Girl with a crazy work schedule-how do i make this work?

[viking22]

For the past month I've been dating this Latin waitress. She studies during the day and works nights and weekends so it is really hard to schedule dates and things are moving very slowly! In a month we've only had three dates and we haven't slept together so im getting frustrated. When we meet she is very affectionate and sweet but often she seems tired and listless and always insists she cannot stay out late because she has to get up early to go to school.

On two occasions now she cancelled dates because she found out she had to work. I expressed my displeasure but she says things like "Please don't be upset, I really want to see you, to kiss you my ingles papasito".

She texts me everyday without fail, always the same sort of thing "I miss you. I hope to see you soon. I am thinking about you".

But whenever I suggest we meet she says things like "I don't know when my next day off is, or i have a busy week etc etc".

I understand her situation but it is pretty frustrating for me. I also feel sure she's not working 24 hours a day, and I know she occasionally goes out with her girlfriends so she obviously makes the time for her.

I live at home and she insists she is not allowed men over, so I suggested I meet her after work and I rent a hotel room and we could have a few drinks together and not have to worry about catching the last train etc. But she says she isn't ready to spend the night with me and basically accused me of just wanting sex.

So I am not sure what to do.

 

[Allurre]

What up bro,

I understand what you're going through. What you need to do now is step back and lessen the intensity when it comes to pursuing her. The girl isn't ready to get serious with you yet.

Either you pump up the attraction level and create a need to be around you more often, or you make her chase you. If she doesn't, it just shows how bad she wants to be around you.

If a woman REALLY is into a man, they will make time for you.

 

[sosocool]

So, in other words, what you want is sex, but she isn't giving it to you for whatever reason. This is frustrating to you. And it's even more frustrated that she's beginning to think all you want is sex, becuase maybe you really like the girl for other reasons. I'm not sure. You didn't say. Honestly from reading your post I'd say you're craving only sex with this girl. Now, exactly how do you feel about her? Is all you want sex?

 

[viking22]

I really like this girl. That is one of the reasons I want sex with her. Believe me if this was just about sex I wouldn't have kept seeing her this long. But it is frustrating because I cannot get to know her better because she is always "busy" and I feel like this is going nowhere. Things were ok at the beginning we had two good dates and second date in the cinema we were hugging, kissing, really connecting. But since then the one time we did meet she was tired from work and left an hour later saying she had a headache and for all these sweet texts she sends me i haven't seen her in ten days.

 

[Igetit!]

I bet you I could get her to meet up with you. I have a suggestion that I'm certain would tip things in your favor....IF..you have the strength and courage to do it. One thing that'll get a woman's attention more than anything else is a man who has the willingness to walk away...and I don't mean as some kind of threat or tactic,I mean seriously walkaway and move on. I'll put it down in steps:

Step 1:At the minimum,go the next 4 days without contacting her. If she calls you,fine,go ahead and talk to her,BUT DON'T say anything about you two meeting up. I'll cover what to do if she does contact you in one of the following steps.

Step 2:If at the end of the 4 days she hasn't called or tried to get in touch with you,then YOU call her. Talk to her,see what she's been up to,and TELL HER you want to see her. TELL HER you're going to so and so place and YOU WANT her to come with you. Read over what I just said to make sure you get it. I didn't say to ask her,I said TELL HER you want to see her. I'll give you an example:
you:Hey look,I'm going to (wherever) tomorrow around 6 o'clock (whatever time),and I WANT YOU to come with me.

There that's it. And speak with boldness and confidence. Now,if you do this,and she gives you another excuse saying,"Oh,I can't. I have to do this or that",then you say,"Alright,that's cool. I understand. Hey look,I realize you have a LOT going on in your life right now. I mean between your job,school,hanging out with your family and friends,and whatever else you've got going on,I'm sure you don't have a lot of time on your hands.
So if you just don't have the time,if you're just too busy,then...don't worry about".

That's it. That all you have to do. My guess is that if you do this,then she'll MAKE THE TIME. What will happen is she'll misinterpet what you're saying to her as disinterest. She'll think you no longer like her,but instead of flat out rejecting her,you're using her being busy as an excuse to end things.

Now,if you do all that,and she just says,"Ok",then that means she's not interest in you. In that case,you need to move on. To me,right now she seems to be in AW mode. She knows you like her,so she gets her ego stroked. She doesn't have to actually meet up with you,she can just get what she needs by you constantly calling her and trying to see her.
Once you take that away,THEN she'll meet up with you because she'll see that the occasional phone call to keep you hooked isn't enough,that she'll have to spend some time with you,even if it's just a little.

Try that out,and see what happens.

 

[viking22]

Great idea man

Ill wait those four days, ignore all her cutesy texts and then phone her up, tell her im picking her up when she finishes work and taking her out. And if she gives me the usual excuses about not knowing when she is going to finish and she'll let me know closer to the time etc. I'll tell her what you said

I also think that if I do set up a meet I need to be a bit more aggressive and go for the lay because in my experience that often cuts out the games and as a man she's made me wait quite long enough and she isn't putting out other girls are

 

[Igetit!]

I also think that if I do set up a meet I need to be a bit more aggressive and go for the lay...

Uhhh...I wouldn't do that. Look,if she hasn't been comfortable enough or willing to have a basic,regular date with you up til now,then what makes you think she's going to sleep with you when you finally do get her on that long awaited,elusive first date? You got to learn to walk before you can run.

How about just focusing on getting her comfortable and willing to meet up with you FIRST. Even if you do manage to get this first date with her,if she isn't willing to go on a second one,then of course she won't be willing to have sex.

Stop and think for a minute.

You've been trying and trying to get a date with her,but you've been unsuccessful. You've received a couple of suggestions that you think might be helpful,and assuming they do work,you're going to try to sleep with her? On the first date? You do that,and more than likely,you'll blow all the time and effort you put into just getting her to meet up with you in the first place.

 

[viking22]

We've had four dates already and kissed, had some pretty steamy clinches etc. But yeah I get your point, it is best I focus on getting her to meet and getting her comfortable as its been a little while since we last met

 

[Scars]

Igetit has got it pretty much spot on.

Sometimes guys will next a girl, or genuinly take her disinterest as rejection and actually move on and ignore her. The mistake they make is that the first time the girl talks to them again they instantly grow an AFC bone for her and are instantly like "Hey, do you want to hang out?!" You have to be unresponsive and a little cold. Don't mention anything about hanging out, take her as a normal person. Make her chase you a little then perhaps mention another meet up, but by then she will have probably already brought it up.

 

[R19]

I bet you I could get her to meet up with you...

Sage advice.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Enjoy your freedom, have fun with her when you do see her... And see other girls on the side.

 

[viking22]

Well I go two days ignoring her texts. She calls me up late Thursday night and I pick up the phone and she says "I miss you" I say "That's nice" She replied "I want to see you". I replied "Yeah I know." and changed the subject. She said "Listen I can meet you after work on Saturday" I say "What time?". She replied "I don't know I may be finishing late, it depends how busy it is". I said "OK well call me when you finish work and Ill come pick you up". She said "Great see you then".

She'll finish 10pm at the earliest, more likely 11pm so I thought id take her to a club and get her dancing. She is Latin so who knows what could happen after that. But yeah I get the point she's probably not that comfortable with me so Ill go into it with no expectations and just see where the night takes us.

 

[Igetit!]

Well I go two days ignoring her texts. She calls me up late Thursday night and I pick up the phone and she says "I miss you" I say "That's nice" She replied "I want to see you". I replied "Yeah I know." and changed the subject. She said "Listen I can meet you after work on Saturday" I say "What time?". She replied "I don't know I may be finishing late, it depends how busy it is". I said "OK well call me when you finish work and Ill come pick you up". She said "Great see you then"

Hmm. I know this seems good,but...hmm...I don't know. Something just feels...off. Anyway,I hope things work out for you man. If she meets up with you like she said she would,then good,however,I wouldn't be surprised if she pulls another,"Oh,I forgot,I have to do this or that" line out of her excuse bag. The funny thing is the thnig I told you to say to her,the "I want to see you" line is what she said to you,lol.:crackup: The thing I was hoping you'd be able to impress to her was that your interest in her was wavering. That would have made her put a little more effort into trying to keep it. But when she told you she wanted to see you,and you asked her,"What time?",that just reassured her that you're still as into her as ever...even though all you're getting from her right now is basically an occasional phone call. To me,it seems like you sort of blew it,but all is not lost..

Nevertheless,keep us updated of the situation and how things progress.

 

[viking22]

Well I wasn't hopeful and was just having a drink with a friend Saturday night. She calls me at 9pm to say she's finished work early. I make her wait till 10pm because im finishing off a pint. I see her at 10pm and we go to a restaurant.

All the moodiness is gone and she is sweet and affectionate kissing me, taking my hand in hers and smiling. The restaurant plays some Latin music and she tells me stories about how she used to dance to these songs growing up etc.

She is being very seductive feeding me chocolate profiteroles with her fork and getting me to do the same to her and says she wants to be alone with me and is there someplace we can go. Really Im confused as hell but I go with it. There is a hotel nearby and we check in.

We kiss while sitting on the bed, then fall back onto the bed and make out and things are getting quite steamy. She then says she has to call her mum in South America because she always says good night to her and she doesn't want her to worry.

She says "My mother says hi". She then gives me the phone and tells me to say hello. Her mother says "Hello viking" then "Bye bye viking". The girl talks. Im bored and stroke her leg absentmindedly. She says in English "Im going to tell my mother you are touching my leg". I take my hand away. Shortly afterwards she says bye to her mother and we resume kissing.

I say we should take some clothes off. She says "Im keeping my dress on". I look disappointed. She says "But Im going to take my stocking off". We kiss some more and we dry hump a bit. I put my hand underneath her dress. She says "No you can't. Im on my period". I realise she's played me so I say "I understand honey, lets get some sleep". Im about to drift off, and she wakes me up and says "I want you to penetrate me". I say "What about your period?". She says "Well its only just started so it might be ok". We have sex for ten minutes and I change position, she notices there is quite a bit of blood and she is put off and looks aghast. I say "It is ok. We can just sleep".

She sleeps with her back to me and insists on sleeping till 10am when i try to wake her up. We leave the hotel and i take her to breakfast. She goes back to being really sweet and affectionate and kisses me every couple of minutes and is smiling at me the whole time.

I have no idea what is going on the whole time. But feel manipulated and generally confused. Certainly I was stupid to take the bait and take up on her suggestion we went somewhere private. I do not know.

 

[DonJuan11]

For the past month I've been dating this Latin waitress. She studies during the day and works nights and weekends so it is really hard to schedule dates and things are moving very slowly! In a month we've only had three dates and we haven't slept together so im getting frustrated. When we meet she is very affectionate and sweet but often she seems tired and listless and always insists she cannot stay out late because she has to get up early to go to school.

On two occasions now she cancelled dates because she found out she had to work. I expressed my displeasure but she says things like "Please don't be upset, I really want to see you, to kiss you my ingles papasito".

She texts me everyday without fail, always the same sort of thing "I miss you. I hope to see you soon. I am thinking about you".

But whenever I suggest we meet she says things like "I don't know when my next day off is, or i have a busy week etc etc".

I understand her situation but it is pretty frustrating for me. I also feel sure she's not working 24 hours a day, and I know she occasionally goes out with her girlfriends so she obviously makes the time for her.

She goes to school, works, has been on three dates with you, kisses you, texts you everyday saying she likes you, occasionally goes out with her girlfriends to get away from school and work, and apologized for canceling two dates on you because she's had to work to pay for rent and food, and you want to call her out on it because she's not giving you sex yet? I don't know dude, doesn't sound like smart thing to do.

I live at home and she insists she is not allowed men over, so I suggested I meet her after work and I rent a hotel room and we could have a few drinks together and not have to worry about catching the last train etc.

Wow, if that doesn't say I consider you a prostitute and just want sex from you, I don't know what does.

 

[Igetit!]

I bet you I could get her to meet up with you. I have a suggestion that I'm certain would tip things in your favor....IF..you have the strength and courage to do it. One thing that'll get a woman's attention more than anything else is a man who has the willingness to walk away...and I don't mean as some kind of threat or tactic,I mean seriously walkaway and move on. I'll put it down in steps:

Step 1:At the minimum,go the next 4 days without contacting her. If she calls you,fine,go ahead and talk to her,BUT DON'T say anything about you two meeting up. I'll cover what to do if she does contact you in one of the following steps.

Step 2:If at the end of the 4 days she hasn't called or tried to get in touch with you,then YOU call her. Talk to her,see what she's been up to,and TELL HER you want to see her. TELL HER you're going to so and so place and YOU WANT her to come with you. Read over what I just said to make sure you get it. I didn't say to ask her,I said TELL HER you want to see her. I'll give you an example:
you:Hey look,I'm going to (wherever) tomorrow around 6 o'clock (whatever time),and I WANT YOU to come with me.

There that's it. And speak with boldness and confidence.

Well I wasn't hopeful and was just having a drink with a friend Saturday night. She calls me at 9pm to tell me she's finished work early. I make her wait til 10pm because im finishing off a pint. I see her at 10pm and we go to a restaurant.

Ha ha,I told you I could get her to meet up with you.

 

[viking22]

Igetit yeah thanks man. It seems all I had to do was to stop pursuing her for just a few days. Although I agree I should have made it a bit harder rather than jumping on her counter-offer.

Im still a bit confused about the awkward night together. She ignored me like 80% of the time and in bed aside from the five minutes we had sex she just had her back to me and slept the whole time. It may just be she was tired from work and not really in the mood for sex because her period was starting.

At breakfast the next day she was completely the opposite, all sweet and affectionate and kissing me every five minutes and smiling all the time.

Maybe DonJuan11 is right and I made her feel a bit cheap so she couldn't let go and enjoy herself in the bedroom and did not feel comfortable.

The whole thing was just a bit weird.

 

[The Bat]

Yo viking, I think you got a really shy, confused girl on your hand as far as sex is concerned. You're right that she doesn't know if you think she is some cheap ho or not....boy I hope that sentence made sense LoL.

I'm not going to tell you to pull the "nice guy" card on her now. What you should start doing more of is being more understanding and more patient with her. Let her know somehow that you know that she has a busy life, just like you do (hopefully), and that whatever little time you do get to spend with each other is plenty enough given the craziness of both of your schedules and busy lives.

I know that sounds cheesy as fvck but trust me man, girls love raw honesty/patience that that type of understanding displays.

Remember, don't be controlled by your penis. Be the guy who is in control of his sexuality and who can show a little restraint.

 

[londonzen]

i find latin chicks so confusing.. but even more sexy

 

[Captain]

Easy solution. Date other women while dating her. Be busy, don't always be available. If she really REALLY wanted to have sex with you, she'd make the time. Just get her back to your place (or hers) and escalate things. Do it in the mid afternoon if she has to get up early.