Girlfriend heading off for 5 weeks this summer.

[Trump]

It all depends how you bring it up.

If you don’t take it seriously and bring it up “Wow 5 weeks separate, I thought we were going to spend it together, now who am I going to kiss and hug?” She may think twice.

If you take it seriously “Why are you going? I don’t want you to meet 6’1 guys and be attracted to them. Stay with me here, I need you.” It will confirm her decision.

It’s all feeling. To not say anything though...she will think she is dealing with a dumb guy.

 

[RyanAD]

I'm lucky with this point. She has this need to tell me anything and everything, no matter how bad, offensive, or anything else it is. There's no way she'd be able to subdue the urge to tell me had she been unfaithful. There are things she's told me which would have been better for her had she not said anything, but she can't help it.

Because relationships aren't that serious to them. As far as they're concerned, you're not married so it isn't that important. You should treat it the same way. In fact, women were shocked when I told them men don't see the difference between marriage and LTR.

I've come to realise that alot of women don't seem to understand 'optics'. It's a case of yes, there's nothing technically wrong with doing/saying/acting like that, but it doesn't look good. Men get it, so they go the extra mile to be careful, whereas women only see that there is nothing 'technically' wrong with what they are doing.

 

[highSpeed]

I've come to realise that alot of women don't seem to understand 'optics'. It's a case of yes, there's nothing technically wrong with doing/saying/acting like that, but it doesn't look good. Men get it, so they go the extra mile to be careful, whereas women only see that there is nothing 'technically' wrong with what they are doing.

You may be right, nothing may be going on but something may be going on and that's what you have to expect/plan for. That doesn't mean you have to tell her that, you have to fight with her to get her to listen/see your point or act butthurt about anything. I'm still learning this myself, let it go, let her do what she wants and you do what you want. If those things are going in the same direction, that's great. If not, fine again.

Getting all worked up about it never changed one thing about any of these things anyway. Make you happy and satisfied and you'll be a better boyfriend anyway. if she's taking the relationship seriously, then you do the same. If she's not, well, you've stayed true to yourself and your happiness, so move on, keeping looking for one that does if you must but you've not screwed yourself over by pulling any of those stupid things in the relationship that simply create more stress, consternation, fights and resentment.

 

[jaymbrs]

Because relationships aren't that serious to them. As far as they're concerned, you're not married so it isn't that important. You should treat it the same way. In fact, women were shocked when I told them men don't see the difference between marriage and LTR.

Actually they are when she suspects you're talking to another woman. Then all of a sudden she acts like you're both married.

 

[sazc]

@RyanAD "women don't understand optics"

You're making excuses for them. What if they understand optics well but also understand that, if they play dumb about it, you will assume they don't understand optics and give them a pass?

From what I've read, you've been consistently making excuses and giving passes for her/the relationship - and here you are now... She's going to have a fun summer WITHOUT YOU and expects you to be waiting when she gets home.

Unfortunately this IS the relationship you created. Trying to re shape it will only have her claiming you are 'controlling'.

Suggestion... For the 5 weeks she is gone, go out on dates. You don't have to cheat, just go to coffee, dinner, a walk. You'll probably find that other women ARE interested and you consider if you want to pursue something new, that you can shape.

 

[ohrein]

That's just women at that age and below 25-27. They're very rarely looking to settle, they have a world of adventuring at their feet and they want to explore it. It's why it's so important for men to have their life and passion in the forefront. If you start to craft your world around a woman, you will suffer the consequences if things go sour. If you stay true to yourself, maintain your hobbies, maintain your friendships, maintain your career, and never allow a woman to derail your life too much (a little compromise is necessary sometimes), you will always be okay. Because at the end of the day, relationships end all the time. You can't prevent it happening. What you can prevent is losing yourself in the process. Last time I got dumped, I walked away smiling because I knew it was going to be fine. If it happens with my current girlfriend, same thing. I have passions, hobbies, a career, a company, good friends. I don't need my girlfriend. I want her, she's amazing, but I do not need her.

So for the five weeks, I'd work hard on yourself. Go out and interact with some new women, just to know you have options. Do not cross any lines though. Get some new clothes, get a hair cut, hit the gym, work on the career. Start making your life better and pretend your girlfriend doesn't exist. That's what I do when my girl leaves for the afternoon! And you're young, so don't stress too much about this one.

I will add that it doesn't seem like she planned to avoid you, just that her life is busy like yours should be. No guy is going to be a priority for a woman in her early twenties.

 

[backseatjuan]

Oh you gotta love the b1tches. You said no to your advancement so the two of you can be together in the summer, and she said yes to her advancements in the summer without a 2nd thought about you. This should ring a bell to you about women. Ding ding ding.

Yes man, she will fvck around on that cruise and she will fvck around on her practice. She will svck d1cks and get fvcked and have a romance going on.

You, should use this time apart from her to play around as well. Just think how badly she treated you.

She will come back to you after all this fvcking around, or she might not come back to you. What you care for, as if her is the only girl in the universe sitting up on the throne. All she can do if you put her up that high is look down on you.

Do you believe my words? Neo.

 

[backseatjuan]

My issue is this; If I express any decent amount of problem with it, she won't go. And I don't want her to do that. She loves her job and the whole working with kids thing is very important to her. Thing is, like you say... I sacrifice left, right and centre.

Your issue is that through your actions you show her that you care about her, you are validating her, in return like any other woman would do, she sees in you a nice provider, rest assured though, this does not imply she will stick with you for the rest of your life. Until she finds something better, with more money, more interesting, etc.

If you express her some concerns, she will think twice about the relationship. You need a whole new approach to this whole thing.

Best thing in your situation is to cool it down. Cool down the attention before she goes. Message her couple of times when she is out there working, not on her cruise. Don't tell her you miss her, don't validate her, say you miss me too. Meanwhile, starting right away, spin plates. There are better women out there, more hot, more respecting, more everything. But your approach to this is bad, you are a high value man financially, but you play it as low value beta, traveling far, sacrificing your well being. You need to have a better approach, otherwise later down the life, when you are rich finally, there is going to be a divorce, you will suffer.

Think about it, this is your 2nd post on this issue. First your girlfriend brought it up to you softly that she wanted to go to amsterbam to fvck, now she is going to a cruise with your innocent grandparents, and then to work care for children.

My man, your girlfriend wants a good vacation this summer without you around, for 5 weeks she will have a lot of fun, meet a lot of men and new friends, have a lot of sex, and just have a blast. Your feeling are not counted. You are not counted. She wants this experience without you.

Stop being a pvssy. That's the way women are. She lost interest in you, well other than that of a potential provider type, for now anyway. Why dump your ass right away if she can keep you around, providing her.

You are done with this girl, stop making posts about this sh1tty situation, find other women. I would highly suggest you this channel, internalize some of this stuff before your next post or your next move with this manipulative disrespecting girl - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0it1cu-mt_IcvLTQ4CWcHw/videos Stop seeing yourself and your situation as different from the rest of the world, you're nothing special, your situation is carbon copy of other similar situations. Relax, take a deep breath, realize she lost interest in you, she letting you down easy.

 

[flowtheory]

This threads issue has nothing to do with her. It has to do with you. You resent her a little because you seemingly sacrifice and make the effort and she does what she wants.

But the reality is, you’re doing this to yourself. You’re girlfriend asked you your opinion on flying away for the three weeks if she should go or not. You said yes. She’s also going away with her grandparents, spending time with family. It just happens to fall at that specific time.

Before you bring this issue up. I wouldn’t. Don’t sacrifice your law programs because of her. Do them. It’ll make you attractive that you’re pursuing something worthwhile. Pour energy in to you. But also care for her. It doesn’t need to be all relationship or all career in life.
And that’s the central issue. You’re sacrificing your life while she’s building hers. But she’s also not asking you to do that; you just are and now comparing.

She sounds like she cares about you enough to ask if she should better her life by going away. See that she even considered how you feel.

And if she’s not driving over the 55 miles every other weekend, ask her to even the odds.
Figure yourself out. Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill here

 

[MatureDJ]

So here's the thing; My girlfriend of 1 year is heading away for 5 weeks this summer. She's in nursing school and is going on a 3 week international placement to work in a hospital with other healthcare professionals. She asked me if i was happy with it before confirming she would go, and I said yes. Then, yesterday, she dropped it on me that 'by the way, it's right after I come back from that cruise'. She's going on a cruise for 2 weeks with her grandparents before, and it just happens that as the dates fall she will get back from the cruise and go on this international placement, making the whole time away 5 weeks.

Now, we live 55 miles apart, and make it work very well. I drive over to her almost weekly and stay for a couple of days. so despite the distance it all works out. However, these 5 weeks is the only time throughout the whole year when she has that much time off, and I was expecting that we would use that time to do lots of stuff because I have the same dates off law school.

It seems to me that she's kind of booked up all her time off without regard for me. I've been turning down summer placements at law practices purely due to the fact that I knew it would eat into our time, because I can take them in the winter when we're both busy anyway.

Hmm. There are some red flags here. Who goes on a cruise with grandparents? I don't care how busy a woman is; if she can't find the time to see you, you are a reserve to be tapped when her c0ck carousel stops. I'd semi-ghost her (i.e., don't call her, but let her call you to get together, etc.)

 

[Spaz]

If my girlfriend treats me like she did with you, I'll just smile, nod my head when she tells me she's going off for a 5 week trip.

I'll even give her a farewell kiss and wave her off because it's the last time I'll be seeing her - she's dismissed from my life.

Then I'll go get one of my orbiters to replace her spot in my life.

She obviously will be wondering why I won't message her, won't call her up nor answer any of hers throughout her trip.

But that's me and how I basically operate.

 

[flowtheory]

I don’t get why many are painting her to be the bad one here. He gave his blessings! And created this. She is simply just doing her

 

[Spaz]

I don’t get why many are painting her to be the bad one here. He gave his blessings! And created this. She is simply just doing her

Really that naive ?

It's her intent that matters here and it's how a man should respond towards that intent.

 

[sazc]

This is what I was thinking. Why not embrace the absence and have fun? There's no reason for you to be left holding your dikk in your hand. You can tell her to have a blast and you'll see her when she gets back. Unlike sazc I'll even add, if a woman opens her legs then go for it lol.

The alternative is to redress your grievance with her. That's been covered by you in this thread - it won't fly. Also, your grievance isn't so much that she's leaving but that maybe she's a little less invested. In other words, you're mad at your reaction to her decision because it's exposed this truth.

Some guys are shaking their heads ("chicks, man,") but my belief is if she were more invested than you, she'd ask if you could come along on that cruise because she'll miss you so much. Believe me, I've seen both sides. An invested woman hates that kind of distance.

So, perhaps these five weeks are an opportunity for you to reassess and enjoy a little freedom.

I'd even say, start early, before she leaves, set up some possibilities

 

[flowtheory]

Really that naive ?

It's her intent that matters here and it's how a man should respond towards that intent.

SHes going with her grabdparents on a cruise. And she’s going elsewhere to study for her career. And the second time she kind of asked. This thread is making an issue a non issue. Not everything is about a woman’s unhappiness and her wanting to see or have sex with other men. It just happens to be all at one time. She’s communicating everything months in advance.

 

[backseatjuan]

SHes going with her grabdparents on a cruise. And she’s going elsewhere to study for her career. And the second time she kind of asked. This thread is making an issue a non issue. Not everything is about a woman’s unhappiness and her wanting to see or have sex with other men. It just happens to be all at one time. She’s communicating everything months in advance.

Bull. That girl first asked if it's ok to go to amsterdam with her friends - to fvck around. She 'sensed' a response from guy, and took a different approach. She is not going with your grandparents on a cruise. She is not going to work with children. She is going to fvck in amsterdam. You are naive and trusting.

Response Ryan should have is to cut attention, look for other women. Plenty of advice about this in this threat alone, everyone saying that.

What you suggesting works as well, she will get fvcked in amsterdam anyway, just wait for her to get fvcked and come back to Ryan and be happy ever after. It's a nice beta suggestion for a beta male provider type. So long as Ryan don't blow up her phone with messages and lowers his value even further.

Now if Ryan wants an alpha response and raise his value in her eyes, he has to cut back on attention, and see other women right away.

Which response Ryan picks depends on how high of a pedestal he has that b1tch sitting at.

 

[flowtheory]

Bull. That girl first asked if it's ok to go to amsterdam with her friends - to fvck around. She 'sensed' a response from guy, and took a different approach. She is not going with your grandparents on a cruise. She is not going to work with children. She is going to fvck in amsterdam. You are naive and trusting.

Response Ryan should have is to cut attention, look for other women. Plenty of advice about this in this threat alone, everyone saying that.

What you suggesting works as well, she will get fvcked in amsterdam anyway, just wait for her to get fvcked and come back to Ryan and be happy ever after. It's a nice beta suggestion for a beta male provider type. So long as Ryan don't blow up her phone with messages and lowers his value even further.

Now if Ryan wants an alpha response and raise his value in her eyes, he has to cut back on attention, and see other women right away.

Which response Ryan picks depends on how high of a pedestal he has that b1tch sitting at.

Lol.

Sometimes everyone is really quick to jump on to the she’s banging other guys band wagon. When there’s solid proof provided by OP that she’s not trustworthy, I’ll change my opinion.
But what I’m reading right now is that he said everything was fine (when he didn’t actually feel this way) and now he resents it all. Andthe story is being turned in to that she wants to jump on the carousel because all women can’t be trusted and that’s their imperative.

 

[Spaz]

Lol.

Sometimes everyone is really quick to jump on to the she’s banging other guys band wagon. When there’s solid proof provided by OP that she’s not trustworthy, I’ll change my opinion.
But what I’m reading right now is that he said everything was fine (when he didn’t actually feel this way) and now he resents it all. Andthe story is being turned in to that she wants to jump on the carousel because all women can’t be trusted and that’s their imperative.

#SMHID

 

[highSpeed]

Lol.

Sometimes everyone is really quick to jump on to the she’s banging other guys band wagon. When there’s solid proof provided by OP that she’s not trustworthy, I’ll change my opinion.
But what I’m reading right now is that he said everything was fine (when he didn’t actually feel this way) and now he resents it all. Andthe story is being turned in to that she wants to jump on the carousel because all women can’t be trusted and that’s their imperative.

That's not the point at all. That may be happening, sure but it is tough to know. I will say though, it's weird that she's going on a cruise with her grandparents? Didn't include or even ask to include him at all? Why exactly? If she were really into him, it should probably go something like "Hey, I've got this work thing for a couple of weeks and then I want to go on a cruise with my grandparents afterwards, I want you to go or I'm not going. That's half of the summer and I don't want to be that long without you". I mean, who goes on a cruise with their grandparents? That seems a bit off.

Also, it seems as if, from the OP's description, that she doesn't care all that much whether or not he's around. I mean, 5 weeks gone and they've only been dating a year? You should still be in the honeymoon, I want to be with you every single minute phase. If she's this comfortable with him already, what's it going to be like when they've been dating 5 years? Married? Hey, I'm out for 6 months, see you then f*cker.

One last though, if she's this comfortable with him after only a year of dating, you know, to go for 5 weeks, is anyone else thinking bare minimum that's she's been on the carousel before they got together? So much so that it's now screwing with her ability to pair bond?

 

[AJ84]

So here's the thing; My girlfriend of 1 year is heading away for 5 weeks this summer. She's in nursing school and is going on a 3 week international placement to work in a hospital with other healthcare professionals. She asked me if i was happy with it before confirming she would go, and I said yes. Then, yesterday, she dropped it on me that 'by the way, it's right after I come back from that cruise'. She's going on a cruise for 2 weeks with her grandparents before, and it just happens that as the dates fall she will get back from the cruise and go on this international placement, making the whole time away 5 weeks.

Now, we live 55 miles apart, and make it work very well. I drive over to her almost weekly and stay for a couple of days. so despite the distance it all works out. However, these 5 weeks is the only time throughout the whole year when she has that much time off, and I was expecting that we would use that time to do lots of stuff because I have the same dates off law school.

It seems to me that she's kind of booked up all her time off without regard for me. I've been turning down summer placements at law practices purely due to the fact that I knew it would eat into our time, because I can take them in the winter when we're both busy anyway.

We were talking today and she goes "I was trying not to complain to my friends without sounding like i'm bragging, summer's going to suck because..." I was expecting her to say "because we'll be apart for so long" but instead; "... because i'll be so tired".

Isn’t this the girlfriend of 8 months you posted about two weeks ago? The one who wanted to go to Amsterdam? You were ticked off at that.
Now she’s going on a trip with her family then going to away for a placement and you’re ticked off again.
It seems like you are both not on the same page about the relationship. You seem to have expectations that she either can’t or won’t fill, and I think your communication with her around this latest expectation is off, because you told her things were fine for her to go and now your complaining about it on this thread but have you talked to her about it directly?
What do you want this 21 yr old girl to sacrifice for you? Because that’s what you’re asking, really? The cruise or her three 3 week placement?
You have sacrificed placements for her, as you stated but was that because she asked to you? Or did you do it then expect her to want to do the same?
You’re both young, there will be many other girls after her. If her school, friends, and doing things with her family are more important to her than you, then perhaps it’s time to reconsider if she wants to be in a relationship at 21.