Girl with boyfriend, cont'd - Need advice

hansol

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Hi guys,

Previously I posted about how I was chasing a girl who had a "boyfriend" (They are on a break). Anyway the gist of what I was told was just be fun to be around, ignore the boyfriend nonsense, and escalate. Well long story short, that's how I played things out, and now I'm needing some advice on how to proceed:

COLES NOTES VERSION

*Girl has "boyfriend", but they have been on a 4 month break. During that time she and I have hung out a lot, doing a lot of one on one stuff. Lots of kino and flirting. I've made sure to do push-pull, making myself scarce at times.

*Last night, after having built up lots of sexual tension with her, I finally jumped her. She at first turned away, but then kissed me back. That went on for a bit til the whole "I can't do this" thing came out. I agree, pull away, turn on sports highlights, she leans in closer and we go back to kissing. Til "I can't do this" comes into play again. Repeat a few more times, with more kissing and me feeling her up. It sayed PG though, and I wasn't pressing for more at this point other than to amp up sexual tension. (Like they say, if she will cheat on him, she will cheat on you.)

*Sh*t hits the fan when her "boyfriend" finds out (long story, happened by chance). She says she isn't being fair to him. I say "We can't do this anymore then. I'd like to know where things go with us, but if you still want your ex and us being together causes all this drama, then maybe what we are doing is a mistake". That's it.

*My phone suddenly blows up with nonsense about how she put 3 years into that relationship, and she hasn't been giving it a fair chance lately. She says her boyfriend probably won't talk to her now, but she loved me kissing her, and would love to see where things go between us but timing is everything, blah blah blah.

Okay so my question is how do I handle this from here guys? Do I just continue on the previous path I was doing (just being a fun guy and nonchalant about the bf nonsense), even though I've basically been told she wants to still try things with her BF? Or do I basically re-affirm in an ultimatum that I'm not a fall-back plan, and if she wants to see me again she needs to ditch the ex? (My concern is that ultimatums usually come from the party who is in the weakest position, and tend not to work.) So far I've been silent, but I'll need to answer soon.

She is a cool chick, and I'd like to LTR her (that's why I haven't pushed for her to "cheat"). But I can't see the end-game for a situation like this, so could use some help. Regards -Hansol
 
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grayclif

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hansol said:
Anyway the gist of what I was told was just be fun to be around, ignore the boyfriend nonsense, and escalate.
Along with this nonsense it was suggested that you also spin plates. I feel a bit of oneitis setting in. I'd suggest you make yourself scarce for a while and in the meantime get in touch with a few of your plates. She'll get the point.
 

runner83

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1) Have other options

2) Don't give a damn. Fact is, you're deluding yourself if you think you have any idea if she is LTR potential or not.

3) Don't give an ultimatum. Just stay cool and not needy. If she is attracted to you, she will bang you regardless of her boyfriend or not.
 

zekko

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Not giving advice here, but I just have to comment:
This is a joke. No successful relationship that is built to last is going to take a "four month break". That relationship cannot be very serious.
 

hansol

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Zekko,

I agree with you 100%. I've even started referring to the guy as the "ex". So I know the relationship is already rocky, and therein lies my issue.

For those who didn't read the other thread, this girl is Eastern European and she guy she is on a break with is also from the same country, and of course they run in the same circles/have the same friends because of it. It reminds me a lot of the "small town" nonsense from where I grew up in that everyone knows everyone's business, everyone knows who you are banging and when you break up with someone, and of course everyone talks about it. So certainly I can see the girl having a bit of pressure on her from her social circle (including her family too).

That being said, I don't give a ****. I've lived it and it isn't hard to escape, so I'm not very sympathetic.

Runner:

1) Other options: check. Two **** buddies on the go, plus a busy career. I'm certainly not being a hovering wanker.

2) Don't give a damn: working on it. After yesterday's phone blowing up nonsense and the drama, it was kind of a turn-off to be honest.

3) No ultimatums: sounds good. I'll continue with playing it cool and being a fun guy to be around.
 

Colossus

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Just my .02---

Anybody on a 4 month "break" is not in a relationship. Furthermore, why are you wasting your time pursuing a pseudo-attached woman? This is an exercise in futility and self-wankery. At BEST, you'll get a bit of guilty sex, a lot of drama, and ultimately a lot of wasted time.

I say forget about her and pursue single women with high interest. If she comes a-running you can engage but at that point you would have auto-frame because she would be doing 100% of the pursuing.
 

Falcon25

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Oh man, another one of these.

Listen to me fat boy. The more you SPEAK, the more you lose. The more you see her, the more you lose.

Next time she wants to hang out, and you actually want this girl, you say this "Look, I'm crazy about you and like hanging out with you. But, it's just not time yet. It's not the right time."

Then, you walk away. You don't say anything, you don't touch her, nothing. Till, she comes to you and says "Mr. Hansol, what are you up to?" Then you say "Ms. Taken, are you single now?" Her; "No." then you say "Sorry, just not the right time yet. Have a great day. But, she may say "yes. I am single." then you say "cool, be ready at seven o'clock, gonna take you out for drinks."

You train her like a dog. If she wants your attention, she can't have another owner. As harsh as that sounds, it's the truth. No time wasted on women who have other men.
 

hansol

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Well guys here's a follow-up:

Today the girl texts me just to chat about bull****. Two texts into it I say, "Look, you're a cool chick and are fun to hang out with, but like we said the timing is wrong. So if/when you're single give me a shout and we can chill. Anyway talk to you later."

I get hit with: "You really are a treat. Thanks for being so understanding and not hating or thinking badly of me. It means a lot."

What the jesus does that even mean? Sounds like friend-zone drivel to me, even though we were making out the other night?

Anyway guys I'm treating this one as if it's not going to go anywhere. I mean who picks a guy you've been on a 4 month break with over a guy who has his **** together? If that isn't "female logic", I don't know what is... Glad to not be investing more time into this one with no return.
 

Slickster

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Her IL is low and probably has been from the get go.

Her response to your text proves it.

Best to move on .

4 month break is a joke. She's using it as an excuse to string you along and get more attention.

Why give her your attention for free.
 

jophil28

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hansol said:
I get hit with: "You really are a treat. Thanks for being so understanding and not hating or thinking badly of me. It means a lot."

What the jesus does that even mean?
You inadvertently told her that you will spin in a distant orbit UNTIL she decides to pull you back in for her entertainment.
 

Channel your excited feelings into positive thoughts and behaviors. You will attract women by being enthusiastic, radiating energy, and becoming someone who is fun to be around.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

hansol

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jophil28 said:
You inadvertently told her that you will spin in a distant orbit UNTIL she decides to pull you back in for her entertainment.
Haha f*ck... :p Oh that cursed inadvertent thing.

I'm curious Jophil, what would you suggest regarding the whole thing? Your advice is always spot on it seems. I've seemed to make enough mess as it is, so at least now I'll know for the future.
 

SmackinIsaiah

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hansol said:
Today the girl texts me just to chat about bull****. Two texts into it I say, "Look, you're a cool chick and are fun to hang out with, but like we said the timing is wrong. So if/when you're single give me a shout and we can chill. Anyway talk to you later."

That there was the slip up. You should have just kept it at timing is wrong, the timing is just wrong right now. Plant that seed of doubt in her head.
 

Falcon25

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Yup, you never say let met know when you're single. You just say "Not the right time" THATS IT. That was your mistake. You have to let her wonder. You gave her the ball. The ball is with you, you are single. You didn't read what I wrote.
 

Falcon25

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Falcon25 said:
Oh man, another one of these.

Listen to me fat boy. The more you SPEAK, the more you lose. The more you see her, the more you lose.

Next time she wants to hang out, and you actually want this girl, you say this "Look, I'm crazy about you and like hanging out with you. But, it's just not time yet. It's not the right time."
Then, you walk away. You don't say anything, you don't touch her, nothing. Till, she comes to you and says "Mr. Hansol, what are you up to?" Then you say "Ms. Taken, are you single now?" Her; "No." then you say "Sorry, just not the right time yet. Have a great day. But, she may say "yes. I am single." then you say "cool, be ready at seven o'clock, gonna take you out for drinks."

You train her like a dog. If she wants your attention, she can't have another owner. As harsh as that sounds, it's the truth. No time wasted on women who have other men.
This is what I wrote last night to you. It was perfect.
 

bukowski_merit

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hansol said:
*Girl has "boyfriend", but they have been on a 4 month break. During that time she and I have hung out a lot, doing a lot of one on one stuff. Lots of kino and flirting. I've made sure to do push-pull, making myself scarce at times.
If you're doing a lot of "one on one" with her over a long period of time without escalating - you can expect her attraction to dry up a bit. Especially if you're single. If you both are taken - women seem to have a higher tolerance for waiting for you to make the move.


hansol said:
Last night, after having built up lots of sexual tension with her, I finally jumped her. She at first turned away, but then kissed me back. That went on for a bit til the whole "I can't do this" thing came out. I agree, pull away, turn on sports highlights, she leans in closer and we go back to kissing. Til "I can't do this" comes into play again. Repeat a few more times, with more kissing and me feeling her up. It sayed PG though, and I wasn't pressing for more at this point other than to amp up sexual tension. (Like they say, if she will cheat on him, she will cheat on you.)
Was there alcohol involved? If not - there should have been. Not because you want her to get drunk, but because it will give her an excuse what what happens beyond PG stuff. I've been with many taken women and almost every time - alcohol has been involved on the 1st sexual experience. Again, it has nothing to do with getting her drunk, and everything to do with giving her very easy plausible deniablity to use (and they will use it). If your goal here was not sex, what is it? You don't seriously want a relationship with this woman do you?


hansol said:
Sh*t hits the fan when her "boyfriend" finds out (long story, happened by chance).
The boyfriend will normally know within days of it happening. And always by "accident" or "by chance"...


hansol said:
She says she isn't being fair to him.
Standard! "I'm not being fair to him" comes with a twin named, "I have to give this one more chance with him to see if it's real or not."


hansol said:
I say "We can't do this anymore then. I'd like to know where things go with us, but if you still want your ex and us being together causes all this drama, then maybe what we are doing is a mistake". That's it. *My phone suddenly blows up with nonsense about how she put 3 years into that relationship, and she hasn't been giving it a fair chance lately. She says her boyfriend probably won't talk to her now, but she loved me kissing her, and would love to see where things go between us but timing is everything, blah blah blah.
Honestly, this is standard as well. What your eyes see is a lot of confusion. What my eyes see is a woman who is trying to leave the door open on both of you who is using woman speak to convey this. She wants her cake (him) and another piece of cake on the side (you).

I've gotten plenty of texts like these before (although they normally come after the lay). I'd put money on her being open to being led down the dark road of unfaithfulness. Although i'd bet she's already been down that road in the past.

My response to something like a woman saying she wants to try things back with an ex is: "let's meet up one last time. and share a few final glasses and smiles."

It may be tougher for you since you didn't get the lay - but i believe it would have still had some chance of working. Much better than saying "him or me".
 

What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.

You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

jophil28

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hansol said:
Haha f*ck... :p Oh that cursed inadvertent thing.

I'm curious Jophil, what would you suggest regarding the whole thing? Your advice is always spot on it seems. I've seemed to make enough mess as it is, so at least now I'll know for the future.
My advice is for you to accept that a woman with a b/f is a bad bet 99.9% of the time.
Women who hang out with you behind their B/fs back do so to scoop up some ego benefits. You are merely her supplier.
 

jophil28

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Falcon25 said:
You train her like a dog. If she wants your attention, she can't have another owner. As harsh as that sounds, it's the truth. No time wasted on women who have other men.
One of your golden nuggets, Falcon.
 

runner83

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hansol said:
Today the girl texts me just to chat about bull****. Two texts into it I say, "Look, you're a cool chick and are fun to hang out with, but like we said the timing is wrong. So if/when you're single give me a shout and we can chill. Anyway talk to you later."
On one hand you don't want to become her friend while her b/f is banging her brains out still.

But on the other hand, you gave her an ultimatum and forced her to choose.

What happened to keeping it cool and trying to meet up again?

Anyway, best course of action now is to maintain radio silence unless she agrees to meet up IN PERSON.
 

DMEDFISIK

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hansol said:
I get hit with: "You really are a treat. Thanks for being so understanding and not hating or thinking badly of me. It means a lot."

What the jesus does that even mean? Sounds like friend-zone drivel to me, even though we were making out the other night?
It sounds like she will put you in the friend zone/back-up ultimately. Her ex bf is likely not giving her any time so she's trying to fill the void.

Secondly, sometimes the long time spent between two people is enough to slightly inhibit future relationships with a potential new partner depending on the ex bf's game, etc.

I suggest you leave her alone and explore other options.
 

hansol

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One more update

bukowski_merit said:
Standard! "I'm not being fair to him" comes with a twin named, "I have to give this one more chance with him to see if it's real or not."
Mr. Merit described it exactly. Both "twins" were inserted into the conversation. Just wanted to give credit where it is due, and say this is exactly how it went down.

Anyway, later on in the evening, after having said my piece and going silent, I get hit with "I really hope this won't come between us as friends. I really want you, but like you said the timing is just off right now."

I'm already turned off enough as it is between 1.) Her being enough of a pushover that she would prefer the being with the break-boyfriend rather than deal with the inconvenience of thinking for yourself, and 2.) The LJBF nonsense. So I didn't much care and responded: "Yeah it's no problem at all. We can totally hang out and do lunch and walk my dog and everything. And afterwards you can go home and **** your ex. Sorry but I'm not ok with that. Gotta go."

Well that of course blew up and I got hit with nonsense about "Well I just want to be able to say hi to you without it being awkward blah blah blah". I ignored it and like the poster mentioned above, have been on radio silence ever since.

It'll be interesting to see how it plays out from here. I'm done with the whole thing regardless (went out with a plate last night after this nonsense), but if I were to speculate I give it 6 weeks of radio silence before I hear some bull**** about "Oh, just wanted to see how you were doing."

Thanks for all the input guys, both in showing me where I lost my balls and how to play things out. At least going foward now I'll know what not to do/say. Regards -Hansol
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

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