Give it to me straight

[joekerr31]

never ever fall for a drug user. EVER.

these people are broken. they need help. and the absolute WORST person to try and help them is someone with a romantic angle to play.

 

[backbreaker]

so I'm broken?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

never ever fall for a drug user. EVER.

these people are broken. they need help. and the absolute WORST person to try and help them is someone with a romantic angle to play.

Backbreaker, joekerr is right, and so is LMS. The way you reacted to people telling you what you don't want to hear contradicts the title you gave to this thread. There is nothing you can do, it all has to come from her. I will go as far as suggesting she goes to rehab and pay for it herself. By nature, we don't tend to value what is giving to us, even more when it is forced down on us. This has to totally come from her, including the will to change to take the initiative, etc., and not because she feels she has to, just to keep you around.

As an addict, her first love will be the powder, then the Backbreaker. At worst, you will be the stepping stone, the bridge for her to get what she wants. Your competition is not another man, it is a drug habit. Those usually win over the heart, mind, and body of the addict.

I must say, it is very refreshing to hear you sound very optimistic and more upbeat, and that you do have feelings, contrary to what you posted last weekend. Make sure your entire feelings of happines are not hanging on the balance of this particular relationship. All the best.

 

[backbreaker]

Backbreaker, joekerr is right, and so is LMS. The way you reacted to people telling you what you don't want to hear contradicts the title you gave to this thread. There is nothing you can do, it all has to come from her. I will go as far as suggesting she goes to rehab and pay for it herself. By nature, we don't tend to value what is giving to us, even more when it is forced down on us. This has to totally come from her, including the will to change to take the initiative, etc., and not because she feels she has to, just to keep you around.

Contary to the way I am sounding, honeslty if certain people I look up to here told me to move on, I honestly would.

As an addict, her first love will be the powder, then the Backbreaker. At worst, you will be the stepping stone, the bridge for her to get what she wants. Your competition is not another man, it is a drug habit. Those usually win over the heart, mind, and body of the addict.

here is the problem with that.. i"m not sure she is an addict. How do I look kicking out someone who exmperimented with coke a cople of times becaue I thinks he is an addict. Pook once said, do not be contained by forumla... this isn't a mathimatical equation.. there are feelings at play here.. and contary to what some say, I'm not tossing her out until she proves to me that 1) she is an addict and 2) she can't kick it and it's more important than me

I must say, it is very refreshing to hear you sound very optimistic and more upbeat, and that you do have feelings, contrary to what you posted last weekend. Make sure your entire feelings of happines are not hanging on the balance of this particular relationship. All the best.

you like everyone else skimmed my post. I said I was emotionless towards people I dont know... however once I open up to someone I will move mountians for that person.

it took this woman 5 months and her proving her self to me day in and day out for her to be put in this position.. another reason why I'm not quick to pull the trigger.. she has earned a chance to redeem herself in my eyes. Her confidence, her class, her intelligence..... I"m not going to outlook everything because of a little coke residue.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Fair enough. You owe it to yourself to find out what her situation is. The problem with Pook and all the "there are emotions involved" side of the angle is that it will be the hardest for you to be detached/objective, because you are involved in the situation.

The fact that there are feelings involved only complicates things and might cloud you from an objective point of view. You know that already.

All the best.

 

[backbreaker]

side of the angle is that it will be the hardest for you to be detached/objective, because you are involved in the situation.

no.. because at that point if she is an addict, she goes from being an asset to a libality to my life. The reason I am found of her now is because I consider her to be an asset. Addict=libality.

would i LIKE her? yes, but i LOVED my ex GF who I was practially engaged to and had no problem given her the boot. I love myself too much

 

[jophil28]

I am the biggest 'substance use prude on the planet.' Alcohol, dope, cigarettes ,red meat ,dorritos - thay all mean BAD SHYTE to me.
HOWEVER, in this circumstance that Back breaker finds himself in, I am inclined to see things this way -

1. The evidence so far indicates that she is an occasional user - and not an addict ( yes, I know how sneaky they are and how deceitful drug abuse is )

2. Everyone deserves a chance at redeeming themselves -second chances and sometimes third chances.

3.The real question here is whether she is willing to dump the coke PERMANENTLY. If she is willing to do that (and mean it ) then this problem can be solved fairly easily. Rehab ?? Maybe a bit of overkill. More like a membership of NA amd some regular 12 Step work IMHO.
Whatever, she needs to DO some recovery work in a program and not just make promises to BB hoping that he will back off.

4. She needs to come to BELIEVE that recreational use is a dangerous delusion and that abstinence is the ONLY way. "One will be OK " is the dumbest saying of the human race.

5. Ultimately, she needs to WANT to quit using MORE than Backbreaker wants her to. HE can only play a supportive role in her recovery, she must be willing to be the agent of this change ,not him.

6. Unforunately drug abuse is resistant to treatment and subject to relapse and therefor BB sould formulate an 'eject' strategy for himself should she revert to using.

I have been in a relationship with a woman who had BPD, NPD and a few other personality quirks. She was also a drunk when she got with her G/friends and I know that she used coke occasionally when I was not around. I had to walk away. Her substance use took priority over her affection for me. Dealbreaker !

 

[backbreaker]

I am the biggest 'substance use prude on the planet.' Alcohol, dope, cigarettes ,red meat ,dorritos - thay all mean BAD SHYTE to me.
HOWEVER, in this circumstance that Back breaker finds himself in, I am inclined to see things this way -

1. The evidence so far indicates that she is an occasional user - and not an addict ( yes, I know how sneaky they are and how deceitful drug abuse is )

2. Everyone deserves a chance at redeeming themselves -second chances and sometimes third chances.

3.The real question here is whether she is willing to dump the coke PERMANENTLY. If she is willing to do that (and mean it ) then this problem can be solved fairly easily. Rehab ?? Maybe a bit of overkill. More like a membership of NA amd some regular 12 Step work IMHO.
Whatever, she needs to DO some recovery work in a program and not just make promises to BB hoping that he will back off.

4. She needs to come to BELIEVE that recreational use is a dangerous delusion and that abstinence is the ONLY way. "One will be OK " is the dumbest saying of the human race.

5. Ultimately, she needs to WANT to quit using MORE than Backbreaker wants her to. HE can only play a supportive role in her recovery, she must be willing to be the agent of this change ,not him.

6. Unforunately drug abuse is resistant to treatment and subject to relapse and therefor BB sould formulate an 'eject' strategy for himself should she revert to using.

I have been in a relationship with a woman who had BPD, NPD and a few other personality quirks. She was also a drunk when she got with her G/friends and I know that she used coke occasionally when I was not around. I had to walk away. Her substance use took priority over her affection for me. Dealbreaker !

if the problem is bad.. which I honestly don't think it is.. if she proves, and really proves she is trying to get better.. I can deal with a relaspe or two. I had them myself, I can't be a hyprocite... I'm not asking her to be perfect, just to when it's all said and done.. put it down.

 

[John-467]

removed

 

[backbreaker]

UH.. maybe you should know a little bit about me before you make random AFC ass posts about my relationships

 

[backbreaker]

where once did you see me use the word LOvE. I didn't because I"m not. stop assuming **** and actually READ A FCKING POST.


when I met her I was juggling 4 women. spinning 4 plates. I have been spinning 3 plates for the last 2 plus years constantly. again... please read more and post a hell of alot less.

Why can't you guys just embrace your sexualselfs, enjoy life, and STOP trying to get in "love."

the same reason you are ovbiously to lazy to read

 

[John-467]

removed

 

[backbreaker]

Backbacker relax I did read your post, don't get offended.

I understand that you are "spinning many plates" but the problem is that this particular plate you are spinning seems to be spinning YOU more than you are spinning it.

You might not have mentioned love but aren't these your words, "a 31 year old women I've been seeing for the last 3-4 months."

Keywords are 3-4 months. Continue...

" GREAT woman..."

How do you know how GREAT she is, you just met her? 3-4 Months isn't enough time to figure out how great YOU are neverthe less someone else for an LTR.

"can't say enough about her. She puts a smile on my face thinking about her."

Well if this isn't the "love" experience you tell me what it is? I'm not trying to bring any heat here or do a flame with you, rather I'm trying to bring a observation to you that your "feelings" for her are not mature and are not REAL, but more of a sloppy sexuality. Nice guys and AFCs that "have love feelings" are just confused on how to use their sexuality, that's their sexuality talking but it's not channelled properly nor used correctly, it actually makes the guy look a little less experienced.

Also BackBacker you did post your thread in the Discussion portion so wouldn't you expect guys to "discuss" the thread? You might not like what I'm saying but maybe if you "read my thread" maybe you would see I'm not trying to bash you but really trying to help you out a little bit brother.

-DJF

well **** what am I supposed to say?

First I get called out for having NO emotions

then I get called out for having SOME emotions


maybe I just just be a mine.

Do I have to honestly rite out everything? Okay.. she's great SO FAR. you happy now? is that better?



It's not love... I don't use the word love loosly like most folk around here.

So far.. after 4 months, she has earned the right in my eyes to be exclusive.

considering she's the first woman to do so in almost 3 years.. that's pretty damn great to me

 

[Bonhomme]

Damn.

In my limited experience with people I've known to do a fair amount of coke in any form, every one of them was neurotically depressed.

The sh1t is really bad news. It makes total sense to me to give her the choice of staying off it or "being shown the door."

 

[John-467]

removed

 

[backbreaker]

i fuvcking give up

 

[Last Man Standing]

We are here to help BB, we may not be right in our final assessment but we are only giving our perspective - perspectives are neither right or wrong - they are conjecture to a situation we are removed from!! It is your decision, in the end!

DJF is right - 3 months (a mere few hours of human contact) is not enough to truly know a woman to be "serious" with. Take a step back and take a few more months to make a total commitment to see no one else!

Here is the deal - she is 31 y/o not 18 so she is at her peak in her young adulthood - durg use at 31 is a more serious problem than taking drugs at 18 - she should know better and be more reserved and cautious at this age!

At 31, she is definitely looking for marriage - are you prepared to enter this stage - especially with a woman who is 8 years older than you??!!!!?? Be careful!!!

At 31, if she is such a great girl, then why isn't she married by now? Is it because she is a "party" girl who would not make for a good wife?

As the late great DJ, Lost In translation (LIT) stated, men on drugs rob and steal - women on drugs, hor!!! LIT knew women well!!!

Only trust and love your wife!!!

 

[John-467]

removed

 

[Phyzzle]

Yo Backbreaker, as an experienced user, my vote, for what it's worth, is to give her a chance. You told her what your expectations are. There's no need for drastic measures unless she backslides.

The hard part is going to a party, and people break out some lines. Now that you're monogamous, she probably shouldn't be going to too many late night parties without you . . . I assume?

Oh, and sorry John is posting here. He's 23, and all his advice is limited to "be more sexual". I'm guessing he'll be banned for the nth time before he pollutes the mature forum, too.

 

[backbreaker]

i give up because there is no winning


I can make a post saying the following:


"I met a girl... we have had sex for 6 months, we are going to start dating"


and I would get the EXACT same responses I am getting now


but what is really peeving me is that you guys are trying to give me advice on an area I don't need advice in.

I had a question about the coke.. not about how i "feel" about this woman.

Here is the deal - she is 31 y/o not 18 so she is at her peak in her young adulthood - durg use at 31 is a more serious problem than taking drugs at 18 - she should know better and be more reserved and cautious at this age!

you are right and I'm taking it seriously. But again.. up until 24 hours ago I had nothing bad to say about the girl.. besides her meddling with **** when I"m sleep. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but I'm not tossing the woman to the curve over what amounts to a couple of particles of coke residue

At 31, she is definitely looking for marriage - are you prepared to enter this stage - especially with a woman who is 8 years older than you??!!!!?? Be careful!!!

I don't think so... I don't think she is the marriage type, but that's a road I will cross when the day comes. We are having fun. What's the harm in that?

75% of women's personalities are nice, sweet, kind, gentle, all that shyt, does this mean the girl is an LTR? Does this mean the girl is a great Love Partner?

But I'm not settling down with 75 women.. I jsut went though my phone.. over the past year I count 63 phone numbers from women.. 3 different states.. not to mention before last year... one girl.

there is something that sets her apart from everyone else I have fvcked. It's not love. All I am saying is that she has earned the right to be exclusive.. nothing more, nothing less

The hard part is going to a party, and people break out some lines. Now that you're monogamous, she probably shouldn't be going to too many late night parties without you . . . I assume?

neither one of us are late night partiers... She's more of a hermit than I am. I picked her brain a little more today to see if her story held up... same story...her roomate's brother every once in a while got alot and would score them some. I asked her honestly, how many times and she said for about 3 months, no more than 5 times in all.. which actually adds up because she has only been staying with her roomate since Feburary and they just met in feburary