Girl says "I'm down, if you're willing to buy me food lol"

[2Rocky]

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I've noticed african-american women tend to want prospective lovers to take them out to eat before 1st-time sex, it seems more of a "respect" thing than "trying to take advantage" thing

 

[oldmanofthesea]

It being over a month since your first date means she has low interest. My response either way would be the same, but my decision on whether to pay for anything would be different.

As a man, I expect to pay for a woman who *I* invite out, and it's easy for me to do that. Nothing fancy or expensive needed, but a couple of drinks on a first date. Maybe drinks and some appetizers on a second date. Whatever. But that's if things are progressing normally.

On the other hand, a woman who takes over a month to agree to a second date with me and does it with the "potentially" joking stipulation of free food is absolutely not going to get free food from me. And honestly I wouldn't be pursuing a woman that long anyway - would have generally moved on to greener pastures before then. But either way, my response to her would be the same and that would be to joke about it.

Her "I'll go if you're buying"
Me "Oh sure babe, I have a coupon for Boston Market. I'll get the mashed potatoes and you can have something of equal or lesser value."
And I'd take her somewhere free and if the date went well I'd at most buy her one drink.

Her "Haha funny" = No response from me

Her "Haha funny. But seriously where are we going to dinner?"
Me "Wherever you're buying babe! I'm into equal rights so figured you'd want to pay this time."
Her "What?!"
Me "Alright, well, you know what it's going to take to get me out on another date so let me know. PS if you are looking for ideas, I like pasta"

It is possible that she felt you were too much of a nice-guy type after your first date and is looking for more masculinity. When women feel that way, if they still engage you at all, it's usually to try to see if you'll stand up to them so they can confirm their assessment of you. You can be light-hearted while also standing up to them and this is the route I go early-on because it's better for my mindset and happiness, and it communicates I have control of my emotions and don't get upset over small things.

 

[mattinzane]

But I do realize there are other women with low interest who will date men for free dinners, and other free goodies, so I can empathize with what you guys experience too.

Dating is tough for both genders, we each experience our fair share of frustrations.
Not sure what the solution is.

I actually don't mind 'hanging out' in a casual setting, there is less pressure, less formality which I actually prefer.

That's why so many men can get upset, we have all been on dates where we thought she was interested, paid for dinner and drinks, or maybe a movie and were blown off days later. If I invite a woman out for dinner or drinks, I am going to pay the tab, at least the first few times anyways. So if it is someone I just met, I will just say meet me for a drink, if she shows and it goes well, ok maybe dinner at a good place I know that is priced reasonably.

Obviously if we have sex, I am willing to be more generous, but at some point men at least want some offer to pay and not feel like she is just hanging around because we pay the tab. That's why this scene is still so good...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAV5VS1PYIM

 

[metalwater]

Wouldn't it only matter if the female sees it as a bribe? Then, all of a sudden, you're lower value regardless of your motivations. Thus risking time/money on many "one date, no sex, no second dates."

maybe; you could be right. I spend less and less time worrying about what women think. seriously I just see what they do and if I like that it's all good. the mind they have is really like spaghetti. even my way doesn't work all the time because they will do one thing and then something else the next time.