girl tells me about FWB situation? is this a **** test?

[icantgetlaid]

I got a FB message from some girl i just started dating (we've been on one date) but there's ton of chemistry and we'll be getting together again this week at my place ...

anyway i get this message from her today:

I need to tell you something about my situation. I have an FWB that kind of helps me out when I am between boyfriends, and after I broke up with my last boyfriend, I asked my FWB to spend Valentine's Day with me, and he agreed. I just told him that I met you, but he still wants me to hold to my promise to spend Valentine's day with him.

Ive dated a lot of girls ... never have they admitted to having a FWB that helps them out in between boyfriends ...I honestly don't care as i assume all girls do .. but a girl admitting it is an approach ive never seen before.

additionally i never set up plans with her on valentines day either ... so its not like she had to tell me about these valentines day plans with someone else.

Is this a sh1t test ... or is this signs of low interest?

UPDATE:

Got this message from her without my responding shortly after:


I did already tell him no more sleeping together. Just want to be up front with you and honest.

 

[icantgetlaid]

i guess my other question is how should i respond to this?

 

[badboyjmm]

The way you will respond will depend of your intentions with her.

If you just want to have some fun, then you hang out with her.

Now if you are planning to date her, you got to understand that it will be a bit harder. The reason is that she already has a plan in case things go sour within a relationship.

I find it odd because it's almost like she expect the relationship to fail before it even started.

So it's not a sh!t test per say, in my opinion. But if she wants to keep her promise to her FWB, it means that the dude is single and will look to bang. It also means that she's not too sure about you two in a couple.

So choose wisely (about what that girl can be to you), but whatever you choose to do, don't get jealous.

 

[fastlife]

For me, it would immediately disqualify her from emotional investment or the potential for monogamous commitment from me--ever. Not because she has a contingency plan (most girls do) or because she enjoys sex (all good), but because she's trying to grab frame. If this girl saw you as the catch of the century she'd downplay her involvement with other guys or cut them off entirely.

On one hand her honesty and transparency seems honorable--but really she's putting a block (consciously or subconsciously) for any intimacy between you and her and providing dictates for any future involvement you enter in with her and providing a threat: she has options and she'll land on her feet and she wants you to know it. What happens 4 months from now when you slip up lol? She's setting you up for hardcore betaization down the line.

So it depends on what you want. Would you be cool with good sex with a nonexclusive plate? Would you be able to maintain frame if she starts pushing for commitment? If you don't have other options, get out now. If you do, enjoy her for what she is.

 

[icantgetlaid]

Yea im cool with just sex .. i'm not jealous and i dont see anything serious with her .. just want to smash ...

how do i respond to this message in a cool/dj way? (e.g. do i ignore it .. ? laugh ? tell her to have fun? etc.)

its funny though ... i've also gotten the impression from her that she tries to sniff out players ... so i dont know if this is a mind game to get my reaction ... and if i act like i dont care she will think i just want her for sex.

 

[DonDraper7]

I going to agree with @fastlife on this. This is a tricky one for sure. When i started dating one of my ex girfriends she told me she has a FWB with some dude, i was cool with it no real threat from my pov. Anyway that dude continuted texing her asking to meet up knowing that she is dating me, so she flat out texted him to stop contacting her as she likes where her and i are "going", never heard from the dude again as long as we were together. Point is man if she saw you as the catch of the century as fastlife says she would reject him for Vallentine's despite her promise and went out with you.

I'd suggest not getting emotinally invested in her, but let's see how this plays out.

 

[fastlife]

Yea im cool with just sex .. i'm not jealous and i dont see anything serious with her .. just want to smash ...

how do i respond to this message in a cool/dj way? (e.g. do i ignore it .. ? laugh ? tell her to have fun? etc.)

its funny though ... i've also gotten the impression from her that she tries to sniff out players ... so i dont know if this is a mind game to get my reaction ... and if i act like i dont care she will think i just want her for sex.

You're overthinking this. Just text her 'OK.' She'll make of that whatever she wants to. If you try to control her perception of you (which you can't do anyway lol) it'll come off as unnatural or weird.

 

[icantgetlaid]

she sent another message:

I did already tell him no more sleeping together. Just want to be up front with you and honest.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I got a FB message from some girl i just started dating (we've been on one date) but there's ton of chemistry and we'll be getting together again this week at my place ...

anyway i get this message from her today:

I need to tell you something about my situation. I have an FWB that kind of helps me out when I am between boyfriends, and after I broke up with my last boyfriend, I asked my FWB to spend Valentine's Day with me, and he agreed. I just told him that I met you, but he still wants me to hold to my promise to spend Valentine's day with him.

Ive dated a lot of girls ... never have they admitted to having a FWB that helps them out in between boyfriends ...I honestly don't care as i assume all girls do .. but a girl admitting it is an approach ive never seen before.

additionally i never set up plans with her on valentines day either ... so its not like she had to tell me about these valentines day plans with someone else.

Is this a sh1t test ... or is this signs of low interest?

Yeah... you're on the way out.

I'll just save you the B.S. of "oh, it's so nice she was honest" or "it's a good thing she told you so you don't get your hopes up."

What she JUST TOLD YOU, in no uncertain terms, was that she plans on spending Valentine's Day f--king another guy. So, automatically, she's out.

Now, to be fair, since you just started dating her you shouldn't have plans with her. And if she did have plans with this guy already, it shouldn't have mattered anyway, nor should she have felt the need to tell you because it's really none of your business until you become the boyfriend.

BUT, the fact that she brought it to your attention is where she screwed up. One, while her telling you is not necessarily a test, your reaction WILL tell her whether you're one of those guys she can walk all over or who will not be accepting of crappy behavior. THIS, my friend, is crappy behavior.

Two, if you were someone she felt had actual value to her, she wouldn't be holding up to the arrangement with a guy she's allegedly just friends with. If he was really just trying to be her friend, he would have heard about you and said, "oh, okay, well try to do something with him on V-day instead." But he didn't - instead, SHE made the decision to keep a date with him on the most romantic day of the year where banging is damn near signed in the contract to happen, lol...

Anyway - so, at this point in my dating game, I don't have time to mess around with chicks that are showing this level of disrespect. Were this me and I got that text, my response would have been:

"Thanks for telling me - I don't think this is gonna work out, then. Nice meeting you tho"

Were she to inquire further, I would just state that while it's none of my business, if she's going to be spending romantic time with another guy while trying to date me, then it's not worth my time. Plain and simple.

Man - it's just amazing to me how much disrespect guys around here will take just to get a half-okay lay...

 

[icantgetlaid]

sex with this girl is inevitable .. i dont care who she is fvcking ... i just want to approach the situation with the right frame/ in a DJ manner.

 

[icantgetlaid]

i think its also worth pointing out that this girl is a lil emotionally fvcked up ... had a bad life ... depressed .. daddy issues ... etc.

the thing is... i like to fvck these kind of girls ... i know she likes me ... but i just was confused on how to respond to the whole 'FWB reveal' .. no girl i was ever dating came out and revealed that ... especially only after a first date.

just another caveat to consider

 

[icantgetlaid]

the only thing i'm somewhat "insulted" by, is the fact that she thinks i believe she won't be getting piped by this guy on valentines day if she sees him.

the other stuff i can care less about .. like any good red piller .. i assume all girls are sluts/fvcking other guys regardless of what they say

 

[AllDay85]

thats a flat out lie

Agreed, she probably texted that in the bathroom during her post-sex urinating.

 

[icantgetlaid]

Agreed, she probably texted that in the bathroom during her post-sex urinating.

rofl no doubt

 

[Asmodeus]

Screw her... Leave it be man. She has no respect for you. I know it was only one date, but you obviously like her and she obviously does not give a damn about you because she is telling you she is going to screw around right to your face and expects you to grin and bear it. No... No girl is worth your self respect. Even if her puss is the best puss in the world I would not take that.
Even if it was a S#^% test then leave her be. Because that would just make her a liar who likes to create drama, which may be worse than if she is just a hoe.

 

[foreverAFC]

i would find her disgusting and never talk to her again

 

[icantgetlaid]

So this girl comes over after we meet for dinner tonight and i take her to my bed and its awkward as **** ..

any time i try to assert myself sexually she makes a comment, questions something, etc. (e.g. if i bend her over she insists we do it missionary)

usually when girls let it get to the point where they go to your house/ to bed with you /etc. they have that look like "take me and do whatever the **** you want to me" ... this girl on the other hand is laying there seemingly stiff or skeptical or something (dont really know how to describe it but its a mood killer none the less)

anyway .. i lose any desire to fvck at this point .. so i decide to just lay down with her and cuddle up while groping her to get back in the mood (this girls ass is worth the trouble) .. during the process of stroking her body she jumps and says something about the way i touched her ...

at that point i had enough and asked her to leave ...

the moral of the story is this:

if a girl makes a similarly questionable comment (like this one did about her FWB) it's probably out of low interest/disrespect ...

Now that i look back on our interactions ... i can easily point to several other questionable comments she made ... ("im lazy and spoiled" etc.) .. girls that have high interest dont downplay their value to you ...

so fellas ... chalk the answer to the original question posed in this thread as "low interest"

 

[Asmodeus]

Either: A. she is not into you and does not want to F***. B. She is already getting satisfied by her other homeboy and does not need you. C. She is just creating an awkward scene for drama because her life is so boring. For all cases you are better off without her. She sounds toxic.

 

[Lozboss]

Yeah... you're on the way out.

I'll just save you the B.S. of "oh, it's so nice she was honest" or "it's a good thing she told you so you don't get your hopes up."

What she JUST TOLD YOU, in no uncertain terms, was that she plans on spending Valentine's Day f--king another guy. So, automatically, she's out.

Now, to be fair, since you just started dating her you shouldn't have plans with her. And if she did have plans with this guy already, it shouldn't have mattered anyway, nor should she have felt the need to tell you because it's really none of your business until you become the boyfriend.

BUT, the fact that she brought it to your attention is where she screwed up. One, while her telling you is not necessarily a test, your reaction WILL tell her whether you're one of those guys she can walk all over or who will not be accepting of crappy behavior. THIS, my friend, is crappy behavior.

Two, if you were someone she felt had actual value to her, she wouldn't be holding up to the arrangement with a guy she's allegedly just friends with. If he was really just trying to be her friend, he would have heard about you and said, "oh, okay, well try to do something with him on V-day instead." But he didn't - instead, SHE made the decision to keep a date with him on the most romantic day of the year where banging is damn near signed in the contract to happen, lol...

Anyway - so, at this point in my dating game, I don't have time to mess around with chicks that are showing this level of disrespect. Were this me and I got that text, my response would have been:

"Thanks for telling me - I don't think this is gonna work out, then. Nice meeting you tho"

Were she to inquire further, I would just state that while it's none of my business, if she's going to be spending romantic time with another guy while trying to date me, then it's not worth my time. Plain and simple.

Man - it's just amazing to me how much disrespect guys around here will take just to get a half-okay lay...

Harry as always nails it.

Eject out of there and find someone worth your time.

She's disrespecting you and is SCUMBAG quality.

 

[Baggio86]

Dude... if you even talk to her again after she blatently admitted she will be cheating on you, then you instantly have lost all respect in her eyes. run away, you're in for a world of hurt... I chased a girl once after she disrespected me over and over, by the end I didn't have any respect for myself, let alone her.... get out or you'll be jacking it in san diego in no time lol,