Girlfriend seems to have "wandering eyes"

[randalljohnson]

She's damaged. I would just drop her. You sound like you caught feelings. It will hurt for a little bit, but you will live. You need to get a fresh start, get your head on straight, and meet some higher quality women.

If you were happy with yourself and your life, you wouldn't be putting up with a woman like this. Remember that woman don't make you happy. You need to be just as happy with or without a woman in your life.

The funny thing is, I know she's been RELYING on a man to MAKE her happy. She has a void and she relied on a man (I guess me in this case) to make her happy

 

[randalljohnson]

Another interesting development...this morning I was on instagram. Without the intent of stalking her, I look at my activity feed and see she Liked one of her
"guy friend's" pics and she Followed....one of her exes from a few years ago...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She's damaged. I would just drop her. You sound like you caught feelings. It will hurt for a little bit, but you will live. You need to get a fresh start, get your head on straight, and meet some higher quality women.

If you were happy with yourself and your life, you wouldn't be putting up with a woman like this. Remember that woman don't make you happy. You need to be just as happy with or without a woman in your life.

Your telling me good dealing with a woman won't improve your happiness?

 

[randalljohnson]

She did it a bunch of other times with other men.

Also, you're so focused on whether her bad behavior means she will leave you(it does and she is probably cheating now)...What about you leave her for her bad behavior? Severe imbalance in perspective and lack of self respect on your end.

In her other relationships it was usually the guy who screwed her over. It wasnt her choice to remove these guy's from her life. Also none of them had kids of their own, like I do.

 

[randalljohnson]

She is out of control, totally.

Is it as bad as it may seem?

 

[Glassguy]

Those aren't split opinions, those are universal opinions that she sucks and you should dump her.

At this point the OP is still trying to find ways to keep her around and be oblivious to what she is doing.

Time to let him crash and burn if he is still pursuing her. He has been warned.

 

[Skyline]

It seems opinions are split in this thread.

Some believe she's stringing me along and is using me as a rebound with terminal value, others think she's trying to manipulate me and lock me down for her own comfort

Both of those are toxic. You're seriously going to let her use you for either purpose like this?

You seem like a healthy dude to be honest. She is not healthy. I told you that you have to start drama and be manipulative to maintain her. You cannot do that. Unhealthy people want healthy people because they have what they don't have. They don't actually want you.

You're only going to get damaged from a woman like this.

 

[randalljohnson]

Both of those are toxic. You're seriously going to let her use you for either purpose like this?

You seem like a healthy dude to be honest. She is not healthy. I told you that you have to start drama and be manipulative to maintain her. You cannot do that. Unhealthy people want healthy people because they have what they don't have. They don't actually want you.

You're only going to get damaged from a woman like this.

Not saying that Im okay with either of those scenarios. Just pointing out that the opinions seem to be split between those two things.

To be blunt, Im probably not healthy honestly. I have alot of crazy exes. I used to always point the finger but if im being honest with myself, I mustve been a part of the reason why I've had so many crazy exes.

I mentioned previously how I asked this same question on another forum; some people said that because she has a history of liking badboys (and her other issues like her upbringing, promiscuity when she was single, etc.) and the fact that I've had alot of psycho exes, that the two of us together would be a catastrophe. We've made it 6 months. As far as being her rebound goes, some think 6 months isn't long enough to determine that i'm NOT her rebound anymore.

 

[Skyline]

Not saying that Im okay with either of those scenarios. Just pointing out that the opinions seem to be split between those two things.

To be blunt, Im probably not healthy honestly. I have alot of crazy exes. I used to always point the finger but if im being honest with myself, I mustve been a part of the reason why I've had so many crazy exes.

I mentioned previously how I asked this same question on another forum; some people said that because she has a history of liking badboys (and her other issues like her upbringing, promiscuity when she was single, etc.) and the fact that I've had alot of psycho exes, that the two of us together would be a catastrophe. We've made it 6 months. As far as being her rebound goes, some think 6 months isn't long enough to determine that i'm NOT her rebound anymore.

A person will always get with someone not on their same psyche level. If you have had a lot of crazy ex's, then that means you are either less crazy or more crazy. I can tell that you are less crazy than her.

This is the reason why the quiet, conservative, nuclear family based, a little country, girl is always into me. I would consider myself more crazy than these girls. Imagine if both of our genders were flipped. I would be the psycho b*tch and he would be the quiet, nuclear family based, and a little country, kid.

Now flip you and your girlfriend. Who is really crazy despite flipping genders?

Women liking "badboys" is such a stupid statement. Men like bad b*tches. I like the baddies just as much as the quiet good girls. Your girl is a baddie- a crazy one. So you like the baddies too.

I don't really believe in the idea of rebounds. But I do believe in loss of frame.

 

[17 shots]

she stays with u because you're the only guy who will stay commited to her, and deal with her ****. Women arent like us, they will stay with guys they dont really like, just to have the type of relationship they want. It could be money, it could be a guy who will play daddy, or it could just be to have a guy who hangs on her every word, watches her social media like a hawk, and caters to her. Most men dont care about her. Most guys smash her and dump her, because they see all the signs you're seeing... you're the one guy who wants to "make things work" with her.... take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself why that is

 

[randalljohnson]

she stays with u because you're the only guy who will stay commited to her, and deal with her ****. Women arent like us, they will stay with guys they dont really like, just to have the type of relationship they want. It could be money, it could be a guy who will play daddy, or it could just be to have a guy who hangs on her every word, watches her social media like a hawk, and caters to her. Most men dont care about her. Most guys smash her and dump her, because they see all the signs you're seeing... you're the one guy who wants to "make things work" with her.... take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself why that is

harsh. so you believe she will stay with me because of the stability and resist the urge of getting with other guys? (if thats what she wants)

 

[resilient]

OP, something you need to fundamentally understand is that attraction isn't a choice for either gender.

Loyalty isn't "locked in" -- it never has been and never will be.

Women love love their options/orbiters (even if the other guys aren't as attractive or valuable, they're still attention sources) and if that woman has kept herself attractive/in shape, seduce others easily... it won't be hard. If you've built up enough behavior to drive down her attraction, her interest in you will shift with the wind without resistance and she'll tap her orbiter sources for attention (dopamine hits).

If you're doing behaviors that look like you have no life, like needing her for too much validation, she'll look elsewhere for a better challenge. We DJs maybe harsh sometimes, but we're giving it to you straight no chaser. If you're a man with a strong frame, emotionally and physically invested, she'll feel secure in that attachment. Often it's a guys needy behavior that unconsciously makes them feel less attracted and increase her desire for a challenge elsewhere. The best thing you could have done is withdraw attention if you didn't approve of her behavior.

Flip the script, think of the options/connections you may have missed out on while wondering if she'll stay or "resist the urge of getting with other guys".

 

[randalljohnson]

OP, something you need to fundamentally understand is that attraction isn't a choice for either gender.

Loyalty isn't "locked in" -- it never has been and never will be.

Women love love their options/orbiters (even if the other guys aren't as attractive or valuable, they're still attention sources) and if that woman has kept herself attractive/in shape, seduce others easily... it won't be hard. If you've built up enough behavior to drive down her attraction, her interest in you will shift with the wind without resistance and she'll tap her orbiter sources for attention (dopamine hits).

If you're doing behaviors that look like you have no life, like needing her for too much validation, she'll look elsewhere for a better challenge. We DJs maybe harsh sometimes, but we're giving it to you straight no chaser. If you're a man with a strong frame, emotionally and physically invested, she'll feel secure in that attachment. Often it's a guys needy behavior that unconsciously makes them feel less attracted and increase her desire for a challenge elsewhere. The best thing you could have done is withdraw attention if you didn't approve of her behavior.

Flip the script, think of the options/connections you may have missed out on while wondering if she'll stay or "resist the urge of getting with other guys".

That makes sense

The highlighted part is what makes me raise my eyebrow about my situation. When she suddenly goes on these mini Like sprees on these guys pictures. They're good looking guys, at that. Some she knows, some I don't think she's even met. Just found them online somehow. But they're local guys. She also has re-added a former FWB who things ended badly between, and just recently re-followed an ex from a few years back. As I mentioned, as much as she wanted a stable relationship, she had kept her status private for the first few months of the relationship, whilst she was secretly adding/flirting with random locals. Also as I've mentioned, we've had rocky moments. So can a girl who resorts to stuff like that be trustworthy of settling down? Is she capable of settling down?

 

[randalljohnson]

N O

Time will tell right? I know I sound beta but I dont have the balls to break it off. Hell, she trusts me to watch her kid. That must mean she trusts/respects me on some level, no?

 

[resilient]

When she suddenly goes on these mini Like sprees on these guys pictures.

Simple explanation. She's casting her net.

She also has re-added a former FWB who things ended badly between, and just recently re-followed an ex from a few years back.

Read Desdinova's HST thread to understand why women keep tabs with exs.

she had kept her status private for the first few months of the relationship, whilst she was secretly adding/flirting with random locals.

She didn't trust the stability in dating you or saw it going further. Low interest. brother.

So can a girl who resorts to stuff like that be trustworthy of settling down?

No.

Is she capable of settling down?

Yes, but with and only with the right DJ who finds a way to crawl to the top of her HST scoreboard.

Even then, it isn't guaranteed. Especially if you factor in her age, how many relationships (divorces if any) she's been in, daddy issues/broken home, not knowing who she is or who she wants, career instability, etc. These woman are only good for the hook up, short-term relationships, then split.

Never make a LTR out of a girl who pulls all the behavior that she's done on you in your above post.

Find your self-respect and walk. Never allow yourself to become desperate. Women can smell insecurity or lack of options from a mile away.

 

[randalljohnson]

Resilient, I appreciate the response. And yeah I agree, her basically hiding me for most of the first 3 months wasnt good. Some say that the first few months of a relationship can be an indicator on how long it will last. Some say that that's too early to be having ups-and-downs or "sketchy behavior."

The thing that gets me is that she's going on a roadtrip next week with her girlfriends. And she's leaving her kid with me for about a week. She must trust me on some level, no? Hypothetically, assume she views me as a "provider", what is she going to do? Use me up and then dump me? Or ultimately "settle" for me and blow off the other guys she has showed interest in? (Liked their pictures.)

I dont believe that the above is what I am to her, Im playing devil's advocate here.

 

[resilient]

And she's leaving her kid with me for about a week.

Dude.... wtf.

She must trust me on some level, no?

Yes, she trusts you to be her doormat. Never be another woman's doormat.

Hypothetically, assume she views me as a "provider", what is she going to do? Use me up and then dump me?

Are these real questions or are you just trolling? Yes, she'll keep using you until you no longer have use to her or finds another guy to control.

I don't believe that the above is what I am to her, I'm playing devil's advocate here.

Devil's advocate? No. You're deluding yourself if you think you're not being used.

Seriously man, listen to us DJs. Find your self-respect and walk. Staying in this covert contract leads to abuse/neglect that bradd mentioned above in his toxic thread and will only succeed in eroding your self-esteem. Reject the offer to watch her kid now and walk. Go full NC. Find another woman who doesn't manipulate and use you.

 

[Manofrefinedtastes]

You are desperately trying to convince yourself that she wants you, and only you. You are being deceived. She is making plans with you because she wants a sugar daddy to take her and the kids on vacation. Vacations aren't bad. I'd go on one with a complete stranger if asked, and, if they were paying.

You are swallowing her nonsense whole part and parcel, and, when you get good advice from the brothers here, you want to dissect it into microbe sized pieces for analysis.

She wants you for a stable relationship, and wants studs on FB, IG, tinder, etc... to have sex with. You bore her, but, you provide for her. She'll give you attention while you are doing good things for her, but, she'll be thinking of sex with the bad boys.

You tell us: Why does she like the guys on other websites? Because they stimulate her intellectually? Because they can teach her how to treat you well?

Sorry, Pal, you're being used.

 

[Manofrefinedtastes]

The funny thing is, I know she's been RELYING on a man to MAKE her happy. She has a void and she relied on a man (I guess me in this case) to make her happy

Well, apparently you AREN'T making her happy, or she wouldn't be doing what she's doing!

 

[Manofrefinedtastes]

harsh. so you believe she will stay with me because of the stability and resist the urge of getting with other guys? (if thats what she wants)

How did you get the idea that she will resist getting with other guys??
She will never resist the urge to get with other guys. She stays with you, while getting with other guys. You are not her home base, default, etc. You are her meal ticket while she shops for other guys.
Snap out of it. You are not her only man.