Got a great girl just need a little advice she was complaining the other night.

[thelonewolflegend]

We have great time when we get together and we had alittle talk she was complaining was saying she wanted go out more. I said what you mean? she said she wants to do different things like she feels like on a routine coming over tues and thurs after my training and once in a while Saturdays going out for dinner I said well where do you want to go? she wouldn't tell me just says its nice when I had dinner at my house or make dinner or something like that so I didn't understand this thing 100% if means go different places or do stuff more while were out or what? Also complained on how I used coupon when we went dinner and felt saying I was cheap I said no and told her bout past relationships spent lot of money on women she just wants me take her nice place once in a while and not be looked at as cheap.

Any advice? How do you get her not to complain?
Also saying may 12 is when she starts her job hint and she wants me to get her flowers few times a year and say that I miss her n stuff (I got out of long term relationship last year I was in 2 long terms and worn out I really just looked at having fun but this girl asking for this stuff advise.)

Thanks again

 

[thelonewolflegend]

What I don't understand is things are fine and she is saying wants to go out more be in public but like we hangout at my house and we go out for dinner she wouldn't tell me what she wanted?

 

[MOTU]

I don't disagree with PPRF but would also add, that if you like this girl, you probably need hear what she is saying and make some changes. Being "alpha" doesn't mean being selfish or uncompromising - it just means that you choose the times to compromise rather than having them demanded of you.

If you like her, and she likes a little fine dining and live music every so often, DO IT (if you can afford it, of course). No worthwhile woman is gonna hang around a guy who doesn't give a d@mn about what she enjoys. The key is to maintain BALANCE. She should be doing things you enjoy too. If it's one sided with her doing the demanding and you doing the compromising, that's when you become beta. And it doesn't have to be 50/50 either, it can be 70/30 in your favor or whatever, but if you like her you need to do the stuff she likes from time to time, without complaining. A little here can go a long way. Now there are obviously limits: if she loves quilting and wants you to go to a quilting show all day, fvck that, she has girlfriends for that.

You can make these trades overtly ("come over and catch me up on my laundry Saturday then we can go to Johnny Rockets") or just keep a mental tally (she picked the restruant last time, I am gonna pick the next two).

So ideally you pick up on this stuff without her complaining. It's a little tricky now that she has, because you don't want to set up a precedent that if she whines you bend over. So at the time of the complaining you treat her like a whiny bratty little sister "ohhh look someone wants to wear their high heels to dinner" but make a mental note and try to substitute something else fun so she doesn't see the direct correlation. For example, she whines about wanting to go to a nice dinner, you play that off and then take her to something else nice, like a wine tasting or something.

 

[El Payaso]

I don't disagree with PPRF but would also add, that if you like this girl, you probably need hear what she is saying and make some changes. Being "alpha" doesn't mean being selfish or uncompromising - it just means that you choose the times to compromise rather than having them demanded of you.

If you like her, and she likes a little fine dining and live music every so often, DO IT (if you can afford it, of course). No worthwhile woman is gonna hang around a guy who doesn't give a d@mn about what she enjoys. The key is to maintain BALANCE. She should be doing things you enjoy too. If it's one sided with her doing the demanding and you doing the compromising, that's when you become beta. And it doesn't have to be 50/50 either, it can be 70/30 in your favor or whatever, but if you like her you need to do the stuff she likes from time to time, without complaining. A little here can go a long way. Now there are obviously limits: if she loves quilting and wants you to go to a quilting show all day, fvck that, she has girlfriends for that.

You can make these trades overtly ("come over and catch me up on my laundry Saturday then we can go to Johnny Rockets") or just keep a mental tally (she picked the restruant last time, I am gonna pick the next two).

So ideally you pick up on this stuff without her complaining. It's a little tricky now that she has, because you don't want to set up a precedent that if she whines you bend over. So at the time of the complaining you treat her like a whiny bratty little sister "ohhh look someone wants to wear their high heels to dinner" but make a mental note and try to substitute something else fun so she doesn't see the direct correlation. For example, she whines about wanting to go to a nice dinner, you play that off and then take her to something else nice, like a wine tasting or something.

Spot on advice. It's all about striking the right balance.

 

[MOTU]

What I don't understand is things are fine and she is saying wants to go out more be in public but like we hangout at my house and we go out for dinner she wouldn't tell me what she wanted?

Reminds me of exchanges I have had with women:
Me: where do you want to go for dinner
DB: I don't care, where ever you want is fine
Me: ok let's go to Rico's
DB: ewww I don't feel like mexican
Me: ok how about Chili's
DB: the service there sucks last time my drink sat empty
and on and on....

So now I either offer options "would you prefer Rico's or Chili's?" or if she says I can pick I just drive there and don't tell her where we are going, because it doesn't matter anyway.

Women, in my experience, are much better at verbalizing what they DON'T want than what the DO want. My theory on this is it's because what they really want is some kind of FEELING rather than some tangible object. So in your example above, your GF probably doesn't really just want better tasting food, she want's to FEEL "wined and dined" or "glamorous" or some other silly thing that we men don't get. And she wants YOU to make her feel that way. A little of this is ok; a lot isn't.

You know her better than I do and you were there for the whole convo, so I won't speculate on how she wants to FEEL. But I bet if you think on it for a few minutes you'll come pretty close.

Now I should qualify - all this I am saying applies to a long term committed relationship. If you are just starting to date a girl and she complains at all your immediate and only response is NEXT. If she is in to you, she'll do whatever you want and think it's the coolest thing ever.

 

[SgtSplacker]

To me this girl is on the fence about you. And the requests are sh1t tests. It doesn't even make sense to say "buy me flowers a couple times a year". What if you want to do something else? What if you have something better planned? Who cares about coupons it's about both of you spending time together!

From the sound of your post you are going AFC/Oneitis on this one. And she sees it and is losing interest and testing you before the breakup / loss of interest. With a new job around the corner she may have more disposable income and more male prospects at her new job. Bad for where you guys are right now.

Stop thinking of this as a great girl, if she's not being great to you then she is not a great girl ok?

Stop caring about this girl or what she thinks.

Stop being available to her.

Stop doing nice things for her.

She has to make YOU happy. This is about YOU, not her. She's b1tching about coupons? She needs to pay next time, and if she doesn't then no more dinners until she does because you are on a budget. She wants flowers? then she needs to make you feel like giving her flowers. Next time she asks tell her you don't buy flowers for brats. Brats get d1ck, not flowers. TELL HER THAT! and laugh at her if she doesn't like it. Laugh at her like a father laughing at a child not getting her way.

Downgrade her to a HO and speak to her like one. Turn this around into a sex game and go meet other better women while she is on cool down. This one may not be worth saving BECAUSE SHE IS USELESS TO YOU.

 

[GotED?]

The only thing you need to do FROM THE BEGINNING IS......

** ESTABLISH YOUR FRAME **

If she doesn't like the way you live and ALLOWING her into your life, fvcken NEXT her self-entitled arse. She is in fact CONTESTING your frame and trying to get you into HER frame.

My previous EX used to complain a bit like what you described in the first few months - we ended up being together over 1 year. What did I do? I just ignored her whinining and suggestions.

A woman wants to know how strong her man is - in a way this is an indirect sh!t test to see if you are EASILY WAVERED. A woman wants a man who stands strong UNWAVERING, not easily coherced by anyone - not even his own woman.

DUMP HER ARSE if she doesn't like the world you ALLOW her into. As Anti-Dump says, you don't buy a car with in mind of putting on ghetto wheels and ghetto tint afterwards. You buy a CAR AS IT IS OFF THE LOT - same goes for women, don't try to change them - NEXT them.

ANTI-DUMP, or be DUMPED.

Be well

Exodus

 

[thelonewolflegend]

ok well I don't plan to next her anytime soon because she has been good to me compared to my last girlfriends and I am actually attracted to her. I don't see her as testing me when I first was meeting her I asked her about if she tests guys and knows about push pull etc.. talked a lot and she tells me about her friend how stupid she is wants guy who makes 6 figures and treats her like crap and wants guys like that. She saying I am not as demanding like your other girls she said id on have to take her shopping I did that with Lanika I don't have to pay her bills or take care of her I did that with Lanae. She just wants me to to I guess have me know that I think about her more and like her more appreciate her I guess because she is good and I talked to her a lot about my problems I had with women and depression and she has been a really good friend/gf listening to stuff put up with stuff she almost did leave because of a lot of that but saw me a decent guy and stayed we are going to raw tonight and I got us to see mobb deep on wensday now how would I know about giving her flowers or taking her a really nice place I mean I know not often so I mean I thought be nice to surprise her I told her it ruined any kind of surprise when you tell me you want flowers so I was kinda disappointed when she told me that. I don't think she is like other girls especially ones I have been with she does stuff I want to do I told her she is just addition to my life and I do like it and I said if she left it wouldn't be heartbreaking because I would just move on. She said she wouldn't want me to think im her life I told her I know. And I ask her about being together she doesn't like to the title and she has trust issues so I just leave it alone now what you guys think I am not sure if I see her as **** buddy or casual friend dating girl or what? opinions

 

[thelonewolflegend]

and because of all that I am still keeping my options open and talking to women on pof and tinder and still trying go out on dates on nights I don't see her or my friends on free time.

 

[GotED?]

ok well I don't plan to next her anytime soon because she has been good to me compared to my last girlfriends and I am actually attracted to her. I don't see her as testing me when I first was meeting her I asked her about if she tests guys and knows about push pull etc.. talked a lot and she tells me about her friend how stupid she is wants guy who makes 6 figures and treats her like crap and wants guys like that. She saying I am not as demanding like your other girls she said id on have to take her shopping I did that with Lanika I don't have to pay her bills or take care of her I did that with Lanae. She just wants me to to I guess have me know that I think about her more and like her more appreciate her I guess because she is good and I talked to her a lot about my problems I had with women and depression and she has been a really good friend/gf listening to stuff put up with stuff she almost did leave because of a lot of that but saw me a decent guy and stayed we are going to raw tonight and I got us to see mobb deep on wensday now how would I know about giving her flowers or taking her a really nice place I mean I know not often so I mean I thought be nice to surprise her I told her it ruined any kind of surprise when you tell me you want flowers so I was kinda disappointed when she told me that. I don't think she is like other girls especially ones I have been with she does stuff I want to do I told her she is just addition to my life and I do like it and I said if she left it wouldn't be heartbreaking because I would just move on. She said she wouldn't want me to think im her life I told her I know. And I ask her about being together she doesn't like to the title and she has trust issues so I just leave it alone now what you guys think I am not sure if I see her as **** buddy or casual friend dating girl or what? opinions

Damn Bro - learn to break down your writings into smaller paragraphs or else people will just give up reading that massive glob of whatever you just wrote because it is hard to read.

You have a lot of learning to do as a DJ, man. From what I just read - you are pretty green but that is all right, that is why you were here; to learn to be a DJ.

Your #1 biggest mistake right now is TAKING WHAT A WOMAN SAYS AT FACE VALUE. You CAN NOT ask a woman directly what she thinks about anything in regard to what she seeks in a man - any answer you get is BULLSH!T and IDEALIZED.

The fact is most women don't have a FVCKEN clue to what they want, and they sure ain't gonna spill the truth and reveal their lowly WHORISH SELF-ENTITLED nature by telling you how much of a low-level society trash they are (not implying this one is, but you get my meaning).

The ONLY WAY you are going to know a woman is through careful OBSERVATION OF HER ACTIONS. You are quite naive to think JUST BECAUSE SHE SAID THIS or ACTED LIKE THIS in the beginning is a guarantee that is who she is. This is like the infant stages of understanding from a boy to a girl (need to man up).

ALL women (including men) will present their BEST in the beginning stages, it is only through time spent with her that you will reveal her true nature and character. This is why you should NEVER invest emotionally in a woman until she has proven OVER TIME what SHE IS and NOT WHAT SHE SAYS SHE IS. Even then, never give her all of you - this is a part of a life long game you must master with women.

Hope that helps.

Exodus

 

[Tictac]

Great girl?

Whiny bi***.

 

[thelonewolflegend]

I understand but how can I make my mind to completely become like this. Because this is really impossible for me to like think ok she doesn't mean this or whatever and its not true I just don't know how to get thinking like that and it seems crazy I like to just think like normal life and she is like friend and hangout and agree with things etc... you know? How the hell am I supposed to master this and fully understand even in interaction?

 

[thelonewolflegend]

it was like one of the first times she had real complant about almost 3 months seeing each other.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Dude...

Is English your first language?

 

[narcissist]

I understand but how can I make my mind to completely become like this. Because this is really impossible for me to like think ok she doesn't mean this or whatever and its not true I just don't know how to get thinking like that and it seems crazy I like to just think like normal life and she is like friend and hangout and agree with things etc... you know? How the hell am I supposed to master this and fully understand even in interaction?

dude......... what?

 

[narcissist]

This would have never happened if you didn't let the relationship become habitual, repetitive, and predictable. Gotta keep girls on their feet.

I have a feeling this relationship is a lost cause. I think she has already made up her mind, and her attraction for you will diminish greatly over the next month or two, and then BOOM. It'll be done. Be prepared.

Two reasons.

1] If you start taking her out and getting her flowers, spending money and all that sh!t she will know that she has you WRAPPED around her fingers. Why? because her demands are being met. When a man is in scarcity (meaning he puts all his eggs in one basket - only having one girl around and putting everything into that girl) he will do everything to keep the girl around. So when you start meeting her demands she will smell the desperation how badly you want her to stay around.

2] If you dont meet her demands it will give her a good enough reason to leave. Which she already wants to do because she is losing attraction due to the habitual nature and predictability of the relationship.


Only way to keep her around

(a) go out and spin plates.

This is risky but I see it as your only plan of action seeing as she is most likely going to break up with you anyways. She will either break up will you then and there OR she will try as hard as she can to keep you around. It will show her that you aren't cool with her bullsh!t demands, and that you can go get another girl and replace her if you like. And if she does break up with you, so what yo'll have plates to fall back on.


DISCLAIMER*** only do this if you can actually get plates. Plus she will probably leave you. Only a slight chance she will get attraction back for you. But who cares. This relationship is done anyways. If you start doing what she says, MARK MY WORD, she will come to you will MORE demands, until you are her little b**ch.

 

[JoeMarron]

You know how I can tell that this chick isn't as great as you would like to believe?

Also complained on how I used coupon when we went dinner and felt saying I was cheap

WTF...who the hell complains about a coupon? "How dare you save money on our dinner!" "You need to pay the full price because I'm worth it!" If that doesn't scream gold digging entitled wh0re then I don't know what does.

What I don't understand is things are fine and she is saying wants to go out more be in public but like we hangout at my house and we go out for dinner she wouldn't tell me what she wanted?

Welcome to female behavior 101. A chick isn't going to tell you want she wants. Your a man, you make the decisions and if she likes you she'll go along with it.

ok well I don't plan to next her anytime soon because she has been good to me compared to my last girlfriends and I am actually attracted to her. I don't see her as testing me when I first was meeting her I asked her about if she tests guys and knows about push pull etc.. talked a lot and she tells me about her friend how stupid she is wants guy who makes 6 figures and treats her like crap and wants guys like that. She saying I am not as demanding like your other girls she said id on have to take her shopping I did that with Lanika I don't have to pay her bills or take care of her I did that with Lanae. She just wants me to to I guess have me know that I think about her more and like her more appreciate her I guess because she is good and I talked to her a lot about my problems I had with women and depression and she has been a really good friend/gf listening to stuff put up with stuff she almost did leave because of a lot of that but saw me a decent guy and stayed we are going to raw tonight and I got us to see mobb deep on wensday now how would I know about giving her flowers or taking her a really nice place I mean I know not often so I mean I thought be nice to surprise her I told her it ruined any kind of surprise when you tell me you want flowers so I was kinda disappointed when she told me that. I don't think she is like other girls especially ones I have been with she does stuff I want to do I told her she is just addition to my life and I do like it and I said if she left it wouldn't be heartbreaking because I would just move on. She said she wouldn't want me to think im her life I told her I know. And I ask her about being together she doesn't like to the title and she has trust issues so I just leave it alone now what you guys think I am not sure if I see her as **** buddy or casual friend dating girl or what? opinions

Proper grammar and punctuation gets pvssies wet. Master it.

 

[Dgwizdal]

The only thing you need to do FROM THE BEGINNING IS......

** ESTABLISH YOUR FRAME **

If she doesn't like the way you live and ALLOWING her into your life, fvcken NEXT her self-entitled arse. She is in fact CONTESTING your frame and trying to get you into HER frame.

My previous EX used to complain a bit like what you described in the first few months - we ended up being together over 1 year. What did I do? I just ignored her whinining and suggestions.

A woman wants to know how strong her man is - in a way this is an indirect sh!t test to see if you are EASILY WAVERED. A woman wants a man who stands strong UNWAVERING, not easily coherced by anyone - not even his own woman.

DUMP HER ARSE if she doesn't like the world you ALLOW her into. As Anti-Dump says, you don't buy a car with in mind of putting on ghetto wheels and ghetto tint afterwards. You buy a CAR AS IT IS OFF THE LOT - same goes for women, don't try to change them - NEXT them.

ANTI-DUMP, or be DUMPED.

Be well

Exodus

This. This is your only problem. Stop living in her world and make her a guest in yours.

 

[thelonewolflegend]

Okay well any advice on what I should do? I mean what else is there to do besides having her come over during week and we go out have dinner once every other week or so and if possible go to concerts/shows? What is there to do to not have it be a routine?

 

[thelonewolflegend]

bump