Girlfriend met Ex boyfriend.

[Chi Town]

Goes back to the original point about awareness, here.

If she got drunk and made a fool of herself, she was not likely aware that in her getting drunk she will embarass you. So as stated above, here you go overt, "You made a fool of us last night. Don't do that again."

Right, That's what I'm saying......

If you're going to break up with her then do that but if you're still going to be in a relationship with her then being silent about something you feel is disrespectful that's weak passive behavior, that's all I'm saying.

Again, I'm not talking about OP specifically, just in general.

 

[Spaz]

I’ve thought about and considered both viewpoints on this. Chi & guru’s

Silence and distance pointed out by goodstuff is worth a try if in a marriage...BUT...if she is wanting to spend time with the other guy, it won’t work.

Personally, just based on my blue pill days and navigating through the garbage, the most impact would be stated if the guy walked away without any explanation. Zero reasons given. This says everything and may actually make a man feel liberated from the morass if he executed it without remorse.
As I’ve stared many times before, I don’t care about the woman in these things. I think for a healthy mind/spirit, if he just drops her, BOOM, that the residual benifits of executing a masculine action of this magnitude will enhance his life.

Both of the other two almost feel like a negotiated continuation. If she crawls back after S&D or immediately recants by executing Chi’s direct scolding...that at some level you are giving her a choice. Well, she already made her choice.
I wouldn’t give her the power of choice again.

Now that’s speaking about being through the savage gauntlet of the blue pill world.

Yes.

Men must understand that the masculine world has a red line.

All women instinctively knows it even when they claim they don't. It's hardwired.

Once it's broached, a man must decisively take action to subvert any attempts to reduce his masculinity with the imperative.

That said, in this case, OP has no choice but to push the automatic dismissal button.

She subconsciously knows it too but took the risk to reduce OP further as he must have lost frame in other instances with her in the past.

 

[Ranger]

Yes.

Men must understand that the masculine world has a red line.

All women instinctively knows it even when they claim they don't. It's hardwired.

Once it's broached, a man must decisively take action to subvert any attempts to reduce his masculinity with the imperative.

That said, in this case, OP has no choice but to push the automatic dismissal button.

She subconsciously knows it too but took the risk to reduce OP further as he must have lost frame in other instances with her in the past.

In essence, she knew it was over the line and tried to use “but I came and told you afterwards”, Feminine Imperative leverage to test him to see what level of “agreeableness” was in him for the imperative.
The dismiss button would severe a lot imperative in a man and better his life.
It was a test. Plain and simple. She gets all her hamster questions answered in one executed move. He can be manipulated if she is up front about things she does AFTER she does them.

It’s a scam.

 

[Spaz]

In essence, she knew it was over the line and tried to use “but I came and told you afterwards”, Feminine Imperative leverage to test him to see what level of “agreeableness” was in him for the imperative.
The dismiss button would severe a lot imperative in a man and better his life.
It was a test. Plain and simple. She gets all her hamster questions answered in one executed move. He can be manipulated if she is up front about things she does AFTER she does them.

It’s a scam.

More often then not, it's a subconscious act driven by the imperative.

She wouldn't have done it if OP had been steadfast with his principles/frame in the beginning - the imperative would have ensured her survival had it been so.

 

[Glassguy]

From my perspective, she is not loyal. Not GF material. Disrespectful.

Not sure why all these different discussions are needed. Just ghost the bytch and go find a new one. A cheater/liar is a cheater and a liar. It doesnt matter what you do, its who she is. Walk away. No discussion or explanation needed with her. Ignore.

 

[Ranger]

More often then not, it's a subconscious act driven by the imperative.

She wouldn't have done it if OP had been steadfast with his principles/frame in the beginning - the imperative would have ensured her survival had it been so.

Agreed. It goes back to my question to the OP.

“What made her think it was ok for her to do that to you?”
Then stated that he should stop looking at her and look at himself. Good thread with some good lessons in it.
Really good thread OP.

 

[Ranger]

From my perspective, she is not loyal. Not GF material. Disrespectful.

Not sure why all these different discussions are needed. Just ghost the bytch and go find a new one. A cheater/liar is a cheater and a liar. It doesnt matter what you do, its who she is. Walk away. No discussion or explanation needed with her. Ignore.

This one had a good tactic in it used by the imperative and social revolutionaries.
There is significant ambiguity in the OP because she told him of her transgressions.
Based on the social programming, coming clean is an absolution of sins. When in fact it is not. There’s a social stigma attached to those who act against the female when she “apparently” comes clean.

This is a feminine imperative operator’s manual tactic embedded in our social programming. When used in this manner, it is a scam.

 

[Glassguy]

“What made her think it was ok for her to do that to you?”

Why does it matter why she thinks it was ok? She did it. Its done and over. He needs to ghost and move on.

As guys we cant control what a woman does. If she has it in her to do things like this then take it for face value that's who she is and nothing more.

They are only rented, not owned.

 

[Ranger]

Why does it matter why she thinks it was ok? She did it. Its done and over. He needs to ghost and move on.

As guys we cant control what a woman does. If she has it in her to do things like this then take it for face value that's who she is and nothing more.

They are only rented, not owned.

Ok, you’re not seeing it. The reason she thought it was ok is because he had already displayed traits that mirror the feminine imperative. Thus she was testing it even more.

We are in the business of helping men see how the world is working. Not beat them up like a pathetic dog.

Nor should we beat that woman up when it is a standard operator’s manual tactic. She’s just being a girl.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Ok, you’re not seeing it. The reason she thought it was ok is because he had already displayed traits that mirror the feminine imperative. Thus she was testing it even more.

We are in the business of helping men see how the world is working. Not beat them up like a pathetic dog.

Nor should we beat that woman up when it is a standard operator’s manual tactic. She’s just being a girl.

I have seen women who run over 95% of men that fall for her charms but act respectfully with the 5% who are solid in their frame. However those solid guys would also be run over if they had a moment of weakness or became in love with her. They attack where they think you are vulnerable or if they think it wont be consequences.

 

[Glassguy]

it is a standard operator’s manual tactic. She’s just being a girl.

No it is not. It is not "just being a girl". Its being blatantly disrespectful. I dont spin those types of women as my plates.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No it is not. It is not "just being a girl". Its being blatantly disrespectful. I dont spin those types of women as my plates.

Listen to glassguy. Life blesses him because he doesnt allow his situations to hurt himself.

 

[Ranger]

I have seen women who run over 95% of men that fall for her charms but act respectfully with the 5% who are solid in their frame. However those solid guys would also be run over if they had a moment of weakness or became in love with her. They attack where they think you are vulnerable or if they think it wont be consequences.

True. I don’t think of it as an “attack” but to see and evaluate his ability to bring about her survival.

Falling in love is an Achilles heel in the realm of evolutionary biology. It’s there for a good purpose. Getting children to an age where they can reproduce. She MUST ascertain his fitness for survival. It’s imperative. Especially after he uses the words “I love you”. We have the most successful reproductive strategy in the history of this planet. She isn’t going to change anytime soon.

“A man can never rest.” Rollo Tomassi

 

[Ranger]

No it is not. It is not "just being a girl". Its being blatantly disrespectful. I dont spin those types of women as my plates.

From your viewpoint I’m sure it is. Such a small thing to set off a man. Really? There is some weakness there.

 

[Ranger]

Let’s break it down...

Woman detects a bit of feminine in the man = a bit of uncertainty. (Weak frame)

Ex boyfriend calls girl and she wants to see if something is still there or if she hammers down the final nail.

Knows it’s underhanded business but also knows that socially, the correct action is to come clean so he will overlook it and set a precedence. To see how malleable he is to the imperative.

Man becomes uncertain because she “came clean” and it’s socially benevolent to “forgive” with no other thought. But he knows somewhere in himself that it is somehow a red flag. Becomes confused.

Cause = weak frame due to social feminine programming in the man at the start.

Woman, who supposedly operates on cues triggered by emotions (biology) knew that she could get away with this from past experiences and the greatness of society that backs her.

Knowing down in her DNA and the effectiveness of her female brain and endocrine system (emotions) is the ruling parameter. She just knows how she feels.

She tries to slip this test by to qualify the man.

Weak man says...
It’s all the woman’s fault because she followed her survival programming devised over millions of years and she is so blatantly disrespectful.
She’s a terrible creature.

Spare me the victim bull$hit.

Soution...man works on how he thinks so that he can present himself as an optimal man.

Ex calls girl (got the number from a third party)...girl blocks him forever. Problem never comes up.

 

[The_411]

It’s simple. Would you willingly walk into burning building( aside from saving someone), then why would she get coffee with him when it’s clear he’s a dumpster fire

 

[highSpeed]

Hi all,

Girlfriend told me ex boyfriend has contacted her (which shes messaged back) and turning up at her place unannounced. She met him for coffee (red flag) without telling me to tell him she wants nothing to do with him anymore. He got angry and hounding her. She's rung the police on him and told me she loves me. I trust her but ffs. I'm too old for this shlt.

With her being your "girlfriend", as others have said, you should seriously consider reducing her to f*ck buddy status. I get it, you have emotions about her and feelings. That's natural. It can make it tough to see the forest through the trees. Turn the situation around and answer the following scenario honestly:

You come home to your "girlfriend" and tell her after the fact that you met up with an ex for "coffee". You tell her that you were meeting the ex to break things off for good and that she became emotional and unhinged. You also tell her that you've got a restraining order against the ex. Does she now feel better that you told her all of this after the fact? Does it set off any alarm bells for her that you told her after the fact, when you could have cleaned up any evidence and done anything you pleased with the ex, only to attempt to hide it by "coming clean" to your "girlfriend"? Should she trust you moving forward?

If you can honestly answer all of those questions to your satisfaction, then you're good, delusional, but good. If not, time to seriously consider demoting her to f*ck buddy status.

 

[djdfuser]

OP, she dumped you before Christmas (never go back) hence now she's meeting an ex behind your back? Would you respect her if you'd done that to her and she was still avaliable to you? No. Restraining order? BS. Everything she says is BS.

Bail then zero contact.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Hi all,

Girlfriend told me ex boyfriend has contacted her (which shes messaged back) and turning up at her place unannounced. She met him for coffee (red flag) without telling me to tell him she wants nothing to do with him anymore. He got angry and hounding her. She's rung the police on him and told me she loves me. I trust her but ffs. I'm too old for this shlt.

She met him for coffee but rung the police?? WTF. Which is it? Makes no sense. Sounds like she can't keep her story straight.

Silence and distance, friend. Tell her you need some time to think things over. Don't hand over your balls like 99% of other guys would.

S&D works well with women because they're very social and cannot stand silence or NC.

 

[flowtheory]

Curve ball..

What if a woman told you she was going to meet and ex for a coffee BEFORE she went to meet her ex?
Says she wanted closure, and isn’t interested in him anymore.

That’s respectful, yes?