Girl Im dating with high IL kissed a guy right infront of me!

[Duracell_Bunny]

Earlier today I posted this, the chick I gave an example of was constantly texting/calling me all night while she was out on the town with the ladies.

During this time I was out on a date with another girl (a 6 but good fun), which was a second date. Finished with a short make out in my car. Then I drove off to meet the chick with what I thought was sky high IL.

I walk down the ally way to the bar, to find her kissing another guy. I tapped her on the sholder and she just smiled and said "hi". Right then I turned my back and started heading back to where I parked my car. Damm, I was gutted. She looked like a HB7 all dolled up, and this guy looked a hell of a lot more masculine than me (I know, I know, I'm in the gym working on that).

Hell, she even called me 10mins before to see if I had parked up yet.

She followed, and gave the "lets sort this out" comment. I told her to go back saying it was rude to leave her friends like that.

We moved on to a quiet bar, I walked to the bar area and stayed quiet, she got me a drink. I moved onto the terrace outside, I could see she was holding back her tears. She went silent and kept wiping her eyes.

During this time I shouldn't have really done this but I wanted to find out about her - we talked breifly about her last relationship. She says it lasted 2 years and he broke up with her 3 years ago, thats what she said anyway but I didn't go into great detail as to why.

I drove back to our village, and stopped outside her house. I remained silent didnt do a thing to see what she does. She got really uncomfortable and invites me in, after a lot of ummmm, errrrrrrrrrr, comments from me I said ok.

Enjoyed a couple of drinks of vodka, she made NO effort to apologize or anything at all. She just lay on the floor with a long face while I was on her sofa relaxing. I made a few random comments acting all cheery as if nothing has happened. Still yet nothing from her, she began to look comfortable so I came out of the blue when there was silence between us with "So what you think of tonight?". She gave the oh I wish I went to etc. etc. I responded with "you know what I mean". She didn't explain anyting other than "I don't know, I was unsure what me and you are".

I told her I thought she was better than that, explained how I don't care where theres I could do as where not exclusive but found it disrepectful and a slap to my face as she knew I was on my way to meet her, yet she was soba.

No answer from her, just a shrug of the sholders.

I left there an then, didn't touch or kiss her, just said I'm leaving and walked out the door.

So now my car is left on her driveway, I've walked home.

Clearly I gotta get my car back tommorow although I'm unsure wether or not to knock on her door or just take it and go?

I know its hugely disrespecful of her, but we've only been dating for 3 weeks and only 30mins before seeing her I was making out with another girl in my car, so Im at blame myself - but we ain't exclusive.

I kept encouraging her to go back to her friends when we were at that bar but she was too content to stay with me.

Seriously, I cannot beleive this really has happened. I'm so pissed off. I would have even expected some text from her while I was walking home, not even that. I honestly thought she was high quality, I don't even know if that even exists in women.

 

[Scars]

Look man. I know it's not exactly what you wanted to hear but this girl is NOT your girlfriend. Hell, you were just sucking face with some other chick not too long before you met her.

You can't really accuse her of doing anything wrong. She is a single girl. She just got out of a 2 year relationship, she wants to have fun.

I think you acting the way you did is probably only going to push her away even further. I'm sure it just tore open wounds of her previous relationship, where I'm sure it was the result of needy and jealous boyfriend.

As much as you stayed cool towards the end, I think your initial reaction got the best of her. I know it sucks because you thought this girl had an incredibly high IL, and she probably did. But she isn't tied down. She's just trying to have fun. She felt bad and tried inviting you in to make it better, but then things got awkward.

I hate to say it, but I'd move on and start spinning some other plates. Clear your head a bit. There's a potential to things rekindle with her in the future. But now she is under the impression that you are looking for a steady girlfriend RIGHT NOW.

Good luck either way.

-Scars

 

[backbreaker]

look man.. i've been there. and this is kinda tricky and i learned this from experience.

I was half ass dating this girl named amber and she was telling me how she was really digging me, she wanted me to meet her at this club called discovery, we call it disco. So i go in there all dressed up and find her lip locked with some guy (turned out to be her ex).

we weren't really dating but we were.. I couldn't say anything becuase hell truth be told, I had just gotten a pretty mean BJ a few hours earlier that day from someone and my oneitis was over my house all day. I was playing the field.

Realistically, think about it like this. you are ****ing other women, so you getting mad becuase she is too? what she did is no more disrespectful than what she is doing.

no, the truth is your ego is hurt.


No, you dont' move on. she has done nothing wrong whatsoever. you laid out the terms of the relatinoship, she followed the terms to a T, and now you are throwing a hissy fit because you caught her in the act.

reverse the rolls, say you are at home chilling ****ing the **** out of a girl and she just was in the neighborhood and wanted to stop by (I had this happen to me before too, ironically with amber, I was knee deep in some and she got drunk one night and decided she wanted to sunrise me at 2am)
You would be posting about how "man i told her we weren't exclusive I don't see why she is mad"

This is how you play this:

Law 44 ​

Disarm and Infuriate with the Mirror Effect ​

The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of Mirror Effect.

You don't show anger, you don't show that she is getting to you (and I assure you, watching amber lip locked with her ex kinda stung even though I was screwing other woman.. i was kinda diggin her), you shrug it off your shoulder.

Basically what I did, I had to treat amber like a 20 pound bass, and let her take the lead. I could not rill her in slowly. when she took a step back I took a step back. When she took a step forward I took a step forward. when she wouldn't' answer hte phone (becuase she was on a date) I would not answer the phone. when she did not want to come over i did not want to come over. when I knew she was still talking to her ex, I made no qualms about me going on dates with other women. She would get really pissy and curse me out call me every name in the book, and i would say babe what am I suppose to do what you **** your ex and just sit at home?

After about 2 months of this, she cut all contact with him in the hopes that I would do the same with the women that I was seeing, and I did. I really did like her, but she had to show me she was serious.

If you like this chick, don't get mad. What you do in that situtation is you go and party, flirt, get numbers, be you. do your thing. Do exactly what she is doing, flirting with other men (except you flirt with women lol).

You go on a date again and she is all in to you, you get all into her.

She will get the point if she is really digging you. You don't even have to say anything after a while.

After a month I had amber so wrapped around my finger and was honestly to the point I knew she was ****ing him, just so she can tell me she ****ed him, to get a response out of me, which i would not give. And it pissed her off to no end.


For that night in particular I met her in the club, i was not rude, but I would not dance with her. I told her that I had come to have a good time and I was going to have a good time, and damnit I did.

By the end of the night I had gotten a girl's number basically right in front of her, and it pissed her off. but what could she say lol?

It got to the point that she would be so happy to hear form me I had her drive literary throw a tornado to come over my house one night. That was the first girl I really rilled in because of this site.

But you dont' get to that point by throwing temper tantrums becuase she is smooching with another guy. you have to be bigger than that brah

 

[Quiksilver]

Owned!

Honestly it's probably a sh1t test, to see how much you care or how jealous you are.

 

[Ease]

The true way to handle this would have been to laugh and say the other guy looked cute.

She's not your girlfriend so it wasn't disrespectful. All you had to do was let her know that you also were on a date. You got angry at her because you were jealous. The way you reacted was to show insecurity unfortunately.

On a side note, i too would have been hit down by this on the inside, but there's girls you have fun with, and there's girls you have relationships with. This kind of girl you can't really expect much from apart from fun. You should continue having fun and dating on the side until you run into a girl that you have a better vibe about.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

I'm back to rock bottom again

Called her up again this morning to sort out picking my car up. She offered to give me a lift.

She was silent and looking miserable.

Were both standing on her drive way and shes all like, well see you soon. I asked her why shes so quiet and she said she was upset about last night and that she never does that sort of thing, she didn't know why she did it and was supprised at how I reacted. I just smiled hugged and laughed saying "what you on about? I just didn't expect it"

She then invites me in, so were sitting there on her sofa. I felt the sheer drop of IL. I only stayed for a short time and it got awkered, put my hand on her leg as I stood up to leave, she suddenly got up and said she'll see me out.

I went for a kiss that she returned a little bit.

Either way I guess I well and truly fvcked it!

Whats worse is I don't understand last nights situation at all. I'm clueless as to what went on with the whole thing. Why was she in tears last night if she just wants a bit of fun?

I know we didn't discuss being together before this happened and I know shes single etc. but the point is she knew dammed well I was on my way as if its even deliberate - that what I find disrespectful.

I feel a sudden loss of appitite. I didn't even get to fvck this girl and it was going really well with her living so close and having a what was a good rapport going on.

I guess NC from here then and move on. I hate this. I do not understand at all why situations like this everyone else seems to get naturally.

The reason for me turning my back and walking away was that "take no sh1t" from women attitude thats written all in the bible. I just can't get it right.

 

[bukowski_merit]

A woman doing such a thing is her putting you in a "double bind", the only way to not get caught in it would be to have moved on unaffected.

It's a tough thing to answer what exactly to do... The most popular answer i know of is "be unreactive"... which more specifically means - don't let things she does put you into a negative state or positive state (because her changing your state in either direction is how women betaize men!)... What she did - has now consumed your emotions and thoughts.... You're trying to figure it out when there's no reason to try to figure it out! It does not matter why or if...

It could have been a sh!t test, it could have been her trying to get you to commit to her, it could have been her getting caught and having no intention of you seeing it, or it could have been her just thinking you wouldn't care (you aren't dating after all).

My instincts tell me it was done purposely though. But again, the reasoning is unimportant.


You CANNOT expect fairness from women... Got that? If you get it - you can reward her... But never expect it! If you do, you will learn just how much better they are than men at being unfair, putting you in double binds, manipulating you, etc.


A lot of what you're feeling is connected to:
1) Not knowing why she did what she did.
2) Not knowing what you should have done.

#2 does not happen if you don't care about #1.


---
1) She texts you all the time telling you good things about how she feels about you. (making you feel good and stroke your ego and make you more attracted to her - - - she's effecting your state)
2) She asks you to come to where she is. (again, showing you she wants to see you - ego stroking)
3) You go there and she's making out with another guy and seems to not care that you "caught" her. (negative state change... now you're thinking "if she likes me so much why is she doing this?" - - - ego downgraded!)
4) You go to house with her and she doesn't give an explanation and seems to not care. (now you're confused and angry - - - bad!)
5) Tells you she's not sure where you stand. (making you wonder the same, making you think maybe you should make this skank a GF)
6) She cries. (to soften you up... although it didn't seem to work on you which is good.)
7) You express a feeling that she disrespected you and that's why you're mad (which is probably not completely true, and she definitely does not care, all she knows is you got severely effected by her kissing another man.)
8) You leave. (out of frustration for her lack of answers)
9) Now you're consumed in this.... Which benefits her task to lock down men in her life.

---

Your first problem is you let her giving you compliments and telling you how much she wanted to be with you affect you!

When a woman says something like:

"i really can't believe how much i miss you"
or
"you are by far the best fvck i've ever had"
or
"you're so fvcking hot"
or
anything that will boast your ego...

It can have a profound affect on your attachment to her. She can then confuse you (which = good for her) by acting incongruent with a woman who felt that way. example: she tells you you're the best fvck she's ever had... then goes and sleeps with an ex but claims it was just sex..... as a man looking at that logically we say "if we're really the best fvck she's ever had, why would she go back and have sex with an ex?" < - But if we never cared that she said we were the best fvck - we wouldn't be so concerned with WHY! We would then just act based on how we expected to be treated.

So: Whenever a woman compliments you in a way mentioned above.... treat it as a child telling you "you're the strongest man in the world!" <- do you take a child serious when they say such a thing?

---

How would i have handled the situation?

1) Got there and saw them kissing.
2) Walk over to her and put my hand on her ass to get her attention.
3) When she looks at me say, "you have such pretty brown eyes" (or any color that IS NOT her eye color) with a smile. (this is saying, "fvck you" without saying it)
4) Then walk into the bar/club...
a) if she follows - we hang out, and i don't mention the kissing. (90% chance this will happen)
b) if she stays with the other man - good for her, im going to look for someone to keep me company then. (10% chance this will happen)

I certainly WOULD NOT have stormed off.
I certainly WOULD NOT have become silent.
I certainly WOULD NOT have went back and had a discussion with her about what just happened.

^ This is all weak behavior.

Learn from it.

 

[Donnie Darko]

nice post bukowski_merit.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Our egos can definitely get in our own way.

Essentially you need to be non-reactive and show indifference to the outcome of any situation.

Trying to understand how a woman thinks or behaves will just drive you insane.

Not caring about why a woman behaves the way she does allows you to be happier.

Duracell_Bunny...I wouldn't have tried to talk to her about why she did what she did when you were alone back at her place. I would have tried to escalate and fvck her and taken out any anger I had on her pvssy.

 

[Jeffst1980]

This woman is a validation junkie. She knew you were going to catch her. Girls like this love nothing better than to see two men fighting over them.

You did that right thing by walking away, but then you screwed up by trying to "work things out." If you walk away, you have to stick to your guns--otherwise, she knows she's got you wrapped. Alternatively, you could've just laughed it off and teased her for trying to make you jealous.

She's prob not a keeper anyway, though.

 

[brekke]

Do you really want a girl that does things like that? I think she wanted you to see it.

If you want a "girlfriend", you don't want a girl like that, and if you just want to screw her, you should have done that when you were in her house that night and not worried about her kissing the other guy.

I would have punched that guy out too. I know we're supposed to act cool, but I get pissed off too easily.

 

[amoka]

The mistake you made was not banging her when you went to her house....

 

[zekko]

Hell, she even called me 10mins before to see if I had parked up yet.

Maybe she was making sure you weren't there yet so she could keep making out with the guy.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Thanks for your input guys, I will read your comments in detail tommorow, I'm off out on the town soon. Quickly scanning on what I should have done fills me with great regret.

Seriosuly though. Is there anything at all to save this or have I ended up with an a-hole label beyond the point of no return???

Do you think me seeing her earlier today showing my interest and making a move on her has really just made more mess out of it?

Im not going to deny how I feel, I've had a heavy session at the gym that normally leaves me starving but I havn't eaten today. My appitite has gone completely and I couldn't sleep last night.

Im fed up, Im always failing at some last hurdle down to my own stupid fault and making so many mistakes and not knowing a thing at all. No matter what choice I take, its always wrong. If she had such high interest and used to treat me like a king before this event why would she even dare do such a thing?

Im just worried that for tommorow when she always called me up, I'm gonna be gutted when she doesn't contact. I know its eases off to get out the house etc. but I can't force myself to feel fine. I didn't even know that I became this fond of her.

I know I should let it go and move on, if only it was that easy. Im so dissapointed in myself. It was only yesterday I posted about how I tried so hard on my inner game and nothing seems to work for me.

 

[jophil28]

This woman is a validation junkie. She knew you were going to catch her. Girls like this love nothing better than to see two men fighting over them.

You did that right thing by walking away, but then you screwed up by trying to "work things out." If you walk away, you have to stick to your guns--otherwise, she knows she's got you wrapped. Alternatively, you could've just laughed it off and teased her for trying to make you jealous.

She's prob not a keeper anyway, though.

This is the best explanation of her behavior ^^
And I agree that trying to "work things out" was a chump move - it only added to her payoff by sending her the message that you were so attracted to her that you were willing to stick around and 'negotiate' this dumba$$ drama.
She had the time of her life at your expense .

 

[Johnny_Kage]

Who cares about the explanation for her behavior?

Don't beat yourself up about it. Instead, see what you could learn from this situation.

First, next time something like this happens (and there definitely can be a next time), don't respond to it. If I were you, I wouldn't have even acknowledged what happened. I would have just ditched her.

In fact, a few weeks ago, a similar situation (probably worse actually) happened to me. I went to a club with a girl I was seeing. We were making out and whatnot on the dance floor. I went to get a drink, came back, and she was making out with another guy. What did I do? I left her there lol (I would have stayed if it was a good club and talked to other girls, but I didn't like the club). I ended up meeting up with my wing and looked for new girls. This girl (who, at the time, I was considering for a gf) has been texting me since, but I haven't responded. I probably won't.

The point of my story is that you need to determine what u want from the girl. Just a hook up? No big deal then. Girlfriend? Big deal. In the latter case, the only thing you did wrong was react.

Learn from this and don't make that mistake again. It's that simple

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Well the whole thing is over. Gave it a few days to settle. Tried contacting her last night and the day before but shes gone NC on me! Clearly shes been in contact with that guy since and he's way above my league.

I didn't bring anything up in a message I left, just acted the same as I was before that event. I know I just have to try and forget about it by deleting her number, facebook and all that.

I've re-read your comments a few times and absorbed your advice if this sort of thing happens again (I hope it doesn't). but still don't get why a little mishap has caused her to completely throw me away like that. It was only one stupid mistake.

Everyone who asked me about this all had the same reaction as me by saying "what a b1tch" yet you lot say she didn't do anything wrong, it was me.

A couple of people on here mentioned its possible it could re-develop, and even a couple of people that asked me how things were going have both said they don't think I messed it up.

Back to the dark days and to stop living in wonderland. Its easy for most people on this board just to find another girl to date straight away. That takes me months, maybe longer.

 

[HolyG]

Well the whole thing is over. Gave it a few days to settle. Tried contacting her last night and the day before but shes gone NC on me! Clearly shes been in contact with that guy since and he's way above my league.

That last sentence shows why you failed. You have the mindset of a chump. A beta.

You must fix that. You must act like your **** dont stink.

Go to the archives on this forum, and search for a thread called "My natural friends mindset thread" by Snow Plowman. Read it, and think very carefully about what the characters in that thread do and act like.

 

[kingsam]

stop feeling sorry for your self...sh.it happens.....

know why this is such a big deal to you?? because you are living in "scarcity" (mindset AND physical)

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

I think its proberbly the main thing thats bothered me so much that she lives in the village, approx 300ft from my house and I've never come across someone that went out of their way for me so much.

She'd offer to pay for everything, drive me around everywhere (she insisted), she even called me up offering to go to the supermarket for me once as she noticed my cupboards were almost empty. Yup, that is no joke. She didn't ask for anything in return.

That is what I'm so gutted about, also she is the most attractive one I've found so far.



At least I have learned a couple of things from this thanks to everyones help on this post and the other one saying what I did wrong on the first date (most appricated):

Next time to take things a little quicker. I missed the kiss on the first date, didn't get to fvck her at all when I could of had the chance (tried on the second date, she pulled my hand away but I reckon there were a couple of times after that might have worked) - I applied this to a another chick not long after, I ended up laying her on the third date, although to me she is just a lump buster.

Also how to act like nothing has bothered me at all when it goes wrong or she starts playing games.

I'm taking a long weekend in down south next weekend, followed by a week abroad with the lads in Ayia Napa. Lets hope that gets it out of my system. My first break since Christmas.

EDIT: Don't worry, Im more than capable of doing all those things she offered on my own and prefer to continue doing so.

 

[Moneytalks]

Deleted