Girlfriend went Clubbing

[Rainman4707]

Just rang her & told her maybe she isn't taking the LTR as serious as me if she's going out clubbing til 3 in the morning.

She was slightly shocked & said they were just having a good time dancing, chatting & drinking.

We spoke about it for seventy minutes. Basically I tried to get her to see it from my point of view.

She's saying that we both know she wouldn't cheat, so she cannot see an issue. She says it's innocent, dancing, drinking with her friend.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Just rang her & told her maybe she isn't taking the LTR as serious as me if she's going out clubbing til 3 in the morning.

She was slightly shocked & said they were just having a good time dancing, chatting & drinking.

We spoke about it for seventy minutes. Basically I tried to get her to see it from my point of view.

She's saying that we both know she wouldn't cheat, so she cannot see an issue. She says it's innocent, dancing, drinking with her friend.

This reminds me of the time I aproached my boss worried that he was going to fire me as I hadn't been doing great business of late. He assured me that my position in the firm was safe and that I had nothing to worry about. A month later I was fired. Big mistake on your part. If you weren't happy about her clubbing you should have given her a choice. Clubbing or you.

To talk about this after the event makes you come across like a whiny b1tch and now she is probably considering whether or not she wants to continue with you or not.

 

[Rainman4707]

@ Sylvester the cat - I view her as a 7.3

@ Danger - I think she really likes me.

 

[Nn877]

I've been through this, needless to say we're not together anymore. I do think you overreacted a little bit, tbh once in 6 months isn't that horrible, how's the relationship been going? Are you guys becoming habitual in your activities? High quality women are so hard to find nowadays, I mean everyone would want a hb10 who doesn't go out ever and is loyal and a freak in the sheets. But you need to be realistic.

Like others said, you really can't do anything at this point, talkin to Her will display weakness and insecurity on your part which looks like you already did sucks but this is how she'll receive it.

If she loves/respects you then she won't put herself in situations that upset or risk losing you. Remember this and live by it. The more she does that go against that statement you already have your answer and don't need to create anymore threads.

My exgf during her super high IL period literally planned to go with her friends went out for maybe an hour then drove to my house (I lived over an hour away) late at night. And I fooked the sh*t outta her that night. This is actions of someone who wants you and has high interest. Good luck bro. It's hard to sustain high interest but don't stay around to witness it plummet before your eyes.

 

[LMFAO]

Just rang her & told her maybe she isn't taking the LTR as serious as me if she's going out clubbing til 3 in the morning.

She was slightly shocked & said they were just having a good time dancing, chatting & drinking.

We spoke about it for seventy minutes. Basically I tried to get her to see it from my point of view.

She's saying that we both know she wouldn't cheat, so she cannot see an issue. She says it's innocent, dancing, drinking with her friend.

This is beta behaviour and the wrong move. We've all been there and learn from it. You can't have a logical conversation with a woman on not cheating on you. You have to use actions not words, actions as above such as giving her less attention and going out yourself without her.

All you've done is make yourself look even more needy and weak since you've basically told her that you're scared that she's going to cheat on you, in her mind she'll be thinking that perhaps he thinks he isn't good enough for me. It's a weak frame.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

How come people go clubbing.....I wish attractions in big cities were open late instead of going to some club with a bunch of molly heads and people with bad BO

 

[No.Danny]

This is beta behaviour and the wrong move. We've all been there and learn from it. You can't have a logical conversation with a woman on not cheating on you. You have to use actions not words, actions as above such as giving her less attention and going out yourself without her.

All you've done is make yourself look even more needy and weak since you've basically told her that you're scared that she's going to cheat on you, in her mind she'll be thinking that perhaps he thinks he isn't good enough for me. It's a weak frame.

Spot on, actions speak louder than words buddy

 

[Yorkex]

Just check out mentally , if it becomes a habit break it off.
When she asks you for closure ..tell her she can find it at the club.

 

[pyros]

this converstations is just stupid. You worry about telling her or not telling her that you dont like her going to clubs.
You decided not to tell her it annoys you cause you read it was the alpha thing to do... Nice...

See this, if you dont like something your gf does...YOU TELL HER, ONCE. No need to get into an argument, just be direct and say it once, and do not repeat it. You tell her: "hey, I dont like you to go clubbing"
And then let her decide what she prefers to do: either making you happy and doing what you say (she has high interest in you), or arguing with you and doing what she wants nevertheless (which would be an indicator of very low interest in the relationship).

You TELL HER ONCE, and let her do. If she breaks your boundary more than once, or breaks more than one boundary you must understand that she is no long term material, so you either dump her or downgrade her to fvck buddy.

Besides, I think that when you do something she doesnt like she tells you for sure right? it is pretty normal to tell your gf/bf what you dont like, so dont be a puss-y.

It is not that you tell her every damn thing you dont like about what she does, but if it's something IMPORTANT you should tell her/set that boundary.
You dont have to become a dictator, but set some boundaries while being a bit flexible.

If it was me, I would let her know I dont like it, but if she does it rarely, once a month or less, so be it, but just that. This way she gets to go out in some special occasion but not that often, so you both win. You set a boundary, but you're not a control freak that doesn't let her get out of the house.

Do you get my point?


P.S.

Anyway, there are some guys that try to control their gf's actions, they are too jelaous, too controlling etc... and their gf behaves nice and they are together for many years.
In other cases the girl gets fed up and cheats on her bf anyway.
In other cases they guy is very permissive and her gf behaves well cause she is high quality, but in other cases she cheats on him cause she is trash...so you never really know.

I think that setting some boundaries that really matter to you is the way to go, and you set them mainly for you, to make you feel better and to not argue with your gf that often. At the end of the day she will cheat no you or not depending on which type of girl she is so...so do it for your own peace of mind, not to 'control' her.

 

[Atom Smasher]

We spoke about it for seventy minutes. Basically I tried to get her to see it from my point of view.

The worst thing you can do is to have a long conversation with a woman trying to convince her of anything rationally, plus it's all happening too late.

It's where you're at right now though, I get it. You had to get it off your chest. Next time you need to set the parameters for the relationship early in the game.

Long conversations with women are entirely unwinnable. 100% unwinnable. It's like trying hammer a nail into air.

Women need brief statements of how it is (delivered without passion, with a detached attitude) and then backed up with RUTHLESS enforcement (removal of yourself when she breaks the rules). Again, the rules are laid out as "guidelines" for both of you. Your rules must be delivered as if you were talking about the most obvious thing, as if you are saying that water is wet and the sky is blue. That conveys that you set the frame, that you are in charge.

If she doesn't like it she's not worthy of you. Does the rocky shoreline conform to the stormy, chaotic ocean, or vice versa? We are the shoreline.

 

[Atom Smasher]

When I was a lad "clubbing" meant hitting her over the head and dragging her to my cave. How times have changed!

 

[In2theGame]

Just rang her & told her maybe she isn't taking the LTR as serious as me if she's going out clubbing til 3 in the morning.

She was slightly shocked & said they were just having a good time dancing, chatting & drinking.

We spoke about it for seventy minutes. Basically I tried to get her to see it from my point of view.

She's saying that we both know she wouldn't cheat, so she cannot see an issue. She says it's innocent, dancing, drinking with her friend.

This is CLASSIC female response lol. Nothing is wrong and no issues.......... Until she becomes distant for some strange reason and then yes.... There is something wrong.

 

[Firestar786]

Dude seriously dump this girl for the disrespect honestly

 

[G_Govan]

Not much to add other than to say that "clubbing" is never about just dancing and drinking for the sake of it. It's always about sexual attention from the opposite gender (or same if you swing that way).

You should've downgraded the relationship to FB status, but not verbally/overtly. You just start going out without her and act like nothing is wrong, including acting dumb when she questions you.

You want them to change their behavior of their own will, not because you said so. It's never geniune if the later is the case.

 

[Zarky]

Seems like trying to prohibit her from going out on the town is a bit like beta "mate guarding" to me. Kinda desperate and coming from a position of non-abundance. I always encourage the chicks I date to go out, have a good time, flirt with guys, whatever. Sh*t, it gives me a night off or a night to spend with another chick.

Just tonight, one LTR I've been seeing for a year and a half invited me to the beach with her friends where they were going to be bonfiring and grilling. I was considering it when an ex of mine texted and said she'd just broken up with her boyfriend and invited me to come over and hot tub with her. I knew what this meant and I hadn't banged her in a couple years so I decided to do that instead of the beach.

So I texted the beach girl, "I'm a little tired tonight, but you go and have a great time. We'll get together tomorrow." She said ok and I went over and hot-tubbed with the ex, ended up doing coke with her and screwing her doggy style. Meanwhile the first girl was sending me pics of the beach sunset.

Even when I just want to be left alone to chill out for the night, I encourage the chicks I'm dating to go out and have fun. I always tell them, "I don't have any rules, you can do whatever you want. Have a great time." If they've banged other guys, I've never caught wind of it. Not sure I'd care all that much if they did.

And don't get me wrong, I do care for these girls. I wouldn't bother dating a chick for years if I didn't. But I have no interest in micromanaging their lives, nor allowing them to micromanage mine.

Just throwing this example out to show that.. your girls' behavior may not always be as important to you as it is now. There may come a time when you relax and don't feel the need to worry about stuff like that. And IMHO that's a good thing

 

[Rainman4707]

She was distant last night

I'm going to pull back. Withdraw my attention

I'm feeling like I do before someone dumps me. :s She does/did really like me though so we'll see.

I'm working all next week so wont see her at all.

We've arranged for me to stop at hers tonight, but I think I might withdraw my attention.
It's my birthday tomorrow & she has a few presents for me, so I feel like I've at least got to go over to collect them tonight

 

[pyros]

you're overthinking dude.

Ok, you told her you do not like her doing that... blah blah, ok. Next time do it shorter, say it once, and see what she decides to do.

Now just go enjoy your presents, have fun, dont be a wuss, and have sex if everything goes fine.

 

[Rainman4707]

you're overthinking dude.

Ok, you told her you do not like her doing that... blah blah, ok. Next time do it shorter, say it once, and see what she decides to do.

Now just go enjoy your presents, have fun, dont be a wuss, and have sex if everything goes fine.

Am going to go over, get my presents, maybe give her a ride to the shops if she needs anything, then leave.

I'm mentally withdrawing from the relationship for at least a few days. If she calls me or texts me on Monday or Tuesday i'll ignore it.

She was a ***** last night, so she dose'nt deserve my time!

 

[Rainman4707]

Thanks it helped

 

[EvilSpirit22]

One of my ex gf went clubbing without me with a few of her friends and the next thing I remember is she met a guy there slept with him and a week later we broke up. Clubbing is an excuse to meet new people. You can't act like an innocent good girl because you do know the dangers you are exposing yourself to.

Set some boundaries, if she violates them, dump her. You are not a beta chump who would deal with her bullshiat.


P.S. If you don't want a girl who goes out clubbing with her friends, Just don't date one.