Girls think I'm creepy.

Flabbergasped?

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I heard this a couple times from different sources on different occasions, so there's some truth to it (or at least, some common misinterpretations). I can't really put my finger on what the problem is, but here's my thoughts:

When I'm hammered I get really flirtateous and hit on people hard. That would be fine and dandy, everyone's drunk at college parties, but I'm not that attractive (yet, I've started working out and fixing my wardrobe) so it just comes on creepy. Cavemanning is hard when you don't have the looks.

So, I figure I'll cut back on 1) spitting game and 2) alcohol until I'm done sexifying myself. To anyone out there who's been called creepy:

-I think 'creepy' or 'sketchy' is another way for girls to say "guy I'm not attracted to who's hitting on me." Two ways to fix that. 1) Become more attractive, whatever that means, and 2) don't telegraph interest. It's especially a big deal at my school, because it's small and word gets around.

The good thing about this situation is, I don't really give a rat's @ss what people think, so these rumors haven't really affected my mindset much, but I'd rather start damage control before my reputation sinks any lower.
 

ketostix

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You pretty much nailed it. You have to find ways to become more attractive to at least rise over the threshold of being perceived as "creepy". All creepy means is a guy who the girl(s) are not attracted to who is trying to assert his sexuality or doesn't act AFC. if you're lucky they give a pretext as a reason that your creepy: age difference, being too forward, etc. But it's always simply you're not attractive. It's the newest and most effective c0ckblocking tool of shame the girls have at their disposal yet.
 

Poonani Maker

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Just understand that girls don't have to be strong or think with weight so anything she says to you is just a drop in the ocean of other peoples' thoughts about you. Women don't have to be responsible like us men. Observe: http://youtube.com/watch?v=q6H3INR0S64
 

LostAndConfused

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There is a universal idea of "Creepy."

Granted, this description of a "creepy" guy is made up at the top of my head at the spur of the moment but:

Creepy would be something like the pasty, fat guy who lives all shut up in his house with blinds playing World of Warcraft and he goes out only at night wearing a Dracula coat to do god knows what, and he comes back at 4 in the morning in a drunken stupor. One day he approaches your moms asking her for sex. That would be creepy.

When girls use the word creepy, like in your context, they mean something different. Ketostix was absolutely right, its just a new tool young high school and college girls have. It's not always looks man. You could have a really low social proof, or be a quiet guy, so when she's taken by surprise with you spitting legitimate game and displaying your masculinity, she has no attraction and can only use this new female term "creepy" to describe your actions.

It also could be that you aren't attractive too (to her at least), as looks are not THAT important but they are more important than what people let on at SoSuave.

So what should you do? Well, if these girls who called you creepy cross your path again, don't bow down to them, don't put them on a pedestal, just be polite, but not AFC. If they are right behind you when you walk into a building, hold the door open for them. Thats as far as you should go. Really, you won't build THAT bad of a reputation man, so don't worry...unless you do other "creepy" stuff that are relative to my description of the universal creepy dude. Maybe when you are drunk you say really weird things? All those comments really do is just hurt your chances with that girl who called you creepy and her close friends. Thats about it.

Sarge on brother!
 

DonJuan11

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ketostix said:
All creepy means is a guy who the girl(s) are not attracted to who is trying to assert his sexuality or doesn't act AFC.
My long time friend (who is a girl) told me that since I don't hug other girls during hellos or goodbyes, girls find that wierd and creepy because it doesn't create the closeness with them. I think that's ridiculous.

Hugging = AFC. What's the point? Family, cousin, relative, sister is OK. Girls you know or just met? No way Jose Canseco.
 

Flabbergasped?

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DonJuan11, that's really ironic, because right now, people have called me creepy for being too touchy and giving too many hugs.

Just goes to show you how bs that word is. I had let it get to me before, but its really just a dramatization of a simple concept, "I don't find you attractive."
 

punchitchewy

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DonJuan11 said:
My long time friend (who is a girl) told me that since I don't hug other girls during hellos or goodbyes, girls find that wierd and creepy because it doesn't create the closeness with them. I think that's ridiculous.

Hugging = AFC. What's the point? Family, cousin, relative, sister is OK. Girls you know or just met? No way Jose Canseco.
Flabergasped? said:
DonJuan11, that's really ironic, because right now, people have called me creepy for being too touchy and giving too many hugs.

Just goes to show you how bs that word is. I had let it get to me before, but its really just a dramatization of a simple concept, "I don't find you attractive.
Flabergasped, you're right, girls only want to hug people they are either attracted romantically or are good friends with. (See below for other factors.)

Donjuan11, to me generalizing things like hugging as AFC or not isn't really appropriate. It depends on the people involved and the situation.



A pal of mine who is a college football player and is very popular with guys and girls, hugs and makes physical contact with people probably more than anyone I know. It matches his personality well because he's also very friendly, extroverted, loud, built, down to earth, interesting, and just naturally makes physical contact with people at appropriate times. People who you would almost never see hug otherwise love getting hugs from him because it just feels right because he’s very natural and congruent. He wouldn't hug people he's just met but he will touch them on the arms and what not. He is an attractive person so more people are open to his hugginess than the average person. He's not forcing this on anyone because he's AWARE of how people are feeling and reacting to him so he only does it at certain times to certain people and the reasoning for this decision is made almost entirely in the subconscious.

Should everyone hug as much as this guy? No. It's really about finding out what's natural for you. I know there's some people who pick up girls they don't know and spin them around and it's great, and others that don't do much more than a handshake for a little while and it's great too, because it's all congruent with who they are. When you are afraid to touch people you know, guys or girls, there's something wrong there, because it's not based out of who you are but an irrational fear. The point is whether or not you hug someone should be based out of fearlessly embracing yourself as a person and being aware of social settings and not wondering whether hugging is AFC ffs. Any kind of 'cavemanning' is based on these principles.

(Note: I have a theory that big guys are more huggable because hugging is a representation of protective power as well as friendliness, and a bigger guy presents more of this power. )
 

The Deacon

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I think creepiness is a mixture of social awkwardness, lack of social proof, and lack of physical attractiveness. A guy doesn't have to hug you to be creepy, he just has to look at you weirdly.

Like, if you're extremely socially awkward and you have social proof, you'll have friends but if you look at girls in ways that make them uncomfortable, you'll be creepy.

If you have no social proof, you're ugly, and you hit on random girls, you're creepy.

If you're good-looking, but you have no friends and you're socially awkward, you're creepy.

Blah, that's my two cents. It all makes sense when I think about it in those terms.
 

DJVladdy

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Imbetterthanmystery

congratulations on ur first smart/useful post so far.
 

Augie

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To stop being creepy I suggest you read

"To be Understood or to be Overlooked, Mastering communication in the workplace'

While it's aim is the workplace I've found the technics work on Women
 

MikeYikes122

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Flabbergasped? said:
I heard this a couple times from different sources on different occasions, so there's some truth to it (or at least, some common misinterpretations). I can't really put my finger on what the problem is, but here's my thoughts:

When I'm hammered I get really flirtateous and hit on people hard. That would be fine and dandy, everyone's drunk at college parties, but I'm not that attractive (yet, I've started working out and fixing my wardrobe) so it just comes on creepy. Cavemanning is hard when you don't have the looks.

So, I figure I'll cut back on 1) spitting game and 2) alcohol until I'm done sexifying myself. To anyone out there who's been called creepy:

-I think 'creepy' or 'sketchy' is another way for girls to say "guy I'm not attracted to who's hitting on me." Two ways to fix that. 1) Become more attractive, whatever that means, and 2) don't telegraph interest. It's especially a big deal at my school, because it's small and word gets around.

The good thing about this situation is, I don't really give a rat's @ss what people think, so these rumors haven't really affected my mindset much, but I'd rather start damage control before my reputation sinks any lower.
Hah, you basically just described my roommate from college. The guy was an animal. He was an approach machine. He would get drunk as hell and literally approach every girl at the party or in the room. He just absolutely did not give a sh!t.

I have a feeling you're like him in that you don't give a sh!t to the point that you're way too forward with a room full of girls. I would watch him at parties. It would look something like this: Keg stand, approach girl, shake her hand, violate her personal space, get shot down, repeat process.

Though, he actually does pretty well with girls now. He is kind of a DJ even though he's never been to this site. His big turning point came our senior year when he cleaned up his style. He used to wear flanal shirts all the time (and no we didn't go to school during the 90s). He started dressing kind of like me, and I think he worked on using his instinct a little better. For example, he learned to abort mission at the first sign of disinterest from a girl. He also figured out that he can't just canvas an entire room full of girls.

If you truly don't give a sh!t about what other people think and being rejected doesn't bother you, then you should get out and approach in public. My roommate started doing that when he got a job in a new city and didn't know anyone there. He met tons of chics at places like the pool, the gym, the grocery store, etc. Not giving a sh!t and having no fear of rejection are wonderful qualities to have for any guy who wants to get lots of girls. Cold approaching in public would probably be good for you because (A) you don't have fear of rejection, and (B) you probably won't come off as creepy and too forward. I'm assuming your instincts will be a little sharper when you're sober.
 

Augie

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I'mBETTERthanMYSTreY said:
yay and it took 20 post to do it LOL../\it wasn't easy

Are you critizing my suggestion, if so then I suggest you read the Book then the DJ Bible you may notice they are similar in some ways.
 
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