Girls lose interest after dates and communication fizzles out..Help!?

[BillyPilgrim]

I'd advise you to stop having rigid rules and going by what everyone else said.

Following the only text to set up a date rule got me a bunch of flakes and not many dates. Once I started using my texting skills to my advantage is when I started having a lot more success in terms of dates, lays, plates and LTRs when I wanted them.

If something isn't working for you it's up to you to change it. I'm not sure where the issue is on your part is but you need to do a deep dive on these interactions and figure it out. Look for commonalities in these interactions.

Where do you feel the interaction starts going the wrong way? If I had to guess you are doing something in person that is turning them off to you.

Texting is huge connection-building tool for me too. OP is being distant both over text and in-person. And being incongruent by leading with a shirtless Tinder pic and not being sexual enough afterwards.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Texting is huge connection-building tool for me too. OP is being distant both over text and in-person. And being incongruent by leading with a shirtless Tinder pic and not being sexual enough afterwards.

Yeah if you are going to go with a shirtless pic you are basically just saying "I am only here to fvck and am not interested in a relationship". Which can work...but not if you are going to be shy in person and not follow through with that.

So basically you excited the woman with your body, then you get there in person and play keep away with her, all the while she already knows what you are interested in and doesn't view you as relationship material.

OP, either ditch the shirtless pics or escalate sexually in date. You can't play it both ways. These women are leaving the date disappointed in you...they expect one thing and get something else.

 

[G-Unit]

OP, either ditch the shirtless pics or escalate sexually in date. You can't play it both ways. These women are leaving the date disappointed in you...they expect one thing and get something else.

Might be true. I don't escalate to sex that much I think because my logistics are not ideal (takes time to get to apartment) and I'm not good at laying pipe. My **** is usually stressed out the first time, I often have PIED unless I've taken Cialis and generally, I need sex to be very specific for me to enjoy it.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Might be true. I don't escalate to sex that much I think because my logistics are not ideal (takes time to get to apartment) and I'm not good at laying pipe. My **** is usually stressed out the first time, I often have PIED unless I've taken Cialis and generally, I need sex to be very specific for me to enjoy it.

Since your goal is to have a rotation, it won't hurt to take what you need to get over the jitters and get good at sex (and once you get good you can more easily have the enjoyable sex you want that's on your terms). If you get a girl aroused both via text and during the meet, the logistical issue will be less of an obstacle.

To solve the congruence issue, I'd try to follow up on their sexual attraction first, before getting rid of the shirtless pic. Having lots of Tinder matches is better than having just a few.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

An older Chad, presumably dating some women who are over 33, is still going to have some issues. Even the Tom Brady and Brad Pitts of the worlds get dumped and Tom Cruise had three wives divorce him when they were 33 (true story). Now if these guys were dating 20 something women, it would be a different story.

While the archetype of James Bond is a good one, it's important to remember he operated in a pre-feminist world.

Fame, amount of money, or number of divorces has no bearing on Chad status as I define it. In the context of slaying women the only characteristic being considered is slaying itself, so you're a Chad if you never get married and slay all life long without it ever bogging you down from achieving your personal higher aspirations.

If you want to say a Chad can be a guy that gets married, then we are just defining two different animals with the same name, or otherwise conflating Chad and non-chad characteristics as we understand them.

Feminist culture has had little to no impact on my ability to slay. In fact the circles feminist women put themselves in have them starved of a masculine presence. They often snap back deep into feminine ways when overwhelmed by the right man.

 

[BeExcellent]

If you are embarrassed about your apartment? Change apartments. Time to do it. It will help your confidence because you are extremely logical and process oriented in your thinking.

Change your variables if they negatively impact your swagger. Meaning change the easy things within your ability to change to alleviate the anxiety about logistics for example. Having the “things” women appreciate isn’t for the women. It’s for you my dear.

And your vibe will reflect it.

 

[G-Unit]

If you get a girl aroused both via text and during the meet, the logistical issue will be less of an obstacle.

What is the best way to do this? Also, logistics are only the problem until we have had sex. Once we have had sex, the girls ALWAYS want to see me again. I might not be good at sex, but I guess they enjoy intimacy with me nonetheless. For sure, sex is not the stumbling block right now, it's converting dates to sex, getting them to come over.

To solve the congruence issue, I'd try to follow up on their sexual attraction first, before getting rid of the shirtless pic. Having lots of Tinder matches is better than having just a few.

How to "follow up on their sexual attraction"?

Also, I received more info that might help identify how girls feel about me.
So I told one girl that I'm going to sleep and that if she was there, I would hug her.
And she told me: "You'd hug all the girls "
**** test, but it implies she sees me more of a player, not serious and dedicated.
This is similar vibe to the other girl her age range said about her not feeling I'm fully interested.

If you are embarrassed about your apartment? Change apartments. Time to do it. It will help your confidence because you are extremely logical and process oriented in your thinking.

That's in the plans.

 

[Solomon]

OP IS this you
'

^^^The last 60 seconds

OP you gotta remember when you engage with women it's not logical but more emotional it's very hard to do but it's about giving her tingles. Sounds like You're personality is dry and while your looks may reel the women in, your personality ain't even getting the panties off yikes


I would recommend being more light-hearted and flirty with women, if you wanna be smooth and serious watch James Bond And Robert Downey JR movies a Chad can get away with that but your personality has to be congruent

 

[G-Unit]

I am now running an experiment:
1) I will message girls more often during the week. Throwing "text only for logistics" out of the window, since it has worked horribly for me so far.
2) I will engage their emotions more and think before each text. I will think how to send a text that will create intrigue or engage emotions, not just dry "Hey, what are you doing on Friday?" type of text.
3) I will send a meme from time to time. All of these girls are young about 18-25 range, so I think I have to communicate with them differently than 30+ mature women.
Basically I will try to be more chill, fun, because in reality I'm super serious and extremely logical. I think that is off-putting to women.
I will see if this improves my odds and gets them more invested in conversations with me.
If this doesn't work, idk, I will try something else I guess, but it kind of sucks, because I see how easy it is for me to get phone numbers both on Tinder and from cold approach and how ridiculously hard it is for me to arrange dates, second dates or get them to come over.
It's like I spike her emotions with my first approach and lines, but then once she chats with me a bit she loses all interest.

 

[cns]

I am not sure about tinder or other apps. But if you are not getting past 1-2 dates you are not fun or playful I am afraid. It also seems you are trying too hard and giving the needy vibe which is pushing them away. I would say keep your dates really short do not reveal much about yourself and see if she is interested to know about you. You should be the one to close the date. Give her impression that you are busy person. You must end the date with a hug, kiss her at least on her palm on first date it self and give her 1 complement. As other said text only to setup dates. It could also be the girls who use these apps are looking for hookups and you do not seem confident enough so they are loosing interest. Are you looking for hookup or gf ?

 

[G-Unit]

It also seems you are trying too hard and giving the needy vibe which is pushing them away.

How can this be the case if I took the advice of "texting only for logistics". How is that needy?
If anything, I'm not giving vibe of enough interest. Needy vibe makes no sense and is not quantifiable, so what should I change in my actions exactly?

As other said text only to setup dates.

I already did that. Obviously, it failed totally and absolutely. I don't know who came up with that advice, but it is totally not working for me.

Are you looking for hookup or gf ?

Whatever life gives me. If she is GF material, gf, otherwise plate.

What is even more weird that they are actually interested in dates and ask when we will see each other again etc...I'm have a suspicion that me being too cold on text is pushing them away, because they think I'm not really interested.

 

[Atom Smasher]

@G-Unit , when on dates to you convey that you’re “all-in” with the girl, that all she needs to do is green-light you?

Most men do this, and it makes them come across as having that puppy dog, “please like me” vibe.

I always say that the first order of business is to convey that you’re undecided about her, that you’re giving her a chance to show her value. This is known as flipping the script. Women are not attracted to men whom they know they already have in the bag. They crave a man they can look up to, one who they see as above them in masculine ways.
I’m convinced that most men’s failures on first dates is because of the “I’m all-in” vibe. As soon as I decided to vet women and subtly let them know this, my fortunes turned around 180 degrees.

If this doesn’t come naturally to you, then take old Willie Shakespeare’s words to heart - “Assume a virtue if you have it not.”

 

[G-Unit]

@G-Unit , when on dates to you convey that you’re “all-in” with the girl, that all she needs to do is green-light you?

Really? And through what actions do I convey this?
One girl that I'm seeing right now said after first date she didn't feel if I really liked her or not, because I didn't text her. If anything, that goes opposite to your statement and I should express MORE interest, not less. Another case was a girl initiating a kiss on our date and messaging me afterwards, but when I wanted to invite her over, suddenly she got cold feet. There are MANY cases like this.

Anyway, let's say you are right,after all, I might not be objective in evaluating my behavior.
If you do believe I'm conveying I'm "all-in", then what do I need to change (specifically)?

I always say that the first order of business is to convey that you’re undecided about her, that you’re giving her a chance to show her value.

How to do this? What specific actions to take to do this?

As soon as I decided to vet women and subtly let them know this, my fortunes turned around 180 degrees.

What specific actions do you take on dates to convey this?

 

[Atom Smasher]

The first part was a question… DO you do this? “Do” was misspelled as “”to”.

You seem to be confusing what goes on after the date (not texting) with what goes on during the date.

I’m talking about a level of nuance that you’re not yet aware of. During the date are you light, fun and relaxed? Do you playfully say things like “Oh no, you lost points on that one” when she makes a mistake or says something stupid?

Do you constantly lean into her? Bad. You can reward her once or twice with that. Do you insinuate that you both have some kind of “secret” together? They love that sh!t. Gives her an “Us” vibe instead of a “you and me” vibe.

You should mix a feeling of closeness with a sense of detachment. The object is to confuse her. We men like certainty. Women hate certainty in dating and love going home wondering if he likes her or not. It’s all part of the thrill for her.

If you play your cards right DURING the date, she won’t disappear in following days. Quite the contrary. She will make it easy for you.

Be a mix of close and far. Be somewhat formless. Keep her guessing. Be friendly but keep a little reserve in your back pocket. If you get that combination right, she will move mountains to see you again.

That’s how to avoid the puppy dog, “please accept me” vibe.

Would a woman go to a movie if she knew the ending? Of course not. She goes to the movies to experience ups and downs, fear and safety, all sorts of conflicting emotions. She wants to be unsure of how it ends. It’s up to you to weave an exciting story for her to want to be a part of.

So to recap, I was asking you -IF- you convey the “all-in” vibe. It’s very easy to do without being aware of it. In fact most men convey this. It’s the men who learn to make women feel what they like to feel who are successful with the ladies.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

How can this be the case if I took the advice of "texting only for logistics". How is that needy?
If anything, I'm not giving vibe of enough interest. Needy vibe makes no sense and is not quantifiable, so what should I change in my actions exactly?


I already did that. Obviously, it failed totally and absolutely. I don't know who came up with that advice, but it is totally not working for me.


Whatever life gives me. If she is GF material, gf, otherwise plate.

What is even more weird that they are actually interested in dates and ask when we will see each other again etc...I'm have a suspicion that me being too cold on text is pushing them away, because they think I'm not really interested.

I have repeatedly told people not to text only for logistics and go radio silent. Dumbest thing ever

 

[G-Unit]

During the date are you light, fun and relaxed?

Yes.

Do you playfully say things like “Oh no, you lost points on that one” when she makes a mistake or says something stupid?

Rarely. I've done it a few time I think. I would say stuff like: "Oh, you are X? That is awful, we would fight all the time."

Do you constantly lean into her?

No.

Do you insinuate that you both have some kind of “secret” together? They love that sh!t.

Yes, I absolutely do that. I get them to share their secrets very early also. They tell me stuff like: "I've told you thinks I haven't told any of my friends that Ive known for years."

So to recap, I was asking you -IF- you convey the “all-in” vibe. It’s very easy to do without being aware of it. In fact most men convey this. It’s the men who learn to make women feel what they like to feel who are successful with the ladies.

I'm not sure how I convey this or IF I convey this at all. As I said again, the girl I'm currently seeing said she was not sure I liked her, because I didn't text after the date.

I have repeatedly told people not to text only for logistics and go radio silent. Dumbest thing ever

Yeah, I'm thinking girls translate this as you just not being interested. Especially if you have looks leaning on the fuccboi side.

 

[Atom Smasher]

So OP, what does your gut tell you that could be the cause of girls losing interest? I’ve always found that gut feeling or suspicion usually has some truth to it.

 

[G-Unit]

So OP, what does your gut tell you that could be the cause of girls losing interest? I’ve always found that gut feeling or suspicion usually has some truth to it.

I've been thinking about this A LOT during the past month and the worst thing is my gut tells me nothing. My gut is confused.
If previously I could have said for sure that I was being too arrogant, too boring, too stoic, too serious or something like that then at this point, idk...maybe I'm still a bit too serious and logical and that comes off in some subtle ways? Although I do try to joke and I do sexual escalation and I do touching and I do flirting way more now. Maybe I need to joke around more?

Honestly, I have no idea and that is why its so incredibly frustrating.

My gut is telling me that my texts are nowhere near the level of those you can see on PlayingWithFire channel, so maybe my texts aren't as flirty and are too "dry". I think my text game needs work and I need to engage emotions more in some way. But then again, my texts are essence of "text only for logistics" and we see how well that has worked out, right.

But overall there is no clear answer, thats why I made the thread.

 

[G-Unit]

Idk, here are all the potential reasons I might not be doing good with women that aren't ugly/average:

- I'm not 6'4''. Yes, I'm above 6 feet, but not "real tall" category. It's very important for women.
- I don't have very low voice. It's below average, but not very low and seductive.
- I have boyish face with hardly any beard. This makes me look 10 years younger. Good for attracting younger women though so idk. Might be a plus or a minus
- My face is not hot enough. It's maxed out and above average, but not model tier/Chad tier. Teeth, skin and hair maxed out though.
- I'm not living in a luxury, high class apartment. Although this reason is most likely stupid, since they mostly don't get to point of seeing my apartment.
- I don't have a luxury car. But this also seems dumb, since I use Uber and usually take her to drink wine so I couldn't drive anyway.
- I don't have quick wit and I can't quickly say funny jokes that would make her laugh.
- I message her too fast and am too friendly ALTERNATIVELY I don't message her fast enough and seem too distant (do you see the problem?)
- I might not be congruent. Since I'm putting on a mask with people I might be subconsciously saying something or doing something
- I don't speak enough, I don't tell enough about myself (or listen too much).
- My voice gets too high when I speak.
- I'm too animate when I speak.
- I might not be animated enough when I speak and seem disinterested/boring.
- I might seem rushed/anxious.
- I might seem too logical.
- I might seem unreliable, sketchy, untrustworthy.
- I might be seen as too much of a "good boy" because of boyish, young looking high-trust face.
- They have said they didn't feel a "spark". I might not be sexualizing or flirting enough (although changed this in past months and still getting bad results despite touching them, kissing, etc..)
- I might be sexualizing too much and giving them a horndog vibe or a total fuccboi vibe in a bad way.

Big problem is opposing advice in realm of PUAs.
Some "PUA's" say to message little and message only for logistics, not to arrange the next date on the previous one.
Other "PUA's" like PlayingWithFire say that is dog**** advice and girls have so little attention span these days you have to strike iron while it's hot and arrange the next date immediately on the first one.

As you see there could be MANY reasons, but MANY of them literally opposite advice.
If I really had to boil it down maybe this:
- The way I communicate does NOT spike her emotions enough and does NOT cause enough intrigue for her to maintain interest. My communication is too DRY.

1. That is my "gut", but it's not a strong feeling, only a vague inclination of what might be wrong.
and
2. She can tell I like her or I might act subconciously different around girls I like. I don't know in what ways though, I can't identify it. I can change my behavior only if I identify what to change.

Believe me, when you are getting rejected for, idk, 15 years straight, you are grasping at straws.

 

[pipeman84]

@ OP
This right here tells me you're insecure AF.

- I'm not 6'4''. Yes, I'm above 6 feet, but not "real tall" category. It's very important for women.

Big problem is opposing advice in realm of PUAs.
Some "PUA's" say to message little and message only for logistics, not to arrange the next date on the previous one.
Other "PUA's" like PlayingWithFire say that is dog**** advice and girls have so little attention span these days you have to strike iron while it's hot and arrange the next date immediately on the first one.

That's because it depends on what you're after...some ditzy bimbo who's even more insecure than you will crave all the texting and the attention. Or some normal girl who looks for a masculine guy who's life doesn't revolve around girls and who sees himself as the prize. That kind of girl is going to be put off by beta, approval seeking behavior.