Girlfriend heading off for 5 weeks this summer.

[RyanAD]

So here's the thing; My girlfriend of 1 year is heading away for 5 weeks this summer. She's in nursing school and is going on a 3 week international placement to work in a hospital with other healthcare professionals. She asked me if i was happy with it before confirming she would go, and I said yes. Then, yesterday, she dropped it on me that 'by the way, it's right after I come back from that cruise'. She's going on a cruise for 2 weeks with her grandparents before, and it just happens that as the dates fall she will get back from the cruise and go on this international placement, making the whole time away 5 weeks.

Now, we live 55 miles apart, and make it work very well. I drive over to her almost weekly and stay for a couple of days. so despite the distance it all works out. However, these 5 weeks is the only time throughout the whole year when she has that much time off, and I was expecting that we would use that time to do lots of stuff because I have the same dates off law school.

It seems to me that she's kind of booked up all her time off without regard for me. I've been turning down summer placements at law practices purely due to the fact that I knew it would eat into our time, because I can take them in the winter when we're both busy anyway.

We were talking today and she goes "I was trying not to complain to my friends without sounding like i'm bragging, summer's going to suck because..." I was expecting her to say "because we'll be apart for so long" but instead; "... because i'll be so tired".

 

[highSpeed]

and here we go again, men sacrificing for the relationship and women giving zero f*cks. I'd like to say I'm surprised but as usual, I'm not. Again, and again, and again, and again, it's the same thing, guys do or give up sh*t and women are only in it for themselves and their interests. I'm coming to some tough realizations at the moment and I this type of stuff is further confirmation. It still makes me bitter though.

tell me you've had a time in your relationship where you've had to drop her for something. how did she feel? was she distant after that happened for a bit? if you haven't, perhaps it's time that you did. if you want to go this route, tit for tat, schedule some time to start or do something the week before she leaves. will she be upset and/or disappointed? if not, you might want to consider plating some other chicks because she could give two sh*ts if you're around or not. if so, perhaps she might gain a bit of perspective on her selfish actions.

 

[jaymbrs]

and here we go again, men sacrificing for the relationship and women giving zero f*cks. I'd like to say I'm surprised but as usual, I'm not. Again, and again, and again, and again, it's the same thing, guys do or give up sh*t and women are only in it for themselves and their interests. I'm coming to some tough realizations at the moment and I this type of stuff is further confirmation. It still makes me bitter though.

tell me you've had a time in your relationship where you've had to drop her for something. how did she feel? was she distant after that happened for a bit? if you haven't, perhaps it's time that you did. if you want to go this route, tit for tat, schedule some time to start or do something the week before she leaves. will she be upset and/or disappointed? if not, you might want to consider plating some other chicks because she could give two sh*ts if you're around or not. if so, perhaps she might gain a bit of perspective on her selfish actions.

He's only 20. Give him a break. Some people just have to learn the hard way.

 

[RyanAD]

He's only 20. Give him a break. Some people just have to learn the hard way.

No need to sugar coat it for me, lol

 

[highSpeed]

He's only 20. Give him a break. Some people just have to learn the hard way.

I'm not beating up on the guy, simply pointing out the regular types of sh*t that I experience in my marriage and I see many other guys on here experience. In addition, I'm giving him some suggestions and advice. If you took that as giving him a hard time, that's on you.

 

[marmel75]

Its life. Deal with it.

 

[RyanAD]

and here we go again, men sacrificing for the relationship and women giving zero f*cks. I'd like to say I'm surprised but as usual, I'm not. Again, and again, and again, and again, it's the same thing, guys do or give up sh*t and women are only in it for themselves and their interests. I'm coming to some tough realizations at the moment and I this type of stuff is further confirmation. It still makes me bitter though.

tell me you've had a time in your relationship where you've had to drop her for something. how did she feel? was she distant after that happened for a bit? if you haven't, perhaps it's time that you did. if you want to go this route, tit for tat, schedule some time to start or do something the week before she leaves. will she be upset and/or disappointed? if not, you might want to consider plating some other chicks because she could give two sh*ts if you're around or not. if so, perhaps she might gain a bit of perspective on her selfish actions.

My issue is this; If I express any decent amount of problem with it, she won't go. And I don't want her to do that. She loves her job and the whole working with kids thing is very important to her. Thing is, like you say... I sacrifice left, right and centre.

 

[RyanAD]

and here we go again, men sacrificing for the relationship and women giving zero f*cks. I'd like to say I'm surprised but as usual, I'm not. Again, and again, and again, and again, it's the same thing, guys do or give up sh*t and women are only in it for themselves and their interests. I'm coming to some tough realizations at the moment and I this type of stuff is further confirmation. It still makes me bitter though.

tell me you've had a time in your relationship where you've had to drop her for something. how did she feel? was she distant after that happened for a bit? if you haven't, perhaps it's time that you did. if you want to go this route, tit for tat, schedule some time to start or do something the week before she leaves. will she be upset and/or disappointed? if not, you might want to consider plating some other chicks because she could give two sh*ts if you're around or not. if so, perhaps she might gain a bit of perspective on her selfish actions.

Actually, now that I think about it, do you know what? Last year I went skiing just for a week. On the way home I was flying into an airport near her parent's house, and she just happened to be there at the time. I had a connecting train to catch home, and instead stayed overnight to see her because she said she missed me while I was gone.

 

[highSpeed]

My issue is this; If I express any decent amount of problem with it, she won't go. And I don't want her to do that. She loves her job and the whole working with kids thing is very important to her. Thing is, like you say... I sacrifice left, right and centre.

Crux of the problem, you let her disrespect the relationship and you, it's only going to continue to happen. Nights out with the "girls", trips, anything else that she wants and as long as you don't say anything, she'll keep pushing. If you say something, she'll probably resent you somewhere in her female mind and this resentment will build and build. Dammed if you do and dammed if you don't.

 

[highSpeed]

Actually, now that I think about it, do you know what? Last year I went skiing just for a week. On the way home I was flying into an airport near her parent's house, and she just happened to be there at the time. I had a connecting train to catch home, and instead stayed overnight to see her because she said she missed me while I was gone.

Like I said, perhaps some distance before she leaves and during the time leading up might push her subtly in a different direction.

 

[sazc]

Like I just told my 12 year old.... MAKE SURE your decisions and choices have your own best interest at heart. Never make a decision based on a friend, or even a girl. You put yourself, your interests and your own passions first. This way you will be interested in what you do, and because you are interested, you will do very well.

Never make personal decisions based on someone else, and always make decisions that are in YOUR best interest.

 

[RyanAD]

Like I said, perhaps some distance before she leaves and during the time leading up might push her subtly in a different direction.

I think I'll just raise the issue with her, it's a simple one; I sacrifice alot, and don't get much in return. We're serious, I spend alot of time with her family too, as she does with mine, so I do not want this to be a make or break thing. but it's not just this one thing;

- Never being unfaithful or doing anything close, but doing questionable thing's which don't look great at a glance.
- Filling up lot's of time without consideration for me.

 

[highSpeed]

I think I'll just raise the issue with her, it's a simple one; I sacrifice alot, and don't get much in return. We're serious, I spend alot of time with her family too, as she does with mine, so I do not want this to be a make or break thing. but it's not just this one thing;

- Never being unfaithful or doing anything close, but doing questionable thing's which don't look great at a glance.
- Filling up lot's of time without consideration for me.

Little piece of advice for you, don't bring it up, just don't. You can't win an argument with a woman. You now become controlling, anger management issues, that's not going to end well for the relationship. Even if you "win" the argument, you lose the war. I'm telling you, give her a taste of her own medicine, more than once if necessary and see if she starts changing her tune.

 

[RyanAD]

Little piece of advice for you, don't bring it up, just don't. You can't win an argument with a woman. You now become controlling, anger management issues, that's not going to end well for the relationship. Even if you "win" the argument, you lose the war. I'm telling you, give her a taste of her own medicine, more than once if necessary and see if she starts changing her tune.

Thanks for the advice, I'll do that. The thing I've realised most since starting dating is that the whole 'women are more thoughtful/understanding' thing is total bull ****. I swear to god, all my guy friends are completely understanding when I spend time away with my girlfriend. The moment one of her friend's begin to spend a little too much time away from them to be with their boyfriend, all they do is ***** and moan about how they're never there.

 

[highSpeed]

Thanks for the advice, I'll do that. The thing I've realised most since starting dating is that the whole 'women are more thoughtful/understanding' thing is total bull ****. I swear to god, all my guy friends are completely understanding when I spend time away with my girlfriend. The moment one of her friend's begin to spend a little too much time away from them to be with their boyfriend, all they do is ***** and moan about how they're never there.

I'd say be careful with this one but that's up to you. I'll tell you again, don't bring it up. Go and do you own thing, not just to send her a message but to ensure you don't lose you to the relationship. If she doesn't care how much you're gone or how often you go, then you've got your answer whether or not she's totally committed. This also sets the tone as to who is in charge. And for the love of God, if you end up getting into something more serious with her, protect yourself. Protect your heart, protect your wallet and protect your future earnings.

 

[RyanAD]

Little piece of advice for you, don't bring it up, just don't. You can't win an argument with a woman. You now become controlling, anger management issues, that's not going to end well for the relationship. Even if you "win" the argument, you lose the war. I'm telling you, give her a taste of her own medicine, more than once if necessary and see if she starts changing her tune.

I also see alot of my guy friend's mature up when they get into a relationship. They realise that you have to sacrifice, they get that you can't act the same way you would if you were single. Women never seem to get this, they want the relationship, but also everything that comes with being single.

 

[Billtx49]

I sacrifice alot, and don't get much in return.

- Never being unfaithful or doing anything close, but doing questionable thing's which don't look great at a glance.
- Filling up lot's of time without consideration for me.

Never being unfaithful that you have personal knowledge of…
Your above statements answer your thread question. She’s not as invested as you are…

 

[highSpeed]

I also see alot of my guy friend's mature up when they get into a relationship. They realise that you have to sacrifice, they get that you can't act the same way you would if you were single. Women never seem to get this, they want the relationship, but also everything that comes with being single.

Men have to be men for relationships to work. Women, they can get away with a lot because of the sex thing. Guys are thirsty and put up with a lot of sh*t due to that, at least the ones that are stupid. Count me among the stupid ones, I'm stuck in a crappy marriage right now. No respect, no sex, no control. I've resolved to start doing things to change that but let me stop for a minute and help you before you become one of the stupid ones like me.

 

[jaymbrs]

I also see alot of my guy friend's mature up when they get into a relationship. They realise that you have to sacrifice, they get that you can't act the same way you would if you were single. Women never seem to get this, they want the relationship, but also everything that comes with being single.

Good to see you're making a lot of realizations early. And trust me, it doesn't change all that much as they get older. Women are selfish creatures and you as a man need to regulate the amount or time, energy, money, etc to invest in them.

 

[RyanAD]

Never being unfaithful that you have personal knowledge of…
Your above statements answer your thread question. She’s not as invested as you are…

I'm lucky with this point. She has this need to tell me anything and everything, no matter how bad, offensive, or anything else it is. There's no way she'd be able to subdue the urge to tell me had she been unfaithful. There are things she's told me which would have been better for her had she not said anything, but she can't help it. It makes for an interesting mix of 'oh wow that happened?' and 'Damn your mum said that about me?'