Girlfriend is studying abroad for a month

[kingwilliam]

My girlfriend is going to central mexico for a study abroad program.....she will be gone for a month.

I have been totally cool with it, encouraging the entire experience....

She will be with classmates, women and men. I know about study abroad programs....I have done them myself. I basically got drunk and laid for 6 weeks. I totally trust my woman, but can't help but feel a little anxious about the trip.... should I be feeling anxious, or am I just being an insecure little b1tch??





How would you guys feel if you were in my shoes?

 

[vitor]

Your single for a month, enjoy

 

[decades]

there is Zero way of knowing what is really going on down there. So it is a wasted effort to try. This is where effort "up front" to make sure you are with the "right" person, pays off. Hopefully you did the work up front. You have NO control. So I suggest you accept that you have no control and keep yourself busy.

 

[princelydeeds]

I wouldn't care at all, if you have to worry about what your woman is doing when you aren't around maybe you need another woman?

 

[search1ng]

and while you're with another woman she's probably getting her brains fvked out by some random guy she met.

What are you going to do about it?!


exactly.

 

[Luthor Rex]

You either trust your g/f or you don't. It's really that simple. If you don't, then dump her. If you do trust her, then there isn't a problem.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Cultivate her interest level and keep it high, and she will not cheat.

btw, as you know, jealousy erodes interest level and is therefore exceedingly counter-productive. don't let her know you are worried.

 

[kingwilliam]

The more I think about it, the less I worry. After all , she's leaving ME alone to hang out with my buddies for a month... maybe SHE should be the nervous one... ha ha ha ha ha

Just joking.... if you can't trust your girlfriend you shouldn't even be with her. I think I am going to take a couple of mini vacations that month myself. Time apart can be a good thing too, I think. Not that we ever fight or anything, but I imagine it will be really fun to finally see each other again.

Thanks for the repsonses

 

[darkstarrr]

Even if you are afraid, don't show it or express your concern to her in any way. Frame it your way. She is the one who should be afraid of leaving you alone for a month. Remember that.

 

[STR8UP]

I hate to point this out, but threads like this just go to show how untrustworthy women CAN be. I mean, why would guys even have to give it a second thought if women generally tended to be faithful in these types of situaitons?

I mean, it isn't like a woman could possibly rationalize cheating when she's studying in a foreign country....

That said, as others have mention, there's nothing you can do about it. She might go over there and cheat on you one time and come back and the two of you will get married and live happily ever after. Or she might NOT cheat but when she comes back she starts acting different because she got a taste of freedom even though she DIDN'T cheat and you might break up. Who knows.

This whole cheating thing is so blown out of proportion. If she does it and it doesn't effect your relationship, the old adage applies- "what you don't now wont hurt you". If she cheats on you and it DOES effect your relationship, you make your exit. Point is, you will either find out or you won't. If you obsess over the possibility of it happening you are shooting yourself in the foot.

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

I hate to point this out, but threads like this just go to show how untrustworthy women CAN be. I mean, why would guys even have to give it a second thought if women generally tended to be faithful in these types of situaitons?

I mean, it isn't like a woman could possibly rationalize cheating when she's studying in a foreign country....

That said, as others have mention, there's nothing you can do about it. She might go over there and cheat on you one time and come back and the two of you will get married and live happily ever after. Or she might NOT cheat but when she comes back she starts acting different because she got a taste of freedom even though she DIDN'T cheat and you might break up. Who knows.

This whole cheating thing is so blown out of proportion. If she does it and it doesn't effect your relationship, the old adage applies- "what you don't now wont hurt you". If she cheats on you and it DOES effect your relationship, you make your exit. Point is, you will either find out or you won't. If you obsess over the possibility of it happening you are shooting yourself in the foot.

This is such good advice. I think this is one of the most important things to embrace for anyone who will ever be in an LTR.

It can be taken farther and you can adopt a "Johnny Soprano" approach (search the forums for him.) Think how liberating it would be if you were truly at ease with your woman going out of town. Not because you think she won't cheat, but because you realize she's human and sex happens (of course this works both ways.) At the end of the day you still own her.

 

[Luthor Rex]

This whole cheating thing is so blown out of proportion. If she does it and it doesn't effect your relationship, the old adage applies- "what you don't now wont hurt you". If she cheats on you and it DOES effect your relationship, you make your exit. Point is, you will either find out or you won't. If you obsess over the possibility of it happening you are shooting yourself in the foot.

I really have to disagree with this, what you don't know can hurt you. In the short term, the "don't look too close" attitude will keep things together, but in the long run this isn't a winning strategy.

In another thread I talked about how I don't like to to do things that could even appear to be disloyal to a woman I'm dating. I do that because I think we live in a world with a lot of ****ty people and I want to send the message that you don't have to worry about me stabbing you in the back, and that if conflict does happen the girl and I can work it out. Which leads us too...

Birds of a feather really do flock together when it comes to dating and mating. Opposites attract but don't stay together, this is what the demographics (and life experience) tells us.

What I'm getting to is something that has been said in other threads: if even want a chance at the top shelf you need to be top shelf yourself. If you have the "don't ask, don't tell" attitude, you'll end up with women who will have the same kind of attitude.

If you "accept" cheaters into your life, then don't be surprised when you end up with cheating women. Now, this doesn't mean if you decide to reject cheaters that you'll magically end up happy. Depending on what kind of social environment is around you, you may end up with few or no friends. If you do, then tough it out until more come along. Don't join the herd just because it's the herd, they may all be lemmings headed over a cliff.

Not because you think she won't cheat, but because you realize she's human and sex happens (of course this works both ways.) At the end of the day you still own her.

Animals and machines don't have self-control, human beings do and you need to start demanding it of them. The people who won't show it should be ejected from your life. Assuming that everyone has this kind of lack of self-control is not just false but it is damaging to your personal character. Self-control is one of the pieces of the puzzle that makes your life better as you grow. Taking the path of least resistance is the road to misery.

 

[STR8UP]

If you "accept" cheaters into your life, then don't be surprised when you end up with cheating women. Now, this doesn't mean if you decide to reject cheaters that you'll magically end up happy.

It has nothing to do with accepting cheaters or not looking too closely or anything like that, it has to do with accepting human nature, which a lot of people have a hard time doing.

Point is, if a woman wants to cheat there is nothing you can do to stop her. You can't lock her in a closet or put a chastity belt on her. All you can do is keep your eyes open and when she puts her toe up to the line you let her know (by withdrawing your attention) that this is not acceptable. If you find out that she has crossed the line or you get a very bad feeling then you need to cut it off.

This whole school of thought that says that all you have to do is "be a man" and "put your foot down" and she will obey your every command is malarkey. The only leverage you have over a woman is her perception of your value in her life. This can go a long way toward keeping a woman in line, but at the end of the day she's another human being and there's no such thing as a pure angel. A woman who is completely into you won't cheat. Unfortunately this is usually a small period of time, the "honeymoon" phase, if you will, and once that is over no amount of chest thumping is going to help keep her in line.

Animals and machines don't have self-control, human beings do and you need to start demanding it of them. The people who won't show it should be ejected from your life. Assuming that everyone has this kind of lack of self-control is not just false but it is damaging to your personal character. Self-control is one of the pieces of the puzzle that makes your life better as you grow. Taking the path of least resistance is the road to misery.

That's all good and fine, but the fact is that the majority of people do NOT have self control. You can agree or disagree with the idea that the MAJORITY of women have at least a chink in their moral armor that can be exploited by someone else, but the stats (which I believe to be off due to womens inventive to lie) tell us that a good portion of them can't really be trusted.

The whole issue is that even if you could say that 60% of women hold themselves to a strict moral code (which I would say it's more like 5-10%), EVEN IF 60% could be "trusted", your B.S. meter doesn't have a foolproof lie detector probe attached to it.

Even the best of us can have the wool pulled over our eyes by the girl who "isn't like that".