Good Conversationalist!!!

[tatlongxxx]

One of the most important characters being a DJ is to be a good conversationalist. To be a listener, is to have a lot of starting question to ask that can be interesting. So most probably, you want her to ask about her interest. The problem with me is, I don’t know how to ask an interesting question, that she might get well interested. I know that I must read the DJ Bible, but I am applying it and trying the best I can to be a good or better conversationalist and unfortunately I always failed, I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

Check out Leil Lowndes books for some good tips on conversartion. To make a long story short, people like to talk about themselves, especially women. If you listen, it's so easy:

Hey: blah blah blah blah SOCCER blah blah blah
Him: Oh, how long have you been playing soccer?
Her: Blah blah blah GREW UP IN NJ blah blah blah
Him: Oh, do you get back to NJ much?
Her: Blah blah blah blah GRAD SCHOOL blah blah
Him: Oh, what are you studying?

 

[iveyleeger]

This is, of course, why *******s were invented:

Her: bla bla bla bla
You: Yeah, right there
Her: bla bla bla blah
You: Uh huh, me too
Her: blow blow blow
You: Yup, that's really interesting
Her: such suck suck
You: Yeah, I agree
Her: swallow swallow swallow
You: Did I ever tell you how much I enjoyed your conversation?

 

[al77]

Originally posted by ApocalypseCow2

Hey: blah blah blah blah SOCCER blah blah blah
Him: Oh, how long have you been playing soccer?
Her: Blah blah blah GREW UP IN NJ blah blah blah
Him: Oh, do you get back to NJ much?
Her: Blah blah blah blah GRAD SCHOOL blah blah
Him: Oh, what are you studying?

Ha! You start the dialog with her talkign about SOCCER!
Thats awesome, that makes her tick... but in reality it wont happen: usualy we, men are supposed to start the convo, and we dont have any idea what makes her tick.

It would be nice to discover what what actually is it. But how?
I cannot ask her directly in the very begining "So what are your hobbies?" can I?

Anyway...What would be a good way to ask her about her hobbies\likes?

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

Originally posted by al77
Ha! You start the dialog with her talkign about SOCCER!
Thats awesome, that makes her tick... but in reality it wont happen: usualy we, men are supposed to start the convo, and we dont have any idea what makes her tick.

It would be nice to discover what what actually is it. But how?
I cannot ask her directly in the very begining "So what are your hobbies?" can I?

Anyway...What would be a good way to ask her about her hobbies\likes?

Oops, the first line of my dialogue should be "Her", not 'Hey". I just used "Soccer" as a random example. Maybe she plays on a volleyball league, or likes horses. It's irrelevant. The point is that anyone who has talked to a woman for more than 5 seconds knows that it is trivial to focus the conversation on her.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I think that most ppl are boring and dont have interesting ideas or hobbies to talk about--hell most have boring ideas. I think the true seductionist is able to become what that person wants most. The trick is discovering what that other person wants......

 

[tatlongxxx]

Originally posted by SELF-MASTERY
I think that most ppl are boring and dont have interesting ideas or hobbies to talk about--hell most have boring ideas. I think the true seductionist is able to become what that person wants most. The trick is discovering what that other person wants......

Your right self mastery------
that is what i want to discover, the exact interesting topic they want to talk about. How can we know that??????

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by tatlongxxx
Your right self mastery------
that is what i want to discover, the exact interesting topic they want to talk about. How can we know that??????

Umm, how about asking them???!!!!

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Umm, how about asking them???!!!!

Thats the toughest part. You meet her for the first time, how would you go about asking her about what she likes?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by al77
Thats the toughest part. You meet her for the first time, how would you go about asking her about what she likes?

And this is why I keep saying that you can not underestimate the power of creativity, the ability to stimulate a woman's mind. Yeah, looks are an immediate attraction but to hold her interest level you need to stimulate more than just one sense.

I could easily give you a line that would do that but I'm not. For pickups to work you need to develop your own flavor of DJism. You need to create something that works for you.

Imitating someone else may get you in the door but women can see through guys that are faking it. You'll end up frustrated and even more pissed offed. It's not about tricks and tactics, it's about attitude of your own self perception and how you emote it.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

well said francisco
in order to be creative one must think ahead and guide the conversation. creativity will get results

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Y'know I was just thinking about what makes interesting conversation. Yeah, charisma has something to do with it but what specifically makes a charismatic person a good conversationalist?

What came to me first was what it was not. It's not the questions that you ask, it's how they are asked. So then the question arises of how does one ask the question(s) in such a way that is interesting to the other person. The answer is very simple.

BE INTERESTED

This doesn't mean just asking questions to get an answer either. Genuinely WANT to know this person. This goes beyond the stereotypical surface level chit-chat too (I hate chit chat, it's a waste of effort). If anything, genuinely wanting to learn about a woman allows you to gain so much insight into her psyche, you could actually seem charismatic without even trying.

To many guys focus on individual steps, methods, questions, processes and the like without focusing on the feedback that women give them. They just plow forward without noticing the any warning signs. The keep going and end up careening off a cliff and bursting into a ball of flames. They emerge from the flames (again), their psyche singed (again), their confidence bent (again), but unfortunately the AFC mentality completely in tact.

I have realized one thing though; I will give credit where credit is due. A portion of my success has been because of the ideas provided by David dAngelo, Doc Love, Mystery and a couple of other insightful guys. The fact is that my real talent wasn't achieved until I started analyzing the feedback that women would give me.

If there are any advanced skills to learn, it's from actively engaging women. Understand that the engagement goes beyond just the approach. If you don't learn anything during each encounter, could it even be considered a good one?

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia

I could easily give you a line that would do that but I'm not.
Imitating someone else may get you in the door but women can see through guys that are faking it. You'll end up frustrated and even more pissed offed.

Well.. that was sort of very kind: I don't even know how to start a decent convo if there is nothing around to ask her about, and here you are with "Hey you gotta develop it yourself". Sound frustrating isn't it?

 

[al77]

Originally posted by ApocalypseCow2
I just used "Soccer" as a random example. Maybe she plays on a volleyball league, or likes horses. It's irrelevant.

How did you fgure out she likes socceer in teh first place?
You said Hi, you comment on somehting... and whats next you ask her "What do you do for fun?"

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by al77
Well.. that was sort of very kind: I don't even know how to start a decent convo if there is nothing around to ask her about, and here you are with "Hey you gotta develop it yourself". Sound frustrating isn't it?

I am more than willing to lend some advice for developing it (check out Ogre's dating threads). However I seldom if ever tell guys specifically what to say when it relates to emoting their own personality.

Here's a story, when I was a RAFC I was so sure that the work of Ross Jefferies and Speed Seduction (SS) was the way to go. His ideas of patterns and neuro linguistic programming (NLP) were quite sound in theory, I had studied similar theories in college.

My problem was that I focused on specific "lines" (patterns) that were to be said to bring forth specific feelings in women. Those lines seldom worked. It wasn't because on the lines, it was how they were perceived when delivered by me. There was little congruency between my personality and those patterns.

Once I developed my personality I took Ross' ideas and tweaked them for my specific style. I was not a person that could throw a perfect line to a woman, I was someone who could tell a very vivid story that would make a woman feel as if she has known me for years. Again, that's MY specific talent.

So what I'm attempting to impart upon you is the necessity for you to first define yourself in very specific terms and THEN craft a marketing/delivery system for yourself that expounds upon it. Does it happen overnight, nope. The work is well worth it though.

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Once I developed my personality I took Ross' ideas and tweaked them for my specific style. I was not a person that could throw a perfect line to a woman, I was someone who could tell a very vivid story that would make a woman feel as if she has known me for years. Again, that's MY specific talent.

So what I'm attempting to impart upon you is the necessity for you to first define yourself in very specific terms and THEN craft a marketing/delivery system for yourself that expounds upon it. Does it happen overnight, nope. The work is well worth it though.

Yeah, right on. The DJ approach provides you with skills, exercises, and examples only. These are the fundamentals for you to start and maintain the process.

Just like a sports athlete, you need to study (the bible), ask questions (forums here), and practice the drills (DJ boot camp) to gain some basic skills. Next, you need to hit the playground to start to develop your own expression of applying the skills you've achieved. Doing this, you will start to feel more natural. This leads to being successful. Most importantly, your development involves adapting your own style to what you are doing.

Like any competitive athlete, you recognize your natural talents like Francisco above and work hard to improve your weaknesses. I believe this is what being a DJ is all about and the benefits go well beyond your successes with women.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Mister Big
...I believe this is what being a DJ is all about and the benefits go well beyond your successes with women.

This is so absolutely true...

 

[Rock33]

This is my second time posting tonight i must be in the mood, anyways here is something, that i read on this website somewhere, for an opener, fair warnign, i haven't used this yet, i like the ****y and funny but here u go, say this " have you heard the saying always be nice to a stranger because you never know if u are going to be standing in front of an angel, if i gave you 60 seconds to make one wish and one wish only what would it be?" correction, i used this on some chat programs, and every women answered me, almost like they had too, lol, good luck bro

 

[al77]

Mister Big, Francisco d'Anconia

What I am asking is not "gimme a good opener, pickup liness.. pickup lines...". I agree, rigid phrases are not the best thing to use.

I am asking how would you figure out out her interests\hobbies when you just said Hi to her? All I can say to her is somehtig her "hey, this is a really cool book you picked up..."... but how can I ask her "so, lady.. tell me the list of your interests and hobbies"?
What would a good starting question for eliciting her inetersts?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by al77
Mister Big, Francisco d'Anconia

What I am asking is not "gimme a good opener, pickup liness.. pickup lines...". I agree, rigid phrases are not the best thing to use.

I am asking how would you figure out out her interests\hobbies when you just said Hi to her? All I can say to her is somehtig her "hey, this is a really cool book you picked up..."... but how can I ask her "so, lady.. tell me the list of your interests and hobbies"?
What would a good starting question for eliciting her inetersts?

Have you ever watched the show Inside the Actor's Studio? The host asks his interviewees a set of personality questions from the Bernard Pivot questionnaire. They are just a list of questions that really gives insight into a person. The questions are:

1. What is your favorite word?
2. What is your least favorite word.
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
4. What turns you off?
5. What sound or noise do you love?
6. What sound or noise do you hate?
7. What is your favorite curse word?
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
9. What profession would you not like to do?
10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
    [/list=1]
    
    With questions like these, you don't need to 'figure out' anything. Don't be afraid to ask questions, asking interesting questions sets you apart from the other guys.