Girl says we are not compatible in the long run

[viking22]

I've been seeing this girl around four months. She said a few months in that she wasn't ready for a relationship and wanted to keep things the way they were i.e. hanging out and hooking up. But I think with the holidays we have ended up doing more couply things e.g. she spent Christmas with my family, and we were out together on NYE and then went on a staycation which is where she broke up with me. She said she felt something is missing and she said while she would love to continue hanging out and was sure we'd have fun she didn't think we were compatible in the long run. She asks me a lot of job interview type questions e.g. how do you define success in life, what are your career goals etc. so the impression I get is she doesn't think I am ambitious enough and do not really know what I want out of life.

Of course it could be a bit of a smokescreen as there have also been a few signs she has been losing interest e.g. not texting me quite as much, not being quite as affectionate etc.

But is there any way to try and change her mind. Maybe suggest we keep things casual if she doesn't see relationship potential? Or something similar.

 

[2Rocky]

Don't try to push a rope....This woman is FB material and don't try to make it anything else....If anything detach and go no contact to break the dopamine cycle of her attention. You need other OPTIONS....go develop those.

 

[jimwho]

Just keep her around for fun. And stop calling her so much.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I've been seeing this girl around four months. She said a few months in that she wasn't ready for a relationship and wanted to keep things the way they were i.e. hanging out and hooking up. But I think with the holidays we have ended up doing more couply things e.g. she spent Christmas with my family, and we were out together on NYE and then went on a staycation which is where she broke up with me. She said she felt something is missing and she said while she would love to continue hanging out and was sure we'd have fun she didn't think we were compatible in the long run. She asks me a lot of job interview type questions e.g. how do you define success in life, what are your career goals etc. so the impression I get is she doesn't think I am ambitious enough and do not really know what I want out of life.

Of course it could be a bit of a smokescreen as there have also been a few signs she has been losing interest e.g. not texting me quite as much, not being quite as affectionate etc.

But is there any way to try and change her mind. Maybe suggest we keep things casual if she doesn't see relationship potential? Or something similar.

Value yourself a little and cut all contact.


Modern Man Advice

 

[jimwho]

Value yourself a little and cut all contact.

I don't get it. Since I've been here its all about rotation and plates. This guy has a gal that only wants to fk. Why are you suggesting he blow that off? She has made it clear all along that she's not relationship material.

 

[RickTheToad]

I've been seeing this girl around four months. She said a few months in that she wasn't ready for a relationship and wanted to keep things the way they were i.e. hanging out and hooking up. But I think with the holidays we have ended up doing more couply things e.g. she spent Christmas with my family, and we were out together on NYE and then went on a staycation which is where she broke up with me. She said she felt something is missing and she said while she would love to continue hanging out and was sure we'd have fun she didn't think we were compatible in the long run. She asks me a lot of job interview type questions e.g. how do you define success in life, what are your career goals etc. so the impression I get is she doesn't think I am ambitious enough and do not really know what I want out of life.

Of course it could be a bit of a smokescreen as there have also been a few signs she has been losing interest e.g. not texting me quite as much, not being quite as affectionate etc.

But is there any way to try and change her mind. Maybe suggest we keep things casual if she doesn't see relationship potential? Or something similar.

Lower your expectations. Keep her around as a plate and fvck toy if you wish. Make sure you downgrade her as nothing more than a sexual utility and start seeing other females. Start to withdraw and she may come around. People always want what they cannot have. However, just remember, don't act stupid and foolhearted.

 

[manfrombelow]

OP, please answer this: Did you - or did you not - HAVE SEX with this woman?

I will elaborate according to your reply.

 

[Zimbabwe]

She lacks the emotional maturity to make a relationship work. A relationship is supposed to lead to marriage.

 

[The Diver]

But is there any way to try and change her mind

Your mindset is backward.

You should be in a position, in any relationship, where She should have asked You this question.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Around four months is where a woman takes a look at things and decides whether to progress things further or cut bait many times. In your case she cut bait.

Go find someone who wants to be with you.

 

[manfrombelow]

Well OP hasn't replied to my question, so here I go:

Regardless of the "reasons," whenever a woman demands that she wants to end things between you and her, or that she wants to "take things slow" or whatever choice of wording she used - They all mean only one thing: Her Sexual & Romantic Interest in you has - for whatever reasons (but mostly the male being needy and clingy) - dropped too low.

So the solution is fixed like this: You respect that wish by leaving her alone by stopping all contact. That's the ONLY way to go.

The truth is, men (especially inexperienced ones) tend to develop the desire to want to build "relationship" with any women that give them good sex and basic female intimacy. But the problem with this mindset is MOST women would give you "good sex" AND "female intimacy" regardless (if you seduced them correctly and succesfully of course),

So "good sex" and "female intimacy" - although greatly craved by most men - are NEVER valid reasons to start any desire or attempt to build a LTR with said women. You need to look further than that.

Most of the times, the women that give you good sex and basic intimacy are not the ones you end up marrying and having kids with. And this is totally OK.

Most of the times, the worst heartbreaks and emotional break-down you have ever experienced could have been avoided if you treat involved women merely as Friends-With-Benefits aka Fvck Buddies in the first place. Because, whether you believe it or not, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANTED WITH YOU TOO (regardless they were consciously aware of it or not) aka ANIMAL SEX and no more no less.

Let me repeat it again: They never wanted to build a LTR with you, they only wanted to have good sex with you. But you denied it and wanted more - thus pushed them away from you and made yourself suffer during the process.

Too complicated? Just think of it like your toolbox: You use the drill to put the nails into the wood, and you use the saw to cut the wood. But not vice-versa. Each tool has its own purpose. You don't mix them up (aka trying to use the saw to put the nails into the wood and trying to cut the wood with the drill) because you're not stupid or crazy.

So there are women that have the purpose to give you pure animal sex. There are women that have the purpose to give you platonic friendship. And there are women that have the purpose to become your wife and your children's bearer. And this is totally OK. This is how the world works.

(Yes, in a perfect world with the most lucky guys, you can have one single woman that gives you all these. But the chance is equivalent to winning the PowerBall Jackpot so it's out of the question.)

But, of course, it seems 99,9% of men only learned this the HARDEST WAY possible.

Myself, now looking back, I still wish I had treated at least 80% of my past relationships as FWBs. Only experienced men know what I'm taling about.

 

[KirthWGersen]

The only thing you can do is be fine with it, tell her to take all the time she needs, pull back, and take the opportunity to have sex with women who are more interested.

 

[viking22]

Yeah. We've had sex of course. And were dating and hooking up but I think she was feeling some relationship pressure as her friends were telling her I was her boyfriend and we spent New Year's together and she started spending weekends at mine and so on. So I guess that got her thinking and manufacturing reasons why we wouldn't work out.

Been literally zero contact from her since she ended things aside from occasionally texting to ask when she can come and pick up her stuff from my flat. I broke last week and said I miss having her in my life. She texted back saying she would have loved to continue hanging out with me but she didn't think we were compatible in the long run so she did what she did. And then shortly afterwards texted to say it didn't mean we couldn't stay connected and do things together if I'd like to also and she didn't want to be seen as unfair in any way whatsoever.

So I was like sure we can stay connected and keep things light. How about doing something together this weekend? And she replied "My week is packed. We will speak next week so I can arrange to collect my stuff. Have a nice week".

So think she was just feeding me a line and wants nothing more to do with me.

Any advice for what to do next week when she shows up at my flat to pick up my stuff?

 

[Bingo-Player]

Of course it could be a bit of a smokescreen as there have also been a few signs she has been losing interest e.g. not texting me quite as much, not being quite as affectionate etc.

This is usually a tell tale sign there is another guy in the picture somewhere could be in her mind could be in her pu$$Y but her wheel is spinning and it ain't over you

Sorry to break it but cut your losses now and walk away with pride

 

[viking22]

Yeah I think she's been talking to other guys. After our breakup I went back on the dating app we met and saw she had an updated profile on her saying she was looking for ambitious professionals who were fun and she was open to friendship if not bf/gf. No idea how long her profile has been back up there. But yeah her not texting me as much when for the first three months she was texting me constantly should have tipped me off

 

[Suave88]

I don't get it. Since I've been here its all about rotation and plates. This guy has a gal that only wants to fk. Why are you suggesting he blow that off? She has made it clear all along that she's not relationship material.

What gave you the inkling that OP fked her already or that she is a gal who only wants to fk for free????.
I believe they broke up during the staycation cause he wanted to bring the relationship(have sex) to the next level.

 

[Suave88]

Yeah I think she's been talking to other guys. After our breakup I went back on the dating app we met and saw she had an updated profile on her saying she was looking for ambitious professionals who were fun and she was open to friendship if not bf/gf. No idea how long her profile has been back up there. But yeah her not texting me as much when for the first three months she was texting me constantly should have tipped me off

Sounds like a materialist bitsh, who uses her, mind and not her heart to choose love partners.

 

[Reyaj]

Sounds like this girl is certified...

Certified in H.O.

 

[manfrombelow]

Any advice for what to do next week when she shows up at my flat to pick up my stuff?

You mean "her" stuff?

Well, open the door for her to do what she wants to do. I'd recommend go out and wait while she's doing it and only come back it after she's left. You should not be present in the same room with her while she's doing it if you don't have a good mental state.

 

[viking22]

Yeah she collected her stuff. Said she was sorry for ending things but she felt we did not have enough of a connection to go further and did not want to waste anyone's time. Originally it was she would have loved to continue hanging out but didn't think we were compatible in the long run. No idea what the true reason is but definitely doesn't look like any way back so moving on.