Guys...come to my aid!

[Walking Anomaly]

Hey all, Hows Life?

Anyway, straight to the point...I got this girl that seems to be sending mixed signals...We had a fling last summer, ended badly because she assumed we were together, and I went away to college and hooked up with another girl. She got pissed and we stopped talking to each other.

6 months later, we're talking again...and i can tell shes still interested...i mean, if she isnt, why would she start talking to me again, ya know? She also brings up us on occasion, saying when we first ended, she was upset because she thought we were together and was wondering why i had not asked her out and such.

Ya see, but my thoughts are that a guy and girl are not official until it is mutually agreed...and anything is fair game until then.

Now she says we wouldnt actually get serious officially because of lack of trust and because her brothers and family tease her about it, which i think is a garbage reason personally...I believe there never was a lack of trust, just the simple fact that she assumed we were together, and that i didnt know she would get pissed.

We have an awesome time over the phone, no doubt about that. But now that i think about it, maybe its the lack of physical contact...ya see, the kicker is that she lives about an hour away from me. Needless to say its a trek and a half for her to see me or vice versa.

This confuses and bothers me, obviously, because i wouldnt post about it if i didnt care.

Basically my question is this... Why would she keep talking to me and opening up to me and such if she was not interested?

And also what should i do about it? should I confront her about it? (saying if theres no chance of us goin official, then we should stop talking to one another now)

Should i just play it cool? ya know, maybe try to set something up so we could see one another.

Im not gonna try and explain to her the way my thinking is, about you're not official unless mutually agreed...you cant "rationalize" women into liking you by thought...in my opinion, ya gotta use emotions to do it...but the right emotion at the right time...if you get my drift.(dont tell how you feel too early)

but enough babbling!
Help me out guys. Im open to any suggestions or criticisms.
Much appreciated

 

[Walking Anomaly]

bump...help out an aspiring dj guys!

 

[Walking Anomaly]

Thanks bud.

but what is an AW? ...average woman??

 

[Walking Anomaly]

ahh thats what AW is

indeed, she does have many male friends...
in fact, she talks about them to me on ocassion, trying to make me jealous i guess...
recently saying how one of them called her up drunk and asked why she wouldnt go out with him.
she also puts them down to me too...how one had a coke habit, but supposedly doesnt anymore, and how another runs away from home and is an idiot n wont get into college.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

hehe, thanks man...shes online right now, time to take the power back i guess..or maybe ill do it over the tele, so we're live in person, not just text :woo:

 

[clarinch]

Originally posted by Walking Anomaly
ahh thats what AW is

indeed, she does have many male friends...
in fact, she talks about them to me on ocassion, trying to make me jealous i guess...
recently saying how one of them called her up drunk and asked why she wouldnt go out with him.
she also puts them down to me too...how one had a coke habit, but supposedly doesnt anymore, and how another runs away from home and is an idiot n wont get into college.

You just described my last lady interest before I got with my girlfriend (thank god.) Same. Exact. Things.

Avoid associating with her, you don't have to wage war on her by any means, but it would be better if you didn't associate with her any longer.

Her name doesn't begin with a K, by chance, does it? o.0

 

[Walking Anomaly]

haha, nah it starts with a C

yea im not gonna wage war at all...jus wanna do it over the phone to hear her reaction...online, she can take as long as she wants to respond. On the tele its a lot different

 

[jbgmedia]

Go ahead keep hanging out with her but stop being interested in her.. Shes going to teach you all sorts of things about girls you should stay away from keep learning and it will all work out.. It also seems she got angry because she was jelous as **** when you hooked up with the other girl and it is garunteed to happen again the second she sees you with another girl. Hey you might even get some free ass from her out of this..

 

[Porky]

whoa whoa whoa...you're being hasty, here! take the power back? that's silly.

Originally posted by Walking Anomaly

Basically my question is this... Why would she keep talking to me and opening up to me and such if she was not interested?

she likely is interested in you. I have a few questions for you:

1) Does this girl date/hook up a lot? (and by a lot I mean does she not have trouble getting play and does she know it?)
2) Is she usually the one to break up with guys?
3) Do guys try to hook up with her a lot?

Now it sounds to me like she is an attention wh0re and sees you as a huge challenge for several reasons.

1) You live far away.
2) You showed her you don't need her by hooking up with other girls.
3) You seem to be older than she is.

If she's the kind of girl who has no problem getting guys to like her and is usually the one to end things with them - then I'd bet dollars to dimes that she wants to bang your brains out.

My advice? Invite her out for an evening. If you have as much verbal chemistry as you say (and it probably isn't one-sided) and you guys aren't buddy-buddy enough that you'll just hang out randomly and platonically, then she will know that you want to hook up.

I'd keep things casual with this girl because of the past drama. Also, keep in mind that on the date she probably won't make the first move or even very many advances. She may not even hint to you that she wants to hook up. HOWEVER, unless she's really clueless and/or naive she will know why you invited her out and what you intend to do. Expect to have to lead her back into it.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

Porky...to answer your questions...

1. No, she does not date/hook up a lot to my knowledge, in fact her friend once told me shes quite inexperienced and is a virgin.
She doesnt have trouble finding guys who want to get play with her...like she isnt crowded by guys, but there 2 others i kno about who're interested in her...according to her tho they're dumb and i guess she thinks they dont deserve it or something.

I've come to learn that she usually listens to one friend in particular for stuff on boys...who I think has a bit too much influence on the girl I'm DJ'ing...and she hates me hah

2. Couldnt be sure about that one...as said shes quite inexperienced...shes the one who ended it with me though i can tell you that much.

3. Again cant be positive...she tells me most of the guys ask her like, "what would you do if i hooked up with you?" and stuff like "Come here, i gotta tell you something"-- the real intention being to get her close enough to chalk her.

She has no problem with guys being attracted to her...but she never seems to make moves at all...like she leads them on or something.

And also to add...she already knows my intentions...i told her I'd be willing to take it to a serious level again after the conversation we had about us, which was mentioned in the original post. I have invited her down as well, "If I come down to visit my cousin, maybe I'll come to see you," she said. Her cousin lives right near me.

I dont wanna get serious with her again though if shes gonna hold what happened over my head.

Okay though, ill keep it casual from now on...which is funny cause i had sort of a gut instinct to do so... And i dont expect her to make any moves either...i did the first time we hooked up too...it was sweet

...And yes, I am older than she is.

Hope I've been informative...Hit back on this post if you have any response

Much appreciated

 

[Porky]

She has no problem with guys being attracted to her...but she never seems to make moves at all...like she leads them on or something.

In my opinion, that's all you need to know. She's a sunshine girl who realizes her attractiveness and doesn't have to put forth the effort to hook up.

It also sounds like she's used to getting her way with guys, ie you "misunderstand" your relationship with her so she breaks up with you. I bet she doesn't get dumped very often.

We now have two situations:

The first is that she is just like a girl I'm seeing now - she wants you badly but isn't going to make the first move (which I wrote about in my first response).

The second is that she's just flirty in general and is maybe screwing with you a little bit. I would have initially guessed the first one but after that flaky I'll-see-you-if-I-go-see-my-cousin shit I'm not so sure. The only way you can really find out is by inviting her to come see you, or vice-versa, and taking it from there.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

okay, I'll try to arrange some stuff and see what happens. Is it cool if i throw you a PM sometime with an update?

And one more question, just to be sure...how are some good ways I can keep it casual?

Thanks a lot for the advice guys
Peace

 

[Porky]

Yeah, I'd be disappointed if you didn't throw me a PM.

To keep it casual just see her once or twice a week and let her know, when she brings it up, that you aren't looking for anything serious but you would like to continue seeing her.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

okay

Seeing her once or twice a week is going to be difficult though...Like on a good summer I'd see her maybe 5 or 6 times, and thats being generous. I drive but dont have a car at my disposal...she has a late birthday and doesnt have a license yet, but does drive. It's doubtful she'd be able or willing to drive an hour to get together.

Actually the quickest way for me to get to her or vice versa would be public transportation haha ...good ol' NY subway. :woo:

thanks again.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

thought of something else...

Hey, there's something else I'd like to ask...

With the particular girl that this post is about, on ocassion she tries to "strong-arm" me into telling her something by holding what happened over my head...sometimes she succeeds. :nono:

How can I prevent her from trying to "strong-arm" me again? something I could say or do...

or if she does try to do it again, how can I diffuse the situation and stop her dead in her tracks?

much appreciated

 

[Porky]

Re: Re: thought of something else...

Originally posted by The_Shezzler
If she kept doing that to me then she would definately be NEXTed!!

,

Personally I think you jump to conclusions about girls too quickly sometimes Shezzler...but I do agree with him, WA. Even my AW never held what happened between us against me. I'm thinking more and more that this girl isn't even worth the effort.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

I see what you mean, but I find I'm asking myself why she would do that?....is she still bitter/jealous about it maybe?

what about the next time we talk I say something about it, ya know, straight up tell her not to do it, something to that effect. Did you have to do something like that with your AW porky?

If we dont see eye to eye, then I'l end it.

 

[Porky]

I didn't have to do anything like that with my attention *****.

We had a non-exclusive hook up buddy relationship, she stopped returning my calls and we didn't speak for a month and a half, then she showed up to a party looking for me and saw evidence that I hadn't been moping around waiting for her. That's why she got upset. It wasn't the same situation as what you're in, but it is very similar.

However, to her credit, while she acted very very obnoxiously that night she has never held the incident over my head despite the fact that she (wrongly) feels as though I was partially at fault. Our big fight comes up sometimes in conversation but the last time it did she said "we are so past that." The last time we hooked up she stopped in the middle to apologize for getting so mad last time and promised not to get upset when I hook up with other girls this time. A likely story, but at least she's making the effort.

So you see, there's a difference between being an attention whore and a flat out bitch. Your girl is both, unfortunately. She's trying to keep you beneath her heel by constantly reminding you of what you did "wrong." You and I know you did nothing wrong and she's probably just bitter.

Personally I think you should either not make the effort, or hook up with her once and then forget about her and see if she contacts you.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

alright tell ya what...

next time something like that happens with me and her and it comes up, im just going to tell her to get past it. If she can't do so, I'm not going to have anything to do with her any longer if shes going to keep holding it over my head.

is there anything in the bible that advises against tellin a woman something straight out ?

 

[Porky]

I tell women things straight out all the time. In this case you would be calling her on her bullshit, which I think is the right thing to do. Good for you.