Got a dilemma...being friends with a buddy's EX

[CLOONEY]

Good post NewMan.

As for the platonic friendship, I have NO female friends, the ones I did, admitted they wanted to date me and fukc me, the other ones, were girls I wanted to fukc when I was younger and ended that friendship because I was going nowhere. Now, I let a girl know straight away my intentions, and still, any girl I try to be friends with, whom I have no attraction to whatsoever, end up confessing they have a crush on me. Has never worked for me, and my mates all end up fukcing their female friends.

 

[NewMan]

Dude, you break up with someone, that means you don't want to be with them anymore, and that you have no say in her dealings.

I say that a MAN would be able to get past his emotions in this kind of situation. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be feeling some of the same things that he feels, but I am saying that I wouldn't be throwing out ultimatums and threatening to break off our friendship if one of my friends wanted to talk to my ex. It would sting and it would feel weird at first but that's LIFE. Move on and get over it.

All of this pining over an ex is estrogen fueled chick style bullsh!t. If you gotta get all bent out of shape that ANYONE is hanging out with a girl that YOU dumped, then you shouldn't have dumped her in the first place!

What's the first rule in a break up?

Move on - delete her phone number, stop hanging at places she goes to etc. etc. etc.

That seems to me something your buddy is doing, only you crossed the line a long time ago with his girl.

What you don't seem to understand is, that she's using you. She's using you to get to him, she's knows it, he knows it - the only person that doesn't is you.

Do you really believe that she should be calling you after they have an argument??? I can see it now, they argue, she calls you, they talk it through and she tells him "Well I was talking to STR8UP about this, and he said...." - fill in the blanks.

And we have not even mentioned the fact that she's telling you things she won't tell him..... man your her little GF.

You can talk all you want about being adult and being a man - all those things are true. But you have a huge responsibility in all of this. When I broke up with my ex, and we had been together for 5 yrs - and she was very frendly with a lot of my friends - I know where my true friends were - they certainly were not there listening to her side of events and being a shoulder to cry on for her....

HE MOVED HIS EX GIRLFRIEND INTO HIS HOUSE!

Yea, that's right, he moved his EX into his house. And his girlfriend (the girl in question here) was basically living there at the time as well! Now if that isn't fukked up, I don't know what is.

And he's also fukking the ex. I suspected it, and then it was eventually confirmed. The ex even told the girlfriend that they were doing it!

So if anything I lost respect for HIM in that whole ordeal. If he wanted to break up with her, fine, but to move in an ex girlfriend while you are in a relationship????

You should not be involving yourself in this. You should be keeping yourself out of this BS. It's not your place to reslove it and proside judgement over anyone - because it's their relationship not yours.

She really has done a number of you hasn't she...

your now taking all kinds of offense against something your buddies done... why? because you turned into her little GF.

If the shoe was on the other foot, she wouldn't give a fvck - but it's not, so she's playing the little victim game - and your her Captn save a Ho.... come to be a shoulder to cry on and bending an ear to listen...

 

[thissucks003]

When I broke up with my ex, and we had been together for 5 yrs - and she was very frendly with a lot of my friends - I know where my true friends were - they certainly were not there listening to her side of events and being a shoulder to cry on for her....

There is a very big difference to being "friendly" and being a friend. I am friendly to people I see on the elevator. I am friendly to the checkout girl at my neighborhood grocery store. Being a friend is totally different. He became friends with his friend's girlfriend. What the fucck is wrong with that? It not like Str8up is fuccking this girl behind his friends back. Nor has he ever hidden his friendship to this girl behind his friends back. He has been upfront about it. If she fuccked over his friend, that is one thing. If she fuccked over Str8up, then yes he should drop her as a friend. But she hasn't. He has many mutual friends. Why should he give that up?

In regards to her telling intimate secrets to him, who the fucck doesn't do that to their good friends? You tell their friends you most intimate secrets. That is what friends do. If she didn't want to tell her ex-boyfriend what she told str8up, that says a lot about how strong their relationship is. It is amazing that everyone here is so one sided that it is so cut and dry. The gospel of you only date girls, but never be friends. That is retarded!

 

[jonwon]

ST8UP needs to learn this lesson the hard way, the advice is simply communicating to forum space.

I quit on this thread a while ago, some nice replies and it is good to see men with a high sense of value

Also its not the gospel of only having male friends granted some guy's have female friends and make it work, sadly i am not one of them, they either fancy me or i fancy them, been there too many times.

Anyway the way i see it even if they where female friends they do not come with such a huge TAG and BAGGAGE!

 

[NewMan]

There is a very big difference to being "friendly" and being a friend. I am friendly to people I see on the elevator. I am friendly to the checkout girl at my neighborhood grocery store. Being a friend is totally different. He became friends with his friend's girlfriend. What the fucck is wrong with that? It not like Str8up is fuccking this girl behind his friends back. Nor has he ever hidden his friendship to this girl behind his friends back. He has been upfront about it. If she fuccked over his friend, that is one thing. If she fuccked over Str8up, then yes he should drop her as a friend. But she hasn't. He has many mutual friends. Why should he give that up?

He shouldn't have put himself into that position to begin with. And what was he doing to BECOME so FRIENDLY with her to begin with....???? Lunch? Dinner? ****tails? movies?

It's all relative - This girel should be some chick my buddies fvcking - not someone I'm meeting for dinner and drinks.

 

[thissucks003]

He shouldn't have put himself into that position to begin with. And what was he doing to BECOME so FRIENDLY with her to begin with....???? Lunch? Dinner? ****tails? movies?

It's all relative - This girel should be some chick my buddies fvcking - not someone I'm meeting for dinner and drinks.

If Str8up's friend had issues with him being friends with his girlfriend when they were dating, then he should have addressed it right at the beginging. That is his fault. He shouldn't expect after all of this time that this has happened, that Str8up should lose his friendship with her just because now they are no longer a couple. That is his problem, not Str8up's!

 

[MacAvoy]

ST8UP needs to learn this lesson the hard way, the advice is simply communicating to forum space.

I agree, this thread has seen more action than my mom working the street on a Sudbury Saturday night.

 

[STR8UP]

your now taking all kinds of offense against something your buddies done... why? because you turned into her little GF.

If the shoe was on the other foot, she wouldn't give a fvck - but it's not, so she's playing the little victim game - and your her Captn save a Ho.... come to be a shoulder to cry on and bending an ear to listen...

I am taking offense to it because she is a good person and I don't think she deserved it. If she were the one who pulled that kind of sh!t on HIM I would be saying the same thing about her and would have no desire to associate with her anymore.

This "loyal to the death" male bonding BS doesn't fly by me.

 

[Slickster]

Bottom line - If my woman is calling my buddy after we've had a fight and telling him things she won't tell me - I'm dumping both of you girls and fast. Don't need friends like you thats for sure. And no amount of "She get's me pvssy" is a valid excuse.

Love it Newman!!!

This "loyal to the death" male bonding BS doesn't fly by me.

That's because you are a girl now STR8UP!!

Seriously though, I too have maintained some friendships with buddy's exes but only after a sufficient amount of time had passed. Taking out a buddy's recent ex is low.

Dude you are crossing the line and you know it. How do your other bros feel about it? Or do you have any left? Something tells me that you won't for long.

 

[STR8UP]

Dude you are crossing the line and you know it. How do your other bros feel about it? Or do you have any left? Something tells me that you won't for long.

I don't feel as if I am crossing the line and several of my other friends feel the same way. Like I said, they think my buddy is acting like a jealous fool.

I mean, really, when you think about it, getting bent out of shape about ANYONE hanging out with your EX is emotional behavior at its worst. You are focusing on HER and not yourself. How productive is that?

 

[Latinoman]

I mean, really, when you think about it, getting bent out of shape about ANYONE hanging out with your EX is emotional behavior at its worst. You are focusing on HER and not yourself. How productive is that?

I don't think he cares if "ANYONE" is hanging out with her. I think he only cares if the "anyone" happens to be his FRIEND (which friendship was harbored prior to her coming into the picture).

NOW all the other males are even talking about him, calling him an idiot and jealous. Is that the way to talk about a friend? And all because of a woman that continues going back to him...and then back to you for some gossiping?

 

[STR8UP]

I don't think he cares if "ANYONE" is hanging out with her. I think he only cares if the "anyone" happens to be his FRIEND (which friendship was harbored prior to her coming into the picture).

Like I said, I would probably be feeling some of the same things that he feels about the situation if the tables were turned. HOWEVER......I would like to think that when I got my rational brain back I would see it for what it is and realize that it might as well be my buddy hanging with my ex rather than some random dude.

You talk about loyalty to your "boys". I say chicks that you dump aren't WORTH the grief and that if you have to sit around and worry about what your ex girlfriend is doing you need to get a life.

I honestly believe that focusing so much attention on a past relationship shows a HUGE amount of weakness. In the first few weeks it's understandable, especially if the chick dumped you. But to stretch it out any longer than that and to concern yourself with her affairs when YOU dumped HER, well, that makes you a grade "A" pu$$y.

NOW all the other males are even talking about him, calling him an idiot and jealous. Is that the way to talk about a friend? And all because of a woman that continues going back to him...and then back to you for some gossiping?

They know the situation and they are only calling it as they see it.