Girl gone weird on 3 month Relationship!

[DannyM]

Hey,

I met a chick around 3 months ago and she has been the first girl in about 3 years i've properly fallen for, we spend alot of time together about 5 days a week, we tell each other we love each other and she has been there for me when i seriously ****ed my ankle up to the point of even doing my shopping for me. I feel over the last month or so I have let down my guard and switched off alot of the "game" i used to get her at first. The sex up until recently was great and she always seemed turned on and i just figured she had a high sex drive? Anyway we have been great together but some things have popped up recently and im not sure whats happening:-

She smokes a ton of weed
I don't particularly care that she smokes it as alot of people do and i dont think its physically any harm? But the affect it has on her mood is really bad...she will smoke it and be ok for the first couple hours but then she will hardly talk at all and go into a quiet depressive mode where she doesnt feel intimate at all and looks pissed off.

In last 48 hours she changed
My grandfather died last week so i was pretty down and not my usual funny self, on the day of his funeral i met her at night with a few of her friends....at first she seemed normal but pretty much spent most of the night smoking...at the end of the night she was all quiet, we argued abit and she came back to mine and stayed....she would not have sex with me on this night or the morning after as she said she wasn't in the mood and sex at the moment makes her feel "vunerable" what the hell does that mean? Anyway we have a talk and she tells me that she feels like we are spending too much time together and she wants to see her friends more and we shouldnt lose our identities etc....I suggest we only see each other 2x a week and she flips and says you only want to see me 2x a week? so we agree on 4x.

So anyway shes going out with friends last night to some theatre and she says she wants to go home for the night instead of coming back to mine as we originally planned, she says she'll call me when she gets back and she loves me etc etc, she txts me at 11pm with "im just gonna go to bed when i get home as really tired but i'll see you tmrw love you." Then i txt her asking if she still wants to go to london with me at new year and she txts back with "yeah deffo babes missing u 2 if i dont text back its cos ive fallen asleep lol. Love you so much baby xxx" She then txts me this morning to say she cant come in the morning as shes meeting her friend for abit but will see me around 5pm.

Basically these mixed signals are driving me crazy....can someone tell me whats going on here? and what my course of action should be, 48 hours ago she was fine!

 

[Bryce556]

okay so hese what im getting from this

1. You DEFINITELY are spending too much time with her.

of course shes gona flip when u suggest something like 2 times a week, she shes this as you putting a label on how much time you need to spend with her, you should be the one as the man saying your too busy doing stuff (preferably improvements stuff living life, persueing goals) etc. to hangout with her. Should be spending like max 2 days a week together so it dosent get old too fast, and you both dont feel as if your loseing out on friends or life becuase your with the person too much.

2. mixed signals is what girls do

"Believe actions not words" - forgot who said that on here

3. Dont try to cling onto her in despiration.

By this i mean i take it your posting this becuase you are feeling some sense of loss or that things might take a turn towards the ending of a relationship maybe. But one thing you have to do is you cant change what you have already done, DONT APPOLOGIZE, but just find a hobby or something become busy yourself with your own friends and stuff as well. she seems like shes trying to test you to see your reaction when she ditches and shes not around you 24/7. She may say 4 days a week but by her actions she needs space it seems. Dont let it show that it bothers you.


overall 3 months isent that long, you may have made a few mistakes in their from what I have read but you still have time to change it up keep things fresh. Try surprising her with dates or when you hangout don't just plan everything. shes realizing she has no life outside of you right now and it prob scares her. in terms of the weed thing dunno what to tell ya.

Hope something their helps

 

[DannyM]

Thanks for the tips, It's weird....I guess i know exactly what i would do in this situation 9/10 but when you have an emotional attachment to someone it makes things seem different . She's due at mine in 4 hours....i txt her 2 hours ago asking if she fancied some salmon tonight and haven't heard anything back....half her stuff is at mine but I have a feeling something bad is gonna happen.

I think maybe this is hitting me so hard because of a family death last week but i am so down about it right now i feel like ****, if she doesn't turn up or calls to flake any idea what i should do?

I hate feeling like this grr.......

 

[jophil28]

....she would not have sex with me on this night or the morning after as she said she wasn't in the mood and sex at the moment makes her feel "vunerable" what the hell does that mean? Anyway we have a talk and she tells me that she feels like we are spending too much time together and she wants to see her friends more and we shouldnt lose our identities etc....I suggest we only see each other 2x a week and she flips and says you only want to see me 2x a week? so we agree on 4x.

I will translate this 'womanspeek' gibberish into English.

It goes something like this-
" I feel vulnerable when we have sex.."

This means that she does not want to have sex with you because she does not feel AROUSED anymore....

" We are spending too much time together ...bla blah..want to see my friends more.."

This means that she is planning to dump you as soon as she finds your replacement. And going out with her friends is a strategy to allow her to scan the landscape for the guy who is going to be her next B/f.

" .. not losing our identities.."

THis is one of the classic pieces of female BS of all time.
IT means this - when she was HOT for you she willingly lowered her boundaries and merged with you emotionally. However now that she has decided to breakup with you she needs her identity back, thank you very much (so that she can merge it with the next guy's )
She is re-erecting her boundaries my man, and that always coincides with a pvssy strike.

She bucked when you tried to implement a 2X a week because she knew that you were then setting the rules. Women feel that they have a God given right to control relationships and also control the dismantling of them too. She wants to break up ON HER TERMS and on her TimeTable.

You want to mitigate collateral damage to yourself ? You will,however, need some brass balls to pull this off.

Tell her this," Look, our relationship is not really what I want for the long haul so I think that we could have a great friendship without any other expectations."

Then shut the f**K up and walk away. Her reaction will stun you.

 

[DannyM]

I will translate this 'womanspeek' gibberish into English.

It goes something like this-
" I feel vulnerable when we have sex.."

This means that she does not want to have sex with you because she does not feel AROUSED anymore....

" We are spending too much time together ...bla blah..want to see my friends more.."

This means that she is planning to dump you as soon as she finds your replacement. And going out with her friends is a strategy to allow her to scan the landscape for the guy who is going to be her next B/f.

" .. not losing our identities.."

THis is one of the classic pieces of female BS of all time.
IT means this - when she was HOT for you she willingly lowered her boundaries and merged with you emotionally. However now that she has decided to breakup with you she needs her identity back, thank you very much (so that she can merge it with the next guy's )
She is re-erecting her boundaries my man, and that always coincides with a pvssy strike.

She bucked when you tried to implement a 2X a week because she knew that you were then setting the rules. Women feel that they have a God given right to control relationships and also control the dismantling of them too. She wants to break up ON HER TERMS and on her TimeTable.

You want to mitigate collateral damage to yourself ? You will,however, need some brass balls to pull this off.

Tell her this," Look, our relationship is not really what I want for the long haul so I think that we could have a great friendship without any other expectations."

Then shut the f**K up and walk away. Her reaction will stun you.

What reaction will this get me? Thanks for the translations by the way.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Sounds like it may be time to move on. As a former pot head and have been around alot of weed smokers. She is giving off some bad vibes. She is not vibing with you.

I would go up to her and say. "You know I really like you but, lately things are different and I think it might be time for us to move on." Something like that...

If she says ok, whatever. Then, that means the relationship is over. If she is like.. omg no! why? lets work things out. Then, she is still interested.

 

[DannyM]

Well here's an update, she turned up tonight and is sleeping right behind me....Hopefully she isnt awake while im typing this lol. Anyway she came and seemed like a total different person....She was very sexually aggressive and kept telling me how much she loves me and how excited she is about our future plans, We watch a movie and she falls asleep.

I then go on facebook and she has changed her profile picture from the picture of me and her together to a picture of her by herself.....when i asked her why she has done this her exact response was "I felt like some diversity."

Am i over thinking things here? she has been completely fine pretty much her usual self but the profile pic change she didn't really need to do?

 

[Blank]

Don't over think the pic thing. It's just her default on facebook, girls change them all the time. That's definitely a normal thing to do and is nothing against you.

Also, I wouldn't take all that stuff she said seriously about feeling vulnerable and what not. Women are creatures of emotion and those emotions fluctuate. Her hormone levels are bouncing around like mad and shes moody because of it. Stay on your own path and don't try to follow her bee line of emotions so closely. She'll appreciate your independence.

 

[DonGorgon]

Its over.. She is emotionally separating her self from you while she still has you so that wen she dumps you she will feel nothing. its a very common tactic that women use wen dumping a man that has done nothing wrong, they will pretend that they still love you so that you will not dump them first before they are ready for you to be gone.

Most men see the signs but are to hurt sad and desperate to take the proper action early and avoid being dumped and hurt.. we will make rational mental excuses for her changes attitude.. We will think that things will get better. and they dont. we will get more clingy and insecure and AFC which will help her to justify that leaving us is the best thing she can do..

We must always spin plates and dump her first as hard as it is to do.

 

[jophil28]

Its over.. She is emotionally separating her self from you while she still has you so that wen she dumps you she will feel nothing. its a very common tactic that women use wen dumping a man that has done nothing wrong, they will pretend that they still love you so that you will not dump them first before they are ready for you to be gone.

Most men see the signs but are to hurt sad and desperate to take the proper action early and avoid being dumped and hurt.. we will make rational mental excuses for her changes attitude.. We will think that things will get better. and they dont. we will get more clingy and insecure and AFC which will help her to justify that leaving us is the best thing she can do..

We must always spin plates and dump her first as hard as it is to do.

Unfortunately, DonGordon is right. Women are experts at pretence when they are getting ready to dump you....smiling assassins.

To the OP. Think on this -- What would likely be in you mind if you decided to remove your squeeze from your FB page ?

 

[The Grey Fox]

I will translate this 'womanspeek' gibberish into English.

It goes something like this-
" I feel vulnerable when we have sex.."

This means that she does not want to have sex with you because she does not feel AROUSED anymore....

" We are spending too much time together ...bla blah..want to see my friends more.."

This means that she is planning to dump you as soon as she finds your replacement. And going out with her friends is a strategy to allow her to scan the landscape for the guy who is going to be her next B/f.

" .. not losing our identities.."

THis is one of the classic pieces of female BS of all time.
IT means this - when she was HOT for you she willingly lowered her boundaries and merged with you emotionally. However now that she has decided to breakup with you she needs her identity back, thank you very much (so that she can merge it with the next guy's )
She is re-erecting her boundaries my man, and that always coincides with a pvssy strike.

She bucked when you tried to implement a 2X a week because she knew that you were then setting the rules. Women feel that they have a God given right to control relationships and also control the dismantling of them too. She wants to break up ON HER TERMS and on her TimeTable.

You want to mitigate collateral damage to yourself ? You will,however, need some brass balls to pull this off.

Tell her this," Look, our relationship is not really what I want for the long haul so I think that we could have a great friendship without any other expectations."

Then shut the f**K up and walk away. Her reaction will stun you.

This is 100% bang on the money right here. I had a scarily similar scenario with my ex like a month ago, I just walked away man. She tries to get my attention back on fb chat quite a bit, it's pretty amusing. Good luck.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Three months? This is textbook my man. Her interest in you is waning.

But if you want to learn something about women, do as jophil instructed you. And if you want to see her act like a sex banshee from hell...just do what jophil said!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, when a woman takes a step away from you, you take two steps away from her. It's the only way; ironically, it's also the easiest thing in the world to do. Work out, play your guitar, go hunting, climb a tree, do whatever you do and that is the focus of your mind. Only as you forget about her does she realize feelings for you.

The Grand Architect had a wicked sense of humor when he designed us.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Hey,

I met a chick around 3 months ago and she has been the first girl in about 3 years i've properly fallen for, we spend alot of time together about 5 days a week, we tell each other we love each other and she has been there for me when i seriously ****ed my ankle up to the point of even doing my shopping for me.

No matter how smooth, how much of a man and how much game anyone has, 5 days a week so early on in the relationship is just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much!! Always keep them wanting more, 5 days a week is the fast lane to quick, short relationship.

She smokes a ton of weed
I don't particularly care that she smokes it as alot of people do and i dont think its physically any harm? But the affect it has on her mood is really bad...she will smoke it and be ok for the first couple hours but then she will hardly talk at all and go into a quiet depressive mode where she doesnt feel intimate at all and looks pissed off.


Solution: Either let her know that you don't really like her smoking weed around you and see if she is willing to compromise or don't hang out with her when you know she's gonna smoke. People that smoke a ton a weed are usually going through their own issues.


In last 48 hours she changed
My grandfather died last week so i was pretty down and not my usual funny self, on the day of his funeral i met her at night with a few of her friends

Why would you meet up with her on the night of your grandfather's funeral? I'd rather be with my family, my mom, the people that are directly affected by his passing.


...at first she seemed normal but pretty much spent most of the night smoking...at the end of the night she was all quiet, we argued abit and she came back to mine and stayed.

Your too clingy bro! If you two are aruging and she's doing things you don't like, call her on it and instead of having her over, go home alone. Your letting her $hit on your carpet and instead of punishing her for it, your rewarding her $hitty behavior.

...she would not have sex with me on this night or the morning after as she said she wasn't in the mood and sex at the moment makes her feel "vunerable" what the hell does that mean?

Again read above; stop rewarding bad behavior and you won't have her turning you down....

Anyway we have a talk and she tells me that she feels like we are spending too much time together and she wants to see her friends more and we shouldnt lose our identities etc....I suggest we only see each other 2x a week and she flips and says you only want to see me 2x a week? so we agree on 4x.

Read that paragraph again. She has COMPLETE control of the relationship; your hanging on to her every word and action. Her behavior towards you directly impacts your day.... NEVER GOOD! In other words, one-itis is bearing its ugly head.


So anyway shes going out with friends last night to some theatre and she says she wants to go home for the night instead of coming back to mine as we originally planned, she says she'll call me when she gets back and she loves me etc etc, she txts me at 11pm with "im just gonna go to bed when i get home as really tired but i'll see you tmrw love you." Then i txt her asking if she still wants to go to london with me at new year and she txts back with "yeah deffo babes missing u 2 if i dont text back its cos ive fallen asleep lol. Love you so much baby xxx" She then txts me this morning to say she cant come in the morning as shes meeting her friend for abit but will see me around 5pm.

DUDDDDE!! If your trying to make this girl run away from you, your doing a great job! She tells you she tired and instead of saying "no worries, see you tmmrw." You start freakin' out about New Years!!! YIKES!!! Your desperate and she knows it, this relationship is in major trouble!


Basically these mixed signals are driving me crazy....can someone tell me whats going on here? and what my course of action should be, 48 hours ago she was fine!

What's going on her is really simple to see:

You have become completely dependent on your gf for your happiness. In the process its clear to see you've alienated your friends and spent all your free time with her. You've killed the excitement and your no longer a challenge to your gf. She's losing her excitement factor for you, which is why she's getting over this situation and doesn't want to fuvk you anymore.


Course of Action:


CONTROL YOURSELF!!! Don't be so clingy!!!! I read below that you text her if she wanted salmon tonight.... again STOP being such a girl!!!! Your a man, you need to act like one, because right now your gf completely runs the relationship and your life.

The good news is if you immediately change your actions and pull back, her interest should elevate. But if this $hit storm has been going on for a while, then your a few weeks away from being dumped.

From now on, if you notice things like the Facebook pic change or other things that could "mean something," I want you to keep it to yourself. Everytime you bring up something minor like that, you look more clingy, more whiny and more desperate. STOP THAT BEHAVIOR ASAP!!!!


Go back to being the guy that got her interested. Be fun, be happy and don't let every little thing get to you.


Most importantly, re-introduce yourself to your friends and start meeting girls. This girl hardly sounds like a catch with her behavior and depedence on the bong.





PIMP

 

[DannyM]

Hey Guys,

First of all thanks for all this advice its helped me understand alot of what's going on and made it easier to deal with.

I stayed up abit last night, had a big think about it all and wrote down a list of her pros and cons and while I did that my feelings about this girl changed...I have literally stopped caring, before I would txt her every few hours if i hadn't heard from her, think about her and all the great times weve had etc...I had about 7 cons for her and 2 pros one of which was her looks lol! its amazing how much **** I will put myself through to hold onto this girl just because I enjoy regular sex with someone very attractive....This isn't love at all its just lust combined with me being a total afc basically because im thinking with my **** and not my brain.

Anyway she came over tonight and I just felt different, I told her to make me dinner, I turned down sex with her twice before having sex with her on the third time where she practically tore my clothes off and I told her I couldn't see her wednesday as im going out with my best friend. The effect this has had has been really good....She apologised for her behaviour recently, repeatedly told me she loved me and has suggested I come out with her on saturday on what was previously a "girls night out." Its true what i read here somewhere.....Whoever cares the least has the most power!

What I do from here im not sure, we do have a decent connection but i was an afc idiot 4 days ago and checked her fone while she was sleeping....I found a txt she sent to her ex the day before saying shes really sorry she ended things with him and cares about him lots, he basically txt her back saying he cared about her too but wasn't intrested. I'd like to keep her around as the sex is amazing but I just don't trust her or feel about her like I did up until not long ago....How should I play this? Should i just keep up what im doing? and at same time spin new plates?

Thanks guys!

 

[DannyM]

Just got invited to hers this evening and said no because im going to gym....why has this become so easy for me all of a sudden??

 

[DannyM]

Hold up, WTF. She tried getting with her ex 4 days ago?

Yeah, either that or she was just seeing how he was doing....maybe im naive?

 

[Tiguere]

No wonder . Her ex turned her down preventing her from going to the next tree branch. No wonder she is lovey dovey woth you once again. If I were you ill ditch her. Her ex can come out of nowhere and **** your girl effortlessly.

 

[Ease]

just as the guys said, she was indeed getting ready to dump you.

honestly now id say it was over in a LTR sense. Keep her around for sex untill you find a replacement.

You cant really go back to the way it was and have a good ltr with her since she's already subconciously written you off. Her attraction for you now is superficial and 51% fake, dont listen to what she says about how much she loves you, its about how she acts.

You've lost trust in her so remove yourself emotionally, and keep her for sex untill you find a new one.

 

[jophil28]

....I found a txt she sent to her ex the day before saying shes really sorry she ended things with him and cares about him lots, he basically txt her back saying he cared about her too but wasn't intrested.

That was not a casual friendly text to her ex just to say "How are ya"... It was a thinly disguised attempt to test his willingness to take her back.
Read that again - She was asking him to re-establish their relationship.

Sometimes women branch swing backwards.
If her attempt to draw her ex back into her life had been successful,she would have LJBF you in one cold heartbeat. How do you feel about having a woman in your life who regards you as her second choice. You are the consolation prize.
There is a part of you that knows this and that part of you is sheilding you against further exploitation by her - that is why you feel "different" . Without realizing it, you have detached your emotions from her out of self protection.

 

[DannyM]

Thanks again guys. When i met the girl 3 months ago on a night out she slept with me on that night....She later told me she had a boyfriend at the time and she basically dumped him for me...I guess I should of known what she was like from that.

Due to me recently ignoring her she has sent me 8 texts in the last 4 hours and just tried to call me but i didn't pick up, last night she said something weird though.....when we were chatting she blurted out "when we get engaged we can...." and then went bright red, I called her up on it and said "i 'd have to get divorced first" but it was completely out of the blue and kind of strange. I also put alot of this down to her being only 17 while im 26. Im a decent looking guy with a great career and family...surely I can do better than this??