Girlfriend has a VERY close male friend.

[jadeona13]

My Girlfriend and I started going out about 6 months ago. But way before that, she and this guy were friends. They started going out the summer before my gf met me. They went out for 3 days, she broke up with him and then a month later for a week, but then she broke up with him again. She treated him like pure sh!t, no respect at all.

Then my gf met me. We hit it off well. However, she still hangs out with this guy, alot. He was first her brothers friend, but they became friends and went out. So he goes to her (mf gf's house) everyday. Mostly to meet u with my gf's boyfriend, but they always end up hangin out together.

This guy is also my really good friend. A really good friend. I'm pretty sure he wouldnt do anything. He was LJBF'd. However, they tell each other everything, have so many inside jokes, and she play hits him allt he time. He always makes her smile too, even when shes mad..something i cannot even do.

Now a couple of time i told my gf i dont like that idea of them hanging out, etc. But until recently, we had a HUGE fight. My GF got mad at me and walked around the block with this guy, and even flirted with him in front of me and looked at me with dirty looks. I felt like pure sh!t.

I told my GF she disrespects me too much and if she continues it, we are through. She repeatedly said, "he is my very good friend and we were not flirting thats just how we are whether u like it or not''

I trust my friends and my gf, but i dont what to think. What would u guys do?

 

[young_gun]

Here's what you need to do:

- Read this post

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134995

 

[MacAvoy]

She is a branch swinging monkey. I've come to hate them, however I think I had a new theory on how to deal with them. I'll see if I can find it for you but it doesn't look good for you.

 

[domino]

I never got why girls date guys for breif periods of time like that but I would like to find out.

 

[Warrior74]

I have a couple of good female friends that I used to sleep with every now and then. FBs I guess. I'm usually cool with their boyfriends, but they will try to use me to make their guy jealous or try to come fvck me when their man makes them mad. I don't fall for it. If they have a man I stay away and don't anwser their calls as much. I'm still their friends, I still enjoy their company, just not gonna get involved in their attenion seeking/drama creating behavior. Your friend needs to step back if you guys are in a relationship. He shouldn't let himself be used as a pawn.

I really have no practical advice on how to proceed. Just sharing my experiences. I've never had a girlfriend who had close female friends who brought them around me.

 

[KontrollerX]

The only thing I have to say is...

A chick you are involved with doesn't NEED a very close male friend.

Normal chicks have normal close female best friends to confide their emotional bullsh!t to and take walks around the block with.

When a chick feels the need to have a close guy friend she is feeling the need to branch swing, the need to have someone else to fill her emotional hole as well as her other holes.

I don't fvck around with this kind of disrespect anymore.

A chick pulls the kind of sh!t your girlfriend did on you to me its an immediate next for me with no chance at reconciliation.

A b!tch that would do that is non existant to me from that point on.

So many guys here trying to be DJ's are still stuck in that AFC forgiveness and understanding mindset.

Unplug from that sh!t already bros.

When a chick does something this disrespectful and hurtful to you, you don't stick around, apologize to eachother and try to make it work.

Because its broke and it cannot be fixed just glued together momentarily until it falls apart again which it inevitably will because the chick you are with is fundamentally flawed on some level or you two are simply incompatible in a relationship together.

Spin more plates and stop clinging to disrespectful destructive relationships.

Stop trying to make it work after a chick pulls a severe move of absolute disrespect like this.

 

[jadeona13]

we had a big fight about it.

She said 'we just click when we are together and have a good time,but i have no feelings for him. i only have feelings for u, we are just friends. I swear, i wouldnt put u thru that''

and i said 'if u guys click so well then y dont u go with him because im cant deal with this anymore''

i also talked to the guy..he said 'my bad man, i didnt know it hurt u like that. im gonna stop hanging out with her when u are not there''

i dont kno what will happen now

 

[KontrollerX]

"i dont kno what will happen now"

Well whatever you do filter out chicks that feel the need to keep close guy friends around in future relationships that you get into.

It bothers you hence it is a red flag and a dealbreaker for you.

Go for what you want and that is a chick who doesn't pull this kind of thing and thus drives you crazy.

As for the guy giving the whole "my bad" speech there are not very many honorable men left these days that are respectful of other people's relationships especially if the chick is hot and the guy sees an opportunity to get with her.

Misanthropic cynic that I am I'd say he's just paying you lip service and trying to avoid getting a face full of your fists so don't believe a word that he says about being oh so sorry that he hurt you.

Don't even fight him either.

Not that you were going to, I'm just saying...

But anyway though just remove yourself from this situation because its just a hassle to your nerves which is not what a relationship is supposed to be all about.

Its supposed to be about fun and good times not dealing with massive disrespect like this.

Walking around the block with another guy, flirting with him, and giving you dirty looks just to p!ss you off.

Even when angry that is absolutely unacceptable behaviour from a chick, a total dealbreaker and relationship ender as far as a man of worth is concerned.

AFC's and symps will say to forgive her but if you are a man of worth you'll find someone quality enough that when she's angry with you she won't express it in such an immature, disrespectful, disgustingly hurtful way.

 

[MooseGod]

Or you could just **** her when she's horny and enjoy the silence when she's off with her buddy. You don't have to listen to as much of her whining if she has a girlfriend (it sure sounds like he's her girlfriend). Find yourself a female best friend if you wanna make her jealous but not come off as an insecure dude.

Really...so much of dealing with women is fighting fire with fire.

 

[sosilky]

"i dont kno what will happen now"

AFC's and symps will say to forgive her but if you are a man of worth you'll find someone quality enough that when she's angry with you she won't express it in such an immature, disrespectful, disgustingly hurtful way.

wouldn't a DJ not care f she had a guy friend?

 

[KontrollerX]

"wouldn't a DJ not care f she had a guy friend?"

Varies from DJ to DJ but pretty much any one of us don't care if we are only with a chick to have a fling and a fvck buddy.

 

[betterthandead]

Thank you very much for this post.

Here's what you need to do:

- Read this post

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134995

 

[MacAvoy]

we had a big fight about it.

She said 'we just click when we are together and have a good time,but i have no feelings for him. i only have feelings for u, we are just friends. I swear, i wouldnt put u thru that''

and i said 'if u guys click so well then y dont u go with him because im cant deal with this anymore''

i also talked to the guy..he said 'my bad man, i didnt know it hurt u like that. im gonna stop hanging out with her when u are not there''

i dont kno what will happen now

I'm glad to see you stand up for yourself. However I think its a little too late to save what you've got with her (because of her attitude). I am however impressed with your buddy's attitude, he's very respectful, you don't see that too often, especially with a girl they've shagged before and are so close with. I would have let your buddy know that it didn't hurt you but that you think its disrespectful for a women to be hanging around & flirting with another guy so much. Tell him that you know that you two are just friends but in your experience, that you've seen trouble arise when a couple goes through a rocky period and that is something you want to avoid.

I think that in the future if I ever come across this, as soon as I find out, I'm walking away.

Good luck in your endeavours. I'm glad to see that your not a chump who'll stick around no matter what. Props to you for bein a man, bein a DJ, and standing up for your principles. Although you found yourself in a less than desirable situation, your not digging yourself deeper.

Keep us updated.

 

[schttrj]

wow, a very good topic, and i gotta say i have my previous LTR finished only because of a situation like this. because she was all over me but she was very close with some of her male buddies. mine was a b!tch or a player, wahtever u call it, and i ended it. but one thing i can say that getting in a LTR with this girls are tough task, and i dont think i would really like to put up with that.

ok first of all, lemme see why do they do like this? ur value is equal to the the value of the guy she is with, if u r one of the best, than he is also one of the best adn she sees both of u as potential mates. i think so. ok, here can be two way out: move on or outgame the guy. many of u would agree with me if i say that its not only the girls we play games with but with the other guys too and more than the girls, we need to be careful to have a better game than the other guys if we want to make any progress.

im sorry but i really dont know what u should do from a player's point of view but as a DJ, i think i would have said,"if u like him, cool, but have the guts to say that clear to me. anyways, there can any one of us for u: either me or either him. choose and let me know as quick as possible" i think it would clarify one thing for u: her compliance level for u. this is very important, man. i have seen too many girls leave or stop all contacts with other guy friends just because her BF said her not to.

 

[DonGorgon]

He is her F'buddie... I will now also call her a ho... so you need to break up with her since like most young cute girls, she does not want to be with 1 man only..

 

[schttrj]

He is her F'buddie... I will now also call her a ho... so you need to break up with her since like most young cute girls, she does not want to be with 1 man only..

short adn to the point, really like this reply!

 

[sav]

me and my ****buddy were close once....

 

[DJDamage]

Ever hear the term: Bro's before Ho's? there is a reason for it.

My Girlfriend and I started going out about 6 months ago. But way before that, she and this guy were friends. They started going out the summer before my gf met me. They went out for 3 days, she broke up with him and then a month later for a week, but then she broke up with him again. She treated him like pure sh!t, no respect at all.

This guy is also my really good friend. A really good friend. I'm pretty sure he wouldnt do anything.

See here is my problem with this. This girl who went out with your friend treated him like as you said "sh1t" and he let her because he liked her. Instead of supporting your friend because she treated him with disrespect and dump him, you pounce on her like a lion on a lamb and left your friend in the dust holding his own d1ck. I don't care if it was 3 days or a weekend that they went out. The fact that he is a good friend and was hurt and needed to know who is on his side, is the reason why she should have been OFF LIMITS.

Why is she off limits?! because you don't really know how his ego going to handle seeing the attention she used to give him, go to you. It is this reason alone why many good friendships die among men because a woman came in the middle. Since you didn't respect this invisible boundry and went after her, I believe that your friend is bitter and if this girl would let him (which I highly doubt) he would pounce her again to get back what "was stolen from him" (which is what his AFC mindset tells him).

He is repaying the favour of a good friend.

Now a couple of time i told my gf i dont like that idea of them hanging out, etc. But until recently, we had a HUGE fight. My GF got mad at me and walked around the block with this guy, and even flirted with him in front of me and looked at me with dirty looks. I felt like pure sh!t. .

Now that you created this situation, you have the audacity to dictate the rules?! If he is your friend why didn't you have a talk with him about it?! why go to her?! Your essentialy going behind your friend's back (again) to get what you want. Your afraid of him even though you saw that she treated him like sh1t.

Doesn't sound like the two of you are really good or close friends anymore. It also sounds to me like your new girlfriend is playing the two of you for fools.

I told my GF she disrespects me too much and if she continues it, we are through. She repeatedly said, "he is my very good friend and we were not flirting thats just how we are whether u like it or not''

You have no power in this relationship. Your threat was empty and judging by your girlfriend's reaction I fear that you will face the same fate as your dear old friend. She will probably dump you for another "close" friend.Those type of girls do get around when you let them in your circle.

I trust my friends and my gf, but i dont what to think. What would u guys do?

and finally you end the post by lying. You don't trust your friends, you don't trust her and you certainly don't trust your game.

I would certainly wouldn't go out with this girl if I knew that I may have to lose a friend in the process. I would also certainly not make her my girlfriend if she hangs around guys all the time (nothing exclusively). But you decided to do both and now you need to live with the consequnces of your actions.

 

[Mr. Me]

and I said 'if u guys click so well then y dont u go with him because im cant deal with this anymore''

That's the verbal equivalent of pouting.

You don't tell your woman to go with another man, ever, unless you're kicking her out of your life.

I told my GF she disrespects me too much and if she continues it, we are through.

This is like an oxymoron. If she's been disrespecting you, there is no "and if this continues". She's ALREADY disrespected you and so, it's OVER.

Here's what happened. And you're both to blame:

1. She's hanging with a guy she shouldn't be hanging with, because she's with you.

2. But she doesn't love and respect you enough to think not to do that.

3. It's normal for you to not like it, but it's not cool to show her you don't like it. It's not cool to have a fight over it and display your jealousy.

4. Now that she saw your jealousy, and because she doesn't respect you, she does her flirting with him right in front of you to piss you off more.

"thats just how we are whether u like it or not''"? Really? Dump her.

And learn to smile on the outside when you're burning up on the inside. Don't let them know they got to you. Don't give them that satisfaction. Learn self-control. Next time a girl starts to disrespect you, you just drop her and move on.

But also, try to figure out why you're hooking up with women who don't respect you or what you're doing to lose their respect, so this stuff doesn't keep happening to you.

One more word to the wise:

i also talked to the guy..he said 'my bad man, I didnt know it hurt u like that. im gonna stop hanging out with her when u are not there''

That's what he tells you. He's interested in her, that's why he still hangs with her. He wants another chance. He may even resent you for being in the way. Don't tell your mutual friends anything. It all gets back to her.

 

[mikeyb]

My gf has a close male friend too. They never went out, and to be honest I never even thought about it until I read your post. It doesn't bother met at all, even if sometimes when we fight she tells him about it and he works her up against me.

One of my best friends, a girl, has a boyfriend, we met and got along fine, he's cool with me and her hanging out although she told me that he's the jealous type.

This girl you're referring to is either sincere (really just wants to be friends with him) or wants to get your attention. You're gonna have to decide which it is and bail if it's the latter.