Guy groping my GF

[Darth]

Why not just laugh it off, and then don't contact her for a while?

That would show that A) You know what she's up to, B) You're not taking it that seriously, and C) You may be losing interest in her.

 

[bukowski_merit]

So bukowski_merit, what should I do? I laid down some boundaries early on in our relatationship: if she flirts "over the top", kisses, has sex, "hangs out" or go on a date with another guy, I'm gone. She has not crossed these boundaries. She is a sweet girl (yes I guess I'm naive) but I guess all girls/women fantasize about being sluts, the way you guys talk. I'm a believer in experience, but are really ALL women dirty sluts?

I don't understand why guys need to verbalize their boundaries to women. Women know what's acceptable in a long term relationship... Signing all these verbal contracts with each other and expecting her to honor them as one of your male friends would is stupid. Let me say this again: Woman know what is acceptable in a long-term relationship! Nothing you listed is anything abnormal... That's not even the biggest problem with boundaries! The biggest problem is that 99% of the guys who set them - WILL NOT have the balls to follow through with breaking up with her if she crosses them!!! They will instead have discussions with her (about how she crossed his boundary and how he wants reassurance it won't happen again! blah blah blah)........... which are ultimately pointless and make the guy look weak!

Anyway....

Are you calling her a slut because she might be enjoying another guy flirting with her?

If a woman enjoying attention from men makes her a slut - then YES all woman are sluts!

What type of woman she is, and how the man handles sh!t like this - determines what she does from here.

Don't be blinded by her supposed sweetness; this isn't a flower picking contest...

What should I do the next time she tells me something like this?

I told you the 2 options earlier. I'd add that you should seriously always have other options waiting in the wings (you don't have to cheat with them; but just have them there.)


---

bukowski_merit-
Outdated? According to whom, the latest rick ross album? Listen I march to the beat of my own drum, I talk how I talk not what the latest trends say. I grew up phili-an that how ill keep it.

I was playing with you man.

I grew up in the same area, i grew up listening to those who speak the "dun language", i grew up speaking it myself, i grew up on the new york trimes side/ staying alive was my job/..... but then i grew up...

1st. WTF are u talking about “Street Clout”? Stick to the relevant topic, which is a reg HS teen asking advice/venting about his HS girl getting pressed by a guy in dance class?? Lol he said ole boy was in dance class and plays the guitar, doesnt sound like a real goon. I think the op is safe to stand up to the guy, i dont think the guy is strapped. No guns involved Malibu’s most wanted. Relax ur drawlin.

You're not getting the concept of why this is terrible advice! It's because "Picking and choosing" who you're going to play "tough guy" with is weak. You're giving him advice based on your perception that this guy SOUNDS LIKE someone who OP can b!tch out.

2nd The 1st point you made about not fighting over anyone not blood was pointless because you later acknowledged that this wasn’t the case for the OP, since he would actually be fighting and protecting his pride.

You misunderstood what i meant by "protecting your ego" - that's not a good thing, and not the same as protecting your "pride!" The @ss smacking guy is not at fault here! The woman does not dislike it!

---

Your stance on what i said in 3) doesn't really address what i said. Drug dealer was an extreme example; sure.

But, what im saying is - if you set a precedent on how you will act towards certain actions - you will then be expected to react in that way again. If you don't - it will be seen as weak.

scenario 1:
1) Woman tells boyfriend about guy 1 who's hitting on her at her school.
2) Boyfriend knows who guy 1 is, and knows he can kick guy 1's @ss.
3) So Boyfriend confronts guy 1, and tells him if he doesn't stop flirting with his woman - he's going to kick his @ss (or whatever threat).
4) Guy 1 stops.
5) Woman see's boyfriend as dominant and becomes more horny for him, and loses any interest she had in guy 1. (this isn't guaranteed and will depend on the type of woman; but for this exercise - we'll say it turned her on to her boyfriend and off to the other man).

About 6 months later ...
scenario 2:
1) Woman tells boyfriend about guy 2 who's hitting on her at her school.
2) Boyfriend knows who guy 2 is, and this time doesn't think he can kick guy 2's @ss. On top of that guy 2 has a lot of friends who are always with him.
3) So boyfriend does not confront guy 2.
4) Guy 2 does not stop.
5) Woman see's that guy 2 is intimidating her boyfriend into not acting in the same way he did for guy 1 - this causes her to no longer see her boyfriend the same. She loses respect and horniness for her boyfriend, both of those things get transfered to guy 2.

 

[Someone Much cooler]

You say relax-you were play but you werent you were passively insulting the way i speak and express myself. "I speak the dun language-and then i grew up" lol that like when ppl text you something hurtful and then try ad soften the blow by adding lol @ the end. Ack i didnt even read your post. I'm not online to bickering/debate.

its not playing tough guy, its called a pep talk. Its reasonable for a guy to stand up for himself, but you mentioned drug dealers and someone dying. Of course if the guy could have a weapon dont mouth off. Picking and chosing your battles is smart, i dont care how hard you are.

In the ass slapping scerario even if the lil sis does like it, i still wouldnt allow someone to slap my lil sis ass in front of me.

I said also it doesnt matter how its seen to her (most likely cause they wont still be together). Its most normal organisms nature to defend itself if possible.

Real life (not an extreme scenario)1
-I'm in taco bell wit my hot blonde cheerleader Gf from a competing HS.
-3 guys from her school enter, guy 1 knows her, flirts with her and touches her hair in front of me.
-I was wearing glasses that day so i looked soft. They were HS students and i knew it would be a fair fight. I told her to wait in line.
-the 3 guys dapped each other on how they disrespected the "nerd" as they sat down .
-As I approached the guy I took my glasses off and told him if he ever touched my chick again i was gonna stomp his teeth smooth out of his head. Then i picked his taco up took a bite, knocked the rest of his food in has lap.
-his boy said calm down and i said wats good we can all mix it up. Our order cam and me and shawti left as i grilled the other guys.

Real life (not an extreme scenario)2
-I was leaving a blockbuster wit my girl(same) and some guy started shouting dirty things about my gfs ass.
-I gave her the key and said wait in the car.
-i started walking over to the guy until i saw him reach in his waist band and pull out a revolver. It coulda been fake but it wasnt worth rolling the dice to find out.
-I took myself back into the car and went home.

 

[Someone Much cooler]

To the OP u seem like a smart guy, make the best judgement and use what you have been given. let your plums swing and stand up for yourself. i dont have time to bicker wit blukowski or however you spell ole boys name.

Darth-i agree with you but its not like he doesnt have to see these characters in school. I mean some ppl will take everyting you have if you let them. You have to draw the line somewhere. Ever see the movie "me myself and Irene"?

 

[JustLurk]

TLDR

If the chick overly minded getting groped she would take care of it herself, and probably in a way that will land the guy in jail and the sex offender's list.

 

[bukowski_merit]

You say relax-you were play but you werent you were passively insulting the way i speak and express myself. "I speak the dun language-and then i grew up" lol that like when ppl text you something hurtful and then try ad soften the blow by adding lol @ the end.

I WAS playing with you... See: Busting your balls. I saw someone on here using language i hadn't heard in a while. It amused me. It appears you can't handle it though - so i'll stop (now tell me how that's insulting you as well... idc but am done with talking about it).

Ack i didnt even read your post. I'm not online to bickering/debate.

For future reference - don't say something like this and then address every point someone makes... It doesn't make a lot of sense.

its not playing tough guy, its called a pep talk. Its reasonable for a guy to stand up for himself, but you mentioned drug dealers and someone dying. Of course if the guy could have a weapon dont mouth off. Picking and chosing your battles is smart, i dont care how hard you are.

Picking and choosing who you act tough to is weak and shows it's just a facade.

I said also it doesnt matter how its seen to her (most likely cause they wont still be together).

It matters what she thinks; because if you have such an incongruence in your make up - she will notice it and ALL other women will notice it that you are with. Your OWN EGO will notice it as well; and likely beat yourself up over not acting whenever you back down (which can lead to you NOT backing down next time).

I also would rather be known as someone who's level-headed than someone who acts tough... but isn't.

Its most normal organisms nature to defend itself if possible.

Defend yourself from what? "Disrespect"?

"Organisms" defend themselves for survival. I don't see anything life threatening about anything in this thread except for trying to talk tough to a guy for "disrespecting" you.

Is there a level of disrespect where you should defend your "pride"? Yes, there is. But a lot of guys who have a low ceiling for what is disrespectful or not are in 2 places: 1) Jail. 2) Coffins.

You're obviously not in either one of those places, so you either 1) are giving advice that you don't follow. 2) you've been lucky at "picking" who you act tough with and haven't ran across the wrong person yet (who makes you do bad to him or does worse to you.)

 

[Thundernuts]

Someone Much cooler

bukowski Merit,

Can we please stop, you guys are taking over thsi kids thread and to be honest it's making it difficult to sort through all your guy's crap, seriously knock if off you two look like two high school boys about to get into a scrap

 

[Warrior74]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPnk9MhnEpY

Notice she said she was in the car with this guy. being a slut and just got made she got treated like a hor. Let's you and him fight. Makes the gina tingle to get so much attention.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Someone Much cooler

bukowski Merit,

Can we please stop, you guys are taking over thsi kids thread and to be honest it's making it difficult to sort through all your guy's crap, seriously knock if off you two look like two high school boys about to get into a scrap

We're talking about if "talking" to the guy who's doing the @ss smacking has any merit or not! The benefits vs. the consequences of doing something like that. Since it is an actual suggested solution to the OP's question - it's therefore worthy of being dissected and discussed further in this thread. Same with any other suggested method of dealing with this situation.

Maybe me playing with him about the slang he was using was unneeded, but the rest of the conversation - is relevant to the topic at hand.

If you don't think so - - - you're wrong.

Thanks.

 

[BananaSmile]

We're talking about if "talking" to the guy who's doing the @ss smacking has any merit or not! The benefits vs. the consequences of doing something like that. Since it is an actual suggested solution to the OP's question - it's therefore worthy of being dissected and discussed further in this thread. Same with any other suggested method of dealing with this situation.

Maybe me playing with him about the slang he was using was unneeded, but the rest of the conversation - is relevant to the topic at hand.

If you don't think so - - - you're wrong.

Thanks.

Hey man i believe fighting is just dumb its just who can sink lower

to that other guy
i understand some1s_much -cooler's point of view because he thinks hes got the spirit to stand up to anyone, but thats not the truth, because i think i can whoop ur ass anyday anysize anyone, because ill come 1on 1 u beat me ill bk with a bat, then with a gun then with other stuff (theoretically). BECAUSE I DONT CARE I CAN SINK AS LOW AS I WANT (COS I HAVE AN EGO PROBLEM U SEE)

i hit on ur girl, she smiles. THen you come, you threaten me
I do kickboxing n wrestling so ill knock the sht out of u
and now just because u threatened me ur gf dont even matter mate
ill bash ur ass just for that (COS I HAVE AN EGO PROBLEM U SEE)

i know ur smart enough to understand that your theory is flawed and you even gave an example with a gun.

What you say is all possible, but then what i say is all possible too.

THIS IS WHY UR WAYS ARE FLAWED

 

[BananaSmile]

You say relax-you were play but you werent you were passively insulting the way i speak and express myself. "I speak the dun language-and then i grew up" lol that like when ppl text you something hurtful and then try ad soften the blow by adding lol @ the end. Ack i didnt even read your post. I'm not online to bickering/debate.

its not playing tough guy, its called a pep talk. Its reasonable for a guy to stand up for himself, but you mentioned drug dealers and someone dying. Of course if the guy could have a weapon dont mouth off. Picking and chosing your battles is smart, i dont care how hard you are.

In the ass slapping scerario even if the lil sis does like it, i still wouldnt allow someone to slap my lil sis ass in front of me.

I said also it doesnt matter how its seen to her (most likely cause they wont still be together). Its most normal organisms nature to defend itself if possible.

Real life (not an extreme scenario)1
-I'm in taco bell wit my hot blonde cheerleader Gf from a competing HS.
-3 guys from her school enter, guy 1 knows her, flirts with her and touches her hair in front of me.
-I was wearing glasses that day so i looked soft. They were HS students and i knew it would be a fair fight. I told her to wait in line.
-the 3 guys dapped each other on how they disrespected the "nerd" as they sat down .
-As I approached the guy I took my glasses off and told him if he ever touched my chick again i was gonna stomp his teeth smooth out of his head. Then i picked his taco up took a bite, knocked the rest of his food in has lap.
-his boy said calm down and i said wats good we can all mix it up. Our order cam and me and shawti left as i grilled the other guys.

Real life (not an extreme scenario)2
-I was leaving a blockbuster wit my girl(same) and some guy started shouting dirty things about my gfs ass.
-I gave her the key and said wait in the car.
-i started walking over to the guy until i saw him reach in his waist band and pull out a revolver. It coulda been fake but it wasnt worth rolling the dice to find out.
-I took myself back into the car and went home.

answer these if u can (HAHA)

What if you cant beat up the other guy?(and you already ran from a gun hypocrite)

What if you beat him up and then he come after you with weapons?(you cant report this stuff because u started it)

What if you beat him up and she still likes him?(smack her too?)


the point again is even confronting the guy " wasnt worth rolling the dice"

its not immigrants taking all the jobs its just lazy unskilled people who cant get any

just like there is no point beating up the guy when its the girls fault

 

[Bible_Belt]

there is no point beating up the guy when its the girls fault

agreed.

Upon consideration, I think the best answer would be, in casual conversation, to bring up that guy again. She'll think that you are about to whine like a little boy. Then say, with genuine hapiness:

You know, after thinking about it for a while, that guy in your dance class...he's BRILLIANT. I have just now figured out that girls LOVE that groping thing. I have been squeezing t!ts and ass all week! You would think that would get a guy in trouble, but no, girls do love it.

Then try to dodge the incoming slap. She will also throw at you whatever is in her hands at the time. Don't name any girls you have groped, just laugh it off when she asks, and certainly don't actually behave this way - just let her think you do.

She might walk away forever, but you still win by putting her in her place, which is someone who is replaceable. If she doesn't understand that, then you don't want her. I have known more than one woman who explained to me that she loved a man because he was the only one to call her on her bvllsh!t. Be that man.

 

[Thundernuts]

Maybe me playing with him about the slang he was using was unneeded, but the rest of the conversation - is relevant to the topic at hand.

Thanks.

Probably should have rephrased what i wrote , i was just begginning to notice you two spent more time arguing whos right and whos wrong, makes it hard to see the advice.

And i agree with Bible_Belt spot on, but since the OP of the thread has only posted one time since it's kind of hard to know what he's thinking, or if he has put any of the advice given into effect.

 

[crashdietguy]

Update:

My GF slept over at my place this weekend, and while we talked I casually brought up that "other guys are gonna hit on you, and you're a big girl and it's your job to turn them down, to tell them to back off." She seemed cool with that, and later while joking around with each other she asked me "what would you do if I asked a guy out in front of you?" I said "I'd dump your ass on the spot," while looking straight in her eyes. It was a light vibe to the conversation but I think she saw I was serious. She hugged me close and told me "I'll never let you go."

She's awesome and sweet, and I really like her and couldn't imagine her flirting around with other guys, but if she tells me about another groping incident and how she "didn't know what to do", I'm seriously considering just walking out and leaving her thinking "WTF?"

 

[pipe007]

lets get real now

all you toughies out there who say you would go straight up to the guy who is "disrespecting" your girl who seems to enjoy it

in psychology this is call displacement, you are too scared to take it on the object at fault (your girl) and you will take it up by blaming an outside source, a stranger guy.....

you are not dealing with the issue, your girl, because deep down you are insecure that she enjoys it, or she is causing it, and your AFC idealizing her.. thinking oh no... its gotta be these bad guys out there

get real!!, guys only go as far as a girl will allow him too.... FACT! unless she is retarded or brain damaged... or Low self esteem...

OP said his girl has a temper and will not put up with B.S from others.
fact is that she is at fault for allowing it to happen, and second for bringing it up to his boyfriend.

if my girl were to tell me this, I would laugh and look at her and say "wow, I thought you were different" and shook my head in dissapointment, leave, and dont answer the phone for a week or two... let her cry and beg.

in this situation.. its HER FAULT!

guys will always be guys, and some of them will hit on your girl, this is where you see if you have a quality girl or not, and OP has pure trash!

 

[Falcon25]

Haha, she's fuvking someone else already. That's what she meant when she hugged and said "I will never let you go". Haha What she means is "You will never find out and will always be there till I GET RID OF YOU. My little clown." lol This is a hilarious thread. Come back in six months and tell us what happened. Till then, this thread should be closed.

 

[FutureSpartan]

OP...another man inappropriately touching your GF is disrespectful. If it was an innocent hug or light kiss on the cheek I would not make an issue of it....friends do that stuff all the time. But her "gay" friend crossed the line.

NEVER let another man get away with touching your girlfriend inappropriately. Your response would have been to immediately walk up to the guy, look him straight in the eye and calmly and firmly,

"Look man, I don't know you but I don't appreciate you groping my gf"

No need to get angry/emotional. Just assert yourself.

Its not an issue of jealousy or insecurity. This is about respect for boundaries. She may not have been uncomfortable about it but you were. You can't let these things slide by because if you don't set the ground rules now then she will continue testing your limits to the point where she will lose respect for you as a man.

She may flirt with other guys or even cheat on you behind your back but the difference is she is 100% accountable for her actions due to you not being there. When these sort of things happen in your presence, you have a responsibility to not let this kind of disrespect slide by without at least asserting yourself. She may get pissed off and you might even lose her, but at least you won't lose your dignity or your standards of how your girl should behave around you.

 

[FutureSpartan]

OP...another man inappropriately touching your GF is disrespectful. If it was an innocent hug or light kiss on the cheek I would not make an issue of it....friends do that stuff all the time. But her "gay" friend crossed the line.

NEVER let another man get away with touching your girlfriend inappropriately. Your response would have been to immediately walk up to the guy, look him straight in the eye and calmly and firmly,

"Look man, I don't know you but I don't appreciate you groping my gf"

No need to get angry/emotional. Just assert yourself.

Its not an issue of jealousy or insecurity. This is about respect for boundaries. She may not have been uncomfortable about it but you were. You can't let these things slide by because if you don't set the ground rules now then she will continue testing your limits to the point where she will lose respect for you as a man.

She may flirt with other guys or even cheat on you behind your back but the difference is she is 100% accountable for her actions due to you not being there. When these sort of things happen in your presence, you have a responsibility to not let this kind of disrespect slide by without at least asserting yourself. She may get pissed off and you might even lose her, but at least you won't lose your dignity or your standards of how your girl should behave around you.

Oops....wrong thread. Haha meant to respond to this

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=129117021

 

[f283000]

Update:

My GF slept over at my place this weekend, and while we talked I casually brought up that "other guys are gonna hit on you, and you're a big girl and it's your job to turn them down, to tell them to back off."

Did you happen to miss the advice falcon gave you or did you just ignore it? Why are you verbalizing to her?

It's like her mommy telling her not to do something. It will only make her do it much more. Not only that but you are making her seem like the prize.

Warning women not to flirt or ignore guys that hit on her is like telling her not to walk outside the house anymore! It's the only way a semi-attractive woman won't get hit on. Women love attention from other men and if that guy has game (like this guy groping your gf) she will like it.

This is not something you tell a woman. If you got any game and she has the least bit of respect for you THIS IS SOMETHING YOU EXPECT, not something you tell her to do. It reeks of insecurity on your part.

She's awesome and sweet, and I really like her and couldn't imagine her flirting around with other guys

Yeah she's so awesome and sweet she doesn't flirt she just lets guys touch her ass and boobs and doesn't do anything about it. Then she goes on and checks out every picture on that guy's facebook

 

[slaog]

lets get real now

all you toughies out there who say you would go straight up to the guy who is "disrespecting" your girl who seems to enjoy it

in psychology this is call displacement, you are too scared to take it on the object at fault (your girl) and you will take it up by blaming an outside source, a stranger guy.....

you are not dealing with the issue, your girl, because deep down you are insecure that she enjoys it, or she is causing it, and your AFC idealizing her.. thinking oh no... its gotta be these bad guys out there

get real!!, guys only go as far as a girl will allow him too.... FACT! unless she is retarded or brain damaged... or Low self esteem...

OP said his girl has a temper and will not put up with B.S from others.
fact is that she is at fault for allowing it to happen, and second for bringing it up to his boyfriend.

if my girl were to tell me this, I would laugh and look at her and say "wow, I thought you were different" and shook my head in dissapointment, leave, and dont answer the phone for a week or two... let her cry and beg.

in this situation.. its HER FAULT!

guys will always be guys, and some of them will hit on your girl, this is where you see if you have a quality girl or not, and OP has pure trash!

Thats true but if he knows she has a boyfriend then its disrespecting the boyfriend to be touching the girl. If somebody disrespects you you should always stand up for yourself. It doesn't matter how big they are, just show them you're not frightened or intimidated by them and show them you're not to be messed with. If they think you're a viscious b*****d they'll think twice about going near your girl.