girl giving runaround...how to confront?

[aprilia825]

hey all...an assist is appreciated here.

so basically, there's a place I go to on the weekends where I started casually chatting things up with a waitress several weeks ago. things started moving progressively from the casual chatting, to getting her number, to hanging out a couple times outside of when she worked, to her coming over my place one night...

now this is a place I'm at on the weekends (different town for the summer), and on the weekends she works while I'm there for fun/relaxation. There have been a few times lately that I asked her to hang out, but she was always working (understandable on the weekend...once in awhile she may be free during the day). It seemed like things weren't progressing further and stalled out. Initially, I thought it'd be too bold/creepy to ask her to come up to my neck of the woods one night during the week to hang out...plus, being at work all day, there wouldnt be much time. After awhile tho and with her not having time on the weekends to hang out outside of when I see her at her work, I threw it out there. I said I'd be in touch about getting together later in the week when she wasn't busy. Then, the other day I called, got her vm, and specifically mentioned a day and plan. No call back, even through today.

Ok so long story short here...my attitude is one of "hey either you want to see me or you don't. If so, then return my call and let's make plans, if not, let me know and I'll walk away because there's no sense in keeping this going." ....but when would be the best time to explain that, and how? Do I shoot her a text tonight/tomorrow saying that? (get it out sooner rather than later, especially if she wants to hang out this week) Do I wait until she gets back to me and say it? Or do I wait until I run into her this weekend (after the date would have happened) and tell her in person?

Any tips?

 

[frisco]

I wouldn't explain myself to her one bit, there is no need too if she cant find time to come chill then its just logistics. I wouldn't call her back or contact her for a couple weeks, Chances are you will get a call from her in the near future. And even then i would my usual self and if she asked to hang out then i would tottally be down, but only if she asked. otherwise you will probably get a run around.

 

[aprilia825]

understood...and part of me was of that school of thought too. the other part says what i wrote above. that we've been chillin (and gettin together on dates) for enough time now to let her know I won't accept ambiguity from her. it would put her on the spot in essence...as opposed to her just being able to ignore it for awhile. plus, it would show her that im willing to walk away just like that. that's the dilema....one way is to keep it real casual, the "hey whatever, maybe some other time" attitude which I've had so far (and why i think things may have stalled lately)....the other is the firm, i expect the courtesy of a call back, etc attitude. what's the best approach?

 

[frisco]

I totally see where your coming from, I have kinda always stuck with the mindset that Obligation kills attraction for a girl, the majority of females dont like being put on the spot to make a decision, and really her answer will probably give you Zero comfort about the situation, shell more that likely give you a vague answer with a little **** test. In essence by not contacting her and not explain yourself (and giving her more or less an ultimatum) , you really are saying that you can just walk away.

 

[Raikojo17]

Why do you guys take things so seriously?

So she stopped responding, big deal! OP, you are forgetting that the 'DJ" (Hate that term) is always moving forward, secure, and doesn't put his eggs in one basket unless he is in a committed relationship with her

So you get her number, you date, she doesn't respond? who cares really? You should be living your life anyway. You shouldn't be butt hurt over this, nor should yo be offended. Maybe she was busy. Maybe she just didn't want to talk. lol you shouldn't even notice that she hasn't replied, you should be busy doing your own thing

but instead you importune her constantly with your need for her to "confirm" your status. Should you keep pursuing? is she interested? lol nope nope nope, you shouldn't do this

You should not care. She's not your girlfriend. Just have fun and be secure within your self to no hover over this chick, If she calls back, great. If not, no skin off your nose. You just lost a chick who was not interested after all. now go find one that is

so how do you approach this? simple. you don't. Leave her be.

 

[snackwitch]

Ok so long story short here...my attitude is one of "hey either you want to see me or you don't. If so, then return my call and let's make plans, if not, let me know and I'll walk away because there's no sense in keeping this going." ....but when would be the best time to explain that, and how? Do I shoot her a text tonight/tomorrow saying that? (get it out sooner rather than later, especially if she wants to hang out this week) Do I wait until she gets back to me and say it? Or do I wait until I run into her this weekend (after the date would have happened) and tell her in person?

Any tips?

Sorry dude, ultimatums don't work on females, especially if their interest level is wavering. Take heart I've been in the same boat, but the paradoxical thing is that the fact is that you have so much invested already that you are trying to figure out a "strategy" to approach and in fact confront the girl - this energy is causing the girl to avoid you. The harder truth to swallow is that she is just not that into you, but so what? There are millions more like her and better.

You should read other forum threads about people who asked the same/similar question on this. Don't give up, just move on and meet some more chicks.

 

[DonGorgon]

Runaround means she has moved on to a new dude.. you need to drop her now..

 

[Warrior74]

You care too much. In fact, I'm of the mindset that if you are posting a problem with a chic on the internet, you care too much.

He who cares the most loses.

If you had 10 fifteen girls, would you give a shiit? Of course not. Move on, stop being so serious, that is probably what's turning her off. In a month or two call her when you are bored and want to go do soemthing fun, ask her to go.

That's what I do. The other night I wanted to go to the movies, so I called up an old FB, asked her what she was doing...told her we are going to the movies, picked her up, watched the film went back to my place. She's been calling me ever since. Spontaniousness + disinterest = wet panties.

 

[aprilia825]

I'm with you guys completely...that exact mindset you've all mentioned (doing my own thing, moving forward, etc) is how I've always been. It's funny too because I do have other options with girls, and I've been doing my thing with them when I'm on my own during the week. I've keep the nonchalant attitude with them and have been blowing them off for this other chick...and that attitude makes them want me more.

Normally, I wouldn't have given this issue a second thought but I came across one of the sosuave email tips on the girl giving the runaround and it got me thinking. It gave the advice to say what I mentioned in the OP...at first I disagreed, but I suppose my radar was thrown off and then I bought into it, which is why I came here to ask. haha clearly my initial instinct was right and you guys confirmed it for me. cheers.

 

[aprilia825]

Raikojo - by the way, I haven't actually done anything so far to confirm our status...I was just asking if something like what I suggested in the OP would be a good move. Hell, as it is I speak with her once, at most twice during the week. Really we just catch up on the weekends in person when I see her out and if we get together outside of that.

Regardless, you guys have set the compass straight again. It was knocked out of whack for a minute, but I'm good to go again.