Going soft - tried many things & REALLY bothering me!

[mark123]

Hey fellas,

hope you're all well. As the title suggests, im really having a "hard" time (or lack thereof, lol) of maintaining rock hard erections DURING intercourse.
This is leading me to be actually "scared" of sex, and i will admit that a couple of plates recently have lost interest, and this could POSSIBLY be one of the reasons.

Below are some details:
- I am 5'8", 162lbs, ~ 23 BMI. 30 years old.
- My work is demanding, but I usually have sex on weekends etc when im relaxed (no stress)
- i do cardio 2x a week (running ~3miles), and weights 1-2x a week (basic for now, just started getting into building muscle)
- I fap like 1x a week max, and typically don't look at p0rn when i do
- I have played around with condom brands and tried: durex, trojan (thins, magnum xl etc), kimono...

Almost all girls that i have sex with DO arouse me, which is why im hard when i start having sex. Typically, I start with misisonary and go at it for like 5 mins, then i get sweaty / tired (can't figure this out though, i can run like 3-4 mi at one time) and i get soft...then i have to lay down & rest. sometimes the girl is understanding, I will make her go down on me and im hard and good to go again....for another 10 mins! i mean, realistically, i can't keep doing that all the time.

THis is REALLY bothering me and i cant pinpoint what to do? I just started taking Zinc supplements and REFUSE to take the blue pill or any such thing...

Anyone been in similar situation or knows what it might be?
PS: I DO notice that i am not AS aroused 10-15 mins into sex as I am before sex. I mean the sight of a woman's body before sex turns me on, but during sex the intensity of emotions is less....

 

[TRSX]

I'm not a doctor, but what I can tell you is now you are probably too worried about it in bed. (Causing anxiety and anxiety for the little one.)

Are you using foreplay before sex or jumping right in? 69'in a girl is something that can really get me going - I generally do that and then its an easy step onto her being ontop of you.

It sounds to me honestly like you're not being creative enough, and you're worried about performance now. (#1 cause of this)

My advice:
Setup sex with a girl on your lunch break. Get ballsy. Do it in a parking lot, in your car. Or if thats not your thing rent a hotel room for the day by your work and tell her to meet you. Get your mojo back.

If you want to practice, take one of your Rate 6-7 plates and hammer her home, dominate the ***** and tell her that shes the one causing you to go limp (if its still happening), This will get your mind back into confidence mode. Then go back into the 9's and 10's.

Its a temporary thing dude - dont worry so much.

 

[5string]

The answer is......go to the doc and tell him what you told us. Simple.

It'll be ok.

 

[That_guy]

are you running for a long time in your cardio? you might want to trade that with sprints instead

too much endurance training drains testosterone

 

[PapiChulo]

It's axiety coupled with physical stress and lack of stimulation when condom is used. I had that happen to me as well. The best thing would probably to relax and take it easy.

 

[Fly By Night]

good to go again....for another 10 mins!

Doing better than me...

 

[IronDJ]

are you running for a long time in your cardio? you might want to trade that with sprints instead

too much endurance training drains testosterone

Do you have a source for that claim?

 

[SharinganUser]

Start treating your wank sessions as training sessions to build up your endurance. Keep wanking it until you are about climax and then stop until you've calmed down. Once you are calmed down repeat the process. It also help to do this with a condom on.

then i get sweaty / tired (can't figure this out though, i can run like 3-4 mi at one time) and i get soft...

Running has nothing to do with fvcking. It they require you to use different muscles in different ways.

You might also want to consider starting out in positions other than missionary. 5 minutes of missionary would have me bored to tears.

It could also be a mental issue such as anxiety. I think that if that is the case then you need to make more of an effort to just relax and have fun. Your partner isn't going to get mad if you use your fingers or tongue while you recharge.

Also you seem to be overly concerned about how long you are lasting, for a lot of women 10-15 minutes is standard. She's not keeping the time and neither should you be. As I said before stop worrying about it and focus on having fun.

 

[JohnChops]

one word : Relax.

 

[mark123]

Thanks for the replies so far!

Are you using foreplay before sex or jumping right in?

yes, I do. just try to enjoy her body, kiss a lot, fondle etc. I used to give oral before and that tires me out sometimes, so i stopped doing that recently, and leave it for the end.

If you want to practice, take one of your Rate 6-7 plates and hammer her home, dominate the ***** and tell her that shes the one causing you to go limp (if its still happening)

Funny you mention that, I have an HB7 plate that i have NO problems getting/staying hard with. But out of the last 5-6 women I banged, she is the only outlier, lol. Which is why i am sure this problem is mental - a little bit of anxiety but MOSTLY knowing what turns me on with a particular girl. With the HB7, she is a freak, and we have a good sexual chemistry...just one of those cases where it just "clicks"

are you running for a long time in your cardio? you might want to trade that with sprints instead

too much endurance training drains testosterone

Yeah, act u might be right. When i was researching the problem, someone on BB forums also mentioned interval training and how it worked for him. I am willing to give it a try...

and lack of stimulation when condom is used.

Papichulo - absolutely agree. I've been experimenting with condom brands too, bec ATM im just spinning plates and dont trust these br0ads at all to raw dog anyone....maybe gotta get used to the condom more often....

1. Taking DMAA? Can cause stim-d!ck
2. Stop watching porn (long term solution)
3. Devalue your partner mentally into a porn-like sex object(short term solution)

PairPlusRoyalFlush - valid points, all of them! makes sense, ...just that none of those 3 apply to me at the moment. I am having regular sex with known partners, so not pedestalizing them or anything....

----

To everyone who said relax, I know it's the right answer - but im not really sure how to? I mean, i guess you all know & can say/do easily because you might be in that state....but how does one relax? my mind keeps going back to it, and at times i catch myself looking down and the MORE i try not to think, the more i do and it happens....

Also, i get really sweaty during sex - should I try getting a tower AC etc (in addition to the one in my apartment which is not super cool) ? does being less sweaty make one harder?

 

[headFirst]

Try testosterone pills. Increases libido... Had me going 2 or 3 times.. When I was on it.. I'm 27.

 

[betheman]

on a practical note, have you tried exercising your pc muscles?
its dead simple and really effective, will help you get harder and last a little longer, wont guarantee you p0rn star performance though...but then thats why they are p0rn stars.

you can do these exercises anywhere, at work, in the car, no one can see you doing them.

http://www.nowloss.com/better-sex-workout-tips-for-men-to-last-longer-in-bed.htm

 

[spang]

could be low testosterone.

 

[Down Low]

OP, that's not right. Since you can do other physical activity without such fatigue, it sounds mental.

Anyone who uses others just to get off -- with no real "chemistry" -- is fvcking with his own brain. Exploitative, abusive behavior is not natural or normal. Some people can do it. They're either insensitive, or mentally tough, or both. You can't do it.

Solution: only pursue women who you have a genuine affection for. Stop chasing tramps and freaks.

BTW, the testosterone advice on this thread svcks. Aerobic exercise, such as running, increases your ability to have hard sex longer. Anyone trying to stay fit should do at least 30 minutes of aerobics at least 3 times a week. Testosterone turns your grapes to raisins. That you can get hard at all proves that you have sufficient androgens.

 

[mark123]

on a practical note, have you tried exercising your pc muscles?

Thanks for the link, bethman. I was thinking of doing kegels, and this seems like a good resource to start. I read it and already started doing it at work...

OP, that's not right. Since you can do other physical activity without such fatigue, it sounds mental.

Yes, i definitely feel more active once I started running etc. But I think SharinganUser has a point about fvcking & running being separate exercises in that they use diff muscles etc. I run about 3-3.5 miles 2x a week, but i have noticed that DESPITE that, sometimes my body quivers with too much activity in bed. Like if im fingering her for too long or really going hard at trying to rail her....maybe the answer is interval training and mixing up my cardio/upper body strength training routine...?

also any advice on what works for people to try not to think about it? My problem also is that the more I try not to think about it, the more i get aware of the situation......

Solution: only pursue women who you have a genuine affection for. Stop chasing tramps and freaks.

I agree. I recently just dropped a plate for the same reasons...

 

[Zerro]

OP, that's not right. Since you can do other physical activity without such fatigue, it sounds mental.

Anyone who uses others just to get off -- with no real "chemistry" -- is fvcking with his own brain. Exploitative, abusive behavior is not natural or normal. Some people can do it. They're either insensitive, or mentally tough, or both. You can't do it.

Solution: only pursue women who you have a genuine affection for. Stop chasing tramps and freaks.

I'm certain that the OP's problem is a mental issue. I had a similar problem first time with my current girl. I was coming off a long dry spell and it didn't help that she told me ahead of time that she's never orgasmed during intercourse so that only put on some unnecessary extra pressure. I had no trouble getting hard while she was blowing me but just in the time it took to slip a condom on and get her into position I'd already be losing my erection. So I tried instead going down on her (especially as she had shaved at my request) and quickly figured out how to get her off with my fingers and tongue. Once that anxiety cleared away I got my hard on back immediately and had no trouble ****ing her. Since then we start off with oral first, 69 works very well at getting us both adequately aroused.

As for getting tired, change up pace and the positions. 5 minutes of just missionary is boring, especially if it's always at the same speed. Do her fast, slow down for a bit to rest and give it to her slow for a bit before speeding up again. If you're getting tired roll over and put her on top and make her do the work while you rest, then resume control when you've got your energy back and she's wearing out. Neither of us is really in shape yet we can keep it for for nearly an hour this way. (Helps that I can last a long time, like with her it takes some specific conditions to get me to come.)

 

[seethehoop]

on a practical note, have you tried exercising your pc muscles?
its dead simple and really effective, will help you get harder and last a little longer, wont guarantee you p0rn star performance though...but then thats why they are p0rn stars.

you can do these exercises anywhere, at work, in the car, no one can see you doing them.

http://www.nowloss.com/better-sex-workout-tips-for-men-to-last-longer-in-bed.htm

This will help and it will make you better in bed. I've been practising this for a while. I've almost got it so I can orgasm without ejaculating. Research tantric sex. it may give you a confidence boost too.

 

[Uberguy]

one word : Relax.

^This. So this. If the OP doesn't have any physiological problems -- and if he can run 3-4 miles without stopping, he likely doesn't -- it has to be a mental one. The fix is easy...if you'll let it be.

I had the same problem when I first lost my virginity (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth). I was so terrified that I wouldn't be able to please her that I couldn't enjoy myself...which led to her not being able to enjoy me. I beat myself up over that and felt terrible for a few months, convinced I'd never be able to please anyone.

Despite/because of my being a terrible AFC at the time, a hot girl with her own (mostly daddy) issues hooked up with me, and the sex was like gangbusters. What did I do differently? Nothing. At least not intentionally. But this girl seemed so into me and so enamored with me that I couldn't help but relax. Without any external help, I changed from a guy who couldn't finish into a man who was fuqing this girl 4-5 times night. All I had to do was relax and have fun, and instinct would take care of the rest.

That's the most straightforward advice I can give. Don't worry, and just enjoy yourself. Once you come across a nymphomaniac with BPD (there's more of them out there than young men might think), feel free to get a little dirty with her. You'll end up with 99 more problems (serious daddy issues with that one...serious), but having sex won't be one of them.

 

[Jair213]

Could be low test levels my sex life improved once I started bodybuilding... It has bein insane ever since then..

 

[SharinganUser]

Mark, did you read anything I wrote at all?

Also, i get really sweaty during sex - should I try getting a tower AC etc (in addition to the one in my apartment which is not super cool) ? does being less sweaty make one harder?

Being less sweaty does not make you harder. That's just ridiculous.