Girlfriend went Clubbing

[Zarky]

Went for a few drinks with her last night & basically said "look if you want to go clubbing then go.

GF : Yeah, but if I did it every week, you wouldn't like it.

Rainman : I would'nt like it, but I cannot stop you from doing anything. Look if you want to go clubbing, then go.

GF : Go, but you would think I'm not respecting the relationship.

Rainman : Look, if you want to go, then go.

GF : .........so it's not an issue anymore.

Rainman : No.

I agree that wasn't a very good way to do it. "I care but I can't stop you" is not something that conveys coolness. "I don't give a f*ck" is the vibe you were looking for, and didn't achieve.

It's hard to pretend you don't care when you're only dating one chick. Sadly, here, you failed. Once you're dating multiple women, these conversations won't even come up because you will automatically have the attitude that attracts women.

Honestly, put yourself in the situation of a guy who is spinning so many plates that he doesn't care whether they go out clubbing, or flirting with dudes, or even banging other dudes. Impossible to imagine? Spend a few years dating 3-4 women at a time and you'll be that guy. That guy has women for days and few worries on his mind about them.

Women can tell when you're coming from a place of abundance or not. And these days I don't think it's something you can fake.

 

[Lostsoul85]

I disagree here

Women or human beings for that matter are not property.

If you don't let her do what she truly wants then you don't really love her you are just using her to get what you want.

Ask what does the sight of her having a good time dancing with other men trigger in you emotionally?

No you must not touch that guy because it makes me feel jealous and insecure when you are experiencing pleasure outside of me

Is this really love?

You can continue to make women property and play the property management game but there will always be a cost.

 

[zekko]

If you don't let her do what she truly wants then you don't really love her you are just using her to get what you want.

I don't see it so much as what do you "let" her do, it's more like if she does things you don't approve of, why are you seeing her?

No you must not touch that guy because it makes me feel jealous and insecure when you are experiencing pleasure outside of me.

Well that's fine, but presumably if that is going on, then you must be touching other girls to experience pleasure also. Now there may or may not be anything wrong with that, but clearly there must be some sort of line drawn somewhere. Where people draw the line is up to them. But if she's out feeling on other men and you are out feeling up or banging other women, then what you have is a plate, not a girlfriend.

 

[Lostsoul85]

I don't see it so much as what do you "let" her do, it's more like if she does things you don't approve of, why are you seeing her?


Well that's fine, but presumably if that is going on, then you must be touching other girls to experience pleasure also. Now there may or may not be anything wrong with that, but clearly there must be some sort of line drawn somewhere. Where people draw the line is up to them. But if she's out feeling on other men and you are out feeling up or banging other women, then what you have is a plate, not a girlfriend.

Yes essentially that is how exclusive relationships are designed in their nature for both parties.

A property management game amongst two people.

Nothing wrong if you want to play that game

But you also suffer the consequences of that which you have declared your property

You can't do this,You can't do that....

because you are now my "thing"

Sure you can declare something as your property but also realize that

There is an inherent setup there

Because the idea that someone is yours is an illusion

Unless you want to make it your property

Either something is your property(human beings,pet,toys,material stuff) or it isn't

There really is no gray area

When you make something your property, you also suffer the consequences of making that thing yours

You cannot be upset at some thing unless you are using it for something

So then the question becomes what are you using it for

Because if it is love then you also accept its freedom to choose

 

[zekko]

Either something is your property(humanbeings,pet,toys,material stuff) or it isn't

That seems like a pretty narrow view. As Atom Smasher points out in a current thread, setting boundaries is an agreement. Why shouldn't two people be able to agree to the terms of their relationship without being labeled "property"? Really, that's rather insulting the more I think of it.

For instance, a couple may agree that one of them pays the electric bill and the other pays the heat bill. Does that make them "property"?

 

[sharkbeat]

I disagree here

If you don't let her do what she truly wants then you don't really love her you are just using her to get what you want.

Oh god, please no. There is this thing called mutual respect. When one party loses its respect, that person will start doing disrespect things to the other.

Going clubbing almost crosses that line, unless that's the couple's thing, I know clubbing couples. But in any typical relationship, going clubbing without your spouse/bf/gf/significant other is almost an offense to that relationship.

Don't pull this if-you-don't-let-her-do-what-she-wants-you-don't-love-her crap. That **** doesn't belong here. You can take that to your daily talks with your girlfriends.

 

[Lostsoul85]

I don't see how this is disrespectful but that's just my opinion

Because personally if i react negatively to her going out to the club and experiencing pleasure

On some level there is a problem with my ego that needs to be dealt with

The bigger question is how do you feel when you picture her going to the club with her friends and experiencing pleasure outside of you

Maybe even going home with a guy

What emotions are being triggered? And why are these emotions being triggered if she is enjoying

herself?

Insecurity,Jealousy,fear....

Those feeling that are triggered in your Nervous System

These are the inner demons that must be confronted

Because if this comes up while the other person is experiencing pleasure

then it not about her it is about you

You can create these agreements and rules which monogamous relationships essentially are) but at the end of the day

there is no guarantee of anything

The underlying triggers inside of you

The inner demons that haven't been befriended

Will continue to linger

I am not saying it's right or wrong to be in an exclusive relationship

But just realize that despite the agreements and hope of some kind of guarantee

those triggers will always be there and for me personally

Id rather want to observe and investigate into those emotions that come up

But this is another path

To each his own

 

[haynesr07]

She's an individual and can do what she wants. Either you're okay with it or you're not. In relationships, we make sacrifices for the people we care for. If she lets people touch her like that in public, then it shows how she feels about herself and you.