Got Friendzoned/lost interest after a few dates - what next?

[Still Learning the Game]

Basically it went like this:

- Met on Tinder and talked for a wile, added her on FB and got mobile
- Had trouble meeting her or getting a good flow of dates because of her work (and probably because she wasn't so interested).
- First date we had dinner and drinks, and i could tell she was interested as when we were walking she was always close to me shoulder to shoulder. I didnt kiss her because i never on the first date
- Second date we had dinner close to her house and some bar. Great date and conversation. Before i left to get on the train we kissed on the lips for the first time.
- Third date we went to watch a movie at the cinema. She said she was cold and grabbed my hand,i then initiated the kissing. We must of kissed on the lips (and french kiss a bit) 60-100 times. During the movie we would rest our heads on each other. She would rub my biceps, thighs and i would do the same. She took a lot of photos of us together.
- Fourth date she organized to have it at a South American place for lunch. I could tell she was acting weird a bit. Again we must of kissed a 100 times and acted like bf and gf. She gave me a "Latina" kiss which was the most sexiest kiss i ever received. At this stage i was aroused and standing close to her and grabbing her ass.

During the fourth date in the begining she said she was hoping to meet me on Sunday (next day), the next day i waited for her to get back to me and she said she had to catch up with her friend who was going through a break up. Next day she cancelled the date and said the next week end we would spend all week end together. I later found out this was a lie about the sunday and her friend and now she said stated when we last spoke on the phone that she was just so tired and depressed from work that she slepped all that day. Probably BS as well.

Keep in mind i knew that she was still using Tinder during those four dates, and i deleted it because it kept bothering me and i thought maybe if i deleted it she could see i was a good guy/serious.


Tried texting her a few times the following week but she kept brushing me off as "busy" or "tired'. I sent her another text and didnt get a response for a week. I called her a week later and she didnt recognize my phone number. She pretended that there was something wrong with her mobile but deep down i knew something was up.
We talked for an hour and she suggested we go on a date. At the end of the call i acted a bit needy and maybe scared her off.

She cancelled the date and i had to ask her what was up. She msged back saying she was confused about me, if she loved me as a friend or more. She said our dates were "lovely" but "not amazing" and that there was no "passion" when we kissed. To me this seemed strange as she seemed so into it. She said maybe we should wait until december after she finishes her visa application and quits her current demanding job and we can try again. I agreed and said thats no problem and i can wait. She then freaked out and said she felt bad i was waiting for her, i tried to explain my life doesn't revolve around her and i can occupy my time with other things but in the end i think i messed up here. She also said that i was probably the best person she has met since moving to this country.

The next day we talked on the phone for 2 hours about "us", and she also told me some personal issues about her that not many people about. Basically she has some mental issues - has depression and takes medication for it, has social anxiety etc. Talked about her good side and "bad side", it got a bit weird.

Thinking i wouldn't see her until December surprisingly i got a text from her the next morning asking if i wanted to come over to her place and she would cook dinner for myself and her best friend (female). I thought why not and went there thinking im just a friend now.
When we met she kissed me on the lips like nothing happened.
Her best friend thinks highly of me and said the girl always talks about me. The best friend tried to set us up i could tell.
The best friend went to sleep n the girls room, so when she left i sat next to the girl i was dating. She grabbed my hand, and then i initiated the kissing. We kissed for 10 minutes and she kept saying i was an amazing person. She said she was tired but i knew for what ever reason it was over.
Before i caught the taxi home we kissed on the lips good bye.

A few days later i called her on the phone, we talked for 30 minutes. She had to go, but later sent me a photo of the desert she cooked and said she will make it for me "soon". Even though she said she had to have a shower and go to sleep when we last chatted (9pm) she was on facebook and whats app until about 1am.

I called her again the next day (because she said she like to be texted and called every day) but this time the phone rang a few times and it seemed like she picked up the phone and hung up. I texted her if everything was ok and she said she was busy on another call and couldn't chat that night as she had to go to sleep for work the next day. Again she was on facebook and whatsapp until about 1am again. She also said that we should talk on the week end and i suggested friday.

Friday night i texted her after work telling her i couldn't chat because i had a work dinner. I also told her that i finally decided to join kick boxing and do salsa classes. Her response was "but i cant do salsa". So i don't know if i made her upset or something.

So i waited a few days and thought i would give it a final shot. Monday morning i sent the most neediest pathetic text. I sent her a text telling her that i really found her to be an amazing person and she was so different to most girl, and thought she was really strong for coming to a new country with no friends or family and doing tough jobs like being a cleaner or dish washer and sticking it out. Also told her that she had the most prettiest smiles i had ever seen. Cringe worthy i know but i thought i would give it a final shot

 

[Still Learning the Game]

She then sent me back a massive text saying she has spent all week end thinking about me, and that she had to make a decision on me as we only dated 5 times in 3 months. She said the more she thought of me the more she loved me as a friend and she felt really bad about me. And it hurts her that she cant see more than a friend as i have all the qualities she is looking for.

We agreed to talk on the phone after work. We ended up talking on the phone for 2 hours. It was an awkward phone call. She began to cry as she said she felt bad that she met me who had every quality she was looking for but what ever reason she just didn't understand why she couldn't be my gf. She said if she could she would be my gf but her heart wouldn't allow her.
She said its all about "passion" to her and that there was no passion when we kissed. She said that when we kissed on the second or third date it was lovely but an accident. The fourth date she just did it to try to see and make sure but she wasn't really into coming to meet me that day. To me she said she wasn't into it but i have never been kissed by a girl so passionately before, so i dont know if she was lying.
I asked her about the firth date with her friend and why we kissed even though she said. She said when we first kissed when we met it was just out of "habit" we did it so many times it just happened naturally. And when i asked her about when we kissed for 10 minutes before i left she said "it just happened".

I pretty much told her its ok and not her fault that she doesn't find me physically attractive. She was silent on the phone so i knew thats what the problem was. (I admit i am ugly and short).
She pretty much said there was no chance in us being bf and gf, or that we would kiss again. That if i was to be her friend i would have to reject all emotion i have for her. She even suggested we take a few weeks break.

 

[Still Learning the Game]

I haven't spoken to her since monday and haven't given her my decision if i will be her friend or not.

Strangely she has been going crazy on FB posting photos of her self and going to every event she can go to. She posted a photo of her at the bar with her friends and some male studs. I didnt like the photo or comment on it. However when i comment on a few other FB photos less than an hour later she deleted the photo from her facebook. Maybe she doesn't want me to see the photo, or maybe there are other suckers on facebook she is gaming.

Part of me thinks of just chucking in the towel and being her psychologist male girlfriend. Why? Because i am in a new city with no connections or friends. Maybe through her i can meet new people (men and women), get a social circle, go to more events and maybe if she really is a true friend she can set me up with girls (but obviously not her friends).

On the other hand, i see myself being pigeon-ed holed into a person that she just talks to to make her self feel better and i will probably never meet any new people. Most females are lousy friends and offer nothing. She is also unreliable. Could be a user.

What would you do if you were me?

 

[Konada]

Hate to say it, but the girl was making more moves than you for all 4 dates. You didn't even try to fvck her once. I'm surprised she even made it so fvcking obvious she wanted your d!ck inside of her on the third date but noooooo, I have to play mr nice guy and let her see I am a pure innocent celibate man.

You fvcked up, move on from this and stop being a pu$$y. Also, read the DJ bible.

 

[Still Learning the Game]

Hate to say it, but the girl was making more moves than you for all 4 dates. You didn't even try to fvck her once. I'm surprised she even made it so fvcking obvious she wanted your d!ck inside of her on the third date but noooooo, I have to play mr nice guy and let her see I am a pure innocent celibate man.

You fvcked up, move on from this and stop being a pu$$y. Also, read the DJ bible.

On the third date after all that kissing when i tried to put my arms close to her breasts or her snatch and moved my hands to shoulder and said "hands up here".
We got a taxi home and i wanted to come home with her and she just kissed me and said talk soon.

Fourth date she was "tired" and had to go to sleep.

Fifth date i couldnt **** her as her best friend was sleeping in her room and i drank too much whisky. Plus i tried to kiss her neck but she kept moving away.

I honestly think she wasnt that into me or she was dating a more attractive guy and in the end had to cut me lose.

If you really think she wanted me do you think i should be her "friend" and see if it escalates again?

 

[fastlife]

On the third date after all that kissing when i tried to put my arms close to her breasts or her snatch and moved my hands to shoulder and said "hands up here".
We got a taxi home and i wanted to come home with her and she just kissed me and said talk soon.

Fourth date she was "tired" and had to go to sleep.

Fifth date i couldnt **** her as her best friend was sleeping in her room and i drank too much whisky. Plus i tried to kiss her neck but she kept moving away.

I honestly think she wasnt that into me or she was dating a more attractive guy and in the end had to cut me lose.

If you really think she wanted me do you think i should be her "friend" and see if it escalates again?

No. Lol.

Bro...give it up. You had a time window. She wanted sex and you wouldn't provide it. You rejected her, not vice versa. Next time make moves to get a girl into bed. Don't know how you got 5 dates (you wouldn't in America).

 

[RangerMIke]

Nothing you can do at this point but learn from what happened. Go get more experience with women.

You need to escalate faster. You backed off when she put up barriers... when women do this they are not telling you no, but they are telling you to slow down. 2 steps forward 1 step back. Trust me you will know when a woman means NO.

Don't lock in on one woman... you should always be dating at least a couple. You were too focused on a relationship and it made you needy. I wouldn't worry about your needy text you sent her.... She already knew you were needy and stunk of desperation.

Women always know where they stand with you. They can read you like a book. You really can't pretend you have more options you actually have to have options. You actually have to have a life outside of her. You can fool her for a little while... how long depends on your acting ability and her interest level.

She does not want to complete you... she wants to come along for the ride.

 

[pyros]

There are women looking for a relationship.
THere are women looking for casual sex.
There are women looking for a relationship but looking for casual sex if they dont really like the guy.

In any case you should be trying to have sex with all women INSTEAD OF PLAYING MR NICE GUY. Fvck them and then see if it develops into a serious relationship or not.

Anyway, this girl was not into you.
Had you played your cards better you could have fvcked her once, but as I said, she was not really interested in you.

Tips:
1. Try to get sex more quickly.
2. DO NOT waste your time with a girl that seems not that into you. Five dates in three months?? besides you were the one who initiated contact almost every damn time.

 

[marmel75]

No. Lol.

Bro...give it up. You had a time window. She wanted sex and you wouldn't provide it. You rejected her, not vice versa. Next time make moves to get a girl into bed. Don't know how you got 5 dates (you wouldn't in America).

Exactly..."hands up here" was her way of seeing if you'd play by her rules and be controlled by her or if you'd play by your rules and TAKE what you wanted. You obviously allowed her to be in control, which dried her pvssy up faster than you could imagine.

You are friendzoned for not making a move and escalating sexually. You are lucky you even got a second date after making no moves on the first. She gave you plenty of chances to be a man and you acted like a scared little boy. You lose. Next time learn from it and don't make the same mistakes.

 

[RangerMIke]

In any case you should be trying to have sex with all women INSTEAD OF PLAYING MR NICE GUY. Fvck them and then see if it develops into a serious relationship or not.

This is a man's roll in dating. You should be trying to get sex... acting otherwise means you are not being masculine... which means you are acting like a woman...

Your role is to try and fvck her: her role is to make connections and create bonds.

When you act like you are seeking a relationship then you are acting like a woman... which turns her off.

Feminine women are not attracted to guys that are acting like chicks

 

[Still Learning the Game]

Thanks for the response guys i appreciate it.

Firstly i think i understand that it was my fault for not pushing harder, some times no means try harder or later. And i guess when i allowed her to dictate the terms of the relationship it was over. Its the same when we had the big chat on facebook, she said she loved it when guys talk to her on the phone all day and text her every day. Me being in idiot i did that and she became more sick of me.

I understand that i acted too needy and after our great third date i honestly started thinking of her has a gf, when in the beginning i just wanted a ****. Being needy was what probably pushed her away, she inst interested in a relationship it seems, and maybe enjoys her freedom here. I could of gotten sex but i ****ed up.

I agree, i had oneitits pretty bad, and i agree she read me like a book.

 

[Still Learning the Game]

There are women looking for a relationship.
THere are women looking for casual sex.
There are women looking for a relationship but looking for casual sex if they dont really like the guy.

In any case you should be trying to have sex with all women INSTEAD OF PLAYING MR NICE GUY. Fvck them and then see if it develops into a serious relationship or not.

Anyway, this girl was not into you.
Had you played your cards better you could have fvcked her once, but as I said, she was not really interested in you.

Tips:
1. Try to get sex more quickly.
2. DO NOT waste your time with a girl that seems not that into you. Five dates in three months?? besides you were the one who initiated contact almost every damn time.

I agree with everything. She actually initiated/organized the second date, and for the third date we were meant to meet on the sunday afternoon i think but she cancelled for it be sunday night. She suggested the cinema, and for fourth date and firth date she also organised the venue and time. On one hand im new to the city and dont know much about this place, on the other i can see how it made her look like "the man"

And with her organizing the dates it was hard for me to take her to a place to **** e.g. my place or hers.

I wish on the fifth date i at least tried to escalate with her, but i was too shy as i had whisky **** and thought how could i have ****ed her with that and also her friend sleeping in her bed. But at least if i tried to get sexual it would of sent a clear message to her.

Im so angry i feel like a moron.

 

[Still Learning the Game]

So what happens now: she said she wants to be friends with me but no kissing or more, and i will never be her bf. I dont really care about not being her BF part but perhaps a casual sex thing or one of sex thing may happen. But if i agree to this then i will be pretty much be giving my balls to her.

So here is the thing, i am still thinking of being "friends" with this girl. She thinks highly of me (as a friend), and maybe through her i can increase my social circle. If i do become completely friendzoned (as in best friend) maybe i can use that to my advantage and ask her to help me find a girl through her social circle. She goes to english learning classes filled with many internationals and a lot of hot south american girls. Of course she wont set me up with her close friends, but maybe a class mate.

And there is the possibility that we might actually get the chance to **** again. She did have some interest in me before, and she seems a bit crazy and unpredictable. But no more texting her often from me, and i will organize things on my terms and i wont be too available. I no longer like her photos that she keeps posting up on FB and havent spoken or texted her since monday.

Im thinking perhaps this is my best chance of increasing my social circle in a new city and if we do become best friends then i can get her to introduce me to other girls (if she is a genuine friend). Right know i need every "friend" i can get my hands on in a new city

 

[marmel75]

http://sexliestruth.blogspot.com/2012/03/olivia-munn-likes-it-rough.html

Read this...its written by a woman.

"Nevertheless I think what was written is interesting. Yes, dirty, but also interesting. If she wrote them she's clearly into rough and anal sex, she's also clearly submissive. This lines up with my belief that most women are. How far women are willing to take submission sexually has more to do with limits and the people that you've been exposed to. Yet at the root of it sex is about dominance and conquer. A woman who allows herself the freedom of being totally dominated sexually is a happy woman. A man who can understand that this is what a woman craves will also be a happy man."

Women want a guy who TAKES what he wants from her, without needing permission or her letting you know it's OK...you dominate her and she will submit to you because she feels you are worthy of being her submitting.

 

[KingBeef]

Nothing you can do at this point but learn from what happened. Go get more experience with women.

You need to escalate faster. You backed off when she put up barriers... when women do this they are not telling you no, but they are telling you to slow down. 2 steps forward 1 step back. Trust me you will know when a woman means NO.

Don't lock in on one woman... you should always be dating at least a couple. You were too focused on a relationship and it made you needy. I wouldn't worry about your needy text you sent her.... She already knew you were needy and stunk of desperation.

Women always know where they stand with you. They can read you like a book. You really can't pretend you have more options you actually have to have options. You actually have to have a life outside of her. You can fool her for a little while... how long depends on your acting ability and her interest level.

She does not want to complete you... she wants to come along for the ride.

^^^ THIS...

5 dates with an American girl these days without sex is unheard of. You should be aggressive with pursuing sex, always. 1st date, no later than the 2nd, if you want to be conservative. You are not there to waste your time and neither is she... don't ever apologize for your masculinity and trying to fulfill your needs.

 

[Konada]

No. Just move on. Admit you just want to fvck her and you're hoping 'being her friend' will get you there. Move on.

If anything, being this girl's friend is only going to hurt you more because she will be telling all her friends 'Oh John is such a nice guy, he totally respects women.' - I.E He's a fvcking pu$$y and doesn't take what he wants.

 

[Still Learning the Game]

I dont want to sound like a broken record but im still 50/50 about being this girls friend.

Like i said i know women make horrible friends most of the time, but she has said to me numerous times i am an "amazing" person and that i am probably the best person she has met since she has moved to this city, and will always have time for me. Could be fake words i dont know.

If our friendship does become strong i will honestly ask her to help me if she can introduce me to some of her class mates. Maybe it will be a relief for her as well. I could possibly use her as an asset or resource to expand my social circle and meet new people

On the other hand she in unreliable as a person, seems like all she does is go out with her friends or stays home and sleeps/goes on the internet. How much of a friend can she really be? If we do things together and people ask us if we are bf and gf it might makes things awkward. Will she be my real friend or will i just be her little pet to be used when she is boring or lonely?

If i do stay as her friend i will never be always available and if i am geniuenly doing something i will ask her to re-schedule. I wont change the way i act but it will be no more compliments, no more paying for her stuff, no more scenarios were it ends up like a date situation. Just basic stuff friends would do. If she would try to rest her hands on my shoulder or hold my hands i will brush her off.

Maybe if i do decide to be friends with her i will tell her strait up that friendship is a two-way street and i cant always keep putting in the effort and i can set boundaries.

Maybe you wont all believe me but if i do become friends i wont make her my priority: i will go back on online dating and try be more social.

I really dont know what to do

 

[marmel75]

Dude, don't be a fvcking lame.

Walk away with your respect and dignity. You NEVER allow a woman to friendzone you and stick around to be her "toy".

Have some self respect man.

 

[fastlife]

http://masculineprinciple.blogspot.ca/2015/02/women-as-friends.html

The women that have friendzoned me have all behaved very possessively. They didn't want me, but they didn't want anyone-else taking me from them either. Their behavior was strangely controlling. They certainly didn't want to set me up with anyone, because then I wouldn't have time for them anymore. One particular 'friend' would actively try to damage my confidence - making me easier to control. If she thought she was losing my interest to another woman, she'd step up her game in an attempt to keep me on the hook.

This. The only girls that have ever gone on to become good wingmen were girls that I friendzoned. She doesn't view you as a sexually valuable man--why would she pass you on to her friends? Especially when she knows she has you on tap for validation.

 

[dustmuffin]

You will just be used. Move on....find a girl to fu ck