Girlfriend not interested in sex....

[dmatter]

So after 16 months of dating I feel as if my girlfriend no longer wants to have sex with me, when we first started dating we had sex anywhere and everywhere, now she feels as if thats all I want, that If we dont have sex i wont be happy bla bla bla, i tried to explain that its just a deeper connection between us and if I dont try to initiate that she wont and eventually her family starts to enter the house and we cant have sex no more, I only see her twice a week so if i dont get sex then i would have to wait another week and so on, and im trying to keep my cool and be distant but she gives me EVERYTHING else like cooks for me hugs me brings me to her house, our relationship is perfect except for the sex part and the fact we tend to fight alot, but I want to have sex and she knows i do and i feel as if thats the problem me desiring it so much is why she doesnt, she said she feels all i do is try to have sex with her the moment i see her, so idk guys ive thought of dumping her but shes a great gf except for the sex part, is there any advice on how to spark her interest in sex again?

 

[Tiguere]

I cant believe you letting her get away with this. A girlfriend means sex on demand. No ifs whys or buts. If you want to spark interest you are gonna have to start putting some distance between you guys. Cut the phone chat time. Start spending times with the buddies you been neglecting due to being in a relationship with this b!tch that wont put out.

 

[1337]

Ever thought of acting like you don't need sex? She can use your desire for sex to control you and drive you insane,either that or she wants to marry you a
nd save sex for later. If you dump her now because of the drought you might experience the same cycle with your next girl(a lot of sex in the beginning less at the end). Suggestion is to calm down your desire for sex or atleast pretend like you don't want it and don't give damn,trust me she will surprise you.

 

[joe henny]

fvck another girl. I mean obviously you want to, or why else would you be posting on a site like this when you have a gf?

 

[backbreaker]

this is quite easy


bro, she's getting laid by someone else. this i'm quite certain of. everytime i have had a woman becuase instantly uninterested in sex, at ALL, it's beucxase she was already getting **** on the side/someone else.


women, like sex. probably moreso than men. if she's not getting it from yo, at ALL, she's getting it from somewhere.

 

[bukowski_merit]

It could be what backbreaker said. But he is obviously someone who does not get Betaized. He is someone who has balls and such, so if a woman loses interest in him - it's not because he's being weak... It's obviously for another reason (she's cheating, etc.)

So after 16 months of dating I feel as if my girlfriend no longer wants to have sex with me, when we first started dating we had sex anywhere and everywhere, now she feels as if thats all I want, that If we dont have sex i wont be happy bla bla bla, i tried to explain that its just a deeper connection between us and if I dont try to initiate that she wont and eventually her family starts to enter the house and we cant have sex no more, I only see her twice a week so if i dont get sex then i would have to wait another week and so on, and im trying to keep my cool and be distant but she gives me EVERYTHING else like cooks for me hugs me brings me to her house, our relationship is perfect except for the sex part and the fact we tend to fight alot, but I want to have sex and she knows i do and i feel as if thats the problem me desiring it so much is why she doesnt, she said she feels all i do is try to have sex with her the moment i see her, so idk guys ive thought of dumping her but shes a great gf except for the sex part, is there any advice on how to spark her interest in sex again?

But you on the other hand - sound like a very weak man when it comes to dealing with your woman.

When you were first dating - you were new to her, you were unpredictable, she wasn't sure what she could get away with - you had the power... Thus, she was turned on and wanted to fvck her king (you) in return.

But as the months go on -
1) the sex become mundane; she knows what she's getting from you,
2) you communicate to her like she's a man instead of with her emotions (as woman should be talked to,)
3) you justify your need for sex to her (dumb and weak),
4) You allow her to dictate if you have sex or not
5) Which probably indicates that she leads most of the relationship now.
6) Which means she owns your balls
7) Which means she cannot get turned on by you anymore.
8) You resent her for not giving you sex, she resents you for not having balls
9) She still has a high sex drive - which leads to her being sexually frustrated
10) Which leads to arguing and both of you being sexually dissatisfied
11) which only makes her lust you less, and makes you more confused

Plan:
1. Stop arguing with her. (learn frame control - look it up, read books on it or just stuff on this site. It's crucial!)
2. Start doing things out of the norm.
3. Don't be boring, predictable, or weak.
4. Get a life outside of her.
5. For the time being get a 2nd girlfriend to fulfill your needs so that you're less needy.
6. Never ask her for sex, just do it (this doesn't mean rape her, this means NO TALKS ABOUT SEX; let that sh!t happen!)
7. When you do have sex - do new stuff. Talk dirty to her if you didn't before. Be abusive then switch back to gentle. Just never let her know what to expect!

IF you could honestly do all 6 of those things - she'd be back on your C@ck in a month or so....

The question is if you have balls or not.

 

[Lucifero]

I cant believe you letting her get away with this. A girlfriend means sex on demand. No ifs whys or buts. If you want to spark interest you are gonna have to start putting some distance between you guys. Cut the phone chat time. Start spending times with the buddies you been neglecting due to being in a relationship with this b!tch that wont put out.

Yeah, this is practically highway robbery! :cuss:

 

[blue183]

I cant believe you letting her get away with this. A girlfriend means sex on demand. No ifs whys or buts. If you want to spark interest you are gonna have to start putting some distance between you guys. Cut the phone chat time. Start spending times with the buddies you been neglecting due to being in a relationship with this b!tch that wont put out.

why are you giving this man horrible advice ? you do stuff like that to side chicks, not to your main girl that u have been with 16 months.

Also just because she isn't having sex with you, doesn't mean she is ****ing another guy. this is something your are going to have to wait out. Every man goes threw this in a relationship that lasts a while.

 

[zekko]

Some people have lower sex drives, and when the novelty wears off their interest drops.

I agree a lot of women like sex better than a lot of guys, but really I think it all varies by the individual. Remember that thread Rollo started about how sex could never be as important to women as to men? Here it is:

http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=176775

 

[cordoncordon]

this is quite easy


bro, she's getting laid by someone else. this i'm quite certain of. everytime i have had a woman becuase instantly uninterested in sex, at ALL, it's beucxase she was already getting **** on the side/someone else.


women, like sex. probably moreso than men. if she's not getting it from yo, at ALL, she's getting it from somewhere.

I don't know if I would go that far, I mean that is a pretty broad assumption. Women for the most part don't cheat for the same reason men do. Men want strange, something new. Women want someone who shows them attention and makes them feel wanted. And since the OP says everything else in the relationship is good besides the sex, I don't think she is getting strange on the side. I just think her sex drive is low for whatever reason, and its up to the OP to help her through this, or move on. Either would be acceptable imo.

 

[Masculinity]

Possible solution

Based on your post, it seems like she really knows sex is what you want and what to do to get you to do what SHE wants; be careful, now that she knows she has you by the balls, she might try testing you to see how much sh!t she can get away with.

Being with a girlfriend for so long means guaranteed sex. On the other hand, there may be a point where sex was the same over and over to the point where she's bored with your predictability. Try being aggressive, tying her up, putting a blindfold, handcuffs or something on that category; this is essentially the reason why all those crazy sex toys are out there. Don't get her a vibrator as it will most likely replace you, but get some handcuffs and just show her you're the man who unleashes the animal instincts inside her.

Don't allow her to jerk you around, stand on your ground and be a man!

 

[maqnetik]

with women its never just "one thing". shes emotionally frustrated and trying to tell you shes bored and wants you to spice things up with a little hot & cold rather than continuous lukewarm.

:cuss: :cheer:

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Maybe she´s frigid. Some women don´t like sex and consider it a chore. However, they are the minority.

Anyway It could be you (the problem). Change the GF, if the problem persists, the common denominator is YOU!

 

[amoka]

Shouldn't this be something she should be worrying about?

 

[Falcon25]

Read this carefully. She's fuvking someone else. Either physically or mentally.

 

[JLW]

Falcon25 said it best.

It's possible that she's already cheating. But it's also very possible that she isn't.

However, one thing's for sure: if an opportunity arises, she certainly would be more inclined to cheat, given the boring sex life.


Mix it up. Make it interesting for the both of you. Do some kinky stuff. See if that works.

 

[nismo-4]

Falcon25 got straight to the point, but I'll explain it!

She's losing interest in you and getting sex elsewhere. You better keep that attraction going! If you don't, don't be surprised if you catch her making out with another man.

This is how I ended up f**king other men's girlfriends and wives. The men just weren't that good! Enter Judge nismo-4! :rockon:

Point is, don't be boring. Don't be a dud. If you are, you'll be snoring and she'll be with a stud. So keep up the excitement and passion. Give her reason to stay and she's less likely to leave or get her fill elsewhere. That's my ruling.

Case closed. Keep that flame lit.

 

[backbreaker]

I don't know if I would go that far, I mean that is a pretty broad assumption. Women for the most part don't cheat for the same reason men do. Men want strange, something new. Women want someone who shows them attention and makes them feel wanted. And since the OP says everything else in the relationship is good besides the sex, I don't think she is getting strange on the side. I just think her sex drive is low for whatever reason, and its up to the OP to help her through this, or move on. Either would be acceptable imo.

i have ****ed enough women to know, that there is a difference between waining sex drive, not having as much sex as we used to, and i don't want to **** you anymore.

it's normal to not **** all the time and even be a chore in a relationship. but he said, that, she doesn't want to have sex with him at all. that is a big difference.

in the few instances i had that happen to me, and being the other guy as well, the only time a woman just refuses to **** her man, is when she's cheating.


women "chore ****" all the time. the fact that she won't even give him that, man that's a huge red flag. a good woman will **** her man, even if she isn't horny, just to keep him out of the streets, at least enough to let him get his rocks off. she doesn't give a **** anymore. what does that tell you.

even with that said, everyone has completely missed the boat here. her, not satisfying you, not being the woman she once was, not fufilling your needs, is enough to leave the relationship. you don't have to wait for "something to go down' to leave. just leave. why stay with a woman who isn't ****ing you? you aren't having sex, yet you can't **** other women, what kinda sense does that make.

 

[harkkam08]

I agree with everything that you guys have said and cheating could be a possibility but just jumping to that conclusion also seems wrong as well.

The truth of the matter is that if you love her, stick around for a bit, see what she is going through and maybe she will be honest with you about what is going on.

If the indicators start point south then pull back, but not yet.

She said that she feels like all you want is sex from her and yet she does all these nice things for you, like cooking and showing interest in other things. She is trying to tell you something, she wants something from you.

My hunch is that she wants to feel like she means more to you than just sex which you could get from other women she wants something other than your d*ck, she wants attention and romance but not in a chodie way.

She might just be doing that to keep up an appearance while she cheats on you so you dont suspect anything but for now play along.

You can even call her bluff and tell her "Sweetie I know we've been fighting a lot lately about sex and its putting a strain between us, and I want to change that, just keep listening to what I have to say (grab her hand)"

Then you say "I dont need sex to be happy with you, and you mean more than that to me, I know lately you've been uncomfortable about the subject, so why don't we spend some quality time together that has nothing to do with sex, how does that sound baby? (look into her eyes)"


Then you record what she says after this what her response more importantly what her body language is like, a girl who is kidding something and is putting up a show will be annoyed like "Crap he is not giving me a reason to leave him and now I have to do romantic stuff with him"

A girl who feels like you understand her will feel relieved and even happy and crack a smile that you understand how she feels. Girls do sometimes feel like sex is the only thing important to a guy and sometimes need to be shown love and attention they want to feel like "He does want me more than just my body" I know girls like that there are many in fact.

After she gives you a response this is the kicker line that lets her know that this wont go on forever however but at the same time you wont make her feel pressured to perform either.

You say " Okay....(deep thinking pause)....Im glad we talked baby, I know this will bring us closer and I think you even might start feeling better and things will change between us and I can help you along the way (implying that if she is cold or low sex drive that you will build comfort and help her come out of her shell"

How long you focus on being romantic with her and putting sex aside is up to you. I mean I would do this for a girl that I really loved because if she does mean something to you, then in life there will be things that both of you will have to adjust to. You may spiral into a depression (god forbidding) your family member dies or gets hurt and you dont want sex or even want to talk to her. She may go through things like that.

So if you love her, give her the chance to warm up and be by her side because the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, you will have to do this quite often.

However if you can see yourself breaking up with her right now and its not much of a big deal then go ahead nobody would blame you.

Personally I would just wait this one out and see what happens even if it means no sex for a while. If things dont get better and your patience runs out then its your choice what to do. You might find out she was cheating for all you know. But at least in the back of your mind you wont be thinking "Damn that was a good woman what if she just needed some TLC to warm up to me"

Remember in the beginning everything is new and there is fire and passion and there may be less of it now. Sex is the result of passion and fire and for that you have to "wine and dine" her, walk up to her and kiss her neck tell her how good she smells and make a joke about how silly she looks when she does XYZ. Make her laugh build that connection, only then does the SEX come. At this stage in the game its different its not like a ONS because her feelings and your feelings are involved their is trust.

These are just my feelings and my own personal moral and wisdom compass so take no offense its just my two cents.

best of luck

 

[backbreaker]

I agree with everything that you guys have said and cheating could be a possibility but just jumping to that conclusion also seems wrong as well.

The truth of the matter is that if you love her, stick around for a bit, see what she is going through and maybe she will be honest with you about what is going on.

If the indicators start point south then pull back, but not yet.

She said that she feels like all you want is sex from her and yet she does all these nice things for you, like cooking and showing interest in other things. She is trying to tell you something, she wants something from you.

My hunch is that she wants to feel like she means more to you than just sex which you could get from other women she wants something other than your d*ck, she wants attention and romance but not in a chodie way.

She might just be doing that to keep up an appearance while she cheats on you so you dont suspect anything but for now play along.

You can even call her bluff and tell her "Sweetie I know we've been fighting a lot lately about sex and its putting a strain between us, and I want to change that, just keep listening to what I have to say (grab her hand)"

Then you say "I dont need sex to be happy with you, and you mean more than that to me, I know lately you've been uncomfortable about the subject, so why don't we spend some quality time together that has nothing to do with sex, how does that sound baby? (look into her eyes)"


Then you record what she says after this what her response more importantly what her body language is like, a girl who is kidding something and is putting up a show will be annoyed like "Crap he is not giving me a reason to leave him and now I have to do romantic stuff with him"

A girl who feels like you understand her will feel relieved and even happy and crack a smile that you understand how she feels. Girls do sometimes feel like sex is the only thing important to a guy and sometimes need to be shown love and attention they want to feel like "He does want me more than just my body" I know girls like that there are many in fact.

After she gives you a response this is the kicker line that lets her know that this wont go on forever however but at the same time you wont make her feel pressured to perform either.

You say " Okay....(deep thinking pause)....Im glad we talked baby, I know this will bring us closer and I think you even might start feeling better and things will change between us and I can help you along the way (implying that if she is cold or low sex drive that you will build comfort and help her come out of her shell"

How long you focus on being romantic with her and putting sex aside is up to you. I mean I would do this for a girl that I really loved because if she does mean something to you, then in life there will be things that both of you will have to adjust to. You may spiral into a depression (god forbidding) your family member dies or gets hurt and you dont want sex or even want to talk to her. She may go through things like that.

So if you love her, give her the chance to warm up and be by her side because the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, you will have to do this quite often.

However if you can see yourself breaking up with her right now and its not much of a big deal then go ahead nobody would blame you.

Personally I would just wait this one out and see what happens even if it means no sex for a while. If things dont get better and your patience runs out then its your choice what to do. You might find out she was cheating for all you know. But at least in the back of your mind you wont be thinking "Damn that was a good woman what if she just needed some TLC to warm up to me"

Remember in the beginning everything is new and there is fire and passion and there may be less of it now. Sex is the result of passion and fire and for that you have to "wine and dine" her, walk up to her and kiss her neck tell her how good she smells and make a joke about how silly she looks when she does XYZ. Make her laugh build that connection, only then does the SEX come. At this stage in the game its different its not like a ONS because her feelings and your feelings are involved their is trust.

These are just my feelings and my own personal moral and wisdom compass so take no offense its just my two cents.

best of luck

wrong, wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. wrong.



if she loved him, she would suck his ****ing ****. it's that ****ing simple.

why the hell, should HE have to do all the waiting and baiting while she goes through her ****. that's AFC mentality.


stop with the ****ing hallmark cliche's like "he means more to me the sex". sex is a normal part of any ****ing normal relatiornship, his relationship is not normal, briefcase he is not getting sex. yet he's stuppoed to halt his life while his woman goes through whatever (or whoever) she's going through, **** that.

y "I dont need sex to be happy with you, and you mean more than that to me, I know lately you've been uncomfortable about the subject, so why don't we spend some quality time together that has nothing to do with sex, how does that sound baby? (look into her eyes)"

what the ****? why lie? no.. actually.. i do kinda need sex to be happy.



god this is ****ing...wow don't get me started. man this pisses me off. lol, uncomfortable about the subject you act like we are talking about getting snipped or does she want to change birth control pills or do we want to move momma into a health care facility. we are talking about ****ing... and we are talking about it, becuase we aren't doing it. hell they dated for what did he say, 18 months, hell i walk in the bathroom with my fiancee using it and don't think twice about it lol, and you want to tell me sex makes her "uncomortable" lol. man. why should something they have probably done..okay hopefully done, hundreds of times be uncomfortable?


god that... you.. you don't post. just shut up and dont' give any one any advice until you learn better, if i could slap a person through a screen, man you'd be in for it.


an d i'm this ****ign pissed, because... this is a recipe for a breakup. there is not one possible way, that advice could not lead to a breakup.


we make this game 10x harder than it is. if a woman isn't having sex with you, it's becuase, she's not interested in having sex with you. now, that might mean, she doesn't like you, she's looking or she's getting it that i agree with. but all three of those things, steam from the same cause, her lack of interest in ****ing you, which is the real problem.



my advice would be to honestly, talk about it, but not in those words. she deserves that much. tell her hey, we aren't having sex. this isn't normal. i'm just telling you, if we aren't going to have sex i need to go. not that bluntly. if she throws any of that "you love me for my body" ****, bye, dont' let the door hit you. this is ******** ****.


they tell recovering addicts, play the whole tape out before you use again. well, i say to you, play this entire tape out, when you tell her, you dont' want her for your body... where, in this equation, does she one day just start magically jumping on your **** again?

if you aren't ****ing her, she will not see you as a sexual person, and she will see someone else. it's that simple.

if you ain't ****ing your woman, you need another one. as blunt as that maybe. i've been dating the same woman for almost 3 years, we **** at least 2-3 times a week, constantly. and you know what, i know, maybe half the time, she doesn't want to. not that she hates it, but it's not like you if i said babe let's just cuddle, she'd be mad or anything, but there are certain needs a man has. i don't even have a problem with 1 time a week, i'm a piratical sex person, i don't' have to have it everyday, but i'll be damned if she just came home one day and she told me that she isn't interested in sex and had the nerve to spew some crap to me talking about "you only like me for my body"


lol, ***** you got's to go lol (jokign would never call my woman a *****)