Girlfriend seems to have "wandering eyes"

[randalljohnson]

Your entire original post proves she has low interest, sorry bud. Im familiar with the ballbusting type, there is ballbusting and there is disrespect.

I feel like with the options she has, including however many FWB that she has stashed away (as we are in a relationship), if she really wasnt interested she wouldnt have been in a relationship with me for 6 months. Are you going to come back at me saying "maybe she was tired of being single and feeling like a worthless ho" or "maybe she wanted to go for a different kind of guy?" Or that she wants to portray and image to her friends/family of having a boyfriend and I'm simply filling in a role for her? Im not a doormat to her, but Im also not a total a-hole so many that is different from what she's used to. I cant say that for sure. All I know is that she has a past with alphas/badboys. But she's been with my for 6 months so isnt that a sign?

 

[randalljohnson]

Your entire original post proves she has low interest, sorry bud. Im familiar with the ballbusting type, there is ballbusting and there is disrespect.

As far as your comment and Sazc's comment about the ballbusting; yes, ballbusting isn't a feminine trait. She's a bit of a tomboy. The type of tomboy who can dressup and be girly when she needs to be. Yeah, the ball busting seems harsh at times. Like the one example I gave you guys. Another instance where she busted on me pretty hard was a few months ago. We took our kids on a trip/vacation around the 3 month mark of our relationship. She uploaded a couple albums on facebook of a bunch of pics from the trip. My same ballbusting friend made a comment on one of the albums saying, "There's good ol Randall! Looking nice and creepy as always! " She wrote back "There were a few pics I didnt upload because he looked too creepy. I'll never know why he cant take a normal pic." My friend wrote back, "Its okay, Creepy Randall is cool too." She said, "God help whoever marries his ass when it comes time for photography." He wrote "Lmao, I feel bad for that poor soul." She said, "So do I. And I thought I wasn't photogenic!" He wrote back "Lmao" and then she said, "He's not tagged in the album so he has no idea this conversation is going on lol"

Pretty harsh ballbusting there, I know.

 

[randalljohnson]

(Trying not to make one lengthy comment, so Im splitting up my responses a bit.)

This was a couple of weeks before we had our highest "up" cycle of our relationship. This high "up" cycle occured a couple of weeks after the vacation. This was when I noticed one night her Friend Count went down on facebook by about several people. Turned out she had deleted the random dudes she had added. She simultaneously deleted them, and then made our relationship status visible for the first time.. this was about 3-3.5 months into the relationship. Then she started to get gushy about me. (For the record, I was the one who made the relationship status on facebook when we became official after a couple weeks. She accepted it but kept her status hidden until the 3-3.5 month mark. As I said, she was adding/being flirty with the guys online for a majority of those 3 months.

Things are going well at the moment. And she still has nice things to say about me (to me and to facebook.) We still go out and do things with our kids. Me and my kid go to other states with her and her daughter because her daughter does cheerleading in different states. The headscratcher Im dealing with right now is why is she still Liking that guy's pics on instagram.... (one of the guys she added on FB/IG when we were rocky a few months ago.) Can it be that she actually views this as harmless? I guess not since she had deleted these guys off fb and made our relationship status public...she knew what she was doing when she did that.

 

[lizardking82]

Randall. None here is telling you that it's the likes on Instagram that are the main problem. You should go through the posts again and see each of us pointing out other red flags which kinda make this woman not worth it. If you wanna provide, provide for someone more mature, more controlled and less ballbusting.

 

[randalljohnson]

Randall. None here is telling you that it's the likes on Instagram that are the main problem. You should go through the posts again and see each of us pointing out other red flags which kinda make this woman not worth it. If you wanna provide, provide for someone more mature, more controlled and less ballbusting.

I appreciate the responses thus far.

I know of the other issues, but as far as the ballbusting, do u see a serious issue with the ball busting she does? I posted an example a couple posts up.

 

[Young_Don]

A woman that is obsessed with social media and has to post about every aspect of her life should tell you that all she seeks is attention and validation from others. Especially being a 30 year old woman, she should have her shyt together and be more focussed on herself and her child instead of long meaningful posts on fb/insta.

As for the other guys, she sees them as being alpha and you being beta. You provide what she needs but not what she wants. She most likely keeps them around as back up for when things get ****ty between the both of you. She will be flooding their inboxes with "hey how you been" and "yea we should catch up" whilst telling them all the BS the both of you are groing through (from her perspective).

Walk away now if you truly have the DJ mentality that you are the prize and not her. Don't be desperate and put up with pety shyt from a woman who clearly has emotional damage. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be help. Even if she says she does, if her actions say otherwise then that should tell you everything.

 

[backseatjuan]

But if she wants stability so bad, why can't she stop her eyes from wandering? I hate to say this, but is this a case of "you can't turn on a ho into a housewife"?

She is damaged goods, keep her away from your child.

 

[randalljohnson]

Ask my girlfriends - who were exactly like this girl- who got in relationships with me but cheated on the side anyway. Damaged goods. Here are some of the traits they shared:

1. Bad childhood to some extent
2. Obsessed with male attention, could not say no to male flirting(and more)
3.was like negotiating SALT II to get them to drop/defriend their exes and or fbuddies during the relationship.
4. When their interest lowered, either cyclically like yours or progressively over time, they would add lots of men seemingly all at once, including men they had defriended or blocked before
5. When interest was higher they made an effort to block and defriend those guys-just like yours- even to the extent of deleting their facebook or considering it(like a drug addict trying to go cold turkey). Didn't last.
6. As it turned out, they always kept backups and most of them were cheating very early on but also later too.


Nothing you say about yourself matters. Only her psych problems, including a deep need for validation and cheating with other men. Dont you see how she is acting like a drug addict, with these men being the drug? It is her show you are just going down with the ship.

Interesting

What's do u think of the ballbusting story I told a few posts up?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think it makes no difference at all to the situation ultimately, the girl is trash. All of those women had varying personalities but the constants were the behaviors I described. One was totally meek and sweet(this one I took back over and over because I could not wrap my head around her duplicity), one was verbally abusive like yours(but only to my face, and one just played jealousy games the whole time and was hyper manipulative.

Ballbusting is done to make her "look better" at your expense. It's not a good thing. Once in a blue moon, fine. But dead center hits designed to make you feel humiliated, not good at all.

 

[randalljohnson]

I think it makes no difference at all to the situation ultimately, the girl is trash. All of those women had varying personalities but the constants were the behaviors I described. One was totally meek and sweet(this one I took back over and over because I could not wrap my head around her duplicity), one was verbally abusive, and one just played jealousy games the whole time and was hyper manipulative.

So you think stability with this kind of woman is impossible? Even though she claims that's what she's wanted? (Stability/marriage.) I know she sees alot of her friends getting married. The funny thing is I have a history of crazy exes. Just a couple of months before me and her met, I had a crazy ex from a couple years ago come back and try to get me in trouble with some legal crap. Crazy b!tch. Somebody mentioned that maybe I just like strong-willed, psychologically unstable women and I dont know how to deal with them. Maybe thats true? Who freakin knows

 

[lizardking82]

I appreciate the responses thus far.

I know of the other issues, but as far as the ballbusting, do u see a serious issue with the ball busting she does? I posted an example a couple posts up.

The ballbusting is not even the biggest issue here, man. This woman seems unstable, quite unstable. I know that in a lot of cases, Instagram likes don't mean much because there are people out there who like everything there is, but if she's liking specific ex's pics, than it changes the thing. Dude, this woman might not mean harm to you personally, but she is just UNSTABLE. This is the best word to describe here and what is to tell you that she won't cheat on your ass for a bad boy a couple of months/years later? Why not go for someone more emotionally stable and healthy and grown up with life experiences? This woman has broken life experiences and she cannot be healthy. You are attracted to her naturally because you're broken somehow as well and you think it's what you want and while it may be what you want, IT IS NOT WHAT YOU NEED! You need a healthy woman to help you raise that kid of yours well and help you get healthier, too. Do not ponder this much anymore. It's not worth it.

 

[resilient]

Randall, you'll rack up your brain questioning all the What Ifs. I've been there. If you have a storied history of crazy exes examine why you keep attracting them like moths to the flame. You might like strong-willed psychologically unstable women because you recognize the strength in them that is not yet developed in yourself.

A few months ago I wrote a thread on attraction that I think may offer insight into what you're going through:
"You stop attracting certain people, when you heal the part of you that once needed them"

To get the better quality plate, you have to be the better quality plate yourself first. I know that with our egos as males, we don't want to accept low IL, disrespect, games, yet often enough it's all in relation to how we see ourselves. There will always be a power struggle dynamic in any relationship. The choice is how you react to that struggle and rise up as a man. We as DJs have to respect ourselves first and be able to walk if all the misbehavior stacks up.

 

[randalljohnson]

The ballbusting is not even the biggest issue here, man. This woman seems unstable, quite unstable. I know that in a lot of cases, Instagram likes don't mean much because there are people out there who like everything there is, but if she's liking specific ex's pics, than it changes the thing. Dude, this woman might not mean harm to you personally, but she is just UNSTABLE. This is the best word to describe here and what is to tell you that she won't cheat on your ass for a bad boy a couple of months/years later? Why not go for someone more emotionally stable and healthy and grown up with life experiences? This woman has broken life experiences and she cannot be healthy. You are attracted to her naturally because you're broken somehow as well and you think it's what you want and while it may be what you want, IT IS NOT WHAT YOU NEED! You need a healthy woman to help you raise that kid of yours well and help you get healthier, too. Do not ponder this much anymore. It's not worth it.

Yeah. She's not the type to Like everything she sees. This particular guy, she ripped through his IG and liked a bunch of his pics dating back to a year ago, this was a few months ago when we were rocky. Things seem on the up and up right now, but I noticed she liked three recent selfies he posted. Really confuses me, hence the title of this thread.

There's no doubt she has issues. I have issues myself too, Im not going to lie to you or to myself. I asked this same question on another forum, and somebody suggested that because I have a history of having psycho exes and she has a history of dating badboys, that our relationship is bound to self-destruct at some point. Not that Im using the kids as a ploy to lock her down, but she knows if we break up, not only will her daughter have another man exit her life, she would be ripping her daughter away from my son, who she's also formed a bond with. That would obviously upset me too. Would she really do that?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Lots of women do this. With men some try not to let their eyes wander atleast out of respect. I notice women eyes wander more than betas will believe. It happen 9/10 times when I am going out to me or my friends or random dudes. I'm observant, so I see these things often. Trust me its an epidemic

What type of places?

 

[SuckItUp]

Randall,

There's a strong chance this woman is a cluster B woman (BPD, NPD, HPD), and even she isn't, her behavior is toxic.

This is an extremely dangerous situation for not only you but also your child.

You cannot assume that normal social behaviors or morals apply to this woman. She can and will use her child as if the child is a bargaining chip.

Anyone who has been in this situation will tell you that one of the issues was that they couldn't believe their girlfriend would do something so disrespectful, disgusting, outrageous until it was too late and they saw it with their own eyes.

Nothing is off the table every minute you stay the worse the potential outcome becomes.

It is not your job to rescue her child. Is it sad? Absolutely, but your girlfriend is exploiting your bond with her child to keep you enmeshed in the relationship.

Ask anyone who has been in these relationships what the fallout is and lucky ones that get out have a few years of PTSD, the unlucky ones end up with no money, a complete loss of self, and/or dead.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Randall,

There's a strong chance this woman is a cluster B woman (BPD, NPD, HPD), and even she isn't, her behavior is toxic.

This is an extremely dangerous situation for not only you but also your child.

You cannot assume that normal social behaviors or morals apply to this woman. She can and will use her child as if the child is a bargaining chip.

Anyone who has been in this situation will tell you that one of the issues was that they couldn't believe their girlfriend would do something so disrespectful, disgusting, outrageous until it was too late and they saw it with their own eyes.

Nothing is off the table every minute you stay the worse the potential outcome becomes.

It is not your job to rescue her child. Is it sad? Absolutely, but your girlfriend is exploiting your bond with her child to keep you enmeshed in the relationship.

Ask anyone who has been in these relationships what the fallout is and lucky ones that get out have a few years of PTSD, the unlucky ones end up with no money, a complete loss of self, and/or dead.

Guys he's not exaggerating. If you LOVE and consider their thoughts it will screw with your head, and the damage truly is PTSD like lasting for years. It will affect your other releationships if you make it the center of your world. With women like this you really do have to catch and release right away.

 

[randalljohnson]

It seems opinions are split in this thread.

Some believe she's stringing me along and is using me as a rebound with terminal value, others think she's trying to manipulate me and lock me down for her own comfort

 

[Young OG]

She's damaged. I would just drop her. You sound like you caught feelings. It will hurt for a little bit, but you will live. You need to get a fresh start, get your head on straight, and meet some higher quality women.

If you were happy with yourself and your life, you wouldn't be putting up with a woman like this. Remember that woman don't make you happy. You need to be just as happy with or without a woman in your life.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

What type of places?

Bars, Coffee shops, restaurants etc

 

[ubercat]

Mate u ve had 10 guys tell u. Accept that like this thread the relationship is dead. Give it a decent burial and learn from your mistakes as we all did.