Got a dilemma...being friends with a buddy's EX

[STR8UP]

Damn, this sucks. I think I posted something about this in the past, but I was thinking about this today and I am starting to see things differently.

So here's the deal. A good friend of mine has been dating this girl for over a year. Lately their relationship has been on and off, and currently they haven't been together for awhile.

Ever since I met this girl we have gotten along really well. She is actually one of the very few people that I can really talk to about almost anything. She has even shared some of her "secrets" that I promised never to tell my buddy. She has LOTS of hot, young friends, and takes every opportunity possible to try to hook me up with them.

I know it's a bad situation to be in, but what happens when you start to consider the GIRL to be a really good friend? I'm not going to blindly say "Fukk the chick, my boy comes first", but at the same time I don't want to ruin my friendship with him either.

Actually, the last time they broke up, my buddy calls me up and tells me that he is dumping her and doesn't want to be associated with anyone who talks to her, basically making me choose between the two of them. A couple of days later she calls me up crying saying they got into a fight and he pushed her or something (I made sure she was ok, of course), and was pissed that I would "take his side" after he would do such a thing. Of course they were back together a week later, so I'm glad I didn't "take anyone's side".

So now that they are once again broken up, she is calling me up asking me to do stuff with her and her friends all of the time. Last Saturday night she invited me to hang out at her cousin's beach house with a bunch of chicks, cause she wanted to hook me up with her cousin. This weekend she invited me to hit the clubs Friday and Saturday. I met up with her for awhile on Friday, but didn't on Saturday cause I'm still trying to keep relations with my buddy and didn't want to chance it.

Okay, so I've known my buddy for LONGER, but I have a closer friendship with the girl.

It sucks having to choose between friends, cause I think they are both great people and consider them both to be good friends, but I guess that's the nature of something like this. Don't know if there is an easy way around this other than to chill and watch my step and see if things cool off in the future.

Thoughts?

 

[grinder]

It’s a gamble to go for her. Let’s do some math:

If you remain just her friend = 1 friend (her) + 1 friend (your buddy) + supply of chicks she sets you up with (could be a big number but lets guess low), 5. This equals 7.

If you go for her and get her (temporarily of course because nothing is permanent) then the answer is = 1 (her). Total is 1 as she does not set you up anymore and you may lose your friend.

If you go for her and NOT get her or lose her then the total is = 0.

That’s how it adds up to me.

 

[STR8UP]

It’s a gamble to go for her. Let’s do some math:

I'm not trying to hook up with her. Wouldn't kick her out of bed, but I would never pursue her either. Strictly a friendship deal.

 

[musclyjerk]

It's about what your male friend wants more than what you want.

That is the sacrifice you must make.

Plenty will disagree but I couldn't care less.

You do not know this girls intentions on asking you to spend time with her - she knows full well it will grate on you and your males friendship. She knows you spending any time with her at all will grate on it.

So why would she ask you to a beach house etc knowing full well the damage all this behaivour will cause your friendship with your buddy?

The fact is, what does your friend want you to do - and don't ask him, you should already know - 'cos he told you before. He doesn't want you associating with her.

If you value your friendship with your male buddy, you will remove this chick from your life.

The Muscly Jerk

 

[grinder]

I see what you mean now. But, even if you are not trying to hook up with her, she’s trying with you. And by saying you would not kick her out of bed, then you are saying you will allow a hook up to occur if conditions were right.

IMHO the math remains the same. To achieve the largest outcome you will need to change your mind about not kicking her out of bed.

Being a diplomat is a beotch.

 

[MacAvoy]

Tough call, depends on how close your buddy & you are. I would try talk to him and explain to him that she keeps hooking you up with her friends / cousins. Ask him how you can turn down free pvssy. Make sure you ask him when they are ON again.

When he breaks up and wants to renig on his OK, tell him your not a b1tch and don't play these break up games. Tell him he gave you his word, and your holding him to it.

 

[jonwon]

Damn, this sucks. I think I posted something about this in the past, but I was thinking about this today and I am starting to see things differently.

So here's the deal. A good friend of mine has been dating this girl for over a year. Lately their relationship has been on and off, and currently they haven't been together for awhile.

Ever since I met this girl we have gotten along really well. She is actually one of the very few people that I can really talk to about almost anything. She has even shared some of her "secrets" that I promised never to tell my buddy. She has LOTS of hot, young friends, and takes every opportunity possible to try to hook me up with them.

I know it's a bad situation to be in, but what happens when you start to consider the GIRL to be a really good friend? I'm not going to blindly say "Fukk the chick, my boy comes first", but at the same time I don't want to ruin my friendship with him either.

Actually, the last time they broke up, my buddy calls me up and tells me that he is dumping her and doesn't want to be associated with anyone who talks to her, basically making me choose between the two of them. A couple of days later she calls me up crying saying they got into a fight and he pushed her or something (I made sure she was ok, of course), and was pissed that I would "take his side" after he would do such a thing. Of course they were back together a week later, so I'm glad I didn't "take anyone's side".

So now that they are once again broken up, she is calling me up asking me to do stuff with her and her friends all of the time. Last Saturday night she invited me to hang out at her cousin's beach house with a bunch of chicks, cause she wanted to hook me up with her cousin. This weekend she invited me to hit the clubs Friday and Saturday. I met up with her for awhile on Friday, but didn't on Saturday cause I'm still trying to keep relations with my buddy and didn't want to chance it.

Okay, so I've known my buddy for LONGER, but I have a closer friendship with the girl.

It sucks having to choose between friends, cause I think they are both great people and consider them both to be good friends, but I guess that's the nature of something like this. Don't know if there is an easy way around this other than to chill and watch my step and see if things cool off in the future.

Thoughts?

I am with muscly geezer here.

It seems or it is clear which ever you prefer, from this line:Actually, the last time they broke up, my buddy calls me up and tells me that he is dumping her and doesn't want to be associated with anyone who talks to her.

Your friend is telling you in a friend way he is noticing the interaction between you two.

As for the question, i think the question should be a no brainer and no offence man if you was my mate and i saw this post, i would be questioning our friendship actually fuc* that i would be out getting pis*ed and thinking how much of a toss*r you are to me, but thats me personnally.

But i know its hard when a women digs her claws in, at the end of the day you let it get to this stage you can dig yourself back out.

Listen or not! The answer is already choosen and i doubt you will take the advice, if you do i would be suprised, when pus** is offered most men cant resist no matter what the cost.

Also your DJ training and seduction knowledge knows where this is going, come on man if you was some AFC chump i could go lightly but your not, you know exactly where this is going.

There is no fiber in my being that would screw a mate over for Pus** none at all, so my advice is and always will be one sided on this subject, period. But we all have different values.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Str8up,



Jonwon and some of the others are right. You AIN'T new to this...

You may wanna ask yourself WHY this chick ALL OF A SUDDEN has grabbed on to you as her "MOST BESTEST GOOD FRIEND". lol

If you value the bond that you have with your friend, you may want to take the time to consider what it is you are putting at stake by continuing to spend time with this woman.

If you really are in the majority of guys who like to pretend they CAN'T defy the will of their hormones, you can try this tactic instead. Ask yoursef THIS question:

After the male curiosity of "what would it be like to BONE her" has been satisfied, and the drug of sexual intoxication has worn off, WHO actually would make the better FRIEND between your buddy and THIS girl?

Answering THAT question honestly will tell you the way to go...

 

[wayword]

Ever since I met this girl we have gotten along really well. She is actually one of the very few people that I can really talk to about almost anything. She has even shared some of her "secrets" that I promised never to tell my buddy. She has LOTS of hot, young friends, and takes every opportunity possible to try to hook me up with them.

A couple of days later she calls me up crying saying they got into a fight and he pushed her or something (I made sure she was ok, of course), and was pissed that I would "take his side" after he would do such a thing. Of course they were back together a week later, so I'm glad I didn't "take anyone's side".

So now that they are once again broken up, she is calling me up asking me to do stuff with her and her friends all of the time. Last Saturday night she invited me to hang out at her cousin's beach house with a bunch of chicks, cause she wanted to hook me up with her cousin. This weekend she invited me to hit the clubs Friday and Saturday.

Obviously, she just using you to get back at your friend. Ex's always want to revenge-fvck your friends or just steal them away to get back at you.

She's obviously womanipulating you like a petty child:

1) Confiding "secrets" to you to gain your trust
2) Using her friends' puzzies as bait
3) CRYING
4) Making up shyt to get sympathy - waaaaaahh, he pushed me! *zomg!* (probably a lie, but even if a half-truth...crying over a PUSH?)
5) Forcing you to choose sides and getting pissed if you don't pick hers

Fact is, you are nothing but a tool to her to get back at your friend.

 

[STR8UP]

Tell the male friend to grow the **** up. You were friends with her when they were dating, and she didn't do anything to you bad. So they broke up, big deal. You can be friends with whoever you like. If he tells you to chose between them tell him he's being a ****ty friend. That's the type of crap women pull.

I should mention that this particular friend recently lost his LAST family member when his mother died, so I cut him a little more slack than I normally would. Plus I try to put myself in his shoes, and I know it would at least make me feel a little uncomfortable

 

[STR8UP]

Your friend is telling you in a friend way he is noticing the interaction between you two

There might be some truth to that. She tells me that he doesn't even like her to mention my name.

I have thought about the possibility of her trying to piss him off through me and there might be some truth to that. If so, I would doubt that it's her ONLY motivation for wanting to hang out with me, but she's a chick so who knows what percentage of her wants to be my friend and what percentage would like for him to find out that we talk/hang out.

There is no fiber in my being that would screw a mate over for Pus** none at all, so my advice is and always will be one sided on this subject, period. But we all have different values.

So what if you were friends with the CHICK first, she got a b/f, you became friends with the b/f and then they broke up. Would you still say that you would never screw over a "mate" if you became good friends with the guy and he didn't like the fact that you are in contact with his ex?

You say it like it's a male bonding issue. I enjoy having male friends AND female friends.

 

[DJF or John]

Hold on, STR8UP I will answer your thread in a minute.

But hey, you made a Real Estate Thread a while back, do you know any more information on safe investments?

And also, any information on getting properties for pennies on the dollar?

 

[STR8UP]

You may wanna ask yourself WHY this chick ALL OF A SUDDEN has grabbed on to you as her "MOST BESTEST GOOD FRIEND". lol

I admit, she contacts me a lot more when they are fighting or whatever. Point taken.

If you really are in the majority of guys who like to pretend they CAN'T defy the will of their hormones, you can try this tactic instead. Ask yoursef THIS question:

After the male curiosity of "what would it be like to BONE her" has been satisfied, and the drug of sexual intoxication has worn off, WHO actually would make the better FRIEND between your buddy and THIS girl?

Answering THAT question honestly will tell you the way to go...

Like I said, I don't really have the desire to bone her. She is much more valuable to me as a tool to pick up other chicks...lol

Who would be a better friend? That's hard to say. Usually male/male friendships tend to last longer for obvious and not so obvious reasons, but I like both of them. I guess when it comes to male/female relations you can NEVER truly have your cake and eat it too, even if you aren't fukking her.

 

[STR8UP]

Obviously, she just using you to get back at your friend. Ex's always want to revenge-fvck your friends or just steal them away to get back at you.

She's obviously womanipulating you like a petty child:

1) Confiding "secrets" to you to gain your trust
2) Using her friends' puzzies as bait
3) CRYING
4) Making up shyt to get sympathy - waaaaaahh, he pushed me! *zomg!* (probably a lie, but even if a half-truth...crying over a PUSH?)
5) Forcing you to choose sides and getting pissed if you don't pick hers

Fact is, you are nothing but a tool to her to get back at your friend.

Who knows....I don't trust anyone these days. At the same time though, I don't like to burn bridges with anyone. I've lost enough friends over the past year for various reasons, I do my best to hold on to the ones I have.

 

[STR8UP]

Hold on, STR8UP I will answer your thread in a minute.

But hey, you made a Real Estate Thread a while back, do you know any more information on safe investments?

And also, any information on getting properties for pennies on the dollar?

I have a lot going on with the investing lately, so I'm not really in the frame of mind to get into that kind of discussion, sorry.

I will say this though....if you want a safe investment don't expect a good return. That's just how it works.

 

[jonwon]

So what if you were friends with the CHICK first, she got a b/f, you became friends with the b/f and then they broke up. Would you still say that you would never screw over a "mate" if you became good friends with the guy and he didn't like the fact that you are in contact with his ex?

.

Ok first off, this is a totally different situation and nothing even close to the situation your in. This scenario does not have me fuc*ing the female mate, yours does.

But lets get something straight:
A: i would not be mates with a guy who was such a jealous controlling pric*, no man controls me not even women, unless they are paying my wages. As in this scenario the women was MATES FIRST, so the guy as no business even telling me what to do, he would not be a mate, get it, since the women was mates FIRST.
(this is from the scenario posted in REPLY to my post).

B: I dont have female mates, i either want to fuc* them or i dont, there is no inbetween with me, i have tried, it does not work, sex always comes in the way and i aint no typical AFC chump, i dont sit on my as* if i fancy a women, she IS NEVER a MATE, unless it comes as part of a package, i.e sisters friends e.t.c

Like i said you've made up your mind, puss* is too hard to ignore for some guys, GL with it.

There will be some form of sacrifice here if you like it or not.

Both bridges are not yours to burn (unless you let them both just get on with it), one as to be torched, the choice is upto you, but one as to go, there is no other way.

 

[MacAvoy]

Make sure you show him your loyalty in other ways (take him out, help him with stuff around house....), and never bring her up in the conversation unless he does first.

Do your mate a favour and help him get over this broad. She's nothing but a headache for him but he can't get away cuz he's addicted to the pvssy. Do him a HUGE favour, take him out and show him that he can have other pvssy, not just hers.

He'll thank you for it in the long run. Then you can still have her on the side, settin up pvssy for you. When it comes to him, she's a headcase, get her out of his life.

 

[Latinoman]

She has even shared some of her "secrets" that I promised never to tell my buddy.

+

but at the same time I don't want to ruin my friendship with him either.

Take a look at the two quotes above. In my eyes...you already betrayed his friendship. No girlfriend of a true friend should be sharing with ME secrets that she has not shared with him.


Reading the remaining of your post...well, the history there is that they break up and come back together. So, she truly has feelings for him. And I won't be surprised if she is trying to use you against him.

You are her girlfriend...plain and simple.

If you end up having sex with her...you might as well forget about your buddy. Furthermore, she will go back to him making things worst.

 

[Latinoman]

Tough call, depends on how close your buddy & you are. I would try talk to him and explain to him that she keeps hooking you up with her friends / cousins. Ask him how you can turn down free pvssy. Make sure you ask him when they are ON again.

When he breaks up and wants to renig on his OK, tell him your not a b1tch and don't play these break up games. Tell him he gave you his word, and your holding him to it.

Good approach.

He should tell HER the same (about not playing games).

 

[Latinoman]

So what if you were friends with the CHICK first, she got a b/f, you became friends with the b/f and then they broke up. Would you still say that you would never screw over a "mate" if you became good friends with the guy and he didn't like the fact that you are in contact with his ex?

My loyalty will then go to HER. Being friendly and being FRIENDS is two completely different things.

You know her for ONE year due to him. You know him longer and more importantly...already had an established friendship PRIOR to meeting her.

He has passed the time of friendship and the tests too.

She? Well...read Wayword's post. For all we know, she is just trying to harm HIM by using YOU.

Same goes if you met HER first (already establishing a friendship) and he second and things were the oposite. In that case, "he" would be the one trying to damage things.