girls that don't want relationships

[program]

so i am the typical story, about 6 months ago i was the nice guy that never had a girlfriend. sorry to be ****y... i definitely had the looks but as we a know personality can easily turn that around. i would kiss too much ass or whatever blah blah. they would lose interest fast and be like "oh.... i thought wrong" probably.

i have recently switched schools, so it was kinda cool.... I went into a whole new field of girls to start fresh with. this is the internet so im not trying to impress people, i will straight up say most girls at this school wanna get with me, and i have them under MY control and it is them that try to impress me.

i have my eye on this girl. its funny, i have all of her friends numbers and they all say good things about me i know for a fact so she definitely has an eye out for me and is wondering what she is missing out on. inside i really like her but i have done a great job of not persuing, but more attracting her. i don't have her number yet and have a clever way planned out of asking her for it. i am a senior in high school and thought i would ask for her number after prom. i am going with one of her friends which is good in a way and the guy she is going with she has lost interest in i know for a fact, and she doesn't wanna go out with him.

i ask for numbers all the time, but i thought it would be a better way if i get her number and then try to escalate into a relationship right after that (obviously not push it fast, but it would be less likely for her to lose interest in me maybe if i had already asked and done nothing). it would be weird to try to get with her now when im going to prom with her friend.


she is a 9 or 9.5 and one of the best looking at school and has a great personality, BUT she has never had a bf before. some of her friends are also hot but haven't had bfs, only hook ups with guys. apparently they just don't care and are into their own lives, ive been told. that is good because i am very independent and not clingy and work a lot and want time for my own friends..... buttttt... when it comes to trying to attract a girl who is already set in this mode, i have no idea what is best to break thru this.... can i get some help here?

just do the same thing, try to attract and not persue? its hard to tell though, they like to be friends with guys so they are all tight with me but i dont wanna fu.ck it up by trying to advance it when she doesnt want to.



- a confused and challenged boy in northern california..... sincerely program

 

[Jitterbug]

So you get a whole lot of girls you can hook up with and don't have to get into a relationship. What's the question again?

 

[program]

haha.

a lot of these girls don't go past hooking up though, as far as girls at the school in general (when they aren't going out the guy). making out is fun but id rather have a gf where i ram her guts all the time, rather than make out with girls all the time and only get laid every so often.

personally i would like to have a girlfriend now, as long as she passes my kinda picky test. and this girl does so far. difference is now i can actually pull it off without acting all desperate and clingy, but i am just not sure with this girl what to do attract her. ive dated a lot of girls recently and had them start being clingy to me, and me breaking it off..... but i still wanna try out this girl she really has my interest.

does that even make any sense?

 

[DannykDJ]

It sounds like you're trying way to hard to make a relationship happen. When you find a girl that you want to be your gf ask her on a date like you would any other girl and if it's apparent that she's interested then just ask her out on another date, and then repeat this until she starts calling you her bf.

The important thing is to not rush it because girls hate pressure. With every major relationship I have been in it has always been at least 3-4 months of dating each other before SHE asked what we were.

Take it very slowly while still being aggressive. If you show your value as a man and she is interested things will just fall into place in time. Don't worry about the official boyfriend girlfriend title. Until she brings it up just have go with the flow and enjoy your time with her.

Also you didn't specify if you were HS or college so I will assume HS. I strongly advise you to not get to deeply attached to your relationships because usually they are just for practice for both people at a young age. You should still try your best in them because the experience from these practice relationships is needed to maintain a real one that may go the distance later on in life

 

[program]

It sounds like you're trying way to hard to make a relationship happen. When you find a girl that you want to be your gf ask her on a date like you would any other girl and if it's apparent that she's interested then just ask her out on another date, and then repeat this until she starts calling you her bf.

The important thing is to not rush it because girls hate pressure. With every major relationship I have been in it has always been at least 3-4 months of dating each other before SHE asked what we were.

Take it very slowly while still being aggressive. If you show your value as a man and she is interested things will just fall into place in time. Don't worry about the official boyfriend girlfriend title. Until she brings it up just have go with the flow and enjoy your time with her.

Also you didn't specify if you were HS or college so I will assume HS. I strongly advise you to not get to deeply attached to your relationships because usually they are just for practice for both people at a young age. You should still try your best in them because the experience from these practice relationships is needed to maintain a real one that may go the distance later on in life

Yeah I don't want a very serious relationship, and yes I am in hs. Some of my friends have wasted a lot of time in long relationships at a young age.

Thanks for the post. I will just play it by ear and see how it goes.

Anything in particular for nailing down a girl who is simply just into her own life? Just be the same way?

What do you guys do for the casual no pressure type of dates? Maybe say something like "I just got back from so and so and am gonna get some food, wanna come?" or "hey lets go grab a quick starbucks so we can talk about x".

What do you think?

 

[Jitterbug]

program, there are plenty of girls around your age (or even my age...scary I know) who would declare that they're "in a relationship" with you after a few dates and start calling you "boyfriend". Be glad that you haven't run into one of them. I just dodged a few of those bullets this year.

You got it right: play it by ear and have fun. You'll learn a lot from the experience.

 

[program]

yeah no joke i read you! this one girl, an ex-coworker.... we had never even hung out before and she has told a handful of people over the last 4 months that we "had a thing". we talked thru texting for 2-3 weeks and apparently one night i told her i liked her when i was drunk. and she totally knew i was dating someone else. so desperate.

i have learned a lot in the past few weeks why so many hot girls are called snobby. they have to be! i am extremely social so when i have tried to just make more friends that are girls often i lead them on without even knowing it.

within the past month i have made sure to say hi every so often so they dont think you are an ******* but ignore them the rest of the time or whatever. what can you do!? when you talk to them only to be friendly they think you wanna fu.cking marry them and are clingy until they get the hint again. and it is worse with guys, so i can't imagine being a hot chick.


honestly, most guys like me have been shut down however many times and blown off.... i don't feel sorry at all for when i do it to a girl. still be nice about it, i mean i have had my desperate days but i never tried going WAY out of my league. this one sophomore who hardly even talked to me was talking to me to her friends about asking me to tolo this year. i know i sound like and basically am a jackass but get a clue!!!!! i had hardly talked to her, she wasn't good looking (shallow i know), and i would totally lose my reputation and be called a freak if i went with a sophomore (in my high school in particular). or chicks that are well past your weight. like i said i have had my desperate days but i never shot for someone ridiculously out of my league. whats worse is when they somehow find you on myspace or facebook a day after meeting you. and then often they absolutely hate you when you shut them down and are forced to ignore them. brief rant over, i got off my own topic.

 

[DannykDJ]

My first date with my last gf was getting ice cream and then going to see a movie and then we just talked in my car for a few hours.

On our second date we went to a steakhouse where her friend works and we split a desert. I kissed her on this date. Our first kiss together was also our first make out session together.

Third date we went out to get pizza and watched a movie at her house.

Just do little things together that you both enjoy and slowly start upping the romance factor on each of them.

On the fifth date I went to a sandwich shop and got food and we went to the lake and had a picnic and fed the swans loaf bread I brought and watched the sunset.

Going out for coffee or a small meal is perfect. The only thing you should never do is take a first date or someone who you've just started dating to somewhere very expensive. The majority of girls have been trained to have this double standard that a man should always pay for the first date, and many will write you off as cheap if you don't. For this reason you should never go anywhere where you will spend more than a few dollars on a first date.


EDIT: I read your post below. In my personal opinion if a girl isn't willing to go out one on one it is usually a sign that she has a low interest. However in that case you probably made her uncomfortable in the way you went about suggesting a one on one date. I would bet that you somehow put pressure on her and made her feel uncomfortable in letting her know it was one on one.

 

[program]

i am pretty good at making girls comfortable around me, its usually never awkward.

but i am guessing we should do atleast a few group hangouts first to not risk her pushing away? talk to her a lot at school but don't too much of course?

i remember the hottest girl that has ever been interested in me... we were planning on hanging out one weekend but when she found out i wanted it one on one she backed off. she looked me up originally too, i totally blew it.

we didn't know each other well enough, and a lot of girls don't want one on one dates when you aren't that familiar with each other i learned.