Girls who seem interested but are actually naively nice?

Pimp-sicle

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Maxtro said:
LOL! You've been a member since 2003 and you don't know who I am?

I'm the board's resident clueless chump.

Two things: 1) yes I've been a member here since '03, but as you can probably tell from my post count I go through phases when I post regularly and times where I won't visit the site for months or even a year.

2) Your mindset is a big reason why you fall into these confusing (to you) mazes in the first place, you have no self worth....fix that first!



How is that?

In response to my claim on it being your fault if your confused about a girl:

Its your fault BECAUSE you were either:

a) wishy washy with your intentions

b) and not confident enough

this combined leads to YOU giving off hot and cold vibes, so the girl will reciprocate what she feels. There's a big difference between a girl being "nice" and a girl being interested. But rather than explaining that all to you, I'll do it a different way:

"JUDGE WOMEN BY THEIR ACTIONS NOT THEIR WORDS!"

If you look at all these situations through THAT LENS, its clear that this particular woman is NOT interested in you romantically, but you don't seem to see those signs clearly. Instead you think a smile, a quick hug and a hello mean she's interested......she's not going to completely ignore you all the time if your in a class together. But think of it this way.....does she flake on you? YES Does she ever call you and ask you to hangout outside of class? NO


I'm not the kind of guy who seduces woman so I wouldn't know. I've also never had a GF to cheat on me.

Again you've labeled yourself as this....who's telling you that you are not capable of learning how to seduce women? No one but yourself! If this doesn't change, your results won't either.


It seems to happen pretty frequently to me. Unless the girl never was flirting and I just assumed she was.

ACTIONS.... NOT WORDS BRO. These girls are "nice" to you with their words and vanish when it comes to actions. That shows their true interest. What I think is most likely going on as I mentioned before is this: when they meet you they might be open to or interested in you. But since you have such poor self-esteem and have a lot to learn on how to game they lose interest. However they aren't going to COMPLETELY ignore you when you have a class or some other activity with them that you two see each other on a semi-regular basis. Learn what characteristics attract women and develop them. For instance......are you in decent shape? Do you even work out? Do you update your wardrobe semi-regularly? Do you have any trouble starting conversations with strangers? Etc etc.


Yeah, I think I've been in that situation. I just don't know if chicks have been interested.

Just reading your thoughts on yourself in this thread paints a clear picture of your biggest issue: self worth. The guy who scores ASSUMES interest and goes from there. The AFC over-analyzes and always looks at the glass half empty.

Eh, I don't think the girl is blameless.


Perhaps not blameless, but the majority of the blame falls on your shoulders for not being able to quickly identify women with high interest and women who are all talk. Judge actions and actions only and you won't fall into mental masturbation hell.


She shows up in dance class after missing a few sessions, I say, "Haven't seen you in a while." She looks at me smiles and hugs me. "Yeah I've been sleeping in.

After class is over.

Me: "Hey you have to come to class next week."
Her: "Yeah, I've been slacking off. Are you going to stay for the next class?"
Me: "Nope, I got to go."
She looks disappointed. Gives me a hug again. "Ok see you."

This doesn't mean jack ssssssshhhhtttt?! You think that shows interest? Better yet think about it this way.....if she had high interest in you, do you think she would constantly be sleeping in??? Exactly!

Next time I see her in class I invite her out to lunch and she says that she love to but she can only eat at the dorms since she doesn't have any money. Since I don't dorm, I'd have to pay cash to eat, and I didn't have any on me. We make plans to get lunch after the next class day.

This is called a bs excuse by her.......she's not interested dude.


Next class, she basically avoids me. Once class is over, I ask her if she still wants to go, and now she's too busy :rolleyes:

Because prior to asking her out to lunch directly, she thought you were her class "buddy." And that's why I said it was YOUR FAULT in the beginning for not knowing the game. Not knowing how to create attraction, amplify it and get her interested. Its like making you sit through a terribly boring movie and asking you to watch it again minute by minute, scene by scene. You won't be too excited will you?? That's the same way this girl feels when you ask her out when all the groundwork before was not laid down.

In other words all the opportunities you had to create attraction were missed by you because of a fundamental lack of understanding how flirting 101 works.



Was she interested, leading me on, clueless? I have no idea.

She thought of you as a friend, thought you looked at her the same way. Then when you asked her out to lunch it freaked her out a bit because she realized you were interested romantically and she is now retreating.....where's the confusing behavior on her part???

I would love to take that course. Hell it should be taught in high school as well.

Well the good news is you CAN take that course, by going out in the field and messing up. Coming back here and getting answers to where your steering off course to LEARN from your mistakes. That's how every single legendary ladies man did it and your not different. To get better you have to go through the learning curve. Some pick it up right away, others take a bit longer. But by no means is it virgin misery for you......your still young. Be glad your not married with 2 kids and miserably dying a little each day.


I've managed to get this old without figuring out the basics and with the rate I'm going, I don't know if I ever will.

Your not trying hard enough to learn. Your very safe, when was the last time you cold approached a few random women? I'm guessing a long time ago or never. How can you "score" when you only have a random shot once every few months. This is a game where repeated activity breeds success. And the best thing about life is with age and experience comes wisdom which constantly helps you to improve how you present yourself to others and how efficient you become at it.








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Igetit!

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Maxtro said:
LOL! You've been a member since 2003 and you don't know who I am?
Yeah,this is kinda what I was thinking Max,lol.


Maxtro is right Pimp-sicle. Seriously....you really don't know who you're dealing with in Maxtro.



Everything you said is right,and everything you said I 100% agree with. And you know what? It doesn't matter. He won't let the forum help him.


I don't even think he does it on purpose,but he does do it.


I mean think about it for a second.....

It's March 2011. Max has been here since 2004. That's 7 years.

7 years of making threads and posts,asking questions and receiving answers,2900+ posts,ALL THAT,and he can't tell the difference between a girl being nice or romantically interested?


You ought to have a look at a few of Max's past threads,look at the information he's gotten in them.


Check out this thread here http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158113 called "It ain't over yet". Skip down to reply #26 and look at what was said there. I actually like this thread,I go back and read it from time to time.



Here's another one called "I need serious inner game work,suggestions?"

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=157033

Check out reply #7.


I could go on and on giving you examples. Oh and yeah.....check out THE DATES on those threads.

And that's just since I joined up here.



I know you mean well,but Max is right...you really don't know who you're dealing with here.



Oh....and Max,yeah,I agree with what that chck from the other forum told you,that thing about a girl being afraid of being too friendly if she had any real interest in you,yeah,I agree.
 

Maxtro

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Instead you think a smile, a quick hug and a hello mean she's interested.

This doesn't mean jack ssssssshhhhtttt?! You think that shows interest?
It was enough to leave me very confused. Most girls aren't that nice to me and I rarely ever get hugged. It was enough odd behavior for me to take a risk on it.
Better yet think about it this way.....if she had high interest in you, do you think she would constantly be sleeping in??? Exactly!
I never thought she had high interest. And it's ridiculous to think that a girl would like me enough to make sure to come to class to see me.
This is called a bs excuse by her.......she's not interested dude.
Actually, that's not exactly the case.

This is how the conversation happened.

"Hey lets go get some lunch."
"Yeah, I'd love to. Oh wait I don't have any money. We could go to the cafeteria but it's expensive if you don't dorm."
"I don't have have any cash on me. Lets go on Wednesday when I have some money."
"It's OK we don't have to go to the dorms. I can use my card."
"Nah, it's fine we''ll go next time."

Basically I wasn't thinking clearly. We could have had lunch that day but I was the one who made sure it didn't happen.

What I'm thinking is that during that conversation she thought I was just being her class buddy and she agreed to it not realizing my intentions. The same thing happened last year when I made a date with a girl to go bowling on the weekend. When I arrived at her house to pick her up, her best guy friend was there and he came with us. The next day I asked her what happened and she told me that she didn't want to date.

So in both of those situations a girl agreed to a date while having the wrong idea about me. Then a couple of days later, they both realized that I didn't just want to be their class buddy. At least the second girl had the decency to not let herself get dragged on a date she didn't want to go to. Even if I had to approach her first.

Your mindset is a big reason why you fall into these confusing (to you) mazes in the first place, you have no self worth....fix that first!
Lord I am trying! It is extremely hard to do when all I know is defeat.
Perhaps not blameless, but the majority of the blame falls on your shoulders for not being able to quickly identify women with high interest and women who are all talk. Judge actions and actions only and you won't fall into mental masturbation hell.
I'm trying to learn the difference. It's a long and slow process. Also women rarely show interest, at least, what I think is interest.

Because prior to asking her out to lunch directly, she thought you were her class "buddy." And that's why I said it was YOUR FAULT in the beginning for not knowing the game. Not knowing how to create attraction, amplify it and get her interested.
You have me there.

It's a struggle.

Your not trying hard enough to learn. Your very safe, when was the last time you cold approached a few random women? I'm guessing a long time ago or never. How can you "score" when you only have a random shot once every few months. This is a game where repeated activity breeds success. And the best thing about life is with age and experience comes wisdom which constantly helps you to improve how you present yourself to others and how efficient you become at it.
Eh, I try every month or so. I don't approach random women I don't know. I much prefer warm approach situations. Even though they've pretty much always failed.
 

Maxtro

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Igetit! said:
It's March 2011. Max has been here since 2004. That's 7 years.

7 years of making threads and posts,asking questions and receiving answers,2900+ posts,ALL THAT,and he can't tell the difference between a girl being nice or romantically interested?
I think I have the answer to that.

Most likely, women have never been interested in me.

Since I have never received any interest signals, I lowered my gaze and started to consider friendliness as interest. Which of course there never was any interest.

So which mindset is best?

"Girls don't like me" or "Maybe she likes me, I'll take a shot."

Check out this thread here http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158113 called "It ain't over yet". Skip down to reply #26 and look at what was said there. I actually like this thread,I go back and read it from time to time.
Wow, that was almost exactly two years ago. It was embarrassing reading that thread. Just as reading this one will probably be embarrassing two years from now.

At least I no longer approach women with the intention of false friendship. I want girls to know I'm interested. Makes the whole process much quicker.

Oh....and Max,yeah,I agree with what that chck from the other forum told you,that thing about a girl being afraid of being too friendly if she had any real interest in you,yeah,I agree.
OK, that's something to watch out for.

Of course it leaves me even more confused.

I think I'm better off not even trying to look for interest and just ask out girls that I'm attracted to. If she's remotely nice, might as well give it a shot.
 

ARrocket

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I still think your #1 issue is not having a solid group of guy friends. Ones that you can go out and party with, just hang around with, etc. Start there. The rest will fall into place.

Now, how to start there...that's a whole different story, and something I don't really know how to advise on!
 

Pimp-sicle

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Igetit! said:
Yeah,this is kinda what I was thinking Max,lol.


Maxtro is right Pimp-sicle. Seriously....you really don't know who you're dealing with in Maxtro.

LOL... apparently not. Like I was telling Max, been a member here since '03 when I was just a young pup, but have had hiatus's of a year or more a few times. Check out my post count in nearly 8 years....kinda explains why my REP isn't higher huh?? haha People don't know me as much as I don't know most except for a select few.

Everything you said is right,and everything you said I 100% agree with. And you know what? It doesn't matter. He won't let the forum help him.

Its funny I have a friend, who is completely clueless with women. Now I know Maxtro KNOWS things about the game, but just doesn't know how to apply them. This guy I'm talking about has zero game, ALWAYS makes the same mistakes over and over with different girls. I've sat him down a few times over the years and gave him the quick primer coat....but it doesn't sink in. Completely socially inept and sadly because of this I ignore his calls and can't hang out with him because he just doesn't get it and after 8 years of trying you start to think some just aren't meant to "get it."


I don't even think he does it on purpose,but he does do it.

Not that I'm a qualified psychologist, but a lot of it sounds like a behavioral issue. I wouldn't be surprised if Maxtro gets anxiety over this since it seems like such a central focus in his life 24/7.


I mean think about it for a second.....

It's March 2011. Max has been here since 2004. That's 7 years.

7 years of making threads and posts,asking questions and receiving answers,2900+ posts,ALL THAT,and he can't tell the difference between a girl being nice or romantically interested?

Yeah I don't really even look at the join date when I respond to be honest, I just look at the situation and then their age.....haha


You ought to have a look at a few of Max's past threads,look at the information he's gotten in them.


Wow.....definitely opened my eyes!

Check out this thread here http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158113 called "It ain't over yet". Skip down to reply #26 and look at what was said there. I actually like this thread,I go back and read it from time to time.



Here's another one called "I need serious inner game work,suggestions?"

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=157033

Check out reply #7.


I could go on and on giving you examples. Oh and yeah.....check out THE DATES on those threads.

And that's just since I joined up here.



I know you mean well,but Max is right...you really don't know who you're dealing with here.



Oh....and Max,yeah,I agree with what that chck from the other forum told you,that thing about a girl being afraid of being too friendly if she had any real interest in you,yeah,I agree.









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Huffman

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Maxtro said:
That's the same thing as telling a white belt that in order to beat a black belt, he must be a karate master.
Well it seems this particular white belt doesn't want to do painful knuckle pushups, and so he breaks his wrist trying to punch above his weight.
 

Trump

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Maxtro said:
The problem is that I'm actually able to make dates and sometimes actually go on a couple.

What happens with that is that I get my hopes up and become excited. Then I get devastated when they cancel or friendzone me.

Roughly this time last year I had scheduled a date with a girl that I REALLY liked. When the day comes, she actually showed up with a guy friend and I was third wheeling the whole time. The next day I saw her on campus she told me that she didn't want to date. I never did learn why she agreed to the date and why she didn't bother to cancel instead of letting it happen on and giving me a horrible day.
You lack a good support system and have few friends; leads to massive insecurity and supplication. Get some guy friends, and then start asking girls out.
 

Maxtro

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Guy friends take time to make. I am working on it. But we're more like "club buddies" at this point.

That doesn't give a reason why I shouldn't keep asking girls out.
 
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