Girlfriend having a male friend stay the weekend?

[Cremasta]

Tells me he'll be staying at her place for the weekend.

I think she's not your girlfriend. A girlfriend would at least ASK if he could stay the weekend, not just put a fait accompli in front of you and expect you to just suck it up. This was rude, inconsiderate, and definitely not the action of a 'girlfriend'.

I'd give her a chance to reverse that decision, but if she doesn't, then walk.

 

[Game617]

I talked to her, her responses are as follows:

They were friends, while she was in grad school overseas. A lot of her friends are from her home country. They rarely come to the US. (And her industry, engineering, is male dominated. The school she went to, almost all men.)

He is coming to the US on business in another city. Made plans to come here for the weekend then take a flight back home. So he is taking a 2/12 hour flight to come here and see her.

She says it is common for her friends to come to visit, and vise versa she goes out of her way to visit other friends. That they've never had sex. She wants to be with me and only me.

Say's that over time when we're together and live together that I'll see how she has friends that casually come to visit because she is a good friend. And thats how it works among them.

The problem:

Initially I asked her where he will be sleeping were he to come over. She said she has a pull out couch. We go back to her place....The woman doesn't own a fking pull out sofa.

The dude already has his return flight scheduled from this city. And either way, they'll have time to do what they want to do if this chick is trying to play me.


I told her it really doesnt sit well with me, that I love her and care about her but that maybe we shouldn't do a relationship. If she wants to see other people. Start dating other people. She started crying. Says it's all or nothing. Doesn't want to take a step backwards(Not good if I do pursue further)

I'm a loyal guy, but if a chick wants to try to play me, she has no sympathy. Needless to say tonight my wingman and I are back out full force She asked if she can come with us.... uhm, NO!

Should I be sure to leave our friend a *** encrusted vagaga to play with? hahaha.

 

[Kbomb]

I talked to her, her responses are as follows:

They were friends, while she was in grad school overseas. A lot of her friends are from her home country. They rarely come to the US. (And her industry, engineering, is male dominated. The school she went to, almost all men.)

He is coming to the US on business in another city. Made plans to come here for the weekend then take a flight back home. So he is taking a 2/12 hour flight to come here and see her.

She says it is common for her friends to come to visit, and vise versa she goes out of her way to visit other friends. That they've never had sex. She wants to be with me and only me.

Say's that over time when we're together and live together that I'll see how she has friends that casually come to visit because she is a good friend. And thats how it works among them.

The problem:

Initially I asked her where he will be sleeping were he to come over. She said she has a pull out couch. We go back to her place....The woman doesn't own a fking pull out sofa.

The dude already has his return flight scheduled from this city. And either way, they'll have time to do what they want to do if this chick is trying to play me.


I told her it really doesnt sit well with me, that I love her and care about her but that maybe we shouldn't do a relationship. If she wants to see other people. Start dating other people. She started crying. Says it's all or nothing. Doesn't want to take a step backwards(Not good if I do pursue further)

I'm a loyal guy, but if a chick wants to try to play me, she has no sympathy. Needless to say tonight my wingman and I are back out full force She asked if she can come with us.... uhm, NO!

Should I be sure to leave our friend a *** encrusted vagaga to play with? hahaha.

Not having a pull out couch was a pretty good sign she was gonna **** him.

 

[Game617]

To answer a few of the questions:

She was the one who says she wants to be exclusive. Wants to spend every day/night with me.

She mentioned a few weeks ago that a friend was coming to visit. Then casually mentioned later that he would be staying at her place. I was kind of pissed obviously.

She told me she's willing to tell him something came up and cancel. Or B find a hotel for him. (mentioned the problem of his flight being scheduled from the city already) That she'll leave him to see the city and see me.

For me, it puts a dent on having anything serious with her which kind of does suck. It's all a matter of how I want to play this out. (And it's not like my feelings have changed and I'm stringing her along playing her)

 

[VladPatton]

What she is telling you 101% bullshyt. She wants to get away with a weekend bang scott-free.

This is how an adult woman who cares for you goes about such a situation:

-She introduces you to her friend as her significant other and you ALL have dinner.
-Then drinks.
-Then she and him tell you about all the funny things and cool shyt they did over the years before she met you.
-You all chuckle.
-You all have more drinks.
-The night ends, he goes to a hotel, you go home with her.
-The End.

Otherwise, she wants her cake and eat it too. Tell her to have fun, have a fantastic time. Then next her and make sure you tell her it was because of her greedy decision that you did it.

Good luck.

 

[5string]

I'm having more fun reading this sh!t than an AW in a cell phone store!

Are you kidding me? Dump her now or you'll be sharing space in her gina with the other guy.

You know it and so do we.

 

[cordoncordon]

This entire scenario has more red flags in it than what are presently flying in China right now.

One, the fact that the guy is making a special trip just to see her, a 2 1/2 hour flight mind you, is huge. If he was in her town already on business, I could see it, kind of. But to fly halfway across the country? They have been planning this behind your back for some time my friend.

Two, she has already lied about one thing, the couch, so that means she is hiding something and she is capable of lying about the situation.

And three, if this was really entirely innocent, she would have invited you to stay the weekend with them, or at the very least invited you to hang with them for the weekend. The fact that she didn't? Is HUGE. She wants him all to herself. You can guess why.

It doesn't need to be this difficult. There are girls out there that would never dream of doing such a thing. I know in my case, my gf of 3 years would rather be caught dead than to put herself in a situation like this.

Just go to your gf and ask her one thing. If the situation was reversed, and you were having a girl spend the weekend at your place and your gf wasn't invited to attend, how would she feel? See her reaction.

Sorry man, will be difficult but you need to put your foot down here. Personally since she made plans to do this without checking with you first, and lied about things, I would just break up with her. If she can do this kind of thing already, what is she really capable of? And if you do let her do it and he stays with her? She is just going to know she can get away with whatever she wants and your relationship is going to be one constant stress test. So you lose either way.

 

[BeDJ]

Has she invited you over to her place before or was this the first time?

 

[Game617]

I've only been with her for a month. The sht was planned before anything got serious. Have I been to her house? I have the keys to her house...She's obviously trying to put one over on me. And no matter what she does from here on out, it is what it is. Even if she shows me a hotel receipt or cancels.

It's only a question of do I call her and tell her to cancel, use her and take what I can out of it (cuz after all she is trying to play me), or third tell her I'm not having it. Your not my girl anymore do what u want. Tough decisions, tough decisions But taking her serious really isn't an option at this point IMO

As they say, you can't make a hoe a housewife lol

 

[Game617]

And if you want to know what really pisses me off...I had a beautiful Puerto Rican woman just a few weeks ago. Made out with her. I was too busy "committed" with this chick that she said she's not going to keep chasing me anymore. She found another man SMH.

 

[TheWolfMan]

I totally agree with Vlad Patton, I do however feel that that you may be jumping the gun a bit. I mean she brought up the hotel thing right? You should have been like "I don't feel comfortable with a guy staying at your place for the weekend, especially when you don't feel the need to introduce us" " It would but my mind at ease if he stayed at a hotel". Also when you went over her house, you should have playfully brought up the fact that she doesn't have a pull-out sofa or something. The other thing I noticed is she's your girl right? You have the a key to her place right? Why the hell wouldn't you just stay over at her place while the "friend" is there, I mean its the weekend and its your girlfriend, seems pretty normal to me. That way you could make sure nothing is going on. I also think it would be funny to print Vlad Patton's post and put it up on her fridge or something without saying anything lol.

 

[TheWolfMan]

You should have also brought up how she would feel if the situation was reversed like one of the other posters suggested. "How would you feel if I had a female friend stay the weekend, and did not feel the need to introduce you two or include you in the plans?"

 

[BeDJ]

Let me get this straight.

You have been seeing this girl for a month and she isn't your girlfriend. She made these plans before you guys were dating. You guys aren't dating exclusively and the consensus here is to drop her because you feel 'disrespected' there is another man in the picture?

 

[SecondHalf]

Given the evolution of this thread ....

As a relationship candidate, you're already out Game617, you just don't know it yet. Now, a month from now, a year from now ... out!

Are you emotionally in a position to only consider her a FB?
If not, you're going to hurt. If yes, find some new tail to play with.

SH

 

[VladPatton]

Wait a minute...you've only been with her for a month?

Ah, man, dude forget it, she is not taking your relationship seriously. Just abort mission, end of story, no need for more debate. I thought you 2 were seeing each other for at least 6 mos. to a year.

It's really quite simple.

 

[Game617]

She's the one who insisted on having a relationship and asked to be my girl. She insists on being exclusive. She's the one talking about living together and future and all of that bull****. As a relationship candidate I'm out? fk it. I couldn't care less....

I've seen red flags with the chick before this whole situation arose. As I'm laying next to her, often times I'm thinking how I want to drop her. I've been telling my female friend I'm going to break up with her for like the past two weeks. The woman has an advanced PHD. She's kinda sweet. So I figure hey give it a chance.

How do you guys recommend I play this out? We talked about it last night. Is it a bad idea to text her now about it, meet her later, while we're laying in bed? Second I may just beat that, step up my game, and have a guaranteed piece of booty. Way she's acting she doesn't deserve that I play it straight anyways....

 

[EastWind]

She's the one who insisted on having a relationship and asked to be my girl. She insists on being exclusive. She's the one talking about living together and future and all of that bull****.

Yeah, then I guess she's the first woman in history to say something and then behave completely different. Or, forget that, the first woman to want to be in a relationship but enjoy freedom as well. Anyway, you figured it out already...

Also, a girl who starts seriously talking about "our" future one month in the relationship... not sure what it means. Don't want to know, either. Get out.

As a relationship candidate I'm out? fk it. I couldn't care less....

I've seen red flags with the chick before this whole situation arose. As I'm laying next to her, often times I'm thinking how I want to drop her. I've been telling my female friend I'm going to break up with her for like the past two weeks. The woman has an advanced PHD. She's kinda sweet. So I figure hey give it a chance.

How do you guys recommend I play this out? We talked about it last night. Is it a bad idea to text her now about it, meet her later, while we're laying in bed? Second I may just beat that, step up my game, and have a guaranteed piece of booty. Way she's acting she doesn't deserve that I play it straight anyways....

I was thinking about this situation while I went for a walk earlier today - because it might happen to myself one day - and of course the way for a woman who's really into you to play this out is either to invite you over for the weekend as well, get the know the guy ("He's really great, you'll get along!") OR for HER to stay at YOUR place while he's crashing at her place. No problem with letting him stay there alone, since they're such good friends, right?

As for how to play this out, I'd recommend to just not. But for the sake of the argument...

- Easy mode: Bring it up again, insist she either call the visit off or sleep at your place, get into an argument, get dumped, or, if you're faster, dump her

- Intermediate mode: Call her and explain how you're not OK with her doing this, then dump her.

- Expert mode: Delete all contact info, cease all contact, disappear from her life, not one word and STICK TO IT. If she comes looking for you (unlikely) be prepared and tell her you didn't think you and the relationship were all that important to her and so you took matters into your own hands. Then excuse yourself and walk away.

 

[Kbomb]

Yeah, then I guess she's the first woman in history to say something and then behave completely different. Or, forget that, the first woman to want to be in a relationship but enjoy freedom as well. Anyway, you figured it out already...

Also, a girl who starts seriously talking about "our" future one month in the relationship... not sure what it means. Don't want to know, either. Get out.



I was thinking about this situation while I went for a walk earlier today - because it might happen to myself one day - and of course the way for a woman who's really into you to play this out is either to invite you over for the weekend as well, get the know the guy ("He's really great, you'll get along!") OR for HER to stay at YOUR place while he's crashing at her place. No problem with letting him stay there alone, since they're such good friends, right?

As for how to play this out, I'd recommend to just not. But for the sake of the argument...

- Easy mode: Bring it up again, insist she either call the visit off or sleep at your place, get into an argument, get dumped, or, if you're faster, dump her

- Intermediate mode: Call her and explain how you're not OK with her doing this, then dump her.

- Expert mode: Delete all contact info, cease all contact, disappear from her life, not one word and STICK TO IT. If she comes looking for you (unlikely) be prepared and tell her you didn't think you and the relationship were all that important to her and so you took matters into your own hands. Then excuse yourself and walk away.

MORTAL COMBAT!!!!!

FATALITY!!!!

 

[vatoloco]

She's the one who insisted on having a relationship and asked to be my girl. She insists on being exclusive. She's the one talking about living together and future and all of that bull****.

All this after 1 month!?

Holy shit, son! Do this stat!

This chick is coo-coo in the head (prolly Low Self-Esteem/Damaged Goods with a sprinkle of "I can have my cake and eat it too.")

Sounds to me like a bad combination of a Wrong Woman™, Low/Mediocre Interest Level, Lack of Boundaries and Little to No Negotiations.

 

[In2theGame]

The woman has a friend from out of state who she went to school with years ago (Overseas). She says she hasn't seen him for a couple of years. He's from out of state. Tells me he'll be staying at her place for the weekend

Pack up the truck... This job's over.