Going out alone - Journal

[Don-Kong]

This journal will be a place I can share my experiences of going out alone to bars and clubs especially. I have nothing to share in this post other than my initial, intentions, fears and goals about going out alone. Feel free to ignore till I report back on a more regular occasion.

If there is anything you want me to include in the reports going forward, just let me know. Thanks.


Intentions:

get really good at talking and gaming chicks
Be completely comfortable talking to anyone
Overcome fear of being out alone with no back up
Become immune to fear of rejection and use it to enhance game
Improve self confidence and self worth
Increase friend social circle

Fears

People will think I am a sad loner
My close friends will object and say I am having a mid life crisis
I will spend too much money
I won't enjoy it or see meaning in it

Excuses

I haven't got time
I don't need to go out all the time to be good at gaming chicks

Goals

Enjoy myself and have lots of fun being social
Get great at social interaction
Go out Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday night
Go for the full pull since chicks who give me numbers are highly likely to flake
Push myself to go out, even when I am not in the mood so I can make progress much more quickly

Final thoughts:

This will be tough for me and will totally push me out of my comfort zone. I expect much anxiety but the results will speak for themself eventually further down the line. To be updated soon

 

[Huffman]

So you going out tonight or what? I'm gonna hit the bars in a min.

Chickened out last week but here goes. I find it's helpful to pre-drink a little while listening to music that pumps you up. Then just go out, do some practice sets, even if it's guys. Spot some girls and open without apologizing, even if you're really blunt If it's 11pm and you arrive at the bar completely sober it can be tough.

Somehow I've always ended up having a good night, even though it seemed bad at first.

 

[Don-Kong]

Huffman, check this out:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2158756#post2158756

 

[Poop1337]

I would recommend going out Wednesday through Saturday nights instead of Thursday through Sunday. There's no doubt about it Wednesday night is something special.

I really don't think you have to spend a lot of money. I would game with no drinking.

 

[Don-Kong]

I think Wed to Sat sounds a good idea actually.

Ok, so I mustered up the courage to hit it up. After an hour in the shower mustering up some motivation for going out!

In field:

After a couple of drinks I hit the clubs which were pretty dead. Although alone, I got refused from a few places, which I thought was crazy as I was stone cold sober and they said I'd had too much??? So I moved on to the 'pretentious' places in town, the hardest clubs. Nightmare. Hot chicks, but impenetrable.

Awful. These chicks are super defensive. I kissed a couple of 18 year olds, to my surprise, but nothing more. No numbers. Nada. Approaches were fun and light, b1tches just on another level. Chatted to a bunch of guys hitting the same wall which was a saving grace.

Next tactic, dumb down the level of club. I'm not looking for a high maintenance chick 9/10. I'm wanting pvssy. No need to complicate it. Get back to 6/7 's. That's where it's at. That's my comfort level for now until I improve.

Mistakes: not fully warm. Taking on a high class club is tough. Without my preparation I was fvcked. I didn't feel fully confident. I wasn't in vibe. It was a challenge but it was too much. As much as my confidence was high, I looked great etc it just wasn't happening.
Telling the double sets to kiss whilst we were dancing, they just walked off the dance floor. They were young, so perhaps they were offended.
Almost getting into a fight with a bouncer, this killed my vibe before going to the next club.
My body language wasn't assertive as usual, I think I was she'll shocked from not having any drink.
I left the club before closing. The latest part of the night is the easiest to pull!

NOT ENOUGH APPROACHES! I barely scraped double figures which is shocking. I let my emotions fuel my weakness.

Things that worked well: coming up behind the girl on the left or right side, putting my arm around her and dancing like the can-can.
Opening double sets, seemed easier for some reason, perhaps they felt safer together.
Picked up a few wingmen as well. Although they fvcked up a few sets with me, but I didn't take advantage of the opportunity as I was waiting for the dude to do something.

Conclusion:

The first times out alone are tough. There's many things that emotionally I am Not aware of. I can choose easier clubs. I can congratulate myself on learning and pushing through the fear and anxiety. This has been really fun. No real results, but foundation building. Choose random wingmen wisely, if at all. Some of them just ruin the set but this can be an advantage if I use it wisely next time.

I'm looking forward to my ongoing missions, I can't wait. I will choose easier clubs from now on, as practice.

 

[Don-Kong]

I just stole someone else's FR template. I may add to it but I want to be specific. The more specific, the more value and rewards I reap for myself going forward in my game. Template by NeoSummers@RSD.

Where:
When:
With who:
Warmth Level/State:

Observations:
Approach #1:
Open -
Attraction -
Comfort -
Close -
How to do better:

 

[Don-Kong]

I'm going out tonight with £10 and big energy.

Interesting observations so far:

momentum builds over the days and nights
I'm caring less about what I look like and more about my mental energy/state
I'm feeling more alive, although I am feeling a little out of control due to the fact I never go out on Sundays, as I have work the next day. Im excited.
I want to go out as I'm finding it more boring being in, not talking to anyone.
I'm craving a dance and the adrenaline buzz of my first set of the night.

Can I get a Helllllllyeaaaaaaa :rockon:

Sunday
Where: The Hive - Student nightclub
This is a less pretentious and stuck-up place. Drunk students getting mashed on £1 shots and cheap ****tails. Could be an interesting night. Free entry. Max capacity 650. Small, intimate. Apparent ratio women/men 3:1
When: Sunday 15th June 2014
With who: Alone
Time: Now 8.30pm, getting excited. Listening to Ministry of sound, getting the state pumped.
Time: update: its now 10:15pm. I'm moving around having a bit of a dance to myself. Entering into the moment. State. Like a trance. Feeling great. Hitting up the club at 11:30/12 for 3 hours of approach madness and FUN!
Thoughts I love my life! I am the SH1T, I can't wait to smash this club! Im gonna start with a group set, if I can, and destroy my awkwardness! Yes!
Feelings: Calm, pumped-up, happy, energetic, loose, letting go
Chief realization: It's all coming from within. I can generate incredible feelings of joy and happiness within, without anything else.
Mindset: I can return to my life tomorrow. Tonight, I am a god

Playlist to get into the vibe: Ministry of sound summer mix 2013

 

[Don-Kong]

​Time: 4:15am
Warmth Level/State: I went in fairly warm but not boiling. I got to the club at about 1130pm and started chatting to the staff. The club was fairly dead and I was dreading it being a long nite but it quickly got busy.
​
Observations: 12 am tons of students flocked in in big groups. Age rages 18-21. AFC leeches also came in drones.
Approaches : 40+ through the nite, warm ups and couples not counted. some success with grabbing chicks and lifting them which worked well but most chicks just seemed embarrassed and with their friends, tied to them like glue.
Lots of Happy Father's Day high fives which I saw as an opportunity for putting their arm round my shoulders. But then they blew me off.
Lots of chicks telling me to fvck off. Aggressive chicks. My come back was "enjoy yourself" to get a witty reply "fvck off". Charming lol!
​
Favourite set: a couple kissing on the dance floor and I barged in for self amusement and the AFC was like, "this is my girlfriend" to my reply, "but I'm in love with her"
​
How to do better: ranged from holding my hand out or just grabbing them to dance, to full on conversations about how their night was going. Fairly mundane chat. I think younger chicks are not willing to adventure as they are with their friends and find real comfort from being in that group. My next task is to separate them, move them, lead and initiate a kiss close.
I need to not be freaked out by their initial punch and use their negativity to not only enhance my vibe but to also wittily defuse the situation.
Instead of just jumping right in and approaching, stop, relax and think what will work by judging her. What sort of chick is she? Whats her story? Whats my in?
​
Attraction - some chicks were digging the vibe but just not taking bait. I t appeared like I had more success when I challenged the girl or was blatantly hostile, "you are fvcking hot you ginger slvt" the chick was laughing and validating herself and she was on the back foot. Then her friend grabbed her off somewhere. Missed my opportunity to tell the friend that she was now mine, which I did later in the evening and the friends seemed to like this.
​
Comfort - felt awesome, gained a massive following of AFCs who couldn't believe my balls at just approaching chicks. They said I was really cool etc but I was disgusted at them for not approaching just hanging around me and some chicks looking weak.
​
Close - none. Nada. No kisses. No numbers, nada.
​
I opened an 18 year old chick who told me to Fvck off, and after a few more questions I got further abuse. I then saw her again later in the night and attempted again.
"Gonna be rude again?" I said.
"Fvck you" she pierced my ear
"What's making you so defensive?" I muttered
"Just fvck off d1ckhead" she exclaimed
"That's really rude, I'm trying to be sociable" I said calmly
"I know! There's just too many guys in here who are *******s!" She said
"Yeah that's some guys"
"You are really cool. You get it. I have a girlfriend. She's over there" points to her GF who is over in the corner looking hot.
"We're not all @ssholes" I said
She looked ecstatic and then Kissed me on the cheek after a bit more chat smiling with a big grin.


​
This was a massive lesson for me.
Girls can blow you out. Mainly because of the idiot AFCs that have warped her experience of the club, so she remains hostile and defensive.
Once I break through the b1tch shield it's all good. Unfortunately she was a dyke but still a valuable lesson.
but I'm thinking, maybe wasn't a lesbo. Maybe it was a sh1t test. She seemed genuine though once her guard was down.
​
Uneventful night but insightful. I am god amongst retards.
I told many AFCs to avoid the ASWs who were blatantly on show tonight. Disgusting. I hate them. Most AFCs lap it up tho. So much suffering.
​
Anyway, I walked home a little bit miserable, thinking about my ex, but then snapped out of it. Will choose different clubs with older chicks.

 

[jurry]

40 approaches and zero numbers or kisses? Doing somethin wrong there. Id rather just go to the bar watch live band, actually converse with 4-5 girls and get numbers from a couple. Never understood the whole putting on a show/act like an aggressive douche club game.. But works for a lot of people apparently.

 

[apprenticedj]

Hey Don, I'm digging the field reports. Clubs, for me at least, are a tough one. I think looks trump game in this enviornment especially intially. Also because the music is so loud you often need to rely on body language to communicate with women. Going it alone makes it even more difficult, when I'm with some friends its easy for us all to get on the dancefloor and groove together. Sort of enter the wading pool lightly, if there are any hotties nearby try to include them in and take it from there.

Since you went alone (and that's the point of this thread) I would say really focus on warm up sets as you mentioned. Talk to the staff, some other bros, then start lower on the totem pole of chicks. I would be looking for a moderately attractive girl that appears to be bored in the more quiet area of the club. Go over and introduce yourself and comment on her bored look then ask her to join on the dancefloor. She may resist but break her balls a bit "oh I see, you're against fun" etc.

I'm concerned with the amount of girls telling you to f*ck off, can you detail that a little more. I've never honestly had a girl react that way before, uninterested for sure but never angrily rebuffing me like that.

What did you say to them?
What was the situation like that you walked into?

 

[j.619]

Abundance mentality is great for maintaining psyche and not developing oneitis, but you've got the wrong idea for the club. If you intend on closing, you need to build rapport with a small number of women, which takes a little bit of time. Pick out 3 or 4 quality ones that you want to game and take 10-15 minutes to work on them to get that number/kiss close. I like to go for both in the same swoop. Don't stay too long though, keep that bit of mystery and make sure you let them see you gaming other women. Huge for credibility.

 

[gravityeyelids]

I never got how people can go out to a club alone and have a good time. Unless its in a city/town where you typically run into people you know anyway...maybe i'm just too introverted. I at least need a wing with me. Why are you forcing yourself to go out alone? Wouldnt it be easier to meet some people and go out partying with them?

 

[j.619]

I never got how people can go out to a club alone and have a good time. Unless its in a city/town where you typically run into people you know anyway...maybe i'm just too introverted. I at least need a wing with me. Why are you forcing yourself to go out alone? Wouldnt it be easier to meet some people and go out partying with them?

This is all true, but solo game does HEAPS for your confidence. I used to think this way also, but now have no issues with going to a club alone on a Friday night if there's nothing else going on and I feel like running game. It's very empowering KNOWING that you're your own one-man wrecking crew.

If you're ever in the San Diego area, hit me up. I'm always down to play wing for another DJ <3

 

[G_Govan]

This was a massive lesson for me.
Girls can blow you out. Mainly because of the idiot AFCs that have warped her experience of the club, so she remains hostile and defensive.
Once I break through the b1tch shield it's all good. Unfortunately she was a dyke but still a valuable lesson.
but I'm thinking, maybe wasn't a lesbo. Maybe it was a sh1t test. She seemed genuine though once her guard was down.

I've heard the "I'm gay" line to the point of laughing because it's not even creative. Don't fall prey to her manipulations. She wasn't mean to you because of all the other guys who approached her. If she liked you, she would've responded in a completely different manner. Any chick that curses at me for no good reason will be immediately ignored.

You entered her frame in a very submissive, apologetic way, qualifiying yourself. She kissed you on the cheek as she would her brother.

How often do you think she gets approached? She's not naive, she was simply being a b-tch to filter out guys as quickly as possible. When you go out to these venues remember that you're playing the game on their terms, the odds will always be stacked against you.

 

[Don-Kong]

Thanks Fellas!

Right, straight of the bat on the agenda:

1. Why go out alone?
2. Why you don't need a wing?
3. Philosophy of Kong last week

1. Why go out alone?

Because it's super fun! I go out with my friends and do cool stuff, but really, gaming is all about improving myself. Self development and improved social skills, supreme confidence and smashing through boundaries. Its a no brainer.
When you go out alone, you destroy your comfort zone. You wont get it till you have done it, it doesn't seem like a fun thing to do. But it's a major life changer. I was super confident before, but my confidence is now peaking.

If we have true self-reliance, we need no one for our happiness. We need no one to feel comfortable around anyone.

2. Why you don't need a wing
Does he hold your hand too? Ohhh thats lovely. Seriously, he aint gonna be sucking your d1ck at the end of the night, she will be. Having a wing has its advantages because i've had different wingmen for years. Going out alone destroys the comfort a wing provides. Game goes to another level. You cannot rely on anyone, you have to game, you have to talk to everyone else you get fvcked over. Its baptism by fire and it's amazing. Debating going out alone or with others is pointless as it depends on what the individual is working on. I love both, but I progress in all aspects of my life when i go out alone, FACT.

3. Last week

After discussing with a few lads, i know I was confident and very alpha. This WAS my problem, I went a bit caveman. Not grabby, just over the top full on. If I go in too much like a wrecking ball (as fun as this is) some chicks don't like it, especially their alpha b1tch friends. So this is where i most found resistance last week. Plus the fact that they chicks were really young and insecure and didn't know how to banter.

Sidenote: skipped last night as I was at a mates watching football. Out tonight

 

[Don-Kong]

Schedule

Friday

Where: Bongo Club - popular club in the city
Free entry, mixed bag of people, non-pretentious
Max capacity 1000. Small, intimate. Cheap drink
When: 20/06/14
With who: Alone
Time: Now 7.30pm, Time out: 11pm
Thoughts Thinking about the busy day tomorrow. No need to hammer it out just be social, not too bothered
Feelings: Tired,
Chief realization: Being sociable is healing
Mindset: Loving frame (this worked the other week and I scored loads of chicks)

Saturday

Where: The Three Sisters / Grassmarket / Possible club - huge area for drinking and socialising.
When: 21/06/14
With who: Clyde ‘The Glyde’ - wingman
Time: out for 8pm
Will be drinking alcohol

Sunday
TBC

reports to follow, game on!

 

[Don-Kong]

Ok, its about 4am. I’m tired. I have no voice. Decided against walking into the middle of the road to be knocked over. I’m being caught in the swirl of thinking about how good it was in the comfy relationship with my ex. These are the end of night thoughts that only lead to misery. Not very useful and should be avoided at all costs.

After a couple of nights hardcore gaming it can be a little bit demorilizing.

Anyway this is how Friday night went...brief summary:

Friday - Bongo Club
Sober

Approaches: 50+

Open - went with many pleasing openers & compliments, this worked well. Stopped many girls in their tracks walking by, turning them back round to face the way they came from so they lose the momentum to walk off. This worked well and stopped several girls like this.
Used "hey you, how are you?" In a dominant voice. Pretty lame, but conversational and comfortable.
Used many dance openers, or in from the side and the arm over the shoulder and do the can-can, always works. Since they feel obliged to join in for fear of looking boring.

Attraction - created attraction with many chicks, push & pull which seemed to work really well, challenging these chicks is too easy but I need to really bounce them around the club when I get them to lose the needy friend who jumps in and snatches them away, which I follow up to get a butch shield, still workin on these.

Comfort - don’t know what was going on but it all felt really comfortable, maybe I was not that bothered about results from the previous disastrous nights.

Close - no closes. Kissed 8 chicks. No numbers.

How to do better: I fvck up after the initial stage which is really strong after I open, then I kinda freeze but I’m ok with this as it’s the next stage of my learning

Saturday -Three Sisters (which was a brilliant pre club warm up) then The Hive

With Clyde ‘The Glide’ - wing
Approaches: 60+
Fairly drunk

Open - Lifting girls and spinning them in the air - this was epic, every girl said that had NEVER happened to them before and they were gob-smacked. What did i do? Freeze. Idiot. I lost almost all the chicks because of this. Major let down. I need to focus on game after the open. Big time.
Used a lot of football openers, there were tons of big screens showing the World Cup. "You, German girl, I love you" worked well or " I'm English we are meant to hate you but you're ****ing smokin" also worked well.
Loads of Hen parties out so got some good chat from them, all married, no go.

Attraction - Created good attraction, shock, awe, excitement and the ‘what’s going on’ vibe, but destroyed it by not following up.

Comfort - good but diminished as i fell flat having nothing to follow up

Close - none. 4 kisses. 1 SUPER hot chick, gutted that i didn’t close her after some AFC followed up on her. Big slap in the face.

How to do better: I’ve learnt a lot about b1tch shields and how to smash them which was what i was concentrating on in the last couple of days. But because of this I lacked any real strategy to move forward after this point which killed my chances of the pull. Fvck.

Conclusion: I'm thinking about doing clubs less and focusing more on pre-clubs that are open air, outside with lots of space and create a great atmosphere. It feels easier than in some dark club where girls just expect to be preyed upon by AFC drones. Next study topic is destroying b1tch shields and positive and negative validation, this will be followed up on the tips section

 

[apprenticedj]

Don I have a question for you. You mention kissing several women but no number closes. What do you think is causing this? Are they turned off by the sudden kissing and seeing you as a man-*****?

 

[Don-Kong]

Excellent question. I have been quite aggressive with chicks. I kiss them but don't follow up because I don't really know what to do next. So it becomes awkward and then I keep dancing. I don't want come across as being needy for her but I'm looking fir the pull so need to get with the program. I don't even need to kiss the chick to get her back to my place as long as they feel comfortable, safe, looked after and realise I'm not going to kill them

Being seen as a man wh0re has totally bothered me. In bigger clubs I get away with it. But not in small places where they notice me approaching every girl, so I'm looking for bigger places to game. I've got holes in my strategy big time but I'm gaining valuable references.

What to do after X
If this happens then I do X
Tell her X if she says Y

Etc etc, failing to prepare is a doomed strategy. I need A simple checklist of what I should do in any situation. If I think about it before hand I will more than likely want to implement it rather than being caught on the improv with my pants down, obviously i can't think of everything but there are commanalities in each set albeit there is a ton of randomness as well

 

[Don-Kong]

Schedule

Friday
Where: Bar Kohl, trendy Vodka bar, possibly Club Revolution, full of slvts
Club Free in, meat market
Max capacity 1500 Medium size
When: 27/06/14
With who: Alone
Strategy: work on logistics and try to move the chick out the club or bounce somewhere else

Saturday
Where: The Three Sisters / Clubs undecided: Rapture, Musika, The Liquid Rooms or Temple
When: 28/06/14
With who: Clyde ‘The Glide’ - wingman
Strategy: work against b1tch shields and use positive and negative validation. Get some numbers!

Sunday
Where: The Hive or City nightclub
When: 29/06/14
Alone
Strategy: work on specific mistakes from Fri and Sat