Girl gets random text warning about me WTF, how would you handle this?

[CaptainFenix]

Hi fellas, so my girl received a random text on instagram from a newly created account, no info there, no identifying picture, so I don´t know who it is. This message just said something along the lines "I think you to should know that [my name] has only bad intentions for you". My girl texted back asking who it was, no reply so far... WTF? When she told me about the message she pressured me into saying if I knew who it could be, and under pressure I said it could be either the mother of my daughter, because I am currently fighting to get joint custody of my child, which shows that I am serious about being separated (she still wanted us to be togehter etc), so she might be going after who she feels is threatening the hopes she had, which is my new girl. I also said it could be the other girl I was seeing when I started dating you, because she might be jealous of losing me to you, so now she is trying to ruin things between us. I'm not sure if I gave out too much info, but I wasn't thinking clearly when I got confronted with that message, so that's what I said.

Bear in mind that I'm dating my girl only since November so we are still on the getting to know stages, and I'm not sure how this affected her but I already sense some difference in her attitude towards me, before she would always initiate texts etc, and would write very loving messages with hearts and what not. That kinda changed a bit... bear in mind this is a relationship, not a plate I dont care about.

So, my question to the more experienced DJs, how would you handle this? I'm kinda lost a bit, this never happened to me before... and I dont want to play it wrong and drive away my girl...

 

[derby1]

I would defend myself once and once only, then the topic would not be brought up again

 

[Atom Smasher]

“That has to be my ex wife who is mad that I’m seeking joint custody. She has some problems. I feel bad for her. But one thing’s for sure… You and I aren’t going to let her affect us, right?”

Usually a woman will internalize the man’s assessment of the situation. The subtle “you and I” is a powerful way to influence a woman that it’s you two fighting against a common “threat”.

 

[RangerMIke]

@stringpuller is right. Just laugh it off. Make a joke about it. If you are going to say anything say this. "Show me a man that everyone likes and doesn't have any enemies, and I'll show you a person that sits around agreeing with everyone... who does nothing."

 

[dude99]

Hi fellas, so my girl received a random text on instagram from a newly created account, no info there, no identifying picture, so I don´t know who it is. This message just said something along the lines "I think you to should know that [my name] has only bad intentions for you". My girl texted back asking who it was, no reply so far... WTF? When she told me about the message she pressured me into saying if I knew who it could be, and under pressure I said it could be either the mother of my daughter, because I am currently fighting to get joint custody of my child, which shows that I am serious about being separated (she still wanted us to be togehter etc), so she might be going after who she feels is threatening the hopes she had, which is my new girl. I also said it could be the other girl I was seeing when I started dating you, because she might be jealous of losing me to you, so now she is trying to ruin things between us. I'm not sure if I gave out too much info, but I wasn't thinking clearly when I got confronted with that message, so that's what I said.

Bear in mind that I'm dating my girl only since November so we are still on the getting to know stages, and I'm not sure how this affected her but I already sense some difference in her attitude towards me, before she would always initiate texts etc, and would write very loving messages with hearts and what not. That kinda changed a bit... bear in mind this is a relationship, not a plate I dont care about.

So, my question to the more experienced DJs, how would you handle this? I'm kinda lost a bit, this never happened to me before... and I dont want to play it wrong and drive away my girl...

The fact that they had created a BS account to slander you cloak and dagger tells me it is an ex (obviously) that wants to get a rise out of you and endorphins from driving you crazy. As String puller put it poetically, chick are drama.

This is how you handle this.

Your chick " i got this blah blah blah. No name no pic it says you bad you bad you bad. Who is this?"

You " no clue. Looks like some butt hurt ex i probably dumped and walked away on."

Her "which one?"

You "pick one. It doesn't matter. They are the butt hurt one. Not me."

Then drop the subject and do not discuss it again. You don't know. That is the end of it.

Should she bring it up again (and again) you follow string pulller's playful comments.

 

[CaptainFenix]

Thanks guys for the golden input, it helped regain frame and now Im more comfortable dealing with this. This is why I love our community, much appreciated

 

[CaptainFenix]

Just some additional info, i panicked because i thought if it was the mom of my daughter she could tell my girl that i have 2 more daughters with other 2 women of who she doesnt know about yet. Or if it was my previous plate, she could reveal her that i tried to film us hooking up without she knowing, even if it was meant as a joke it wouldnt sound good. So i panicked and went into defend and explain mode. Anyway, i regained frame and the following texts ensued:

[2/1, 09:22] JBS: to be honest I dont care much about a "troll" who hides behind an anonymous account. If she has nothing to hide and her (or his) intentions were good then why would they hide behind anonymity? My account is open and public, and this is a risk of that, haters trying to take me down and hit me where they think it hurts. But it doesnt faze me, I'm stronger than that, I know that I didn't do anything wrong, or any crime so I have nothing to fear or shame. If someone wants to accuse me of something, then they should do so openly, so that I have a chance to defend myself. So, I dont care much about this person and they shouldnt even be a blip on my radar... normally when I get these kind of messages I just delete them, but since it was you who received it, I gave it a bit more attention than it deserved

[2/1, 09:27] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: Yes… well you know it’s just feels weird for me… and I would lie if I would not say it triggered some fears. I mean I am also stronger than that but still it destroys my balance. But as you said I assume that it was the point of this message. Let’s see if this was just a one time thing…
[2/1, 09:28] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: I hope so and that we can forget it soon.

[2/1, 09:39] JBS: I understand, that might have been the intended purpose...
But im here for you babe, and you can ask me anything because i am serious about us...


Any further input at this point fellas? Or should i just forget about this topic and if she brings it up again, just laugh it off using @stringpuller great examples?

 

[Black Widow Void]

I've had scorned ex's and also a few jealous male acquaintances run interference.
It's frustrating, now doubt, but here's how to handle it.
Here's what you tell your girl
(using your own wordage of course) "When a man is true to himself, he becomes successful. Others can become resentful - especially if they are the jealous type. People like this do not bother me. In fact, I feel sorry for them. All I ask from you is that you judge me based on my character. "

 

[Glassguy]

Dont sweat it. Just laugh it off.

Your gf should be smart enough to know that someone is just trying to cause trouble when they send a random message from that type of account.

 

[devilkingx2]

Send her this and say you have to give her a warning lol.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Yeah he ****ed up the moment he went into defense mode. The fact she came back and asked you instead of sneaking behind your back is a good thing. It meant she didn't believe it and simply wanted you to man up and ignore it. Getting emotional destroyed every advantage and frame you had.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Possible ways to handle this.

Damn.

I didn't think ghosts could text. I guess she's still mad.

 

[CaptainFenix]

I didn't think ghosts could text. I guess she's still mad.

ahahah this one was funny mate, should have used it... anyway thanks to your inputs, I think "we" won fellas, I gave her some space and didn't contact until she budged. Then she sent me this message:

"[18:21, 2/1/2022] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: Yes well I think I am good again. Was just the 24h after
Hope you had a good day. I will go to bed now

[20:17, 2/1/2022] JBS: I knew you were smart enough to know that someone who sends a random message from these type of accounts is just trying to cause trouble.

People like this do not bother me. In fact, I feel sorry for them. Their life must be sad. But one good thing about this, is that now I know you better as a person and I am happy you came to me about this message, it shows that you and I are more important than random external people and that you will judge me based on what you know of me, and not what others may say...

Another upside of this is that now at least you know I am a bad boy with bad, bad intentions ‍

Anyway, show me a person who everyone likes, and I'll show you a person that sits around agreeing with everyone... who does nothing with his life. Whoever it is, I guess they are still not over about I somehow affected them, and that is their problem, definitely not ours We handled this in a great way babe, I'm happy with your attitude"

I think it's a win guys. This "test" as been passed

 

[HaleyBaron]

I knew you were smart enough to know that someone who sends a random message from these type of accounts is just trying to cause trouble.

Why you send that? Don't compliment her! Damn it! Just go "Cool."

 

[CaptainFenix]

Why you send that? Don't compliment her! Damn it! Just go "Cool."

Chill @HaleyBaron I think it's all good. She is currently on a vacation with her mom, so, since I cant be with her physically, I am providing more than normal reassurance, because I dont want her hamster to run around in her mind too much in the other direction. Under normal circumstances, I would just meet up and play it cool in person.

 

[HaleyBaron]

I must have came from a different upbringing. Let the hamster wheel turn. If you trust in yourself, it'll always turn back to you.

 

[CaptainFenix]

Well, she still hasnt received the message as she is in a different time zone and is sleeping.. I could still potentially delete it and send something else, what would you send? I'm curious

But I am happy with my strategy, and I prob wont delete it. Since she is far away and in a different time zone, communication is sparse, so this will provide her with some content to digest and re-read throughout the day... I am not showering her with attention fellas, I know the basics. I just had to do some damage control. Just to clarify, she frequently sends me msgs which I ignore for hours and when she asks if we can talk on the phone, I frequently say I'm busy atm and will ping her when free... she definitly isn't used to me acting "beta" mates, don't worry about that. I slay and lay more than my fair share of women, don't worry fellas. I don't want to sound like bragging but honestly I believe I've crossed the 1000 mark long ago, I don't even keep track anymore... but I'm tired of casual sechs, and am trying to challenge myself into building a relationship, a family and all that.

 

[CaptainFenix]

If you spend time with a girl, eventually you get attached to her. Then you start asking for advice about her online. It's a downward spiral.

Guys typically find it very difficult to be "cool" if they actually like a girl. It's like a drug-effect on men. Feminine opium.

"Just be cool" or "just walk away" is totally unrealistic for men who are exclusively dating. They've invested too much already.

I understand the premise, and for most guys at the early stages of understanding how dating psychology that would be true, they attach themselves too emotionally to girls/relationships/situations and are unable to walk away.

But I am more than ok with "just walking away" or losing this girl. My mental state is at a stage that I am able to not be affected emotionally by this, human interactions can be sort of a game. But like I mentioned before, I have decided to challenge myself into building a relationship, a family and all that, so I would like to try and see if I can play that game now... It's a conscious decision, it's not an irrational attachment on my side and I haven't invested too much emotionally even though I've agreed going into an exclusive relationship. If she acts up, she is gone, have no doubts about that.

 

[CaptainFenix]

Hi fellas, some time has past and I've got some updates on this chick. She asked for some time, she was going to a retreat for 5 days, turning her phone off and said she needed some time to think about us, and I ended it there and then and said I would move on. She had to feel the consequences of her decision, I wouldnt be around after giving some "time", she would risk losing me, and she did.

Anyway, I went NO CONTACT and started posting a fun exciting life on instagram, pictures hanging out with friends, with girls, driving around in my convertible, exciting outdoors activities. To show that I was focusing on me and I wasnt bluffing when I said I would move on. I predicted she would send me a message as soon as the 5 days were over, and I was right on the money. Today she texted me and the following exchange ensued:

[13:47, 2/18/2022] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: John this isn’t something about you. You take it personal.
It’s me. I am too weak to handle all that. It’s too much for me.
I got another message from the mum of your daughter.
I can’t handle it right now next to my family problems with my mum and dad. At the moment it’s just even hard for me to get up and move. I am super exhausted.
I would appreciate if you see my side as well and have a little bit more understanding and not just seeing your side…
I am happy when you move on and find someone who can support you because I simple just can’t…

[14:27, 2/18/2022] JBS: What did the message say?


[14:58, 2/18/2022] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: It was just too much for me… I couldn’t handle it. You should protect me from this and if you can’t then I need to protect me by myself. I am way to sensitive for stuff like this…

[15:44, 2/18/2022] JBS: She is crazy. Ive put her in court to get my daughter and now this is revenge. well block her and youre protected from getting more messages like this... I cant do anything if others are crazy. If you chose to let others make the decisions for you then what can i say... Its up to you.
She is doing this because she sees you as a threath... Because she sensed that my intentions were serious with you. She wanted to plant seeds of doubt in your head and she succeeded. Youre chose to let a stranger get in between us instead of asking me about it. I could address each point that she is accusing me off, but you made your decision and ive moved on

[17:01, 2/18/2022] Manu Tdr Lgs 2021: I am not strong enough for this right now. You wanted to share all this with me but I can’t. It’s too much for me…
I understand that you want to speak with someone about it but you had to protect me from it rather than make me a part of it.
If you would really know me you would have seen that this is too much for me as I am super sensitive. You can’t compare me with you. Maybe you can handle all this but I can’t… and you should give me understanding and time rather then posting this strange things and show how strong you are…. And if you want a women with who you can share all this and is as strong as you then it is definitely not me.

Anyway I honestly dont care anymore about getting this chick back, Im just curious what you think is going through her head?

And secondly, what how do you guys think I should handle the messages the mom of my daughter is sending out to potential new girlfriends? She is making a lot of stuff up and some completely ridiculous accusations

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I would defend myself once and once only, then the topic would not be brought up again