God I suck.

[thegator39]

I think you have to have a basic level of social skills to belong in the game to begin with. The only women I've ever attracted were women that just found me attractive and gave me a chance based on the physical attraction only to find out how awkward I am. Usually it doesn't even get to that point.

I finally talked to a girl on okcupid by mentioning that I was looking for a lead singer (could give two sh*ts but don't mind making a band and playing along) and we talked, she even gave me nude modeling pics (one of those goth model types.)

We talked on the phone, and after 15 minutes when I was in the middle of a sentence she said she had to go to the bathroom and would be right back...a few minutes later she said she had to go because her roommate wanted to drink a beer with her. I'm guessing that's the last I'll hear from her.

It's like, if you aren't cool, you stand no chance.

 

[jtlancer]

Take a improv class. Being social is a skill you can learn
like anything else. First step is to loosen up and not be
so hard on yourself. Learn to make a fool of yourself,
make fun of yourself, etc.

 

[Incognito72]

Always look on the bright side. In this case with this girl the bright side is probably that she sent you nude pics, which is always cool.

 

[thegator39]

She's still interested...probably just busy getting drunk and high...one of those goth girls.

The fact remains that my phone game sucks. Even my ex said "Sometimes you say things and I'm like "I can't believe he just said that." On the phone you're forced to improvise...in person, I'm still awkward but I choose my words more carefully and make eye contact.

 

[DonJuan11]

I think you have to have a basic level of social skills to belong in the game to begin with. The only women I've ever attracted were women that just found me attractive and gave me a chance based on the physical attraction only to find out how awkward I am. Usually it doesn't even get to that point.

I finally talked to a girl on okcupid by mentioning that I was looking for a lead singer (could give two sh*ts but don't mind making a band and playing along) and we talked, she even gave me nude modeling pics (one of those goth model types.)

We talked on the phone, and after 15 minutes when I was in the middle of a sentence she said she had to go to the bathroom and would be right back...a few minutes later she said she had to go because her roommate wanted to drink a beer with her. I'm guessing that's the last I'll hear from her.

It's like, if you aren't cool, you stand no chance.

What did you expect her to do after talking to you for 15 min on the phone - say she wanted to come over to have sex with you?

I don't know if you are trying to convince us you have to be cool to have sex or have us agree with you that you have to be cool to have sex, but neither will work. You have to take advice from people who have been there, not argue with them about how hard things are when you don't get what you want.

Would someone who wants to make a band take advice from you, who has never done it, or Slash, who can play with eyes closed?

 

[thegator39]

I've been in bands and had gigs, but I see the point you're making. My friend gave me good advice and said to embrace the nerd image, be self-deprecating, but be the right kind of nerd (well dressed, nice glasses, well versed) and not the steve urkel kind.

 

[Desdinova]

First of all, this is online dating. The success rate is going to be low.

Second of all...

We talked on the phone, and after 15 minutes

How long were you planning on talking to her? She was likely bored to tears after 15 minutes and found an excuse to get rid of you. You need to spark a fun-filled conversation with her, and then excuse yourself to leave her wanting more. That's how you get into a woman's head: give her a taste of what a fantastic guy is like, and then take it away and let her drool for more.

Talk about things that nobody else talks about. Find sexual innuendo in something and work with that. Find something unique about her and tease her about it. Weather and hobbies are boring, focus on having a sexual relationship first. Once you've got that going, THEN you can talk about weather and hobbies.

 

[Zarky]

We talked on the phone, and after 15 minutes when I was in the middle of a sentence she said she had to go to the bathroom and would be right back...a few minutes later [snip]

So you waited like a chump on the line for "a few minutes?" For future reference, the proper thing to do is hang up if she leaves the phone for any period of time more than about 10 seconds.

 

[thegator39]

The problem with PUA advice is that it's directed toward being a person who some people aren't capable of becoming. I'm not engaging, interesting, hunky, mysterious. I'm a nerdy guy with a disability whose idea of fun is watching reruns and staying in and I look the part.

I intend to find a way to lose the v-card to demistify sex, then move on with life. I'm capable of doing a lot of things in life, being a ladies man isn't one of them.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Wrong. You are eminently capable of becoming more socially adept, but you first have to let go of the safety blanket that are your Buffers.

You will never develop the ability to read a woman (or anyone) in real time until you put your ass out there in real life. You don't learn real Game using okcupid online. That's like saying you know how to sword fight because you spent all those hours playing World of Warcraft. No texting, no IMs, no emails, and phone contact is only to arrange a meeting in person. Digital communication is no substitute for what meeting her face to face will teach you.

Yes, you're going to get rejected. Expect it, learn from it. You must learn how to read an IOI, you need to get non-verbal information cues, vocal intonations, facial expressions, etc., and this is something online dating can NEVER teach you.

 

[synergy1]

The problem with PUA advice is that it's directed toward being a person who some people aren't capable of becoming. I'm not engaging, interesting, hunky, mysterious. I'm a nerdy guy with a disability whose idea of fun is watching reruns and staying in and I look the part.

I intend to find a way to lose the v-card to demistify sex, then move on with life. I'm capable of doing a lot of things in life, being a ladies man isn't one of them.

I was there a long time ago, and it will be a long time investment on your end w/ a lot of failure in order to be the change you want to be. There are some shortcuts, such as reading experiences and truly embracing them, but most people won't follow through and will throw in the towel. I'll give it a crack based on what I thought my weaknesses were and what was needed to improve them.

shyness: This hasn't gone away, but no one I know would have you believe this. I still find it hard to look people in the eye, and this is perhaps the biggest key. So what can you do to work towards it? Join clubs/ activities that force you to be outgoing. I reffed sports, played sports, and taught senior level engineering courses. The first one especially requires you to be 100% confident in your choices even if you know they are wrong. I had to ref the mens football team ( what a goddamn nightmare), and even ex professionals from time to time. Their egos are big, and you have to be unwavering with your calls. Same with teaching - you need to be part of the solution.

Okay those are a few examples, but you see how the process works. There is no wax on/ wax off ..you learn by doing.

Social awkwardness Knowing what to say and how to say it. Some dudes this is natural. It wasn't to me. See what good guys do in conversation, and observe what dorks do. Smooth guys have flow , and know how to keep an interesting conversation going. Dorks revert back to their favorite topics, games, movie quotes, statistics, math and the like.

Do this. When talking to anyone, focus on the nouns in each sentence and continue the conversation from there. I learned this from Saucehead on the bodybuilding forums over 8 years ago, and its probably one of the biggest single helpful things boosting your conversation. it helps to be funny.

girl: I live in boylston, but like going out in government center
you: Seems like a bunch of frat dudes at government center, still into college guys? (Noun : government center)
girl: ha ha, my co workers go out to XXX usually on thursdays for drinks ( now you have a few nouns, co workers, XXX or thursday)

Get in shape Go to crossfit.com, or the health and fitness section and get ripped. Nuff said.

Make some friends The wrong friends will instill the wrong lifestyle onto you. Make friends via activities that have healthy social lives and have some swag. Learn from them. This will help you a lot.

For more advice, google search for saucehead's "guide to picking up chicks". I think that it is archived on this forum. He cuts through the crap and goes strait into what works. The above is a general outline on what you probably need to work on in order to transform the part.

go pimp it kid

 

[Zarky]

I think that if you have a decent level of "game," it will elevate you on the attractiveness scale 1 point. If you are absolutely at the top of your form and busting A+ game it will elevate you 2 points. But that's about it, in my opinion. If you're a totally average dude, average height, average looks, average job, average personality.. ie, a 5, and you have great game, you will be able to pull 7s, but you're not going to pull 10s.

Just knowing game and studying and applying will raise you 1, the "pros" are raised 2. You need to work on other things as well.

 

[thegator39]

The thing is, I've already made drastic improvements. I used to be the guy that walked around slouching and looking like the world was out to get him...and like a self-fulfilling prophecy, it would happen. People would point me out and laugh at me, especially women (not even hot women, UGs too) or they'd look at me as if I were about to kill them.

I corrected that by being more confident. I still get looks occasionally, but nowhere near the amount I used to get.

My interaction skills, however, are still poor due to my autism. I say things that I don't even mean to say and have poor social instincts. Yes, this can be corrected to a degree, and already has, but it will never be anything better than a 4 out of 10 (close to average, but not quite there.) On top of it, I look nerdy (think Bob Saget or Niles from Frasier)...not ugly, but a dork. I work out, but that's for myself and the adrenaline rush.

I'm probably more of a fit with the smart/librarian type women (I dress like a rich professional like Niles) but in my town, it's all blacks and cape verdeans, literally.

 

[Iceberg]

I don't know about all this other stuff, but you sure do whine a lot.

A man who has the confidence to get on stage and play a musical instrument in front of strangers, is a man who can at least have MODERATE success in the dating world.

First thing's first....stop coming onto this site and whining. If you have a question to ask, or strategy to debate, or whatever, then go for it. No more of this "venting" s***. Leave that for the girls. Use this site for it's informational and conversational purposes, not as an emotional crutch.

 

[thegator39]

I'm not the only one venting on here. I agree that I could step it down a notch, but this site exists for a reason. A lot of guys I get the impression come on here and talk themselves up or exaggerate success because they want to look cool online. At least I admit that there are issues both in and out of my hands.

The location thing is a fact, however. If black women and cape verdeans and wiggettes are your thing, then great. My family does intend on moving within the next year or two, to a place that I happen to love.

In the meantime, my first goal is losing the V card to a woman that isn't a warpig or UG to me and going from there.

 

[Iceberg]

I'm not the only one venting on here. I agree that I could step it down a notch, but this site exists for a reason. A lot of guys I get the impression come on here and talk themselves up or exaggerate success because they want to look cool online. At least I admit that there are issues both in and out of my hands.

I don't know what other guys do. My goal is to get you off the computer whining, and into the real world having successes and failures.

You play musical instruments, right? Is playing Guitar Hero the same as playing guitar on stage?

Then how is online dating/online venting the same as real world experience?

The location thing is a fact, however. If black women and cape verdeans and wiggettes are your thing, then great. My family does intend on moving within the next year or two, to a place that I happen to love.

In the meantime, my first goal is losing the V card to a woman that isn't a warpig or UG to me and going from there.

So now it's other peoples' fault for being of a different culture than you.

Gotta love these kids who blame the rest of the world for their failures.

"It's my high school." "It's my town." "It's blacks." "Its whites"

Oh yeah, and good for you that your family is moving. But you're a 27 year old man, so I don't see how that has any impact on your life. Unless you're still living at home at 27 years old, yet having the nerve to look down on all the "blacks and cape verdeans" for whatever wrongs you think they've committed against you.

 

[thegator39]

I'm talking about black and cape verdean women, not the culture. I have black and cape verdean friends, I'm just not attracted to that type of woman. If you wanted pizza, would you go to Montana or would you go to Chicago?

And yes, I live with my parents. I'm autistic. However, I make the most out of my life, it just happens that meeting and getting women that are remotely my type presents the biggest challenge for me.

The reason I bring up my location is because there's nowhere to practice with women. To use your music analogy...it would be akin to playing with people that like metal when you're a jazz musician.

Yes, black women and cape verdean women and wiggettes are for some people, but not me.

 

[Zarky]

I think that if you have a decent level of "game," it will elevate you on the attractiveness scale 1 point. If you are absolutely at the top of your form and busting A+ game it will elevate you 2 points. But that's about it, in my opinion. If you're a totally average dude, average height, average looks, average job, average personality.. ie, a 5, and you have great game, you will be able to pull 7s, but you're not going to pull 10s.

Just knowing game and studying and applying will raise you 1, the "pros" are raised 2. You need to work on other things as well.

I was looking over that post, and realized that I neglected to mention one thing: Not only does game raise you 1-2 points, LACK OF game can drop you 1-2 points. So I guess, when counting the full spread, you could theoretically raise yourself 4 full points if you start out as a totally weak shlub and move to PUA stardom (assuming nothing else about you changes.)

Take the example about the average dude who is a 5 in all respects. If he has no game whatsoever and acts like an AFC, he will drop to a 4 or even if he's a total omega-male, a 3. If he works hard and becomes less chumpy, he will raise up to his average 5ness, and if he then develops real game he could move to a 6 or a 7.

So I guess 'game' does help more than I initially thought, but only if you started out as a total beta/omega AND if you make large strides toward PUAness. If you started out with an average amount of game, it will help some but won't be a huge game-changer.

 

[Iceberg]

I'm talking about black and cape verdean women, not the culture. I have black and cape verdean friends, I'm just not attracted to that type of woman. If you wanted pizza, would you go to Montana or would you go to Chicago?

Hey, I'm not trashing your taste in women. You have a right to be attracted to any kind of woman you want. I'm just saying that you spend a hell of a lot of time throwing blame around. It's a lot of "Woe is me." stuff.

Maybe certain things are facts. But I refuse to believe there aren't guys like you walking around with girlfriends in that town. When you played gigs, who came to it? Who are your friends? Who are they dating?

Either way. Enough psychoanalyzing you. People get paid hundreds of bucks an hour to do that. Just drop the negativity and blaming and "I suck" stuff and get something working.

 

[thegator39]

The guys I know in my town met their gfs through social circles, and I don't know a guy of any caliber dating anyone that a guy on here would consider above a 6.

What I have to do is branch out, think like a pretty white woman, where would she be if she were relegated to this area? The answer is, no matter what style she is, she'd probably be closer to the big city (I'm about an hour from the big city) and if she wasn't, she'd probably be working at a restaurant or a clothing store, which is why I try approaching there. So maybe the answer is just upping my cold approach game. The good news is, I don't take rejection too seriously and fear of rejection isn't what holds me back from trying.