Gold Digger G/F or just Dumb??Advice needed

[Fingerling]

Hey guys, little advice but i think i know whats coming,

this is basically the straw that broke the camels back. just a brief back ground....i have a decent wage income but also save a lot for the future. i have my own mortgage on my own an my gf of a few years pays NOTHING we go out for meals....i pay....pictures....i pay....all bills mortgage...i pay......food...i pay mostly but she does get a few bits.....and yes she does work.

so heres the final account.........

she has a £200 overdraft, she went over that and into minus £300 (£200 over/D plus another £100)

I put £110 in her account so she wouldn’t get charged £25 a day which put me into my overdraft.

So I’m trying to get her to understand if she hasn’t got £ don’t spend it. anyway not part of the story but she borrows money off her mum (to live) and guess what……………3 dresses appear.

Anyway I’m being careful with my £ till pay day (cause i’m in my overdraft, as I’m sure you would be) and she texts me yesterday

‘wanna go to pizza hut?its only £4’

Me ‘yeah ok but I only got a fiver’

Her ‘that’s ok so have I’

So we go and she forgets her fiver (not the first time that’s happened) so she says she’ll give me it later. So we go to the store an I end up buying sweets and wine, cause ‘she wants it’

So anyway this morning I haven’t got a penny on me and need £ for the train so I say have you got the £ and shes like, I need that money though that’s my money to get a drink and stuff for dinner.

So I say ‘why ask to go to pizza hut if you haven’t got money to spend?’………..’I don’t know’

She just doesn’t understand about £, and it’s getting me down. im careful with my money but in no way tight, but getting no help from her.

its like I spend my wages on ‘us’ and she spends hers on her. ‘I have an f’in mortgage, with bills etc for crying out load’

Another example incase you’re not bored.

Took her an my rents out for a meal over £150 went to town bought a few rounds for us, went the toilet……came back shes got a drink……

Me. wheres mine?

Her. Didn’t have enough for you

me.What so you just get yourself one

Yeah.

if that was me i wouldnt have bought a drink at all.

basically i'm getting really fed up. this may sound lame but i cant see this girl as my wife because i think i'll be unhappy, and it'll be , iwant i want i want like a spoilt brat.
shes only happy when shes got her own way. but i'm nearly 27 and i feel 'old' and like the decent girls are taken.......please tell me the decent girls arnt taken and i'm not to old.

thanks for listening guys, having a bad day

 

[Fingerling]

just to add. i get

"well you dont need the money like i do"

she can't understand that its the principle. its not the money its the fact she relies upon my when shes spent all hers and doesnt think she has to give it back.

holidays for example. the last few holidays i taken all our spending money cause she hasnt got any money, its either spent on clothes or drinking. where as mines saved or allocated for bills/mortgage

rant over.....for now.

 

[Fingerling]

Thanks for the reply. I think your spot on with being selfish, I don't think I would expect anything of her to avoid dissapointment if you get me.
Where as I do a lot for her in general. Get her a job never stop her going out with friends let her stay for nothing pick her up if she needs a life if I need a lift she'll start an argument so she doesn't have to get me or say I have no petrol, plus I do most of the housework, an I feel I get no respect at all.

 

[jonwon]

Hey guys, little advice but i think i know whats coming,

this is basically the straw that broke the camels back. just a brief back ground....i have a decent wage income but also save a lot for the future. i have my own mortgage on my own an my gf of a few years pays NOTHING we go out for meals....i pay....pictures....i pay....all bills mortgage...i pay......food...i pay mostly but she does get a few bits.....and yes she does work.

so heres the final account.........

she has a £200 overdraft, she went over that and into minus £300 (£200 over/D plus another £100)

I put £110 in her account so she wouldn’t get charged £25 a day which put me into my overdraft.

So I’m trying to get her to understand if she hasn’t got £ don’t spend it. anyway not part of the story but she borrows money off her mum (to live) and guess what……………3 dresses appear.

Anyway I’m being careful with my £ till pay day (cause i’m in my overdraft, as I’m sure you would be) and she texts me yesterday

‘wanna go to pizza hut?its only £4’

Me ‘yeah ok but I only got a fiver’

Her ‘that’s ok so have I’

So we go and she forgets her fiver (not the first time that’s happened) so she says she’ll give me it later. So we go to the store an I end up buying sweets and wine, cause ‘she wants it’

So anyway this morning I haven’t got a penny on me and need £ for the train so I say have you got the £ and shes like, I need that money though that’s my money to get a drink and stuff for dinner.

So I say ‘why ask to go to pizza hut if you haven’t got money to spend?’………..’I don’t know’

She just doesn’t understand about £, and it’s getting me down. im careful with my money but in no way tight, but getting no help from her.

its like I spend my wages on ‘us’ and she spends hers on her. ‘I have an f’in mortgage, with bills etc for crying out load’

Another example incase you’re not bored.

Took her an my rents out for a meal over £150 went to town bought a few rounds for us, went the toilet……came back shes got a drink……

Me. wheres mine?

Her. Didn’t have enough for you

me.What so you just get yourself one

Yeah.

if that was me i wouldnt have bought a drink at all.

basically i'm getting really fed up. this may sound lame but i cant see this girl as my wife because i think i'll be unhappy, and it'll be , iwant i want i want like a spoilt brat.
shes only happy when shes got her own way. but i'm nearly 27 and i feel 'old' and like the decent girls are taken.......please tell me the decent girls arnt taken and i'm not to old.

thanks for listening guys, having a bad day

Jesus, the amount of stuff in here is a gold mine, or should I say a mine full of explosives.

Seriously man get a new GF and stop being such a doormat. The response is simple, the solution even easier.

She is nothing more than a parasite attached to your wallet and self esteem, extreamly selfish and she is treating you like a door mat and your letting her.

Her character is flawed, it is that simple, stop making excuses for her, that is your number one problem. Time to see the wood for the trees.

Ok I have some extra time:

"I put £110 in her account so she wouldn’t get charged £25 a day which put me into my overdraft".

This is not your problem, your not married to her, this is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. STOP BEING A DOOR MAT!!!!!!


"buying sweets and wine, cause ‘she wants it’"

You buy everything because she wants it? Where has your ball sack gone my friend? Turn around to her and say this "buy your own wine and sweets, oh that's right you dont have any money". WHY ARE YOU BUYING HER THIS? She isn't a child, stop making excuses for her.

She is doing this because your letting her.
Probably scared to loose her, acting on a limited mindset, where you probably feel you cant get another girl - Am i right? I know I am, no need to answer that.

Rest just sounds like a selfish person taking the pis* out of you, and this is your GF? You have a really jaded idea of what a GF is supposed to be.

Though You need to know, the problem is not HER, the problem is YOU. Your the smuck who is allowing this to continue.

Having a bad day?!! Having a bad day?!! Your allowing yourself to have a bad life!! Get a grip. Hold your hand up and take some god dam accountability.

There is going to be tears, tantrums she is going to be upset, she wants her regualur dose of chumpville, i.e you! Once you turn off that drip, it's not going to be pritty, but it's going to be dam sight better in the long run. Get rid, get shut and move on. Wouldn't be so concerned if she actually had some motivation to help out, but your so gun ho in being a door mat chump, and she is perfectly placed to abuse her position, I believe the cancer has set in and the only way out of this is to cut it out and learn from your monumental fuc* up's regarding your treatment of her and allowing this girl to turn you into such a limp wristed door mat.

No offence, but the above is a true reflection of where you are at.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Fingerling,
Wow but she must be good in the sack right?

 

[romangod]

Unless you get rid of this parasite ASAP prepare for a living hell. She'll suck all the life out of you leaving you a broke and broken AFC.


Cheers!

 

[Fingerling]

wow jonwon, i thing your pretty spot on there. basically i need a pair. your advice has been taken well on board.

im sick of my hard earned money wasted when she makes no effort to chip in.

and she isnt great in the sack lol. without fail i give her a O everytime so i would say i was the one good in bed lol.

i'm a good looking lad with a good job £ in the bank, my own place nice car. so i think i can do better and deserve better.

i'm a funny guy, love going out, love chatting to people full of life but lately i'm not the same people its like im getting beaten down an down

 

[jonwon]

wow jonwon, i thing your pretty spot on there. basically i need a pair. your advice has been taken well on board.

im sick of my hard earned money wasted when she makes no effort to chip in.

and she isnt great in the sack lol. without fail i give her a O everytime so i would say i was the one good in bed lol.

i'm a good looking lad with a good job £ in the bank, my own place nice car. so i think i can do better and deserve better.

i'm a funny guy, love going out, love chatting to people full of life but lately i'm not the same people its like im getting beaten down an down

You've answered your own question, I just give you a prod in the right direction.

Name me one reason, you cant go back to her tonight and say "sorry this relationship is not working out, it's actually affecting me in a negative way, we need to take some time apart so I can have time to think".

Then go out with your mates if you can and screw a few women, do not and I mean do not wallow in self pitty over how she has treated you.

A last womens line of defence is to throw the guilt trip your way. Your such a nice guy, I dont think your going to get out of this situation easy.

A guy like me? She would have been history along time ago, but I used to be the guy like you, we live and learn.

First port of call, stand up for yourself for gods sake!
Second phase is to realize she doesn't bring anything postive to the equation - but that stage is probably hard to transition to, if the guy is more nice guy than basta*d (basta*d in the sense of female shaming language).

 

[Warrior74]

Christ mate! You're mugging yourself! She's not a fit chavette is she?

Seriously, ditch the selfish chic and go have some fun in life. One of my past business partners was like that. Very talented but always broke, always expected her boyfriend to pay for everything while she went on spending sprees with her money. Once I found out how she was, I had to leave her as a business partner, she was in charge of finances and things were coming up wrong! lol.

 

[Trader]

So anyway this morning I haven’t got a penny on me and need £ for the train so I say have you got the £ and shes like, I need that money though that’s my money to get a drink and stuff for dinner.

Took her an my rents out for a meal over £150 went to town bought a few rounds for us, went the toilet……came back shes got a drink……

Me. wheres mine?

Her. Didn’t have enough for you

me.What so you just get yourself one

Yeah.

Forget about her - she is not the problem

As with most things in life - the problem lies with us guys

I only have one question for you - where is your self-respect?

How can you let yourself be treated like that by a girl?

 

[Sinistar]

Wow I want to write a lot here but it's too simple. Gather up her things, kick her arse out and never, EVER look back at this one.

But you won't do that will you? I can answer that for you - NO you won't. Why, because you are AFC and have fallen prey to the "If I do this for her she'll do this for me" mentality. She has conditioned you to a FRIGGIN' LIFETIME of just what you said "I pay for both of us but she pays for me". It will never end. You will never be happy. The only thing you'll be in the end is broke and no s3x. Meanwhile she'll move onto another version of you (yes, there are shiploads of barrels of crabs doing just what you're doing).

Since you won't boot her out and will probably make excuses, try an experiment. Cut her off and see what happens when it comes to intimacy. Stop buying her dinner, drinks, etc. See if she every does anything for you financially. Also, tell her it's now time that she starts paying as close to 50% of the bills as possible. What her reaction!

Actually, you don't really want to have her pay any of that stuff as she'll see it (even just one payment of mortgage) as having paid half - people like this have strange "financial" memories.

And for the love of God/Allah/whoever, never move in with a woman until you are getting married. She gains everything and you get nothing but some dwindling s3x once in awhile.

You sound like you have your ducks in a row when it comes to handling money (with the exception of when women are involved). You'll do fine and be far more selective next time.

Finally, when all is said and done - SLAP YOURSELF good and hard for letting this happen in the first place. You are the Man. It is your job to lead, not follow. Where you are right now can really only be blamed on one person and you know who I'm talking about.

 

[jophil28]

Since you won't boot her out and will probably make excuses, try an experiment. Cut her off and see what happens when it comes to intimacy.

Yes, he will make excuses and try to have her "cut back" in tiny ways that avoids her feeling inconvenienced. However, she will feel the pinch and fight hard to regain any lost ground. Sex will dry up , endless arguments about how "cheap" he is, she threatens to leave unless he 'acts like a man"....shamimg and blaming until be caves in...and so on..

I am sure that he will firstly try to "reason" with her and make tiny cuts in her spending. He will take this track because his unconscious stategy in the first place was to allow her access to his money as an unspoken trade for her intimacy. He " provided" financial resouces in return for her commitment, loyaty , domestic skills and sexual availability. That is the AFC trade in a nutshell.

This guy needs to examine his beliefs( and adopt better ones) before he says one word to her, and then make a vow to STOP buying a womans' presence in his life. Of course this requires him to be willing to lose her (and any other woman who insists on this arrangement) .


Essentially he needs to discard his beliefs about his role as provider and his methodology in the ways that he implements it.
She is the way she is because he splashed the cash early in the relationship and 'trained' her to expect the deal to continue.
She has pushed her benefits and rewards to the limits, and now he is experiencing the inevitable resentment of someone who feels exploited.

Frankly, I do not think that women can ever go backwards in their lifestyle expectations. SO this LTR is probably doomed.

HE will lose the woman, but regain control of his finances and his self respect.

 

[cordoncordon]

Reading this made me cringe. Seriously. She has a job, she makes money. Why in the hell is she not paying for at least some if not half the bills? My God man. How does she not have any money and do an overdraft when she has no bills!!!! How do you put up with this crap? Ugh. If you dont this instant tell her to hit the road, or at the very least tell her she either starts paying half the bills and start treating you with some respect or she should leave, then please, just turn in your balls now because your manhood has LEFT THE BUILDING!

 

[TesuqueRed]

You're gettin' played, guy. Forget the details -- those just confuse you. Look at her actions, not her words. You're getting played.

Consider it a good learning experience. She's just doing what comes naturally, which is to say, what she can.

 

[sodbuster]

Doesn't matter if she's a gold digger or stupid-YOU are stupid for keeping her around. There is no future here except pain and bankrupcy

 

[Fingerling]

I think you guys are spot on. I've never been treated like this before by a women and it's not right.

Had a talk with her last night which didn't really work. She's still selfish an sees me as the bad guy.

Cut a long story short I told her to pack her things, get out and until you understand the concept of money an the error of her selfish ways, I don't wanna hear from her.

I actually feel a weight has gone

cheers guys

 

[jophil28]

I think you guys are spot on. I've never been treated like this before by a women and it's not right.

Had a talk with her last night which didn't really work. She's still selfish an sees me as the bad guy.

Cut a long story short I told her to pack her things, get out and until you understand the concept of money an the error of her selfish ways, I don't wanna hear from her.

I actually feel a weight has gone

cheers guys

IF you actually booted her, you deserve applause.

However, you still need to scrutunize your own motivations in offering her free and ready access to your resources in the first place..

 

[Fingerling]

Yeah she has been told to pack her stuff and get out.

So off to town sat night to get my
life back.

Thanks again guys

 

[cordoncordon]

I think you guys are spot on. I've never been treated like this before by a women and it's not right.

Had a talk with her last night which didn't really work. She's still selfish an sees me as the bad guy.

Cut a long story short I told her to pack her things, get out and until you understand the concept of money an the error of her selfish ways, I don't wanna hear from her.

I actually feel a weight has gone

cheers guys

More details about the discussion please. Something doesnt seem "right" here.

 

[Fingerling]

Nothing much more I can say really.

Tried to explain the situation to her. As in your going to have to have some input with her money and everything I said to her she kept trying to explain out of it. Like "I paid for that" as in months an months ago. And forgetting me paying for her this week last week etc

so I left it at that thinking the penny might drop an she'll drop out of her selfish ways.
Went to bed an as petty as it sounds she was sitting in bed with all the pillows. So I asked for my pillow an she was like no go get me a cushion then. That's when I realised I can't live like this. I can't be taken advantage of my wallet an cleaning up after her selfish behaviour. So I said I can't do it anymore an I want out. Her reply was if I leave I'm not coming back.
So I said you can stay the night but I'm out as in out the relationship.