Johnnymahoe
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- Oct 21, 2014
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Girls ends our casual relationship...one more talk to keep it going?
First a little bit of context...(sorry for the length)
When I first moved back to NYC in late June, I met a pretty girl from Africa almost right away (late June)
To make a long story short, we saw each other and banged once or twice a week for about three months. She clearly wanted something more serious, and made this clear to me one month in, but said she was willing to keep things casual since I told her I was not into a relationship. Meanwhile, I was seeing other girls, and got a couple of other bangs in there. The truth is this African girl was great GF material on paper, she was a bit older than me (25) had a masters degree and was on her way to a good career; speaks several languages, very well read, pretty, etc. But I don't know, something was just not doing it for me. I think I am honestly into more modest girls, and that she really was not. In fact she was sort of obsessed with herself.
Anyway, after having gone on dates with over 5 or 6 girls throughout the summer, I finally started seeing this girl in early August that I really liked. I was upstate visiting our college town for the weekend. (we went to the same school but didn’t know each) we went on a date on a Thursday, and by Saturday, we had sex.
Meanwhile, the contact between me and this African girls was slipping away. I am trying to hang out with her (cause I think that's what she wants) and she keep canceling. Finally she tells me its over, in part cause I was too absent and cause she started sort of seeing someone else.
At this point, i'm not really bumped out because I am really into this other girl, but I do realize this leaves me with only one secure P*ssy option.
Skip ahead to early October… me and this girl have been seeing each other for two months. Things seem really nice. I have been making most of the initiations to hang out, but she makes some as well. I do get a sense maybe that I am feeling it more than her, but she still is hitting me up and seems pretty interested. She also stays at my house a couple times (more banging)
We see each other three weeks ago, then I was away that weekend. She can't hang out during the week cause of her new job and her long commute. She's also sick. Then the following weekend she doesn't hit me up, I don't hit her up either because I don't want to initiate the hang out again.
The next week, I ask to hang on Tuesday, she's says no, how about Friday, I say fine (though the truth is I missed seeing her and wanted to see her sooner)
Then Thursday she texts me saying she's sorry but she cannot continue with me, she's met someone else. I'm really angry and upset. We talk the next day on the phone, she tells me that was a lie, she has not met anyone else, she just doesn't want to get into a relationship and feels that is where this is going. Because I was initially so relieved to hear she hasn't started seeing someone else, I kind of lay down and take it and say, "I understand" though I also articulate my confusion over what has changed which she says she understands.
Now, I have her shoes which she left at my house a while back, and she has my pants (which she kindly offered to patch up weeks ago when things were going well). We have a plan to meet briefly this week, primarily to exchange these items. I am reluctant in some ways to meet with her because I might come across as very vulnerable. But I want to offer her up another possibility, something along the lines of, “I know you're not looking for a relationship, I agree things escalated too fast between us” (which they did, things got romantic fast, I mean), and essentially offer that we still hangout once in a while, as more then friends but without the pressure of starting a relationship, which she felt existed before. Basically, its another way of saying let’s continue to bang and hang out. I know this could seem like a bad idea since I clearly like her, but I also have my own doubts about starting a relationship, and if I realize she won’t be into that, I think I can prevent myself from becoming really attached.
What do you think I should do?
First a little bit of context...(sorry for the length)
When I first moved back to NYC in late June, I met a pretty girl from Africa almost right away (late June)
To make a long story short, we saw each other and banged once or twice a week for about three months. She clearly wanted something more serious, and made this clear to me one month in, but said she was willing to keep things casual since I told her I was not into a relationship. Meanwhile, I was seeing other girls, and got a couple of other bangs in there. The truth is this African girl was great GF material on paper, she was a bit older than me (25) had a masters degree and was on her way to a good career; speaks several languages, very well read, pretty, etc. But I don't know, something was just not doing it for me. I think I am honestly into more modest girls, and that she really was not. In fact she was sort of obsessed with herself.
Anyway, after having gone on dates with over 5 or 6 girls throughout the summer, I finally started seeing this girl in early August that I really liked. I was upstate visiting our college town for the weekend. (we went to the same school but didn’t know each) we went on a date on a Thursday, and by Saturday, we had sex.
Meanwhile, the contact between me and this African girls was slipping away. I am trying to hang out with her (cause I think that's what she wants) and she keep canceling. Finally she tells me its over, in part cause I was too absent and cause she started sort of seeing someone else.
At this point, i'm not really bumped out because I am really into this other girl, but I do realize this leaves me with only one secure P*ssy option.
Skip ahead to early October… me and this girl have been seeing each other for two months. Things seem really nice. I have been making most of the initiations to hang out, but she makes some as well. I do get a sense maybe that I am feeling it more than her, but she still is hitting me up and seems pretty interested. She also stays at my house a couple times (more banging)
We see each other three weeks ago, then I was away that weekend. She can't hang out during the week cause of her new job and her long commute. She's also sick. Then the following weekend she doesn't hit me up, I don't hit her up either because I don't want to initiate the hang out again.
The next week, I ask to hang on Tuesday, she's says no, how about Friday, I say fine (though the truth is I missed seeing her and wanted to see her sooner)
Then Thursday she texts me saying she's sorry but she cannot continue with me, she's met someone else. I'm really angry and upset. We talk the next day on the phone, she tells me that was a lie, she has not met anyone else, she just doesn't want to get into a relationship and feels that is where this is going. Because I was initially so relieved to hear she hasn't started seeing someone else, I kind of lay down and take it and say, "I understand" though I also articulate my confusion over what has changed which she says she understands.
Now, I have her shoes which she left at my house a while back, and she has my pants (which she kindly offered to patch up weeks ago when things were going well). We have a plan to meet briefly this week, primarily to exchange these items. I am reluctant in some ways to meet with her because I might come across as very vulnerable. But I want to offer her up another possibility, something along the lines of, “I know you're not looking for a relationship, I agree things escalated too fast between us” (which they did, things got romantic fast, I mean), and essentially offer that we still hangout once in a while, as more then friends but without the pressure of starting a relationship, which she felt existed before. Basically, its another way of saying let’s continue to bang and hang out. I know this could seem like a bad idea since I clearly like her, but I also have my own doubts about starting a relationship, and if I realize she won’t be into that, I think I can prevent myself from becoming really attached.
What do you think I should do?
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