Girlfriend gets assaulted at a party by her ex

[Matt Rogers]

I was on a business trip this week and my girlfriend asked if she could go to a house party. I said "Sure" and didn't think anything about it.

Around midnight she calls me in tears and said she loves me and I am an angel. I say "What is the matter?" She said "I hate parties". I said "What happened". Eventually the story comes out.

Her ex boyfriend was at the party and wouldn't leave her alone. As the night went on and everyone got progressively drunk he cornered her and forced himself on her. She tried to resist but he was too strong and kissed her and bit her breasts. She said she felt too embarassed to scream and kept pleading with him to stop. She said eventually he stopped and promises he didn't rape her.

I asked her if she knew her ex would be there. She said that he was friend's with the host so she thought it was possible but she just considered her ex was a friend and never thought he would behave like that.

She begged for forgiveness and said she would never go to parties or see any of her exes again. I said that I forgive her but she has to be careful not to put herselves into these situations. The way I see it she should not have let her ex isolate her and should have kicked him in the balls or something and ran away.

Any thoughts?

 

[horaholic]

Thats a tough one. It all depends on whether you believe your girl or not. I had a girl say almost the same thing, but it turned out she was fvcking the guy behind my back, and made up the story in case i saw the hickey on her tit.

Im jaded as all hell, so I assume chicks are all liars, but she may be telling the truth. What does your gut say? More importantly, what really makes sense in the situation, based on the info you have? Her story, or something else that may point to her being a cheater? This may be hard, but well worth your while.

What do other members of the party tell you think happened? thats who you can get the real truth from.

 

[trent81]

I call bullsht on this one. She made out with her ex, didn't want you to find out, made up a story. Do you know how fuvked up you have to be to assult your ex? I call bul****t on this one. She fuvked him for sure.

 

[trent81]

Don't try to go be a hero and try to fight this guy, he will more than likely kill you. The one who has nothing to lose, always wins.

 

[Cabal]

Trent81, that quote is so good I'm putting it in a movie. "The one who has nothing to lose, always wins."

Matt Rogers, there is a huge siren screaming "bull**** alert, bull**** alert". Infact I'm tempted to say that's not even bull****, it's horse****.

She says she saw him just as a friend who would never do anything like that. Any girl who has been both the girlfriend and the friend of someone who would assault her would know he was that kind of guy.

She's been friends with him and gone to a party knowing he'd likely be there; of course he's not that kind of guy.

Unfortunately, she is that kind of girl. No one gets backed into a corner, snogged against their will, their breasts bit, and doesn't scream, or enlist the biggest guy right afterwards to mess him up, or call the police.

It doesn't work that way! It just does not happen.

Demand she go to the police, or you will. Then the truth will out. Then.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah the whole thing is a bit dodgy. In her country alcohol is illegal so it was a private party in someone's house.

For me the most pertinent questions are:

1. If she knew her ex boyfriend was like this why did she go to a party and let him get her alone?

2. If it was entirely her fault why was she begging me to forgive her and feeling so guilty about it?

3. If she knew what goes on at those parties why did she put herself at risk?

4. If her ex boyfriend treated her like a slut and didn't take "No" for an answer it is probably because on some level she wanted it or wasn't protesting hard enough to make him think she was serious. As the saying goes "Her lips said No but her eyes said yes"

5. Why is she stupid enough to tell me about it? It all happened thousands of miles away. I don't know her friends. I would have no way of knowing.

I have no good answers to any of these questions so you guys are right. Time to let her go

 

[Bible_Belt]

She called you at midnight, her time? That night? She would not have done that if she spent the night with him. And if alcohol is illegal, then it makes sense that there would be guys who don't handle drinking very well at all. It is also normal for victims of sexual assault to feel guilty.

I would not dump her.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Bible Belt we had another talk and she admitted to me she knew it would probably happen if she went to the party but was curious to see him because she'd been away in england all year and she hadn't been to any parties and was bored sitting at home all day.

She went back and called me at midnight that night. Apparentely she talked to a friend after the incident for half an hour then left. She said she didn't tell anyone about the incident because in her country it is assumed that if a girl lets a man kiss her it is her fault. In her country girls who get raped can actually go to jail!

She didn't stay the night because her parents were waiting for her at home and would have been worried. Probably they didn't even know she was going to the party because it was an illegal party

My real problem is that she probably anticipated something like this happening and still went to the party.

I asked her if she trusted herself to behave in the future. She said "No, because sometimes my mind is naughty". I think that is the answer

 

[cordoncordon]

Would you please dump this girl? Thanks.

I don't believe a word she told you. Here is just a brief list of the red flags.... From her telling you she knew he would be there before she went, to her telling you she loves you BEFORE she tells you the story (guilty feeling), to getting cornered by him-she allowed it to happen, to not screaming when it was happening (unless it was screams of pleasure), to all of this happening at a party where tons of people are so this HAD to have happened in a room or bedroom and wtf was she doing being alone with an ex in a bedroom????

She is bad news.

 

[EFFORT]

What country is she from?

 

[Matt Rogers]

Well we had a conversation. She admitted it was her fault. I dumped her. Then she started saying rubbish like she was a virgin when we met and she wants her virginity back and how will she get a husband because in her country they all want virgins. Then she said that she will tell the police that I raped her the first time we had sex. Then she said she would tell my mum knowing my mum does not approve of Muslim girls. Then she said she was glad we had broken up and it was my duty to give her £2000 for plastic surgery to make it look like she is a virgin and after that we will never talk again.

I think she is bluffing but this is a bit of a headache as I really do not want any trouble.

 

[cordoncordon]

Well we had a conversation. She admitted it was her fault. I dumped her. Then she started saying rubbish like she was a virgin when we met and she wants her virginity back and how will she get a husband because in her country they all want virgins. Then she said that she will tell the police that I raped her the first time we had sex. Then she said she would tell my mum knowing my mum does not approve of Muslim girls. Then she said she was glad we had broken up and it was my duty to give her £2000 for plastic surgery to make it look like she is a virgin and after that we will never talk again.

I think she is bluffing but this is a bit of a headache as I really do not want any trouble.

Told you....bad news.

Youre best bet is to 100% ignore her. There isnt anything she can go to the police about, and for sure dont give her money.

IGNOREEEEEEEEEE

 

[KontrollerX]

"Then she said that she will tell the police that I raped her the first time we had sex."

Classy girl.

You really lost your soulmate by sending this one packing.

Another bullet dodged.

Take note AFC lurkers.

 

[horaholic]

She wants her virginity back!:crackup:

2000 for the plastic surgery to 'turn her back into a virgin!':crackup:

Tell her she owes you 30 a pop for every load you wasted on her!

was she really a virgin when you met?

 

[Matt Rogers]

Haha. Well she never said anything about her virginity until two weeks after we had sex on the first date. I can never really tell. I have heard that in her country the tendency is to do everything short of full sex. So it is possible. But trust me there was NOTHING innocent about this girl when we met.

I know nothing about rape cases. Can she make a claim? Or would they just throw it out without a second thought?

You read stories sometimes about muslim girl's parents causing trouble. But i imagine she'd be too ashamed to admit she dated a christian guy for four months and ive got tonnes of backdates chat messages and emails to show them which will make them see their precious darling in a new light

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Now you're jerking off. Get on that horse and ride away.

 

[Deniska]

Bible Belt we had another talk and she admitted to me she knew it would probably happen if she went to the party but was curious to see him because she'd been away in england all year and she hadn't been to any parties and was bored sitting at home all day.

She went back and called me at midnight that night. Apparentely she talked to a friend after the incident for half an hour then left. She said she didn't tell anyone about the incident because in her country it is assumed that if a girl lets a man kiss her it is her fault. In her country girls who get raped can actually go to jail!

She didn't stay the night because her parents were waiting for her at home and would have been worried. Probably they didn't even know she was going to the party because it was an illegal party

My real problem is that she probably anticipated something like this happening and still went to the party.

I asked her if she trusted herself to behave in the future. She said "No, because sometimes my mind is naughty". I think that is the answer

Dumb her right now!!

 

[WaterTiger]

She wants her virginity back!:crackup:

2000 for the plastic surgery to 'turn her back into a virgin!':crackup:

Oh but it's TRUE! Plastic surgeons in the Middle East make TONS of money doing "re-virginizing" opperations.

There was a thread not long ago about a Russian woman who had gone thrugh the surgery several times because her boyfriend liked it so much.

 

[Matt Rogers]

It is true all right. Now she suddenly does not care about our relationship and just wants her virginity back and thinks it is my duty to give it to her and my fault she lost it and wants to take me to court.

Obviously she is full of crap but who knows what the laws are like in her country and if she kicks up a fuss in the UK there could be some bad publicity.

 

[mutambo]

Man......... I have no words, man man man.. I think she won your most-mest-up-person award.