Girl keeps bringing up ex-bf issues

[Play the Game]

They can deal with this problem as long as he can help his girlfriend acknowledge what is going on. From there, they need to brainstorm and come up with a plan. Since he's there with her, it will be much easier for him to help her overcome this problem.

You're fixing a girl's problem and you're listening to a girl's advice.

Welcome to sosymp.com.
Where we talk about our feelings.

 

[Wyldfire]

You're fixing a girl's problem and you're listening to a girl's advice.
Welcome to sosymp.com.

When you are involved with someone else romantically anything that is the problem of one of the parties has an impact on the other person. This is one of the things you need to accept when you are in a relationship...it is a partnership and his problems become her problems just as her problems become his problems...and you deal with them as a team to resolve them.

 

[DJDamage]

They can deal with this problem as long as he can help his girlfriend acknowledge what is going on. From there, they need to brainstorm and come up with a plan. Since he's there with her, it will be much easier for him to help her overcome this problem.

A) She ain't his girlfriend, just a some girl he messes around with.

B) This is HER problem not his. If a woman is dealing with some sh1t in her life she shouldn't be dumping it on the man she just began seeing. She best deal with the situation herself before seeing another man and he shouldn't be accepting this sort of baggage into his life but go and find a girl with little or no baggage.

Besides...what harm will it do for him to attempt having the discussion with her? If she won't deal with it, then the relationship won't work. If she will deal with it he might end up with a wonderful relationship that will make him very happy. But he won't know if he doesn't give it a shot.

Its amazing how turn off it is for women to hear when they are dating a guy that he still has some issues with the ex, and that usually is a good enough reason not to see him ever again. Guys (or should I say AFC's) put up with this kind of sh1t because they think they are going to be the hero and save this chick. In the end what is going to happen is that he will end up being there for her and suffering with her and then she will find out as a result he ain't exciting anymore but rather depressing and pathetic (she will infect him with her misery and baggage). By then her problems will be mostly gone and she will fall into the arms of another man, an exciting man who won't tolerate her crap.

 

[Last Man Standing]

That's the thing that puzzles me about this girl. She still talks to her ex over the phone and AIM and still has a couple photos of her and her ex in her bedroom. But it seems as though she doesn't want to have anything to do with this guy.

But yeah, like what you said, I'm just taking it slow and not taking it too seriously with this girl.

Wake up!!!!!!!! Can't you see???? Don't take her seriously!!!!!!! She'll be back with him soon - if not already!!!!

 

[Play the Game]

Wyldfire is really telling you what she feels is the *right* thing to do.

Don't do the right thing. Nice guys do what's right.

 

[Wyldfire]

A) She ain't his girlfriend, just a some girl he messes around with.

B) This is HER problem not his. If a woman is dealing with some sh1t in her life she shouldn't be dumping it on the man she just began seeing. She best deal with the situation herself before seeing another man and he shouldn't be accepting this sort of baggage into his life but go and find a girl with little or no baggage.



Its amazing how turn off it is for women to hear when they are dating a guy that he still has some issues with the ex, and that usually is a good enough reason not to see him ever again. Guys (or should I say AFC's) put up with this kind of sh1t because they think they are going to be the hero and save this chick. In the end what is going to happen is that he will end up being there for her and suffering with her and then she will find out as a result he ain't exciting anymore but rather depressing and pathetic. By then her problems will be mostly gone and she will fall into the arms of another man, an exciting man who won't tolerate her crap.

Whoa Dude...chill for a minute.

He said he's "been seeing her" and used the term that she is "with him", so he did kinda imply that she is his girlfriend.

Like I said...if he wants to continue the involvement it's in his best interest to lead the relationship in the way he wants it to go. He wants this situation with the ex to end. Just sitting on his hands and doing nothing is not going to resolve the situation. Getting mad and demanding she do something is only going to cause drama and won't get the result he's looking for and will likely end the relationship. I told him what he can do to try to resolve the problem. He doesn't have to use that advice if he doesn't want to. I don't see anyone else offering up any practical advice he can actually use to help the situation, though.

Now for the thing about women not having anything to do with guys who are dealing with past relationship issues...I don't think that's a widespread problem. It's actually more likely to be guys who aren't willing to deal with ex issues. Nearly every guy I've ever been involved with had their share of ex baggage...and when necessary I helped them deal with their crap too. I've known lots of women who have done the same.

Maybe something about this situation is reminding you of something you are bothered by in your own past, because that last response seemed to be a bit more charged than the situation with the OP warranted.

Whatever the case...I just put a potential resolution out there that he can use if he wants to...but I'm not telling him he has to use it. That's up to him, afterall.

 

[DJDamage]

Maybe something about this situation is reminding you of something you are bothered by in your own past, because that last response seemed to be a bit more charged than the situation with the OP warranted.

Bingo. It happen to me before I found this site and I know how women who harbor baggage and keep in touch with the ex will lead you astray. It is not healthy for both men and women to start a new relationship if they refuse to bury the old one.

 

[Wyldfire]

Wyldfire is really telling you what she feels is the *right* thing to do.

Don't do the right thing. Nice guys do what's right.

It's totally illogical to try to imply that what I say should be ignored just because I am a woman. That rule only applies with women who only tell guys what they want to hear because the woman doesn't want to upset or offend anyone. That's why so many women give crap advice...they don't want to upset anyone. If you guys haven't figured out by now that I don't care whether I offend or upset you guys by now then you haven't been paying attention.

I'm giving him an option that he can act on to try to improve his situation by offering specific step by step advice. Unless you guys can come up with something other than smart arse one liners, insults or "don't listen to Wyldfire" then I really don't see where any of you are offering any alternative options.
And canned/regurgitated rules don't cut the mustard. Those aren't helpful to anyone. No one's situation is exactly the same and to give useful advice you have to actually THINK about what the person has posted.

 

[Wyldfire]

Bingo. It happen to me before I found this site and I know how women who harbor baggage and keep in touch with the ex will lead you astray. It is not healthy for both men and women to start a new relationship if they refuse to bury the old one.

No, it's not healthy...but people still do it...and no amount of advising them otherwise will prevent them from doing it. Personally, I make it a habit to unpack any baggage I gain before I move on...but not everyone is able to do that.

Bottom line is this...he's already involved with her. Let's be honest and practical here...he's not going to stop seeing her. If he were he would not be posting to ask for advice. He already cares.

So...everyone can give him the advice to jump ship, which he will ignore.

I think ahead like that, lol. I already know he's going to stay in the situation. Since I also know that this situation doesn't always mean that the girl will go back to the other guy, I'm giving him advice, knowledge and tools that he can put to use that might actually help him resolve the problem and get the result he wants.

Now, regarding your past experience...I'm sorry you got burned. That being said...it's not the same girl, and just like I can't say for certain she won't go back to her ex...you can't say for certain that she will. Since he's not ready to throw in the towel, what's the harm in giving him some advice that might make things work out for him? It worked when someone had that same talk with me...and I didn't leave the guy and go back to my ex. I ended up having a wonderful and very mutually happy relationship with the man who helped me work through the situation. Had he not died I would still be with him right now. Anything could happen with his situation. You guys can't allow your past bad experiences to cause you to run away from the slightest sign of difficulty. Every relationship has rough spots...even great relationships. At some point you need to learn how to face those and deal with them. That is the key to leading a relationship. I'm really trying to teach you guys some very useful tools for communication and conflict resolution with my advice and you guys are so resistant to it. This is amazingly useful and great stuff that really works well in LTRs. Take it in and give it a chance...you might be very surprised at how much it can change your life for the better.

 

[Play the Game]

Do i need to remind you this is a guy's forum and we don't give a sh*t around here.
Nature evolved us not to give a sh*t for millions of years, and to dominate you. Now you come around and think you can change it?

Of course we're very resistant. You're in a guy's forum... we didn't ask for a girl's advice.
We came here for guy's advice. If we wanted girls telling us what to do we would have went to sosymp or asked our mom.

My mom gives the same crap advice you do and it led me to this forum.

Now stop polluting our only sanctuary with your feminist drivel, that's the reason most guys are here in the first place.

 

[mexican_player2]

The same thing happened to me!!!, i met this girl at school, we went on a date and all she did was talk about her ex bs.

I told her that she was a nutjob and i stopped talking to her.

man, why would you want to go out with a girl that has a lot of baggage??

they have lot of chit and they would screw you up, they will ruin your life.

just think, how ffuked up this chick has to be that she is always telling you this kind of chit.

run away for the hills.

i read in the book 48 laws of power, that you have to surround around people with positive vibes , not crazy wenches.

i hope this gets you

 

[Wyldfire]

Do i need to remind you this is a guy's forum and we don't give a sh*t around here.
Nature evolved us not to give a sh*t for millions of years, and to dominate you. Now you come around and think you can change it?

Of course we're very resistant. You're in a guy's forum... we didn't ask for a girl's advice.
We came here for guy's advice. If we wanted girls telling us what to do we would have went to sosymp or asked our mom.

My mom gives the same crap advice you do and it led me to this forum.

Now stop polluting our only sanctuary with your feminist drivel, that's the reason most guys are here in the first place.

First...I'm not a feminist. Second...I've been here since 2001 and I'm not going anywhere. Third...if my advice is so bad then why are some of my tips in the DJ Bible?

If you can't deal with a woman on this forum then you are going to have a VERY difficult time dealing with women in person. I suggest you get used to the fact that I am a member here...because I'm not going anywhere.

 

[Play the Game]

First...I'm not a feminist. Second...I've been here since 2001 and I'm not going anywhere. Third...if my advice is so bad then why are some of my tips in the DJ Bible?

If you can't deal with a woman on this forum then you are going to have a VERY difficult time dealing with women in person. I suggest you get used to the fact that I am a member here...because I'm not going anywhere.

so you believe that i should dominate you?

I mean just look up the definition..

Feminism - is a belief in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes, and a movement organized around the conviction that biological sex should not be the pre-determinant factor shaping a person's social identity or socio-political or economic rights.

 

[Wyldfire]

so you believe that i should dominate you?

I mean just look up the definition..

Feminism - is a belief in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes, and a movement organized around the conviction that biological sex should not be the pre-determinant factor shaping a person's social identity or socio-political or economic rights.

I'm a Humanist...which means I am all for everyone being treated equally and with respect and courtesy regardless of what group they may or may not belong to. It also means that I don't favor one group over another or believe that one group should be propped up at the expense of another group.

No one should dominate anyone...trying to do so is cheesy and lame. Attempts at domination indicate fear and weakness and never succeeds long-term.

 

[stinkyape]

I'm a Humanist...

I'm a Humanist Missionary, which means I view everyone as being equal with the exception of myself. I am immensely better than every other person, and it's my duty as a humanist missionary to help everyone else become as great as I.

...

But on the topic of this thread, just tell her you aren't interested in hearing about her previous relationship problems, and that if she wants to keep discussing them then she can leave (leave NOW!) and go find someone else to bore with them - Be firm. That will either sort her out, make her cry, or make her leave and go find someone else to bore with her problems - Whatever happens, YOU WIN.

On the other hand, if you keep letting her use you as an emotional tampon you'll either end up her "friend" with oneitis, or you'll end up as the skirt-wearer of a relationship (Your balls safely tucked away in her handbag, and you dutifully carrying said handbag everywhere for her). Either of these results is a fate worse than death, YOU LOSE

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Play the Game- Take it easy. You're 21 and around 8000 post, and many many years shy of Wyldfire's experience.

The years I have been here she has been very logical and helpful to most of the guys on this forum. You're discriminating because she has a vagina? She has said nothing about giving up power or being a chump towards a woman. She very much knows the difference between men and women and will give advice accordingly on each situation.

I hope she doesn't go anywhere. She's like an internet mother in a way. And no she doesn't give advice like a mother though.

I hope you don't go anywhere, Wyld. I still like you!=D

 

[MacDiddy]

Most women don't respond to rational arguments, so I don't see the point in explaining the ins and outs, what-ifs and action-reaction consequences. They respond only to action.

Seems like Bigbag is the holding pattern while she sorts out her true feelings.
Dude, make plans to bail and string her along for as long as you can.

 

[Wyldfire]

Most women don't respond to rational arguments, so I don't see the point in explaining the ins and outs, what-ifs and action-reaction consequences. They respond only to action.

Seems like Bigbag is the holding pattern while she sorts out her true feelings.
Dude, make plans to bail and string her along for as long as you can.

He has an opportunity to practice leading this relationship by following the advice I gave him. As I mentioned...he's not going to bail at this point...and he may not need to at all...only time will tell. However, regardless of how things turn out...practicing techniques that help him lead a relationship is beneficial to him. That's the main reason I gave the advice I did. I use the very methods of handling issues I post here myself. I am a petite 5 foot tall woman. With these skills I can get any man to react in whatever way I want him to react. This stuff is NOT hard to learn and all of my advice usually includes these techniques.

The relationships and involvements that eventually end are the ones that you should be using to build your relationship skills so they aren't a complete and total waste of time and effort. If all the guys on here run all the time they will never learn the relationship skills they will need when they do finally meet the right person that they really don't want to lose.

 

[Play the Game]

for everyone being treated equally and with respect and courtesy regardless of what group they may or may not belong to.

Sorry but that's part of feminist philosophy... whether you want to admit it or not. I'm sure you don't like womanizers, but a lot of guys on here would like to be womanizers. Don Juan was a womanizer. He didn't treat women as equals and he got laid.

I'm sure you have other good posts.. in fact i've liked some of your other posts. But this one i must TOTALLY disagree with you, because it goes against the whole DJ philosophy.

This would be great advice for dealing with a mature woman, but i have yet to meet one that likes being treated well.
Even the ones that say they do, are so stupid they don't even know what they want.
Why? because they let feelings dictate what they do.

 

[MacDiddy]

wyld wrote: As I mentioned...he's not going to bail at this point

But he should be making plans... that is the advice. Its not what you want to hear, but its the best outcome. No more building relationship, its too much work. its like trying to make things work out between a DJ guy and a butt ugly chick. it just won't work. there's no fire, no passion, no motivation to make such a deal work. Its too hard and it requires too much energy. And it makes me wanna throw up.

A DJ could with very little effort, attract someone new and get on with his life. simple... easy..