Guilt from cheating on LTR

[Jaylan]

Sexysuave is right.

Absolutely no good whatsever will come out of telling her about this one transgression. If you do it again, however, you should tell her because that represents a serial problem that you can't stop and it is only fair for her to know what she is dealing with.

You don't love her. You love yourself, and you want her. If you actually loved her you wouldn't have cheated.

i agee with half of this. sure in the short term she will be mad if he tells her, but dont advocate lying and selfishness. again, wouldnt you want honesty and trust from your gf guys. in the short term she may dump you, but in the long term its better because it allows her to decide on her life and find someone who truly respects her and their relationships...and it allows u both to find better relationships.

dude youre 20 so i can tell you now, esp after your cheating, that i dont see this lasting. either youre gonna tell her and she bails, or it eats at you inside, or your relationship changes based on these actions. someone whos a good read of people can tell when something big has happened in the relationship and picks up on their partners changes.

anyways, i agree with atom on the last part. you love yourself, hence how you could cheat on her. stop thinking about just yourself. a relationship is about two people. but eh, what goes around...

 

[LinkinParkROX]

Be a man and tell her straight up: "Babe, I cheated on you. It's not cool & I'm probably the biggest **** ever, but I did. It was a huge mistake and I'll never do it again, but I need to be honest with you & you need to know. " And that's that. If she chooses to still be with you, good. If not, it was your damn fault. You've lost this one by your own hand. Find someone new and don't be a cheating bastard next time. Simple as that.

 

[gspshields2]

This guy is obviously the biggest nerd/wimp we have ever witnessed here. Either that or he is a troll. He comes on here and doesn't want to listen to anyone's advice. He is pretending to be some sort of whipped loser, don't feel sorry for him.

OH your in love? LOL

 

[LinkinParkROX]

This guy is obviously the biggest nerd/wimp we have ever witnessed here. Either that or he is a troll. He comes on here and doesn't want to listen to anyone's advice. He is pretending to be some sort of whipped loser, don't feel sorry for him.

OH your in love? LOL

People do fall in love. Even a Don Juan could fall in love. There's nothing wrong with it and it's a beautiful thing. The key is maintaining your manhood & respect when you're in love. Ah, enough with the replies, I should write an article for you guys on the subject.

 

[gspshields2]

People do fall in love. Even a Don Juan could fall in love. There's nothing wrong with it and it's a beautiful thing. The key is maintaining your manhood & respect when you're in love. Ah, enough with the replies, I should write an article for you guys on the subject.

Listen KID, what kind of a don juan has his handle as "Linkin Park ROX", are you some sort of snot nosed little kid who lives with his parents?

 

[LostInBoston]

This guy is obviously the biggest nerd/wimp we have ever witnessed here. Either that or he is a troll. He comes on here and doesn't want to listen to anyone's advice. He is pretending to be some sort of whipped loser, don't feel sorry for him.

OH your in love? LOL

Dude shut the fvck up. Why the **** would I come here and pretend this ****? I am not whipped, you obviously have never had a caring or real relationship before.

 

[LinkinParkROX]

LostInBoston, I have. And I speak from experience. I can guarantee that if you take my advice, whether she leaves you or not, it'll be the better choice to make. Oh and gspshields2, I do live with my parents. Just working a few things out with my life at the moment. My handle's what it is because I came here a total AFC, back when I was a kid. How bout you?

 

[Jaylan]

@gspshields

whats his tag name have to do with theqquality of his advice....his advice stands as very accurate imo. hell who cares if he likes linkin park. they came out when i was in high school and now im 24 and still like them.

@lostinboston

lmao off @ you talking about caring relationships...really bro? youre the one who cheated and wnats to possibly hide it from the girl he "loves"...so what do YOU know about a caring or lasting relationship. hell youre only 20 at that and cant even control yourself for one month. spare me

 

[AAS]

@sexysuave: Are you serious? Every neuron in my fvcking head just wrote a suicide note. Telling her is the pvssified thing to do? Really? Either way he is going to hurt. Not telling her means living with the guilt, and knowing that he going against his own standards which makes him a hypocritical bastard. That's hard to live with.

Telling her takes some massive balls. Delaying the the sharp and quick pain that you get from admitting you were wrong, showing humility, and understanding that she might leave you is pretty damn pvssified. That is the reality of his decision. Hiding behind excuses such as "it didnt mean anything I can control myself next time, etc" is selfish if you can't convince her of that. If it didn't mean anything why did it happen in the first place? If he can control himself next time why couldn't he this time? Perhaps there is something wrong in the relationship that needs addressing, this would definitely bring those issues to the table so they can be discussed and solved. Perhaps her makign out with some random girl got to him more than he is letting on?

If it makes the idea any easier, you've got a tiny little life line that could jsut save you. If it's at all true, tell her that her kissing another person got to you more than you let on. It brings her closer to your level and its much easier to build a horizontal bridge.

I've got nothing against you sexysuave, in fact i'm pretty sure I agreed with many of your previous posts elsewhere. but I do think going against your own principles is below what this community is about. I was cheated on, I know people who have cheated, I've had so many opportunities to cheat. None of that makes me biased. That adds weight to my 2 cents.

 

[gspshields2]

LostInBoston, I have. And I speak from experience. I can guarantee that if you take my advice, whether she leaves you or not, it'll be the better choice to make. Oh and gspshields2, I do live with my parents. Just working a few things out with my life at the moment. My handle's what it is because I came here a total AFC, back when I was a kid. How bout you?

How old are you?

 

[sexysuave]

Dont' worry gpsshields2, Linkin Park can't be older than 20, 21 TOPS...

And look guys, Jaylan, AAS, and Linkin Park, I'm sure all three of you are nice guys, and are trying to give the "noble" advice here, but you're giving him the wrong advice, and you're not even realizing what this will do long term if he decides to stay with her/she decides to keep him. I think all of you guys are probably younger. AAS has been cheated on before, and his ex didn't tell him, so that is giving him a little bias here.

Jaylan, aren't you the guy who said that you used to wear makeup and what not? You use to do eyelines and paint your nails and this and that? Look, nothing against you personally, I dont' give a sh*t what you do in your private life, but that's kinda different and feminine, and I just know you guys are not giving him the right advice here. You guys just sound like some damn fvcking marriage counselors "ohhhh bla bla bla, tell her the truth, bal bla bla, let's figure out WHY he cheated,, what was really beneath all of that, is something missing in the relationship that we can work on, how are you guys feelign about this right now, why did she suck his d*ck, maybe because she didn't feel like the boyfriend was paying attention to her, yes yes, that's why she sucked the other guy off, now why did you cheat on her, maybe it was because the distance, the long distance and being apart for a month, it was just toooo much for the poor guy to live with so he had to get his d*ck wet, that's why he cheated, but now that she's back do you love her still? yes, you do?? greattt, well now you guys can work that out,, how do you feel about that girlfriend?? ohhhh, I feel greaqt,, I am soooo thankfull he told me the truth, I'm soooo glad that girl you got you nailed didn't mean anythign to you,, sure baby!! i'll forgive you of course!! I love you!! let's work this out and this will be our honest and loving and caring relationship" COMMONNNN LOL wake the fvck up guys, quit sounding like marriage counselors...

Another thing, Jaylan, if you read my earlier response, I DID NOT advise that he keeps cheating on her, I simply said that telling her that he did will DO NO GOOD WHAT SO E V E R in this relationship, PERIOD.. end of story.. and I even said "do not see the other girl again and just go back to treating your girl good"... so no, no one is saying go keep screwing the other girl.. but telling his current girlfriend that he cheated will simply do NO GOOD

 

[LostInBoston]

Dont' worry gpsshields2, Linkin Park can't be older than 20, 21 TOPS...

And look guys, Jaylan, AAS, and Linkin Park, I'm sure all three of you are nice guys, and are trying to give the "noble" advice here, but you're giving him the wrong advice, and you're not even realizing what this will do long term if he decides to stay with her/she decides to keep him. I think all of you guys are probably younger. AAS has been cheated on before, and his ex didn't tell him, so that is giving him a little bias here.

Jaylan, aren't you the guy who said that you used to wear makeup and what not? You use to do eyelines and paint your nails and this and that? Look, nothing against you personally, I dont' give a sh*t what you do in your private life, but that's kinda different and feminine, and I just know you guys are not giving him the right advice here. You guys just sound like some damn fvcking marriage counselors "ohhhh bla bla bla, tell her the truth, bal bla bla, let's figure out WHY he cheated,, what was really beneath all of that, is something missing in the relationship that we can work on, how are you guys feelign about this right now, why did she suck his d*ck, maybe because she didn't feel like the boyfriend was paying attention to her, yes yes, that's why she sucked the other guy off, now why did you cheat on her, maybe it was because the distance, the long distance and being apart for a month, it was just toooo much for the poor guy to live with so he had to get his d*ck wet, that's why he cheated, but now that she's back do you love her still? yes, you do?? greattt, well now you guys can work that out,, how do you feel about that girlfriend?? ohhhh, I feel greaqt,, I am soooo thankfull he told me the truth, I'm soooo glad that girl you got you nailed didn't mean anythign to you,, sure baby!! i'll forgive you of course!! I love you!! let's work this out and this will be our honest and loving and caring relationship" COMMONNNN LOL wake the fvck up guys, quit sounding like marriage counselors...

Another thing, Jaylan, if you read my earlier response, I DID NOT advise that he keeps cheating on her, I simply said that telling her that he did will DO NO GOOD WHAT SO E V E R in this relationship, PERIOD.. end of story.. and I even said "do not see the other girl again and just go back to treating your girl good"... so no, no one is saying go keep screwing the other girl.. but telling his current girlfriend that he cheated will simply do NO GOOD

Telling her may not do any good for the relationship but I think it will help my sanity.

 

[Masculinity]

This is what a lot of noobies need to realize, that women aren't these innocent angels that the media and society makes them out to be. I think to be in the game these days, you have to be just as ruthless. It doesn't mean you need to actively cheat on your girlfriend, but be aware of the possibilities.

I'm not trying to say she is a cheating slvt, or is/has cheated. But you cannot deny the possibilities, which is exactly why you should not feel bad at all. It is what it is, and take it to the grave.

-Scars

+1 for this. This is absolutely true! :rockon:

 

[Jaylan]

Dont' worry gpsshields2, Linkin Park can't be older than 20, 21 TOPS...

And look guys, Jaylan, AAS, and Linkin Park, I'm sure all three of you are nice guys, and are trying to give the "noble" advice here, but you're giving him the wrong advice, and you're not even realizing what this will do long term if he decides to stay with her/she decides to keep him. I think all of you guys are probably younger. AAS has been cheated on before, and his ex didn't tell him, so that is giving him a little bias here.

Wrong advice? thats just your opinion and my opinion. Personally I think wrong decisions are those in which you do selfish things to others that you wouldnt dare want them to do to you. Our advice is most certainly valid.

Jaylan, aren't you the guy who said that you used to wear makeup and what not? You use to do eyelines and paint your nails and this and that? Look, nothing against you personally, I dont' give a sh*t what you do in your private life, but that's kinda different and feminine, and I just know you guys are not giving him the right advice here. You guys just sound like some damn fvcking marriage counselors "ohhhh bla bla bla, tell her the truth, bal bla bla, let's figure out WHY he cheated,, what was really beneath all of that, is something missing in the relationship that we can work on, how are you guys feelign about this right now, why did she suck his d*ck, maybe because she didn't feel like the boyfriend was paying attention to her, yes yes, that's why she sucked the other guy off, now why did you cheat on her, maybe it was because the distance, the long distance and being apart for a month, it was just toooo much for the poor guy to live with so he had to get his d*ck wet, that's why he cheated, but now that she's back do you love her still? yes, you do?? greattt, well now you guys can work that out,, how do you feel about that girlfriend?? ohhhh, I feel greaqt,, I am soooo thankfull he told me the truth, I'm soooo glad that girl you got you nailed didn't mean anythign to you,, sure baby!! i'll forgive you of course!! I love you!! let's work this out and this will be our honest and loving and caring relationship" COMMONNNN LOL wake the fvck up guys, quit sounding like marriage counselors...

Wtf does how I used to dress near high school have to do with my advice? Dont try and discredit my advice by bringing up shiite that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Hell, I pulled girls easily back in my punk days. Subcultures have different fashion norms for men and women, and hell, some of those metal guys from back in the 80s were the toughest guys out there and they teased their hair and wore way more makeup than me. Go to a hardcore show also, and youd die in those "feminine" mosh pits.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. Dude I love how you defend him ****ing around on his girl. I love how guys always defend when we "need" to get it in, but when girls do it, dont come here fvcking crying. And to answer your question: He cheated because he doesnt care enough about her to take her feelings into account when a relationship is about two people.

Another thing, Jaylan, if you read my earlier response, I DID NOT advise that he keeps cheating on her, I simply said that telling her that he did will DO NO GOOD WHAT SO E V E R in this relationship, PERIOD.. end of story.. and I even said "do not see the other girl again and just go back to treating your girl good"... so no, no one is saying go keep screwing the other girl.. but telling his current girlfriend that he cheated will simply do NO GOOD

Dude him not telling builds a relationship on a foundation of lies and betrayal. Many will tell you a relationship like this wont last. I think everyone deserves the right to know all important details in their relationship so they can make their own decisions. Anything otherwise is just selfish. Like I keep saying, youd have dudes all over this forum crying and bitzhing about women being horrible sluts if they had it happen to someone they knew. And especially if it happened to them and they never knew during the relationship. Its one thing to make a mistake, its another thing to selfishly lie about it too.

My reply in bold

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

This is why people under 30 shouldn't be in a serious relationship.

Her kissin someone other then you isn't a small problem it's pretty big. I know that the girl I will marry (If I do marry) wouldn't do anything like that (at least I wouldn't know). A situation like this happened to me a year ago and I defended her to a forum like this. People told me to break up with her. She would do it again. Guess what? I didn't listen to them and a year and thousands of dollars broker she dumped me. This is a big reflection of her integrity.

and on another note if you really loved her the way you say you do you wouldn't have done it. You just feel guilty.

 

[sexysuave]

Jaylan, you can go and be a marriage counselor bro It would be nice if things worked the way you describe them, but they don't. You will probably learn this as you get slightly older. Any relationship where a person is told that the other person fvcked someone else is doomed for failure or even worse, prolonged resentment and unhappiness. You can't convince me or anyone else on here that are slightly older otherwise. The guy says he never wants to do this again, so why ruin a possible happy relationship? OP, if you truly do feel like that about this girl, just bury your skeleton and enjoy your girl.

And you wearing makeup just proves that you're a little different, that's all. I don't judge or anything, but the reality that you live in is clearly a little bit different. I don't think the OP would benefit from listening to you on this particular subject. He asked for our HELP, and if he listened to you and a couple of others he would be kissing this girl good bye. Do you advise the entire world to let their skeletons out of the closet? Just think about that a bit man. It would be total chaos. This is a controversial subject, but your opinion would ruin any future he can have with this girl, period! You can take that to the bank OP.

OP, if you still want this girl, read my previous replies to you. I explain pretty clearly what you should do.

 

[Alle_Gory]

People do fall in love. Even a Don Juan could fall in love. There's nothing wrong with it and it's a beautiful thing. The key is maintaining your manhood & respect when you're in love. Ah, enough with the replies, I should write an article for you guys on the subject.

You're correct. But the difference between a real man and an AFC is the following. The AFC latches on to whatever he can. He professes his love and obsession for every girl he sees and the girls don't really care.

A real man is stronger and has higher standards. He falls for a woman who feels the same way about him.

Big difference.

 

[Jaylan]

Jaylan, you can go and be a marriage counselor bro It would be nice if things worked the way you describe them, but they don't. You will probably learn this as you get slightly older. Any relationship where a person is told that the other person fvcked someone else is doomed for failure or even worse, prolonged resentment and unhappiness. You can't convince me or anyone else on here that are slightly older otherwise. The guy says he never wants to do this again, so why ruin a possible happy relationship? OP, if you truly do feel like that about this girl, just bury your skeleton and enjoy your girl.

Things work as I described them when people respect one another. Theres no reason dating someone if you would easily go and screw around on them. Lets be real. You being just a little bit older than me does not change the fact that I have mad many valid points. People say they never will again all the time, and still go and cheat. Its obviously not a happy relationship when one needs to betray their partner to fulfill their ow desires.

And you wearing makeup just proves that you're a little different, that's all. I don't judge or anything, but the reality that you live in is clearly a little bit different. I don't think the OP would benefit from listening to you on this particular subject. He asked for our HELP, and if he listened to you and a couple of others he would be kissing this girl good bye. Do you advise the entire world to let their skeletons out of the closet? Just think about that a bit man. It would be total chaos. This is a controversial subject, but your opinion would ruin any future he can have with this girl, period! You can take that to the bank OP.

he asked everyone for opinions. Just because you dont agree with mine does not mean im not trying to help the kid. Im trying to help him and his gf. I personally think hed be happier if he dumped her and had fun being single at 20. Thats obv what he wants to do since hes so interested in gaming and pickup material.

But the thing is, your advocating lying is setting him up for worse. Hes gonna sit and build a relationship with this girl based on lies and a betrayal and if it falls apart down the line it'll hurt way worse for both of them. Relationships not built on positive ground almost always do fall apart or the people in them stay together and arent happy.


OP, if you still want this girl, read my previous replies to you. I explain pretty clearly what you should do.

bold

 

[sexysuave]

The OP is showing more regret over his little incident than I usually see from guys. Sounds like he truly doesn't want to cheat again, and wants another chance with this girl. Well, in order to accomplish this, he just has to do it, and NOT tell her what happened. It's as simple as that. We are obviously gonna keep disagreeing here, but I think it's pretty obvious to the OP what the majority (and let's be real, the older guys are all saying the same thing) is telling him "don't cheat on her again as you are claiming you won't, don't speak of this again, go back to being her suave man".

This is a site to help guys out. Trust me, girls have plenty of help everywhere dealing with this crap. They grow up to their little cosmopolitan magazines that tell 'em how to deal with men, situations, and what not. Guys don't usually have that. So yes, I AM protecting the guys here. I AM helping the guys here, even if they fvck up.

 

[sstype]

I'm with sexysuave on this one....

Contrary to the morality crew, nothing useful or beneficial will come out of telling "the truth"

You felt guilty for cheating. Now you want to alleviate your guilt by telling her in order to appease your sense of self-righteousness. Yeah man go ahead, break her heart and make her bitter and resentful of men but at least you told her the truth! You are a true Don Juan....lol

Forget it ever happened and move on.

OR

Make up some B.S. excuse and break up with her if you can't stand the guilt.