Girlfriend Problem

[In10se]

Hey SoSuave, its been a long while since I posted here, because I found a pretty amazing girlfriend. We have been seeing each other for 6 months now and officially dating for 2 months, so I am pretty happy. However there is one issue that has been bothering me and I'd like your input.

See my GF has only had 1 boyfriend before me in highschool and they dated for 2 years (she is 19). He went to the marines, I don't know the exact circumstances of their breakup, but I found out he came home recently and they "talk as friends". My hunch tells me that he still has feelings for her which is why he tries to reach out and talk to her, but she claims it is strictly as friends and he has had another girlfriend since (that looked like her :/).

I have expressed that I trust her, and that it irritates me that they talk, but at the same time I can't be the overbearing boyfriend that dictates who she can talk to.

How do I handle this? A big part of me, thinks the best way, although underhanded is to keylog her facebook password and snoop around a bit to see if I am getting duped. As a sidenote she also snapchats him. Its a tough situation, because this girl expresses genuine love for me and buys me nice things and always wants to talk to me,so I don't know. What do you guys think?

 

[In10se]

Also since I told her I like to be honest and have full disclosure, she admitted they are getting a bite to eat, because he is home from the marines for a bit...I don't feel comfortable with all this, so I need to confront this situation...any advice is appreciated though

 

[Cremasta]

Also since I told her I like to be honest and have full disclosure, she admitted they are getting a bite to eat, because he is home from the marines for a bit...I don't feel comfortable with all this, so I need to confront this situation...any advice is appreciated though

Is there a good reason why she didn't invite you along as well for the 'bite to eat'? If there isn't, this is an enormous red flag.

If he's only home for the weekend and you happen to be out of state for that weekend, then I might consider that a good reason. Anything else... no.

 

[JoeMarron]

I bet the reason they broke up is because he joined the marines so he wasnt around. So yeah she probably does still have feelings for him. He's not going to be around though so there's no need for you to be snooping around and worrying. Focus on the present moment. If you catch her cheating then downgrade her ass and spin some plates. No need to be dramatic.

 

[Sonny Knight]

so In10se are you going to live your life in fear of him

you are at the fork in the road

she's thinking about him every time when your fU(king her .

good luck LoL

 

[In10se]

I appreciate the responses, and yes he is only home for the weekend, she said "she might grab a bite to eat with him" that hasn't even happened yet". Part of me sees a possibility of residual feelings, but they dated for two years, so I'm not totally surprised.

One thing I notice is that people on here like to take things to the extreme and make comments that just make the poster feel worse about his/her situation that actually help. I don't fear him, or believe she thinks about him when we ****, because she always tells me the sex is phenomenal and wants me constantly even when we've already done it multiple times. At the same time I hate the fact that I am 100% devoted and there is still some small part of her that lies with him. Its a complicated and difficult situation, I can't snuff her out completely, but I also can't share a girl I genuinely love with another guy, its not fair to me, and its not how I live.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Either find your self a girl friend to hang out with (with her knowledge) to give her a taste of her own medicine, or tell her you are downgrading her.

When her jaw drops and she asks why, tell her that since she has decided to date other men, you cannot possibly hold her in the same regard, just as she wouldn't be able to.

This is why I always say that women are amoral and selfish to the core. Why would she not know that if the situation were reversed she would freak out? Because all her life she was taught that she is a special princess and that rules don't apply to her.

 

[pipe007]

I feel bad for this dude... Sounds like a girl (no disrespect) whining about a lose lose situation for her(you op)

See u have been a delicate understanding flower that agrees that is ok for her to be friends with his Rambo ex and go have a 1 on 1 date with him where u know sexual tension will be at peak and they only get a few hours to release it...... Yes she is into this ex army manly hero.... And ur just the flower girl who agreed to it

I seriously think she loves u as a flower girl but she doesn't see u or respect u as a masculine man In her life... U don't have that role
Sorry... Keep learning and hopefully next this boyfriend of urs
Dale!!!

 

[joker79]

Think if we reversed the roles and applied the same behaviour women apply to men, 90% of female population would be crazy

 

[In10se]

LOL, I am no "flower girl" I am just finding about all this in the past couple days, and trust me it is not flying well with me. Do I love her yeah? Would I sacrifice my own pride and self respect to make her happy? Absolutely not, I am going to talk to her today about all of this and make it clear that if the situation was reversed and I was snapchatting, seeing my ex 1 on 1 that she would be extremely jealous and unhappy and that I would never disrespect her like that. We'll see how she responds.

Based off this can I really just "downgrade" her, so bluntly on a situation where I really can't be fully sure. I know some evidence points towards feelings, but you really don't see how she treats me, caters to me, communicates with me, so your opinions will automatically jump to the worst possible conclusion.

 

[In10se]

You know what guys you are probably right, I can't let my relationship cloud my judgement, I am confident enough to go out and get a new gf if that is what I want. Its bull**** to be disrespected blatantly, and I am putting my foot down on this instantly, I'll keep you guys updated.

 

[sportguy]

LOL, I am no "flower girl" I am just finding about all this in the past couple days, and trust me it is not flying well with me. Do I love her yeah? Would I sacrifice my own pride and self respect to make her happy? Absolutely not, I am going to talk to her today about all of this and make it clear that if the situation was reversed and I was snapchatting, seeing my ex 1 on 1 that she would be extremely jealous and unhappy and that I would never disrespect her like that. We'll see how she responds.

Based off this can I really just "downgrade" her, so bluntly on a situation where I really can't be fully sure. I know some evidence points towards feelings, but you really don't see how she treats me, caters to me, communicates with me, so your opinions will automatically jump to the worst possible conclusion.

Just tell her how you feel, communication is key.

Don't keylog her conversations, you will regret it. Your never gonna be able to fully trust her again after that and your gonna worry a million times more if you do.

She sounds like a girl worth keeping around, so just trust her.

 

[Sonny Knight]

man face the truth

if you were satisfying all her needs she wouldn't need to turn to her ex lover( in the name of friendship)

**peep the weakness in your game and sew it up**


Stop Being So Defensive

 

[German Soldier]

Just straight up ask her if she likes him. If she still does, then just let her go be with him. There's no use skirting around it and having her pretend to like you if she doesn't.

 

[goundra]

so she "likes" more than one guy, so what? aint you ever "liked" more than one woman at the same time? Lay off the silly expectations. No marriage vows have been taken here, no expenses paid with expectations of exclusivity.

 

[JoeMarron]

so she "likes" more than one guy, so what? aint you ever "liked" more than one woman at the same time? Lay off the silly expectations. No marriage vows have been taken here, no expenses paid with expectations of exclusivity.

Exactly. OP there's no need to put your foot down, confront her or be dramatic about this. If it bothers you that much then just go out and see other women. When she complains about you can tell her she was doing the same thing. Here's whats gonna happen if you confront her. She's either gonna lie and tell you that there are no feelings between them and possibly still talk to him behind your back or she's gonna call you insecure and still talk to him behind your back. Its a lose lose situation. Do you enjoy your time with her when you guys are together? If so then what the hell does it matter what she's doing when you're not around.

 

[German Soldier]

She likes one of them and isn't really interested in the other. If she really likes the military guy and is going out to eat with him and talking to him all the time, then chances are that they have a connection that she doesn't have with the other guy.

 

[Sonny Knight]

The BIBLE

Matthew 6:24 (King James Version)

No man or (woman) can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other

 

[In10se]

Yeah so I overreacted and blew things totally up, which I shouldn't have...I guess? I don't really know one part of me says that she feels for the dude, which is total bull**** in my mind, but the sex is quality and I have some feelings so I guess I'll work through it and let it be.

 

[DonJuanabe]

What you have to accept is that you cannot negotiate how she feels. She most certainly is attracted to him and wants to see him. Sure, she likes you too, but you are not so highly valued that she won't see her former boyfriend. If you accept that for what it is it will make life less stressful for you. I would put her into f*ck buddy mode -- you'll get sex, you won't come across as weak and needy, and you won't get dragged around emotionally.