Grrr.. I feel this forum is warping my view of women

[Alle_Gory]

The "Sex and the City" model, basically. Roissy has his finger on the pulse of the guys who don't understand or can't adapt and gets fans by erasing the moral ambiguity of this mess. But since women are the sexual gatekeepers, men aren't going to change this model against the will of womankind. You are just going to have to deal with it -- despondency is not a good method!

Maybe I'm just tired after today... but I don't understand what you're trying to say.

Can you explain further?

 

[penkitten]

the point of the forum is not supposed to make you "feel warped" but rather make you "think evolved."
after being on this forum for a long time, one comes to see the beauty of the good gem threads...the ones that open your eyes and make you glad that you were able to communicate with others on the information that you have to logically process in your head.
you know as well as i do that not every member is going to post things on the same wave length as another.
over and over, you will read things that are often written by the younger members or the newer members or even the bitter members....and if those things come off bitter, jaded or too repetitive for you, then stop reading those types of posts for a while.
sometimes reading the negative threads will leave you in a negative mindset.
it does make you feel that you are either getting a warped frame of mind on women and make you feel like you need a break.

ok, that isn't terrible.

the truth of the matter is, most people post things that are frustrating them. you and i both know that when someone's woman is cheating on them, creating unnecessary drama or treating them badly, that it effects them and they need to rant to get it off their chests. however, all the threads are just generalizations of kinds of women or their behaviors.

take it from me, when i tell you that not all women are horrible cheating *hors* that want to take your wallet and treat you like a door mat.
but trust me when i tell you that there is a huge majority that are , and they give the rest of us a very bad rep.

i don't feel warped being a part of this forum. i am glad i found it. over the years of posting here, i have found that the stereotypical guy being a player or a huge jerk...isn't true. most men are good men, but very misunderstood.
i hold the media accountable for that.

as far as relationships... generally we keep posting to each other to keep an eye open because one day you could be happy and the next day, your significant other could run off with your best friend...because it happens. things change and people change their minds.....

BUT when you get tired of living like that, and you learn how to qualify someone before you settle down with them... you can trust a little more naturally.

with that being said, my husband and i just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary this year. we have rarely had disagreements or arguments over the course of our 6 year relationship. i love him and i trust him. i am a better person with him than i was without him. i am happy. you can ask anyone on the forum, but i haven't had to ask for advice on relationship issues in god knows how long.
why? because we both go out of our way to make the other's life easy/happy.

 

[boomerick]

penkitten nails it!


Over and Out.

 

[wait_out]

Girls are getting married a lot later. In that time, they're testing their options and doing lots of "womanly self-improvement" like expanding their social circle, getting better style, developing a respectable career, being promiscuous, whatever. The route to the goal depends on the individual woman.

The end goal, is to have the best life, with the best guy. Which mean they have to filter out a lot of losers -- the vast majority of which were probably average men.

When girls got married earlier -- the vast majority were getting married to average men, and both sides knew it. So instead of putting her 20s and even 30s into filtering and choosing, a girl might have been better off trying to help her husband reach his full potential and be a good husband and provider.

SATC is bad because the girls don't invest in their men or communities, but it represents the dream of individual choice and freedom which women didn't have in the 50's. I'm not an expert on Roissy, but I think he concentrates on the male disaffection of being judged and discarded by women rather than supported to grow as men historically were.

It is a wonderful feeling to have a girl behind you who loves you and wants to see you succeed. I think that used to hold relationships together because it is pretty amazing, really. If you're an attractive successful guy -- it's not amazing at all that girls will be competing for you. You can't consider the girl sincere since YOU bring everything to the table, and all they're bringing is their *****. And by the point you figure out women, ***** becomes replaceable.

There are those good women out there -- but you are going to have to face facts, the dating game has changed and as always it's evolve or die. Be smart, be realistic, don't give up on finding a good girl, find ways to be happy in the absence of them. Learning to game the vast majority of self-centered ones to create some temporary happy times is part of that. You could play Starcraft, travel the world, write books, but if you'd prefer to notch bedposts that's fine too. There's plenty of guys here who can handle that, and still be well-balanced happy people. A few girls too maybe.

 

[handle]

SteR, let me ask you: did you come here to become a "PUA" or some sort of mass seducer?

I'm going to assume no by the sounds of it. I'm going to assume that you, like me, came here because you wanted to get over that AFC kind of mindset.

So, can you vibe socially with people? Are you comfortable asking girls out? Is that whole aspect of your life no longer a point of frustration? I hope the answer is yes since you've been here a while. And that's really where it's at.

Do you need any more than that? Do you need to read rants about "the female mind" or "media-reinforced *****ness" or whatever it is? I know I don't because it isn't useful to me. Who wants to be thinking about that sh!t when you're out on the town and some cute girl catches your eye? All you have to be thinking is "hey she's kinda cute, I'll go say hi." That's really all you need, right?

I guess what I'm saying is that whether any of that sh!t about infidelity, women expecting too much, blah blah blah is true, that's irrelevant. Just have a backbone, have some social skills, and HAVE FUN. That's all you need to get out of this forum.

So in summary, yeah, uhh... Ignore like 90% of the posts here! Unless you're scared of talking to a girl, in which case, read the start of the bible!

 

[sodbuster]

DON'T Tell your wife everything,if it ever comes to divorce-it will be used against you. There was an unsolved murder in Mobridge S.D. about 30 years ago. They found her skeleton when the river levels dropped[cowboy found her in the sand by his pasture]. 20 years later, the murder was solved-the guy confided in his wife,when they filed for divorce-she turned him in.

NOT saying we all have THAT kind of skeleton in our closet,but we all have something we'd just as soon the whole world doesnt know.

 

[Last_straw]

DON'T Tell your wife everything,if it ever comes to divorce-it will be used against you. There was an unsolved murder in Mobridge S.D. about 30 years ago. They found her skeleton when the river levels dropped[cowboy found her in the sand by his pasture]. 20 years later, the murder was solved-the guy confided in his wife,when they filed for divorce-she turned him in.

NOT saying we all have THAT kind of skeleton in our closet,but we all have something we'd just as soon the whole world doesnt know.

in that situation wouldn't she be guilty of conspiracy?

 

[SteR]

SteR, let me ask you: did you come here to become a "PUA" or some sort of mass seducer?

I'm going to assume no by the sounds of it. I'm going to assume that you, like me, came here because you wanted to get over that AFC kind of mindset.

So, can you vibe socially with people? Are you comfortable asking girls out? Is that whole aspect of your life no longer a point of frustration? I hope the answer is yes since you've been here a while. And that's really where it's at.

Do you need any more than that? Do you need to read rants about "the female mind" or "media-reinforced *****ness" or whatever it is? I know I don't because it isn't useful to me. Who wants to be thinking about that sh!t when you're out on the town and some cute girl catches your eye? All you have to be thinking is "hey she's kinda cute, I'll go say hi." That's really all you need, right?

I guess what I'm saying is that whether any of that sh!t about infidelity, women expecting too much, blah blah blah is true, that's irrelevant. Just have a backbone, have some social skills, and HAVE FUN. That's all you need to get out of this forum.

So in summary, yeah, uhh... Ignore like 90% of the posts here! Unless you're scared of talking to a girl, in which case, read the start of the bible!

But I'm past this already.. I think this is the problem. I admit that when I first came here I was pretty much the definition of an AFC. In the 6 years or so since I first came here I've literally spun 180. I'm extremely comfortable in social situations, don't have any problems chatting and flirting with girls (no matter how hot they are) and yes, I'd say I'm completely over my AFC frustrations from back in the day.

Now, despite the easy option of being a 'man wh0re', I've always tried to stray away from this path because in truth, I've never wanted lots of woman.. just one really good one. What's frustrating me nowadays is I'm sick of meeting the same type of ****ty woman. I'll admit it's because I do spend a large amount of time socialising at bars/parties but that's just the way my social circle works at the moment (and also because I'm from the UK - if you've been here you'll realise how big the drinking culture is).

It's not like I haven't ventured out into other areas either.. I've been to various classes trying to learn new things, I've been travelling, I've been in sports clubs, done volunteer work etc and yet I still haven't really found anyone I want to start a relationship with. I'm willing to admit that I do have exceptionally high standards (I don't think they're unreasonable) but isn't that what this forum teaches? Not to settle for less than you want?

Maybe I just need more patience.. I don't know. I'm just finding it very tiring of meeting the same kinds of girls. When you add the idea that the majority of women are wh0ring it up nowadays, it just makes it very difficult to be optimistic that I'll find someone decent.

 

[Ease]

Agreed.



I'd like to believe that I'm a good enough judge of character to at least be able to spot the women who cheat regardless from the women who would cheat due to my lack of effort in the relationship.

I mean I can completely understand that if a guy doesn't take care of himself, doesn't pull his weight and doesn't take care of his woman then she's likely to have second thoughts about the relationship. Ideally she'd tell you that she's unhappy and give you the opportunity to fix things however I accept that some will take the cheating route. I wouldn't blame the woman for the failure of the relationship either.. it's the man's failure to be a man that has led her to her situation. How she chooses to handle the situation is down to her own moral code.

What I do disagree on is the whole idea that I can never fully trust a woman. I don't like the idea of keeping certain parts of my life completely locked away from a woman in the fear that she'll cheat. I do understand the whole 'protect the heart' philosophy but eventually, if you do decide to get married, I can't see how you'd be able to hide anything from your partner and call it a proper marriage? I'd like to think that I'd be very careful about who I reveal certain parts of information to.. but if I thought I'd found a woman that I could trust, I would slowly bear everything (and I'd expect her to do the same).

Is this a very naive way of thinking? I realise people may disagree with me but I'm interested to hear other opinions.

Thats naive.

Here at the forum we live in a community of enlightenment. We toss around ideas here that is too left wing for mainstream media.

You need to get past your own beliefs and limiting ideals to understand. Of course i also once thought that men and women were equal, and that a relationship was about communication, 50-50 sharing, loyalty and trust. But we have found out that's false. Men lead and women are lead, if you cant lead she will stray. That is the true nature of life, something that we are taught the opposite of.

Trust your girlfriend with all your heart, trust her to take care of you when your sick, to cook for you when you come from work, to satisfy your sexual needs and submit herself to you completely and love you entirely. But dont expect her to betray her instincts and emotions to give herself to a stronger man. Dont just disregard her as being a low quality woman, she is obeying her nature. Love girls for what they are, not what you want them to be.

The only guarentee you have of loyalty is your own game. Not communication or 'finding the right girl'.

 

[SteR]

Thats naive.

Here at the forum we live in a community of enlightenment. We toss around ideas here that is too left wing for mainstream media.

You need to get past your own beliefs and limiting ideals to understand. Of course i also once thought that men and women were equal, and that a relationship was about communication, 50-50 sharing, loyalty and trust. But we have found out that's false. Men lead and women are lead, if you cant lead she will stray. That is the true nature of life, something that we are taught the opposite of.

Trust your girlfriend with all your heart, trust her to take care of you when your sick, to cook for you when you come from work, to satisfy your sexual needs and submit herself to you completely and love you entirely. But dont expect her to betray her instincts and emotions to give herself to a stronger man. Dont just disregard her as being a low quality woman, she is obeying her nature. Love girls for what they are, not what you want them to be.

The only guarentee you have of loyalty is your own game. Not communication or 'finding the right girl'.

Actually I think you've hit the nail on the head here. I suppose what I'm 'hoping' for is a woman who will stick by my side no matter what. I'm delving a little deep into psychology here I guess, but I suppose it's because I (and not just myself I think.. but everyone wants to be loved) wants to find someone who will accept them no matter what. ie. we can let ourselves go, not strive to be our best and yet still expect a good quality woman to stick by our side. The reality I guess is that this is selfish, lazy and stupid.

It's funny because it reminds me a little of how I used to think when I was younger: I grew up as a fat kid and I used to dream of being in a world where girls would just accept me for what I was and all desire me. In hindsight (like 10-15 years later) this is a ridiculous viewpoint. It was my complete lack of care and laziness that let me to that position.. so why should any woman want to be with someone like that? Obviously since then I've spun this around 180 but this is all because of the sheer effort I've put into improving myself.

I guess the truth is that everyone wants the best they can get. If I can't keep a woman by my side then it's my own fault - I'd have become lazy or too complacent and forced them into a position where they look elsewhere.

Ho hum, I feel a little better now.. it's good to dissect my thoughts. Thanks for the input gentlemen...

 

[zekko]

Here at the forum we live in a community of enlightenment. We toss around ideas here that is too left wing for mainstream media

What? Wouldn't the idea that a man leads and a woman is led be more right wing than left?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

By request:

When Lois Lane met Superman he was fighting crime, could bend steel in his bare hands, stop locomotives, leap over tall buildings in a single bound; sh!t, Superman could fly! Then he met Lois and swept her away, rocked her world in the sack and fell in love with her because thats what men do. After a year of this whirwind Lois starts nagging Superman, "Why do you have to always be out there fighting crime, huh? Why do you always have to prove you're so Macho? Does it threaten your Ego? You really need to get in touch with your feminine side. What about MY needs and why can't you get a real job? I'm not getting any younger you know, you've got some responsibilities to live up to. When am I gonna see a ring?"

So eventually this wears down on Superman and he submits to Lois' requests (demands?). After all he 'should' really 'grow up' anyway, right? It's the right thing to do. So Superman changes his name to Clark Kent (Super-'MAN' was so male-self-agrandizing anyway) and lands a job as a reporter at a great metropolitan newspaper. Clark begins wearing glasses - even though he can see X-Rays, and shoot lasers out his eyes, he wears them because Lois says it makes him look distinguished and SHE likes them.

Time goes on and Lois and Clark marry. 5 years into the marriage Lois gets bored. Same old, same old. Clark is so mundane and unassuming. She longs for the days he would fly and do that funny steel bending trick he used to do when they were dating. He hasn't done any of that for so long; not because he can't, but because he's afraid she'll get upset with him and not put out that evening if he gets '****y' with her. In fact she's not putting out even half as much as she used to these days. Clark just doesn't arouse her as much as he once did and she just can't seem to put her finger on the reason for it.

Then one day Lois runs into a guy named Bruce Wayne. Bruce was dark, mysterious and in great shape! He couldn't fly, but he made up for that in so many other ways. He fought crime! He wore a mask and spoke in short, purposeful sentences, never mincing words. He didn't wear glasses (that was so retro!) and he came and went at the time of his pleasing, not hers. He sent shivers down Lois' spine (and other places that hadn't felt shivers in a while) when he began seeing her.

Then one day, after a 60 hour work week at the Daily Planet (swanky apartments don't rent cheap), Clark made his way home on the subway (since flying was out of the question) and picked up a dozen roses to suprise Lois with (she tended to put out when he showed his 'feminine side') when he got back to the apartment. However it was poor Clark who got the suprise upon discovering Bruce Wayne bending Lois over the kitchen table when he opend the door. Bruce propmptly towled off while Clark, slack-jawed with horror, watched speechless.

"How could you? After all we've meant to eachother!" Clark began to cry as Bruce excused himself from the now estranged couple. Clark was used to crying a lot now to show his sensitivity.

"What could you have possibly seen in a guy like that?!" He shrieked like a school girl.

"Well,.." Lois said indifferently, "Batman is a Superhero."

 

[wait_out]

Rollo -- while that is a good and enlightening story, do we really think by extension that Lois can represent all women, everywhere? Isn't that exactly the attitude the OP is trying to shake? Even in comics, doesn't Peter Parker's GF Mary-Jane Watson fall in love with him before she knows what he does as Spider-Man? You don't partner someone who's only in love with your reputation, money, athleticism, etcetera!

The point is that if you don't understand what truly motivates your woman, you stand a very good chance of being blindsided by it. Its a fallacy to think that your self-improvement means the people around you will be improving themselves accordingly. You just have to get better at reading people -- and you have to do it faster than they learn how not to let themselves be read.

What do you think?

 

[Razor Sharp]

You missed Rollo's point. Its not about status or power. It's about a guy sacrificing who he is with the sole aim of pleasing a woman. In the process he loses all the attributes that attracted her to begin with.

The story basically means, don't pay attention to what women say they want. Do what actually works and gets the right reaction out of them. Don;t be afraid to assert yourself and have personal limits. And NEVER, EVER give up who you are to appease anyone, much less a trifling hoe who will replace you in a heartbeat for someone who possesses all the traits you had before you castrated yourself.

 

[Ease]

Rollo -- while that is a good and enlightening story, do we really think by extension that Lois can represent all women, everywhere? Isn't that exactly the attitude the OP is trying to shake? Even in comics, doesn't Peter Parker's GF Mary-Jane Watson fall in love with him before she knows what he does as Spider-Man? You don't partner someone who's only in love with your reputation, money, athleticism, etcetera!

The point is that if you don't understand what truly motivates your woman, you stand a very good chance of being blindsided by it. Its a fallacy to think that your self-improvement means the people around you will be improving themselves accordingly. You just have to get better at reading people -- and you have to do it faster than they learn how not to let themselves be read.

What do you think?

His story stands true to point. Superman is the only one guilty in the story for failing himself as a man and betraying his masculinity. You can't blame lois for her femininity, she is being a woman.

This week I will discuss ******* Game. There is no sugarcoating it; being an ******* works on women, all women, most of the time. Any man who has lived a day in his life and isn’t self-deluded by equalist ideology or chick flic romanticism knows this is true, even those PUA “love gurus” who unctuously sermonize that what women really want are “strong confident men” minus the ******* part. Save your holier-than-thou moralizing and desperate attempts to discredit ******* game by falsely claiming it only appeals to low self esteem girls. We’re going to discuss what works, not what should work.

Lois does represent all women. In roissy's words, you're deluding yourself if you believe otherwise.

 

[CuriousGirl]

It seems that from every thread I read here (and other forums aswell) that the majority of women are wh0res.... But I can't seem to get rid of this feeling that no woman can be trusted. It saddens me because I honestly do believe in things such as marriage: that two people can fully commit to eachother, remain faithful and work hard to build a life together.. although all I ever seem to hear is how so-and-so cheated on him, screwed this guy, did this and that blah blah. I almost get the impression that the moment you turn your back on a girl, if a guy comes along and says the right words she'll be down on her knees, sucking his d1ck in no time..... Are there girls in existence who are attractive, smart and loyal?

You know, so many women/girls say the exact same thing about guys.

 

[Alle_Gory]

You know, so many women/girls say the exact same thing about guys.

That's great. How about you point me to the ones who aren't hypocrites.

 

[CuriousGirl]

That's great. How about you point me to the ones who aren't hypocrites.

Sure, right after you point out the guys who aren't hypocrites too.

 

[Zarky]

But I can't seem to get rid of this feeling that no woman can be trusted.

Define "trusted."

I "trust" every single creature on the planet to do what's best for itself. That's not always what's best for me.

I don't expect other people to do what's best for me when it's not what's best for them. If you assume people are going to give up their own needs and desires for yours, you're going to have some hard lessons to learn.

 

[penkitten]

Even in comics, doesn't Peter Parker's GF Mary-Jane Watson fall in love with him before she knows what he does as Spider-Man?

What do you think?

no. mary jane only likes peter as a friend... and she starts seeing his best friend harry instead of peter.
but peter does fall in love with him and keeps it a secret.

while dating harry, spiderman kisses mj and she starts having feelings for him (spiderman not peter). for a very long time, every time peter tries to ask her out, she isn't interested. she is always interested in spiderman.
then one day, she realizes that peter is spiderman and tells him she knows it is him and plants a big fat kiss on him