Girlfriends and Distance

[therobman7]

Been dating this girl for 6 months, single mom, and we basically spend every other weekend together when she doesn't have her kid, occasionally during the week for lunch, Warriros game, etc.. Recently, she has been a bit more distant, and I asked her "how do you feel about our relationship?" on Tuesday. We talked for a while... Long story short, she basically told me I was being a bit needy, too available, ...

What have I done wrong (i think)...
-I was in Chicago, she called while I was out, I missed it called 10 mins later, then texted with "I guess you went to bed, good night" - passive aggressive
-3 weeks ago: I got in a big fight with my ex (with whom I share 2 kids), and wanted to talk to GF. I called 12 times (I know this was bad....) - stupid, stupid, stupid
-I have been asking, "are you upset?" probably every couple days up till she said something on Sunday - needy
-Other random little things like helping her clean her parents house, bad response when she said I need to get a haircut - **** tests

Yesterday, we talked briefly and seemed okay. I just told her that I can't read her mind, and if something is bothering her, communicate that to me. So, now I realize I have made myself too available, which seems odd after you have been dating someone for 6 months... but I feel like I need to rebuild attraction

Have I done too much to lose it?
Should I just start ignoring her?
Do I lie about being busy?

By the way, I am the type that finds ways to make myself available for anyone, not just girlfriends

Sorry for the length

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Don't help her as much. Find personal interests outside her your into. Let the texting delay. Don't talk as much but phvck her as often as possible

 

[therobman7]

If you feel like you should do or say something, do the opposite of what you think you should do and have been doing.

I have been thinking this. It's the problem with having little experience is striking the balance between needy and distant

 

[The Duke]

Robert- you sound like a needy chic. Its their job to ask about the relationship status. You just provide the good time, and pound that puzzy. You know what you need 2 do, make it happen. She'll let you know if you get too distant.

 

[therobman7]

Robert- you sound like a needy chic. Its their job to ask about the relationship status. You just provide the good time, and pound that puzzy. You know what you need 2 do, make it happen. She'll let you know if you get too distant.

Sadly, yes... something I am working on...

 

[The Duke]

In all my years of dating girls, I've never seen "being too distant" ever cause as much damage as "being too needy" does. You have to be mentally tough, thats what draws them to us in the first place.

 

[therobman7]

In all my years of dating girls, I've never seen "being too distant" ever cause as much damage as "being too needy" does. You have to be mentally tough, thats what draws them to us in the first place.

Ya, I am pretty new to all this after a failed marriage and taking some time to myself. I pride myself on responsiveness, so I tend to get to texts and phone calls quickly (for everyone). Feel like I need guidelines on when to respond, just when I am absolutely not doing anything? Do I stop inviting her out? Maybe I check my phone too often...

 

[SgtSplacker]

Relationships require strategy that sometimes is counter to your personality.

The role you want to play is like an authoritative father figure that is sexy and highly fuuckable.

Spazzing out and calling her 12 times, is very beta. She wants a leader not a caller.

 

[therobman7]

Referrring to a guy who went no contact for 3 days on a girl becoming distant...

"This isn't a one week project, then you fall back into old patterns of chasing her. This should be your PERMANENT new way of interacting with her. When a guy constantly chases a woman, then stops, she doesn't just RUN to him. She may be silent for a week or more, before she reaches out. AT THAT POINT SHE IS LOOKING TO SEE IF THIS WAS JUST YOU PLAYING HARD TO GET, and will be watching to see if you fall back into the old chasing patterns. If you do? She is still 100% in control. You HAVE to take that control back by limiting YOUR availability.
Scarcity creates value.

In the meantime, get busy with your other hobbies and start spinning other plates. When you have 3 or 4 on the go, it matters little if you have heard from any particular one. THAT is when you develop the mindset you need, and have the power and control in your life. Then, when she realizes YOU are a man with OPTIONS, the shoe is on the other foot."

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Onetis with a mix of nice guy syndrome. Your neediness is drying her up hence the distance.

Woman love a challenge and you are just too easy to please her. You have her on a pedastal and she's drying up like the desert.

Side note:
I'm not speaking for all DJs but the consensus here is to NOT GF up single mommys. Pump and dump is typically the norm.

I might plate them for a little bit but usually they expire around the 6mo mark. Now I get it you are a single Dad so it makes sense to you and it's easier. Good luck!

 

[therobman7]

Onetis with a mix of nice guy syndrome. Your neediness is drying her up hence the distance.

Woman love a challenge and you are just too easy to please her. You have her on a pedastal and she's drying up like the desert.

Side note:
I'm not speaking for all DJs but the consensus here is to NOT GF up single mommys. Pump and dump is typically the norm.

I might plate them for a little bit but usually they expire around the 6mo mark. Now I get it you are a single Dad so it makes sense to you and it's easier. Good luck!

Ya, the single mom thing makes it much more difficult. After you've been the needy guy, can you recover, or should I just write it off as a learning experience?

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Ya, the single mom thing makes it much more difficult. After you've been the needy guy, can you recover, or should I just write it off as a learning experience?

If she thinks you are needy then she will probably always think that. People tend to act in patterns, next time you are fighting with an ex call a buddy never use the "girl your seeing" to vent or b*tch about your ex. Woman don't want to hear about your baby momma drama.
They may say that they do BUT they don't!

If you start acting like you are going to lose her she will sense it immediately and probably and dump you. Single moms aren't difficult they are actually low hanging fruit, pretty easy to plate more than 1 at a time.

If she flakes/is busy or no schs next time you see her then thats a no brainer she's checked out and it's over. Your job is schs and show her a good time, that's it. Let her worry about the rest. STOP with this "are you upset" crap, cringe worthy man. Nothing dries up a woman more than when you start pandering to them.

 

[dude99]

Been dating this girl for 6 months, single mom, and we basically spend every other weekend together when she doesn't have her kid, occasionally during the week for lunch, Warriros game, etc.. Recently, she has been a bit more distant, and I asked her "how do you feel about our relationship?" on Tuesday. We talked for a while... Long story short, she basically told me I was being a bit needy, too available, ...

What have I done wrong (i think)...
-I was in Chicago, she called while I was out, I missed it called 10 mins later, then texted with "I guess you went to bed, good night" - passive aggressive
-3 weeks ago: I got in a big fight with my ex (with whom I share 2 kids), and wanted to talk to GF. I called 12 times (I know this was bad....) - stupid, stupid, stupid
-I have been asking, "are you upset?" probably every couple days up till she said something on Sunday - needy
-Other random little things like helping her clean her parents house, bad response when she said I need to get a haircut - **** tests

Yesterday, we talked briefly and seemed okay. I just told her that I can't read her mind, and if something is bothering her, communicate that to me. So, now I realize I have made myself too available, which seems odd after you have been dating someone for 6 months... but I feel like I need to rebuild attraction

Have I done too much to lose it?
Should I just start ignoring her?
Do I lie about being busy?

By the way, I am the type that finds ways to make myself available for anyone, not just girlfriends

Sorry for the length

If she is accusing you of being too available then just tell her, " ok. Im going to take a break from this relationship and start seeing other women." You will watch her tune change so fast it will be funny.

Then don't call her and after 3 days she will start to blow up your phone. Do not return any of these phone calls. Go 100% no contact. Yes basically i am telling you to end the relationship. Why? Because " you are too needy or too available," is women speak for i no longer respect you and i have lost interest in you.

Do not put up with that.

 

[therobman7]

Thanks for the replies guys... definitely stopping the "are you upset?" crap...

Just to tell ya how the weekend went, I went to Vegas with some friends
Friday - she texted "have a good flight and have a drink for me". I replied later that night with "drinks.... woooo". that's it
Saturday - she texted "hi babe good morning love you have a great time". I replied with "good morning boo, love you more". that's it
Sunday - she texted "Hiiiii" and we BSed for about 10 mins, then I said I am going to take a nap. Text last night saying "I'll call you in a bit, K?" I basically said I'm going to bed and good night. Convo ended with her "Love you"
Today - she called this morning and we talked for about 20 mins. I would say good convo... no messups on my part... was vague on Vegas, asked her about her weekend

I figure I will just back wayyyy off for the next two weeks, minimal text, minimal talking on phone, let her initiate all contact. She doesn't have her kid on the weekend of 11/12. If she bails on me then, i'll cut it off...

I hear ya dude99, but I just don't think I am quite ready to write it off yet.. started looking over DJ boot camp. Why didn't I find this stuff months ago???

 

[skinnyguy]

OP has severe oneitis with a low quality single mom.

If OP tells her he's gonna date other women, she probably won't chase after him. Guys showing abundance to women doesn't work these days because all women have to do to get another guy is pick up their phones and dial a number.

If she's giving him **** tests he should get out asap. She's a single mom so he shouldn't be chasing her it should be the other way around. She knows she has him in her back pocket so it's downhill from here.

 

[therobman7]

OP has severe oneitis with a low quality single mom.

If OP tells her he's gonna date other women, she probably won't chase after him. Guys showing abundance to women doesn't work these days because all women have to do to get another guy is pick up their phones and dial a number.

If she's giving him **** tests he should get out asap. She's a single mom so he shouldn't be chasing her it should be the other way around. She knows she has him in her back pocket so it's downhill from here.

sigh... everyone telling me the same thing... and I think I know it already... sucks...

 

[hockeyfreak79]

OP has severe oneitis with a low quality single mom.

If OP tells her he's gonna date other women, she probably won't chase after him. Guys showing abundance to women doesn't work these days because all women have to do to get another guy is pick up their phones and dial a number.

If she's giving him **** tests he should get out asap. She's a single mom so he shouldn't be chasing her it should be the other way around. She knows she has him in her back pocket so it's downhill from here.

The dude just joined last Thursday man, cut the man some slack. Not all single moms are low quality. Yeah okay they might be b*tches or whatever but you don't know the chick.

I do agree with you on some levels but he's a single Dad himself. The % of woman without kids is so fvckin small and he has 2 kids.

OP, he's right it's probably down hill from here but there's nothing wrong will getting schs from her for now. Just don't be surprised if it goes crashing down sooner or later.

 

[Glassguy]

Thanks for the replies guys... definitely stopping the "are you upset?" crap...

Just to tell ya how the weekend went, I went to Vegas with some friends
Friday - she texted "have a good flight and have a drink for me". I replied later that night with "drinks.... woooo". that's it
Saturday - she texted "hi babe good morning love you have a great time". I replied with "good morning boo, love you more". that's it
Sunday - she texted "Hiiiii" and we BSed for about 10 mins, then I said I am going to take a nap. Text last night saying "I'll call you in a bit, K?" I basically said I'm going to bed and good night. Convo ended with her "Love you"
Today - she called this morning and we talked for about 20 mins. I would say good convo... no messups on my part... was vague on Vegas, asked her about her weekend

I figure I will just back wayyyy off for the next two weeks, minimal text, minimal talking on phone, let her initiate all contact. She doesn't have her kid on the weekend of 11/12. If she bails on me then, i'll cut it off...

I hear ya dude99, but I just don't think I am quite ready to write it off yet.. started looking over DJ boot camp. Why didn't I find this stuff months ago???

I dont think for a second that you are being more scarce than you were before. Being scarce would have been:
Her: Have a drink for me
You: Gotta run.....I have lots of stuff already lined up for the day.

Her: hi babe good morning blah blah have a great time
You: (5 hours later) Last night was incredible. Talk to you later, lots of stuff going on right now.

Her: Hiiii
You: no response.

If you want to get her hamster spinning dont respond to everything. She is going to think you are having the time of your life (which you should be staying busy and having fun regardless).

She is throwing you a crumb and you immediately gobble it up like a hobo on a ham sandwich. STOP!

Women dont miss something UNTIL ITS GONE. You have to basically disappear and let her sit and wonder for a while.

Oh....yeah.....chances are high that if you have any game at all, you will actually be out having fun during this process and find someone that is not so wishy washy and old whats her name wont hear back from you, or you can string her along for a while until you decide what direction to go. Its called OPTIONS!

 

[dude99]

I dont think for a second that you are being more scarce than you were before. Being scarce would have been:
Her: Have a drink for me
You: Gotta run.....I have lots of stuff already lined up for the day.

Her: hi babe good morning blah blah have a great time
You: (5 hours later) Last night was incredible. Talk to you later, lots of stuff going on right now.

Her: Hiiii
You: no response.

If you want to get her hamster spinning dont respond to everything. She is going to think you are having the time of your life (which you should be staying busy and having fun regardless).

She is throwing you a crumb and you immediately gobble it up like a hobo on a ham sandwich. STOP!

Women dont miss something UNTIL ITS GONE. You have to basically disappear and let her sit and wonder for a while.

Oh....yeah.....chances are high that if you have any game at all, you will actually be out having fun during this process and find someone that is not so wishy washy and old whats her name wont hear back from you, or you can string her along for a while until you decide what direction to go. Its called OPTIONS!

Good replies....i like your style.... especially the last one:

Her -- hi ; you -- no response.

What i would be saying to her first text "have a drink for me," is " sorry crazy busy right now. We will catch up later. I'm late for my date."

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I wouldn't have done the "love you more" thing. It sounds robo-girly. And I am of the opinion that 90% of all single moms are of low value, else they wouldn't be single moms. Widows and some divorcees may get a pass, depending on circumstances. But even if I had kids of my own, I really do think I'd rather be alone than to have to pay even one dime, to support or entertain some other man's children. It's the lion in me. Every single mom I've ever been entangled with has been a crap person, and therefore, a crap mother as well. They focus more on getting their d|ck wet than trying to raise a decent kid.