Girl at Kohls

[Hedge]

Hey DJs,

Would love to bounce this idea off of you all.

So earlier today I went into Kohl's clothing store to buy a few shirts and other things (some good sales today!). I see this HB 7.5 with a great ass restocking stuff on the hangers. So I walk out with the two shirts I have and walk by her. She asks if I needed anything so I hold up both shirts and ask which one she prefers. She says she likes the light blue one (my choice as well). I decide to chat with her a little bit. College comes up, we both graduated from the same university (in 2014) and don't use our degrees. She studied business and joked about how shes the men's department supervisor and is constantly there. I told her I had to run but asked her if she'd like to get coffee. She started awkwardly touching the clothes on the rack in front of her and broke eye contact before saying
"I'm kinda seeing someone else right now. But thank you. Let me know if you have more questions". I walked away saying maybe I would.

Now I've been slowly coming out of my AFC shell. The AFC me was terrified of rejection, that deep stinging feeling in the core of my being. The new me felt unblemished to hear it. I walked away confident and smiling as I wandered over to grab a few undershirts. I was proud that I actually mustered up the courage to approach her.

I went to check out, and an older lady rang me up at the jewelry counter (there was a customer bitching about some missized shoes at the main register). She asked if I found everything alright. I said "Oh yes, Hillary was very helpful". Right at that moment the girl comes walking by the other side of the counter and shes looking at me, so I smile at her. She quickly smirks and turns her head forward, breaking eye contact.

Here's what I want to bounce off of you more experienced DJs. This sounds so cheesy as I type it but bear with me I plan on coming by again in a few days. Assuming she doesn't try to avoid me, I'll ask for her advice again. I'll hold up a nice red shirt and a not-so-great looking shirt and ask her which one she prefers. If she picks the obvious choice of red I'll say that I knew she would pick red. If she asks or says nothing I'll proceed to say that she picked red because it reflects the deep, passionate fire within her. The fire red reminds of her why life is worth living. Than if she's staring in silence I'll thank her for her help and leave immediately.

And I looked her up on Facebook, Relationship Status: Single (Busted!) And she has one mutual friend with me, some chick I knew in college.

Thanks guys, looking forward to your input

 

[Roober]

Your overthinking it! You shouldn't ever have crap planned out like this.

Do not go back unless you need to for whatever you need. You are placing her on a pedestal by intentionally going to the store. Write it off as a learning experience.

Do not have anything planned to say, just speak naturally...

If she was interested, she would have given you her number. I have gotten the "I am kind of seeing someone line", but it was followed with "here is my number". If not followed with that or a date, then she is likely not interested

 

[Hedge]

Your overthinking it! You shouldn't ever have crap planned out like this.

... You are placing her on a pedestal by intentionally going to the store. Write it off as a learning experience.

Hmm perhaps that's always been my issue.

Do not have anything planned to say, just speak naturally...

If she was interested, she would have given you her number. I have gotten the "I am kind of seeing someone line", but it was followed with "here is my number". If not followed with that or a date, then she is likely not interested

I see. I guess one giving chase isn't a realistic expectation?

 

[Hedge]

I guess I can't shut my brain off. I want to analyze and plan things ahead of time. But than I start day dreaming, fantasizing. Maybe this is one of my biggest flaws.

 

[Dingo]

Rejection Is Better Than Regret.......

Good luck....

 

[El Payaso]

Jesus Christ, dude. Move on. She turned you down. Whether her excuse was true or not, it doesn't matter. She's not interested in you. Absolutely do not tell her that nonsense about the "deep passionate fire in her". I threw up just saying that. That's your one way ticket to Creepville Land.

In fact, I ban you from ever talking to her again.

 

[Hedge]

Thanks guys. This has been an eye opener for me.

 

[ThisNThat]

This is why I rarely do cold approaches in public anymore. Everyone is always taken (or at least says they are), but where I live they actually ARE taken. Smaller towns, people are already spoken for by their redneck or thug boyfriends.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Target fixation alert!

You got everything you could out of the interaction. You overcame your fear and approached. Total success. Now it's time to fish other waters the same way. Leverage that victory and compound the interest by continuing the momentum with other women.

 

[Hedge]

Target fixation alert!

You got everything you could out of the interaction. You overcame your fear and approached. Total success. Now it's time to fish other waters the same way. Leverage that victory and compound the interest by continuing the momentum with other women.

That's exactly my problem. I was so blind to it for so long. Heh. Better late than never!

On to the next one!

 

[Glassguy]

Kudos for approaching this chick. With more practice, you will get to the point that it wont phase you IF you get shutdown.

She might be "kinda seeing someone" but still is "single" on facebook. Or, thats the only thing she could come up with to turn you down. It really doesnt matter.

Dont go back within the next few days or you'll look like a creeper. Maybe in a couple of weeks you can drop back by to look at shirts and if you see her, be playful.

You: Its Hillary, right?
Her: Yes it is....I am surprised you remembered.
You: I have a skill or remembering a cute face. Are you married yet? lol
Her: blah blah blah
You: Do you have a pen? Here is my number...you know, just in case you end up not getting hitched next week lol

Plant the seed and move on. She will either call/text or not. No big deal either way.

 

[Hedge]

And for the record, I'll admit that I was a bit angry when I first read your guys replies. But I went for a run, and now I realize this ties back ego investment. I don't even know this chick and I'm feeling defensive about her! Christ On a cracker!

Dont go back within the next few days or you'll look like a creeper. Maybe in a couple of weeks

It's ironic. My biggest fear was that I'd be perceived as creepy by women. Sometimes we're our own worst enemy

 

[The Duke]

Hedge- you seem very desperate.

Here are a few key points to remember:

1. Just because you have "single" on your faKebook doesn't always mean you are single.

2. This girl didn't like you enough to hand out the phone number.

3. The only girls worth having are ones that make it easy. Don't chase after low interest girls. sometimes an experienced guy will get lucky with the low interest ones but its always more headache than its worth.

 

[RangerMIke]

Good for you for seeing what you want and going for it. It gets easier if you are not used to this. Always remember that it really isn't about you it's about her. A women's interest levels trumps everything.

My only advice to you is to never ask an open ended question like "Are you free for coffee, sometime." Always have a specific time and place. If she is interested and free she will except. If she is interested and busy (most likely, chick never want to appear to be too available) then read her body language and see what she does. If she counters... take the counter time/place and run your game. If she just says she's busy and doesn't give you her number or otherwise express some interest, then she has ZERO interest. So just move on. When you ask chicks for open ended dates, you are creating a potentially awkward situation.

When you ask a chick for an open ended date what she is hearing is "I am interested in you, are you interested in me?" You are asking her to make a decision about you on the spot, and women just do not work that way.

When you ask for a specific date/time, you are telling her that you want to get to know her better. This is the only approach you should take. If she isn't interested then she can just say she has plans, and there is no awkwardness.

 

[Hedge]

Hmm, never thought about that. That's solid. Thanks.

I also need to learn how to read body language

 

[dude99]

Hey DJs,

Would love to bounce this idea off of you all.

So earlier today I went into Kohl's clothing store to buy a few shirts and other things (some good sales today!). I see this HB 7.5 with a great ass restocking stuff on the hangers. So I walk out with the two shirts I have and walk by her. She asks if I needed anything so I hold up both shirts and ask which one she prefers. She says she likes the light blue one (my choice as well). I decide to chat with her a little bit. College comes up, we both graduated from the same university (in 2014) and don't use our degrees. She studied business and joked about how shes the men's department supervisor and is constantly there. I told her I had to run but asked her if she'd like to get coffee. She started awkwardly touching the clothes on the rack in front of her and broke eye contact before saying
"I'm kinda seeing someone else right now. But thank you. Let me know if you have more questions". I walked away saying maybe I would.

Now I've been slowly coming out of my AFC shell. The AFC me was terrified of rejection, that deep stinging feeling in the core of my being. The new me felt unblemished to hear it. I walked away confident and smiling as I wandered over to grab a few undershirts. I was proud that I actually mustered up the courage to approach her.

I went to check out, and an older lady rang me up at the jewelry counter (there was a customer bitching about some missized shoes at the main register). She asked if I found everything alright. I said "Oh yes, Hillary was very helpful". Right at that moment the girl comes walking by the other side of the counter and shes looking at me, so I smile at her. She quickly smirks and turns her head forward, breaking eye contact.

Here's what I want to bounce off of you more experienced DJs. This sounds so cheesy as I type it but bear with me I plan on coming by again in a few days. Assuming she doesn't try to avoid me, I'll ask for her advice again. I'll hold up a nice red shirt and a not-so-great looking shirt and ask her which one she prefers. If she picks the obvious choice of red I'll say that I knew she would pick red. If she asks or says nothing I'll proceed to say that she picked red because it reflects the deep, passionate fire within her. The fire red reminds of her why life is worth living. Than if she's staring in silence I'll thank her for her help and leave immediately.

And I looked her up on Facebook, Relationship Status: Single (Busted!) And she has one mutual friend with me, some chick I knew in college.

Thanks guys, looking forward to your input

I wouldn't bother if i were you. Her bland reply telling you she is kind of seeing someone and then when you spoke her name quickly smirking anf breaking eye contact , tells me she isn't interested.

If you keep throwing yourself in front of an uninterested girl she will just find you annoying.

Find out what other girls in the store think of the shirts. Your HB 7.5 will see you as desperate if you keep going back.

 

[Hedge]

I wouldn't bother if i were you. Her bland reply telling you she is kind of seeing someone and then when you spoke her name quickly smirking anf breaking eye contact , tells me she isn't interested.

If you keep throwing yourself in front of an uninterested girl she will just find you annoying.

Find out what other girls in the store think of the shirts. Your HB 7.5 will see you as desperate if you keep going back.

Yeah I'm going to avoid that store for a good long while.

 

[dude99]

Yeah I'm going to avoid that store for a good long while.

Just do your thing. If you shop there just do that. Shop. Pay her no mind. Just do your thing

 

[Roober]

Good for you for seeing what you want and going for it. It gets easier if you are not used to this. Always remember that it really isn't about you it's about her. A women's interest levels trumps everything.

My only advice to you is to never ask an open ended question like "Are you free for coffee, sometime." Always have a specific time and place. If she is interested and free she will except. If she is interested and busy (most likely, chick never want to appear to be too available) then read her body language and see what she does. If she counters... take the counter time/place and run your game. If she just says she's busy and doesn't give you her number or otherwise express some interest, then she has ZERO interest. So just move on. When you ask chicks for open ended dates, you are creating a potentially awkward situation.

When you ask a chick for an open ended date what she is hearing is "I am interested in you, are you interested in me?" You are asking her to make a decision about you on the spot, and women just do not work that way.

When you ask for a specific date/time, you are telling her that you want to get to know her better. This is the only approach you should take. If she isn't interested then she can just say she has plans, and there is no awkwardness.

I never thought about it like that, but that is a very good point!

 

[RangerMIke]

Are you suggesting that we should make precise date plans during the initial approach? That is basically asking to be flaked on.

Suggesting a date is only good so much as in getting her number. And getting her number is only good so much as in finalizing plans/logistics.

What he said was completely fine. "Another time I'd like to take you out", then get out your phone for the close.

Really simple.

I hear what you are saying. But I approach A LOT, my philosophy is cast a broad net and find out if they are in or out a quickly as possible.

I have an almost obsessively organized schedule, my social calendar is FILLED, almost every week. This week for example: Tonight and tomorrow night -- Passover Saders at Tulane University. Wednesday night: Chamber of Commerce Membership drive, Thursday night: Grand opening of a new bar in the French Quarter, Friday: Square Dancing at a friend of mine's brewery. I have the kids this weekend, so I'm doing stuff with them. I already have stuff going on... and I just invite women along. I really don't care if they flake, I just hit on other chicks if I end up solo. I am meeting women Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.. dates lined up. One is a first time date, one is a second date, and the square dance date is a women I've been seeing for a couple of months now. If they flake, no sweat they are done.

If I can't think of something off the top of my head to invite a woman to then I'll ask for their number, nothing wrong with that. But I never figure out what I'm going to do with a chick after making a date. I already have things lined up, then invite them along.

I don't bother explaining why I want her number, she knows why you want it. If she plays dumb and asks then I say "Why do you think I want your number?" Then I pass her my phone with the contacts open so she can type in her contact info. If she does anything other than giving up her number I just tell her never-mind and walk away. I don't waste any time at all with women, they are in or out... the sooner I find out the better.