ROOM. There is too much pain involved in this crap, and THERE ARE NO REWARDS. I get NO POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT. I feel like a f*cking donkey (an ass) with a carrot dangling in front of his face to keep him going forward. I'm tired of it, I'm just bone tired.


- IM

 

[squirrels]

What kind of club did you go to where you were being singled out by the DJ? Sounds like a lame place.

What do you want us to suggest? If you WANT to give up that bad, then by all means GIVE UP. But you wouldn't be here if you wanted that.

One thing's for sure...beating yourself up does NOTHING. You've wasted so much energy on giving yourself hell and putting yourself down that you have NONE LEFT for things like seducing women.

Let alone the fact that if people see you putting yourself down, they'll assume that's the right way to react to you and put you down, too.

Either sh!t or get off the pot. But sooner or later you're gonna have to sh!t.

 

[HoneyHitter]

Yeah I play video games. Except I CAN'T EVEN GET PAST THE FIRST F*CKING LEVEL OF F*CKING PONG!! I'll F*cking rip the goddam controller out of the f*cking game and stomp the sh!t out of it, until it's laying in a bunch of plastic little goddam pieces all over the f*cking floor, that's what I'll do.

InvisibleMan, what could be called your greatest success in life up to this date? However modest it may be, ask yourself: Why did I succeed?
I really doubt anyone could ever achieve anything without a constructive approach, whether consciously or subconsciously.

Okay, grab your diary and make notes of the lessons you have learned.
With thanks to HB Hairdresser.

I knew her not showing up was the possible outcome, but I thought I would dance with other chicks when I was there. No other chicks were available there for dancing

Lesson 1:
Always KNOW where you're going, especially if you need to pay or make an appointment to get there.

Find out about the place by calling and asking for specific details. In other words: find out more than just the address. How to dress, what to expect, when it's crowded, if there's a restaurant. You could have been prepared to deal with this situation if you had simply asked "do people find partners on the spot, or should everyone bring their own partner". Be creative, imagine what could go wrong and what you would do in case it actually happened.
If you really don't like it somewhere, act like the man you are and get the **** out as soon as possible!

, and when we all got out there to pick partners the guy on the mic said "It looks like THIS guy over HERE doesn't have a partner" REAL LOUD. There was nobody to step up and he kept REPEATING it on the mic.

I know this stuff hurts when you're in the AFC phase... IT SHOULDN'T!
Who cares! Those people didn't go there to see you, your not disappointing anyone. If they eventually asked why you didn't come with a partner you could have just said "hey, I thought people came here to get lessons. Nobody said this whole prom-thingie would be going on? I can't even dance!*smile*", that's it. No big deal.

I was just about to slink off the stage when some old fat woman said "Oh I'll dance with him" like she was doing ME a favor or some sh!t.

You were lucky! The old fat women gave you the opportunity to practice without worrying about blowing your chances with her. I hope you LEARNED how to the dance. I have been in a similar situation so I REALLY know how it feels. In my case it was just despair, because I went to dancing classes with my sister just to see how other guys took the hottest girls right in front of me. I would just excuse myself, go to the restroom, cry about it, and return to the ballroom... yeah, can you believe that wussy stuff!!

Lesson 2:
Whatever you do, do it for your own benefit

This is the main problem. You should have really went there to learn how to dance or have fun if you already could! Not to impress your HB!
If you're going to the movies, go the movie YOU like. If your going to a club, go to a club YOU think is interesting. Lead, lead, lead the way. If she doesn't like it, too bad for her. At least YOU got what you wanted anyway. This is the only attitude that attracts hot chicks.

Can you remember the last time you enjoyed yourself?

 

[InvisibleMan]

InvisibleMan, what could be called your greatest success in life up to this date? However modest it may be, ask yourself: Why did I succeed?
I really doubt anyone could ever achieve anything without using a constructive approach, whether conscious or subconscious.

Okay, grab your diary and make notes of the lessons you have learned.
With thanks to HB Hairdresser.

I'm never giving her any thanks for anything.

Probably some of my most successful accomplishments were:

1) Recovering from alcohol abuse. Through my early to mid 20's I used to drink to relieve the pain of all this sh!t. And it became a nightly thing and I eventually failed out of college becasue of it. I quit on my own and haven't had a drink in 6 years now. And believe me, the old urges come rushng right back in after a night like last night....

2) Going back to college and finishing with a degree.

3) Losing nearly 50 pounds and now getting my body in really good athletic shape. I'm pretty ripped now and it hasn't been easy.

But nothing in my life. NOTHING - Finding a decent job, losing weight, finishing college, quitting drinking, finding good jobs, having the guts to be self employed and be my own boss - NOTHING has been even NEARLY as difficult as this problem with attracting women.

When I accomplished other stuff in the past, there were obtainable results. Eat less - weight comes off. Work out and eat protein - muscles get bigger. Stop drinking - life gets better. Study - get better grades.

Be confident, do your own thing, put yourself out there, take care of yourself, and read sosuave.com stuff - get girls. It's not happening.

Lesson 1:
Always KNOW where you're going, especially if you need to pay or make an appointment to get there.

Find out about the place by calling and asking for specific details. In other words: find out more than just the address. How to dress, what to expect, when it's crowded, if there's a restaurant. You could have been prepared to deal with this situation if you had simply asked "do people find partners on the spot, or should everyone bring their own partner". Be creative, imagine what could go wrong and what you would do in case it actually happened.
If you really don't like it somewhere, act like the man you are and get the **** out as soon as possible!

I DID know about this place beforehand, honeyhitter. I used to go there with this woman to dance when I was in my drinking days (it was strictly plutonic, believe me - this woman was like the wicked witch of the west, and I only did it because she was from another country and I wanted to help her get out). And I knew what it was like. There were women there without partners (not any good-looking ones) but I really didn't want to dance with 50+ year old women, and the younger ones were not interested in dancing with me. This place hasn't changed much in 8 or 9 years, but now I realize I won't be going back there - it's more for a country crowd, and I'm not country. I don't feel comfortable going alone to other nighclubs because I'm older than everyone there and I going alone WILL NOT work for me. I'll come across as a creep. But I thought this would be the place to go for me because I thought I could easily find someone decent to dance with and there is an older crowd there, since I'm different now, right? I thought wrong. I forgot for a minute that I was the Invisible Man.

I know this stuff hurts when you're in the AFC phase... IT SHOULDN'T!
Who cares! Those people didn't go there to see you, your not disappointing anyone. If they eventually asked why you didn't come with a partner you could have just said "hey, I thought people came here to get lessons. Nobody said this whole prom-thingie would be going on? I can't even dance!*smile*", that's it. No big deal.

It is a big deal to me because it never fails to happen. IT NEVER FAILS. It's like there is some sort of invisible FORCE out there, an unstoppable JUGGERNAUT that is preventing me from attaining this goal. All I want is a fvcking DATE! I feel like a mosquito trying to stop a steamroller. I feel completely alientated and ostacized completely from society.

Lesson 2:
Whatever you do, do it for your own benefit

This is the main problem. You should have really went there to learn how to dance or have fun if you already could! Not to impress your HB!
If you're going to the movies, go the movie YOU like. If your going to a club, go to a club YOU think is interesting. Lead, lead, lead the way. If she doesn't like it, too bad for her. At least YOU got what you wanted anyway. This is the only attitude that attracts hot chicks.

I did go to learn to dance and reinforced the belief that I hated every minute of it just like I did 8 or 9 years ago with the Wicked Witch of the West. I thought as long as I'm going anyway, I'd ask this cvnt hardresser b!tch to go with me. Why not, right? I thought things might be different now that I'm more outgoing. Wrong again.

And guys do things they don't want to do all the time to meet women. That is one problem. All the things I enjoy doing are solitary activities. I figured I'm not going to meet anyone sitting here on my ass, so I went out and DID stuff. It's not working. It's making me feel even more ALONE, ALIENATED and MISERABLE. That's why I don't want to do any of this stuff anymore. It's beginning to make me physically sick.

Can you remember the last time you enjoyed yourself?

I haven't enjoyed anything in a long, long time. Maybe when I was a kid. The best I hope for is complete emptiness and stifling of all feelings and emotions. That's what I had done for the past 6 years (after I got sober). Trying this stuff just makes me feel ill, sick and despairing. It has opened an old wound that has never healed. I won't go back to drinking, but I can't stand feeling this way anymore.


- IM

 

[realsmoothie]

OK, this is like throwing your head against a brick wall... BUT...

something is wrong. Nobody here can seem to figure it out... you, me or any of the hundreds of guys (many experienced DJ's) on here.

You're not telling us something. If from your information - that you are a pretty good looking, well built, well-dressed guy in your mid 30's - you are not meeting women even though you try... than there's something else going on.

Because really, your defeatism is downright scary. I'm 32. For the first thirty years of my life I was downright terrible with women. TERRIBLE. I had sex with two over that time. TWO. Then, a couple of years ago I turned 30 and something changed in my mindframe... kind of a feeling that I had turned a corner and didn't have to prove anything to anyone.

In those last two years, much of it here on this board, I've slowly.... VERY SLOWLY... been improving myself and my "game". It has produced some results, albeit only in the first stages of things. I can now talk to girls, even approach if the timing is perfect. I've kissed many girls in the last year or so, fooled around with maybe ten. No full-on sex yet, but I am recovering from years of anxiety on this and usually bail when I have the chance to screw.

My point being is that even after all those crappy years, missing the supposed "best years of my life" in my twenties, things have improved.

I'm only a few years younger than you. I'm betting you are probably in a better situation monetarily and physically than me. You have no excuse for not trying.

 

[ChrizZ]

I would really recommend to you to visit some seminars on how to attract women. Check out this site

 

[InvisibleMan]

I would really recommend to you to visit some seminars on how to attract women. Check out this site

You cannot be serious. I'm not pouring any more money into this issue. I've read about a dozen books on the subject. Among them: "Nice Guys Don't Get Laid," "How to be the Jerk Women Love," "How to Become an Alpha Male," "The Art of Seduction," "The 48 Laws of Power," "The System," "The Game," "Without Embarrassment: The Social Coward's Fearless Seduction System," and many others that I can't remember the titles to. Not to mention many, many articles and threads on this site, and I've recently gotten into reading stuff on fastseduction.com.

With all the money I've poured into these books I could have gotten a pretty good ***** and at least had sex one more time instead of wasting hours upon hours approaching women that have no interest in me. That's another thing I take into consideration. Approaching women takes TIME. My time is money to me. I figure my time is worth about at least about $20 an hour, and if I'm wasting all this time and energy doing all this sh!t that doesn't work, I may as well just pay a monthly fee to a ***** and work it that way. At least I'd have something to show for it.

I once confided in a friend (yea, I used to have one, LOL) that I had paid for sex once and he said: "Well, you know....There's the sex you pay for and then there's the sex you pay for."

- IM

 

[supyos]

Hey invisble, just a question? Is this hairdresser chick a lot younger than you?? Could it be that you mentioned this club...she asked her friends about it and they said it sucked?? You yourself say it pretty much sucks.

The chick didn't have any excuse not to call and say she wasn't going to make it though.

I have been getting this flake attitude lately also with woman, lately and it's pissing me off. I have been trying to man up and not put up with there crap.

I still am a goddamn ***** though haha.

I just turned 31 and HAVE got to try something new though, because attracting cute girls isn't working...the plumpers sure...but cute damn.

 

[Tazman]

In those last two years, much of it here on this board, I've slowly.... VERY SLOWLY... been improving myself and my "game". It has produced some results, albeit only in the first stages of things. I can now talk to girls, even approach if the timing is perfect. I've kissed many girls in the last year or so, fooled around with maybe ten. No full-on sex yet, but I am recovering from years of anxiety on this and usually bail when I have the chance to screw.

This is good information InvisibleMan. Take it one step at a time and just start out talking to women. Then try and move things forward gradually, don't let anyone pressure you, take as much time as you need to feel comfortable.

I'm 27 and I still get gun shy. I'm more of an introverted person so a lot of the techniques and advice offered here just won't work with my personality, but I've found certain things about myself that helps with attracting women. You've atleast got the nerve to approach women you don't know and ask them out, if I had that in me, my situation would be much better (I actually used to do this back in highschool, but I guess that doesn't count anymore). I'm the type of person that takes a while to warm up to people (and time is always of the essence with women) I don't know, it's always been that way, so you have a very valuable edge. Don't throw that away.

I know it's been said before, but it's really, really important that you try (even if you have to force yourself) and take this stuff with a grain of salt. Believe me I know how hard it can be when not only do you have your hormones to contend with, but the outside pressure from society telling you you're a loser if you aren't getting laid.

I asked a girl out within the last six months, and she turned me down, but I was so relieved that I actually went through with it I didn't have time to think about "why" she turned me down, I accepted it and moved on. She gave me all the typical answers like "I'm busy with school and work, etc." She worked at an ice cream parlor and kept asking me if I wanted some free ice cream (after she turned me down) and I must have said "no thanks" like 50 times, I just wanted to leave. It didn't have a lasting effect though man, because it's no longer a big deal to me.

It was all in the pursuit of *****, I don't try and convince myself I want more, because honestly, I don't. I didn't know her, I just wanted to **** her, plain and simple. That's probably what makes it difficult for me, it's hard for me to pretend like I"m genuinely interested in getting to know them.....oops guess I'm ranting now.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

You made some mistakes here, that is all.

First, you picked the wrong girl.

- Hairdresser?, besides being the flakiest of all chicks, they get hit on all the time, asked out every second day, and hairdresser chicks are dumb - they don't know when a good thing is staring them in the face.
- Interest from her? I don't know if you had any reasonable indications of interest from her to start, but hairdressers, bartenders etc. are good at faking interest because they are in the service industry.

Second, you picked the wrong first date.

- Taking a girl you barely know to dancing lessons is just so far from a good first date that one doesn't need to go through it.

Third, you placed too much pressure on her.

- First dates are stressful for everyone. Dancing lessons are just as stressful. Take a flaky girl and put her in a very stressful situation and she will just flake.
- You need to make it very easy and unstressful for the girl in accepting a first date, and especially showing up for that date.
- I like to make it a spontaneous kind-of-thing that is just going for a drink, getting a coffee, grab her on your way to lunch. Reducing the stress for her makes it easy for her to accept and have a good time on the date, which leads to a second one and so on.

It is not give-up time, it is improve your odds time.

Think about it in terms of odds: For every 30 girls you ask out on a date:

- 10 will already have a boyfriend (that you didn't know about) and say NO;
- 10 will just say NO;
- 5 will accept the date but flake out afterward and not show up;
- 2 will show up but you find out they are not your type;
- 2 will show up but find out you are not their type;
- 1 will show up and you will click and have a second date and so on.

 

[realsmoothie]

I asked a girl out within the last six months, and she turned me down, but I was so relieved that I actually went through with it I didn't have time to think about "why" she turned me down, I accepted it and moved on.

Yep... it's true that you get a boost from even asking a girl out... win or lose. At least, I do. Geez, I get it from just working up the courage to TALK to a cutie. Why? Because I know that if I do it enough it will become easier and easier, and then I can work on escalating.

 

[InvisibleMan]

You made some mistakes here, that is all.

First, you picked the wrong girl.

- Hairdresser?, besides being the flakiest of all chicks, they get hit on all the time, asked out every second day, and hairdresser chicks are dumb - they don't know when a good thing is staring them in the face.
- Interest from her? I don't know if you had any reasonable indications of interest from her to start, but hairdressers, bartenders etc. are good at faking interest because they are in the service industry.

How the hell do I know what the RIGHT girl is or the WRONG girl. I've been rejected by 30 women in the past month. I'm tryin' for anyone who's BREATHING at this point.

Second, you picked the wrong first date.

- Taking a girl you barely know to dancing lessons is just so far from a good first date that one doesn't need to go through it.

You guys told me to DO WHAT I WANT TO DO. And that's what I wanted to do.

Third, you placed too much pressure on her.

- First dates are stressful for everyone. Dancing lessons are just as stressful. Take a flaky girl and put her in a very stressful situation and she will just flake.
- You need to make it very easy and unstressful for the girl in accepting a first date, and especially showing up for that date.
- I like to make it a spontaneous kind-of-thing that is just going for a drink, getting a coffee, grab her on your way to lunch. Reducing the stress for her makes it easy for her to accept and have a good time on the date, which leads to a second one and so on.

Does she not have a voice? Could she not have said "Let's do something else?" Could she have fvucking CALLED me to let me know she wouldn't be there. GODDAMIT! SCREW THAT, man. I don't make excuses for this kind of sh!t behavior. No one stands me up. NO ONE.

It is not give-up time, it is improve your odds time.

Think about it in terms of odds: For every 30 girls you ask out on a date:

- 10 will already have a boyfriend (that you didn't know about) and say NO;
- 10 will just say NO;
- 5 will accept the date but flake out afterward and not show up;
- 2 will show up but you find out they are not your type;
- 2 will show up but find out you are not their type;
- 1 will show up and you will click and have a second date and so on.

Is this true? That's why I tried to INSIST ON ME PICKING HER UP (which you guys said was a bad idea). So I WOULD BE IN CONTROL
OF THE SITUATION. I had no number, no way of insuring that she would be there and I'm left hanging like some piece of meat at the end of a string.

- IM

 

[grinder]

Your join date to SoSuave is 10.17.06. You, like everyone, says they lurked and read all kinds of sh*t prior to joining, but you made your commitment on the 17th. That is your start date.

That is not very long to learn, or rather, un-learn years of incorrect programming.

There is WAY too much stuff here to learn in 40 days. And, more importantly, it takes much longer to realize that not everything written or said here will work for you. Surely you have seen the contradictions.

You have become dependent on this site, the material, on external sources. You have placed too much faith in others to help you.

Now it is time to trust/help yourself.

Seek no advice on women for the next month. Do not log on here, do not read the other materials. You have gotten e-freaking-nuff advice already.

During this time STOP TRYING with women. Do not ignore them, even place yourself in proximity to them, but when you are around them STOP TRYING.

See what happens; let us know when you return.

 

[InvisibleMan]

Guys, please close this thread. I gotta start a new one about a conversation I just had at the gym - not with a woman, unfortunately - but more about the state of things.

Maybe Grinder has the right idea. Maybe I should just leave for awhile.

Besides, I can't stand reading "I Think I Just Got a Date!" anymore. Hell didn't freeze over, and the world didn't come to an end so I should have known it was too good to be true. When you guys start seeing earthquakes and tidal waves and volcanoes erupting and pigs flying, you'll know.....

- IM

 

[ElChoclo]

I still think he is a troll. Invisible, if you are not a troll, go to an actual dance class. Usually there are more women than men, at least in this country, in my experience, that is the situation. Juicy attractive women will be obliged to dance with you, due to a man shortage, then as you dance with one, you can sob softly on her shoulder.

 

[d9930380]

You need to think positively - I think we shape our own lives by the outlook we have. You expect rejection so therefore it happens, you're appearing desperate, and it's in the subtle "tells" that we give off. That's the reason why people say trust your gut - it's very rarely wrong, the problem is that girls have gut instincts too.

The fact she never gave you her phone number was a bad sign - if she says give me you're number and call you then don't expect a call at all. I think this was something similar.

That's not to say she wasn't at all interested, probably just that she wasn't sure when you asked her and later she decided against it. I've flaked on girls before and at the time I'm normally thinking I WILL go but as the time comes I sort of just go off the idea - normally it's just when I think the girl is So So or I'm scared to get into anything.

As for retiring and being a hermit - yes it will protect you from being hurt by rejection but it you will also have NO CHANCE of happiness and do you really want to give that up.

BTW - Others will disagree but without having love in our lives then all the money, cars, gadgets, muscle-building, career success means **** all.

 

[d9930380]

As for dance classes - in my experience there is normally more blokes hanging around the sides looking to pick-up women but just learing at them - Just like any other bar or club.

 

[jacques]

I still think he is a troll. Invisible, if you are not a troll, go to an actual dance class. Usually there are more women than men, at least in this country, in my experience, that is the situation. Juicy attractive women will be obliged to dance with you, due to a man shortage, then as you dance with one, you can sob softly on her shoulder.

My observation on dance classes is that in beginner classes men outnumber women and women are not that attractive. Do you think that many attractive HBs in their 20s - late 20s have had no occasion to learn the basics of dancing?

Your observation holds true for advanced classes and classes catering for the crowd under 20, however.

 

[InvisibleMan]

I did do an actual dance class. It was filled with 8 married couples. I wanted to quit as soon as I got in there and saw the situation but there are no refunds. The same with this cooking class I took. I noticed right away there was only a bunch of battleaxe women in there and I wanted to leave. Instead I had to learn how to make a green bean caserole. I'm tired of wasting time and money on that sh!t.


- Invisible Man

 

[Desdinova]

Guys, please close this thread.

No, I'm not letting you take the easy way out with this one. You came here to learn, so I'm keeping it open.

I gotta start a new one about a conversation I just had at the gym

Then start one. There's no limit with how many threads you can start.

Besides, I can't stand reading "I Think I Just Got a Date!" anymore.

If trying to erase all your experience is the way you live life, it's no wonder that you haven't learned anything.

You know how the other members here made me feel when I originally showed up here in 2001? They made me feel like 5hit. They came down hard as hell on me for being such a whiny b1tch. It was something that would either make me leave here for good, or build up the callouses, suck up the pain, and get my ass out in the real world to do some learning. You can guess which path I took.

With all the money I've poured into these books I could have gotten a pretty good ***** and at least had sex one more time instead of wasting hours upon hours approaching women that have no interest in me.

This is your problem. You're looking for the quick fix. I've got news for you: You're not going to find a quick fix. Reading books doesn't make women immediately flock to you. Going out there and practicing what you've learned is the only thing that's going to work for you. The knowledge is useless unless you apply it to real life.

I'm surprised you had the endurance to quit drinking, get an education, and become your own boss. All that 5hit didn't just come to you, you had to work at it. The only thing that's stopping you from succeeding is your emotions. If you can put your emotions aside and treat attracting women like getting an education, you'll have better results. Emotion only belongs in LTRs. Until then, don't bother getting emotionally invested in some woman you don't even know.