Goals vs Women

[LandingWood]

CRINGEWORTHY PARAGRAPHS AHEAD

I've been lucky to have good looks. I've been lucky enough to have good male role models in my life. And I've had overall ****ty females in my life. I have life goals other than women.

The problem comes when you're chasing paper and getting your degree and life together but it feels like something is missing constantly. No time to spin plates. Too disciplined to party. So you **** a chic or too and you know you can't be attached so you do what's necessary to keep your **** together. But that huge hole is still there.

I've resorted to beta **** after I leave a chicks house like riding home to drake or thinking ...scratch that... Fantasizing about turning around and going back to her house and trying to have a legitimate Ltr. Like some movie ****. Idk what's going on with me.

I've ne'er felt like I've been missing something like I do right now? I feel completely empty. Can someone explain this? How do I fix it? I feel pathetic and its killing my confidence.

I can't chase my goals and women at the same time.

 

[Skyline]

You sir have co dependence.

Look up every post by the user PlayHer Man here and you'll get a fantastic idea on being independent. The fact that you've said you have had bad female role models proves an insecurity and self worth. You need to overcome that and jam the mindset that you do not need to prove anything to a women ever.


http://www.sosuave.net/forum/search.php?searchid=1801135

 

[Bible_Belt]

It sounds like you want a LTR because you have never had one. If you had, then you would understand the drawbacks that come with the benefits. People tend to want what they don't have...until they get it. Then actually having what you thought you wanted fails to make you as happy as you thought it would.

 

[LandingWood]

All of my older male friends tell me to stay single until I get my life together. So logically I understand I don't need to be in a Ltr but I feel like I need one. Which I shouldn't feel like that...

 

[mbas44]

meditate

 

[Driggs]

I have thoughts like this myself but the older I get and the more I see through the motivations of women to see the ugly truth within, the more pointless the dating game seems.

There's no way I'm getting married. I'm sick of all the effort that goes into gaming these women who all think they're the hottest thing since sliced bread. I'm sick of the bull**** that they all seem to pull.

I don't want kids. Kids are just a weapon that mercenary females can use to gain financial leverage on you.

I'm older than a lot of the guys here at 43 and frankly the fun went out of dating a long time ago leaving me wondering just what the **** is the point.

 

[LiveFreeX]

I don't want kids. Kids are just a weapon that mercenary females can use to gain financial leverage on you.

STFU. Lets just say it, you are too much of a pvssy to have kids or there is something wrong with you. Don't blame children for your inadequacies.

the fun went out of dating a long time ago leaving me wondering just what the **** is the point.

The point IS kids.

DONT DATE WESTERN WOMEN.

 

[Driggs]

1) Do you have rugrats? If not, maybe it is you who should STFU.

2) Do you want to bring children into this world? If so, why? I wouldn't do that to someone without consent and it's impossible for the unborn to consent to anything. I think it's probably best to let their sleep remain unbroken.

The point IS kids.

Why, exactly, is the point kids? I think that's a point of view that needs to be dissected. You just want to mindlessly procreate? Is it a biological imperative for you?

 

[NewJack]

I've ne'er felt like I've been missing something like I do right now? I feel completely empty. Can someone explain this? How do I fix it? I feel pathetic and its killing my confidence.

Generally the emptiness comes from not doing what you really want, and instead doing something you think you should.

If I had to guess, I would say you have a handful of options of how to spend your time. The option you are choosing right now is not the one you actually want to do. So there is a disconnect and feeling of emptiness there.

 

[JoeMarron]

I don't see the point in chasing paper if you can't have fun in the meantime. Find a balance between work and play. Wealth isn't worth it to me if I have to bust my ass every second of every day for countless years.

The point IS kids.

You might be ok with dedicating your life to procreation but don't lash out at others for not thinking the same as you. I personally couldn't care less if I'm deemed a "biological failure" because I didn't procreate. There are plenty of people throughout history who contributed something meaningful to humanity without having kids. On the other hand there are far too many idiots having kids and not enough intelligent people so that's something to consider if one actually care what happens to the world after they're gone.

 

[Syrio]

1) Do you have rugrats? If not, maybe it is you who should STFU.

2) Do you want to bring children into this world? If so, why? I wouldn't do that to someone without consent and it's impossible for the unborn to consent to anything. I think it's probably best to let their sleep remain unbroken.



Why, exactly, is the point kids? I think that's a point of view that needs to be dissected. You just want to mindlessly procreate? Is it a biological imperative for you?

It's okay if you don't want to have kids... that's fine, BUT I look at it from an evolutionary perspective - those who don't survive and pass on their genes are inferior and they are naturally removed from the gene pool. As humans, we have pretty simple goals... we want to survive, reproduce, and support the survival of the human race as a whole. Having kids is necessary to work towards these goals. Honestly I see not having kids as kind of admitting to failure - conceding that your genes are inferior and will, therefore, be removed from the human gene pool because you've failed to fulfill your purpose and reproduce.

You might be ok with dedicating your life to procreation but don't lash out at others for not thinking the same as you. I personally couldn't care less if I'm deemed a "biological failure" because I didn't procreate. There are plenty of people throughout history who contributed something meaningful to humanity without having kids. On the other hand there are far too many idiots having kids and not enough intelligent people so that's something to consider if one actually care what happens to the world after they're gone.

Although actually I do kind of agree with what you've said here... if you can contribute something awesome to society then that's great too and that helps humanity as a whole. However, I think that this would only really make up for not having kids in the case of hugely significant contributions. Someone like a mid-level software developer or something mundane like that, who doesn't have kids, would still have failed in my opinion.

 

[Rave18]

All of my older male friends tell me to stay single until I get my life together. So logically I understand I don't need to be in a Ltr but I feel like I need one. Which I shouldn't feel like that...

I was in a similar situation and what your friends are telling you is correct. I've personally tried to balance chasing goals and woman at the same time, even put the girl BEFORE my career and trust me it doesn't work out [Wasted seven years in the process AND the girl dumped me]. The emotions ARE going to be there, you just have to carry on DESPITE them.

 

[Driggs]

BUT I look at it from an evolutionary perspective - those who don't survive and pass on their genes are inferior and they are naturally removed from the gene pool.

By that metric, bacteria are superior to human beings. Darwinian ethics are very different from human ethics and don't apply to the human sphere. For example, intelligence isn't necessarily a beneficial mutation in the Darwinian sense. Darwinian fitness is that which causes procreation and that's all.

Of course, the universe belongs to those whose parents procreated but again I don't see it as much of an inheritance. Unrestrained growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Well obviously its imperative to have goals, that's what is expected of us guys, but its a matter of having goals and working on them and at the same time avoid being passive with women, because obviously a girl is not going to approach you first or ask you out first

 

[JoeMarron]

It's okay if you don't want to have kids... that's fine, BUT I look at it from an evolutionary perspective - those who don't survive and pass on their genes are inferior and they are naturally removed from the gene pool. As humans, we have pretty simple goals... we want to survive, reproduce, and support the survival of the human race as a whole. Having kids is necessary to work towards these goals. Honestly I see not having kids as kind of admitting to failure - conceding that your genes are inferior and will, therefore, be removed from the human gene pool because you've failed to fulfill your purpose and reproduce.



Although actually I do kind of agree with what you've said here... if you can contribute something awesome to society then that's great too and that helps humanity as a whole. However, I think that this would only really make up for not having kids in the case of hugely significant contributions. Someone like a mid-level software developer or something mundane like that, who doesn't have kids, would still have failed in my opinion.

So I suppose if you get in some freak accident and are unable to have children you're going to consider your life worthless. As humans we are the only species on earth capable of contemplating meaning beyond our biological instincts. That mid-level software developer could be living his dream job, accomplishing all his goals, squeezing every bit of enjoyment out of life. I imagine he'd die pleased, not wallowing in regret over not having children, something that even the least intelligent among us can do with ease. I'd rather make my own meaning in life than be a slave to whatever biology or society says I should value.

 

[Syrio]

So I suppose if you get in some freak accident and are unable to have children you're going to consider your life worthless. As humans we are the only species on earth capable of contemplating meaning beyond our biological instincts. That mid-level software developer could be living his dream job, accomplishing all his goals, squeezing every bit of enjoyment out of life. I imagine he'd die pleased, not wallowing in regret over not having children, something that even the least intelligent among us can do with ease. I'd rather make my own meaning in life than be a slave to whatever biology or society says I should value.

If I were in some freak accident and I was unable to have children I would do everything I could to help humanity in other ways. If I wasn't able to do this then honestly the answer is yes, I would probably feel like my life is kind of worthless. But then again who can really say how you would feel in a situation you've never been in?

We are almost certainly NOT the only animals on this planet capable of contemplating meaning beyond our biological instincts. There's really no way to measure this and we, as humans, don't understand enough about neuroscience to prove that this is true or false. Do you really think other animals can't though? Just look at dolphins... their brains are larger than those of humans and their neocortex (which is responsible for higher-order thinking) is proportionally larger. Although I'll admit this is slightly irrelevant to the main point you were arguing...

If you are a childless, average mid-level software developer and you're happy then that's fine... good for you for being happy. If you are happy I suppose that's all that matters, but what I was saying is that for the greater purpose of humanity, that person's life has very little value compared to someone who reproduces/provides a lot to society. If you don't care about that then whatever, good for you. I definitely do care about that though, and I think everybody rightfully SHOULD care. The only reason any of us even exist is because, whether they admit it or not, the vast majority of people DO care about survival, reproduction, and the well-being of humanity.

 

[JoeMarron]

If I were in some freak accident and I was unable to have children I would do everything I could to help humanity in other ways. If I wasn't able to do this then honestly the answer is yes, I would probably feel like my life is kind of worthless. But then again who can really say how you would feel in a situation you've never been in?

We are almost certainly NOT the only animals on this planet capable of contemplating meaning beyond our biological instincts. There's really no way to measure this and we, as humans, don't understand enough about neuroscience to prove that this is true or false. Do you really think other animals can't though? Just look at dolphins... their brains are larger than those of humans and their neocortex (which is responsible for higher-order thinking) is proportionally larger. Although I'll admit this is slightly irrelevant to the main point you were arguing...

If you are a childless, average mid-level software developer and you're happy then that's fine... good for you for being happy. If you are happy I suppose that's all that matters, but what I was saying is that for the greater purpose of humanity, that person's life has very little value compared to someone who reproduces/provides a lot to society. If you don't care about that then whatever, good for you. I definitely do care about that though, and I think everybody rightfully SHOULD care. The only reason any of us even exist is because, whether they admit it or not, the vast majority of people DO care about survival, reproduction, and the well-being of humanity.

My point is that this is a horrible and illogical mindset. You're basically saying that anyone who hasn't had kids or made a massive contribution to society is worthless. One person doing just a little bit of good is a benefit to humanity. It all adds up. Not everyone can be exceptional. This isn't an excuse not to try but you can't place your self worth on accomplishing what most can't. Plus I don't understand how having children holds the same weight as making a huge contribution to society. Having a couple of kids are utterly insignificant when there are 7 billion other humans around. That mid-level software developer does far more good to society than the random deadbeat dad who has nothing going for him, yet managed to have 20 different kids with 20 different women.

 

[Syrio]

My point is that this is a horrible and illogical mindset. You're basically saying that anyone who hasn't had kids or made a massive contribution to society is worthless. One person doing just a little bit of good is a benefit to humanity. It all adds up. Not everyone can be exceptional. This isn't an excuse not to try but you can't place your self worth on accomplishing what most can't. Plus I don't understand how having children holds the same weight as making a huge contribution to society. Having a couple of kids are utterly insignificant when there are 7 billion other humans around. That mid-level software developer does far more good to society than the random deadbeat dad who has nothing going for him, yet managed to have 20 different kids with 20 different women.

See I actually think that the deadbeat dad has been more beneficial to humanity than the software developer. He has directly contributed to the survival of humanity by creating 20 additional humans. It is unlikely that the software developer's work contributed as much to society.

Keep in mind though, the software developer is just an example, and probably a bad one actually... good software developers are rare and their work is actually often very beneficial to society. What I meant when I initially said "mid-level software developer who has no kids" was an average white-collar worker with no kids.

And yes I guess you are right when you say that one person doing a little bit of good is a benefit to humanity. Their life isn't "worthless" or anything but it's certainly (in my opinion) not as valuable as the life of someone who will have a family and whose kids will have families of their own. Without people like this, humanity would cease to exist.

I'm not trying to say that people who don't have kids are worthless. However I'll say this: I don't understand how anybody could NOT want to have kids at some point in their life. The humans who survive and reproduce are the ones who keep humanity alive.

Here's a little glimpse as to why I probably feel this way:

I'm guessing this isn't the case for you (since it probably isn't for most people) but I am the last male in my family who can pass on our name. If I die without having kids, the name dies with me. To me, it feels like not having kids would mean the whole family ended because I failed to reproduce, which obviously would feel like failing. This is why I definitely plan on having kids, and probably why I feel this way about having kids in general.

 

[Rave18]

Also read > http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=185543

2006 - 2013 R.I.P.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Unfortunately we have to put our goals first, which I find to be boring