gf wont get off dating site?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Thanks for the replies guys. So, i have an update...

I talked earlier to a mutual friend of ours, who spoke to her last night. She was 'obviously stressed' were his words. Anyway, he proceeded to get her talking, and she said first off she was really stressed about work(she works for the govt). And then they got into talking about me.

She proceeded to shower the positives about me to him, (ie. i am really good looking, i make her laugh, i make her happy, we are on the same level intellectually), but then brought up that she 'cant see it being long term' because she doesnt feel i have 'ambition' and can take care of her. Not to brag or anything, but i make $22CDN an hour, and i am only going up from there. He shot back at her with the fact that very few people her age make the kind of money she does (she makes 31), and that maybe she is being a little unrealistic. She apparently agreed...and (as been, i know this) waffling over exactly how much the money thing is important to her. Anyway, given the fact that i dont have the DJ Bible handy, is an ultimatum in order? I mean, i would marry her in a minute, if we can get by our mutual hangups. But i also dont want to have a broken heart develop over the next 6 months, and make the breakup all that much worse. Ideas? Remembering the 'dating site' issue as well?

cd

1. She's talking to another guy about her relationship problems instead of you.
2. She's attempting to pawn off her feelings as being work stress related.
3. She holds your ability (or lack of) for taking care of her as a detriment to your relationship potential.
4. Her view of reality isn't realistic (wonder what past experiences formed her basis and what other hidden nuggets does she have).
5. You're at a desperate place where you are ready to make an ultimatum that could be VERY detrimental given the previous items.
6. You are definitely in an emotional state.
7. You are afraid of the possibility of ending a relationship and are willing to sacrifice yourself.

What else needs to be said?

 

[Latinoman]

Had a chance to log into a computer and decided to provide one post. I selected this one.


To the creator of this thread...here is my advice:

Do NOT invest emotionally in this relationship. No woman in a serious relationship should be posting (without the consent of her partner) on a site that is designed to date or meet other men.

Listen up and listen up clearly as this might be my only post for the next several days. And I have chosen you as the person to provide the advice.

END THE RELATIONSHIP NOW. Do it nicely. No ultimatums (you already told her that you prefered for both of you to stop doing that).

One of two things is going to happen

1- Either both of you move on (which will save you a lot of grief)

or

2- She will beg you to reconsider. And if this is the case, then it is important that you tell her your conditions to reconsider.

If you don't follow this advice, you will end up with a woman that will be meeting with other men. It does not take lot of time for a woman and a man to meet for sex. Heck...a quicky can be all it takes. After all, the ground work is already done via the Internet.

 

[penkitten]

huh...

all this time I thought you were trying to seduce me with those flowers, kisses... and private messages...

:trouble: what what?:crazy:

 

[nonchalant]

She is shopping around for the Bigger Better Deal. At first she will say 'oh I am just here because I'm bored, I have a bf', then it will be 'yeah but we have problems, he doesn't treat me well yadda yadda'. When she finally hooks some dude she feels is right, she will drop you. She will rationalize it in her head by saying that 'things were not working out anyway with you'. This is the way that women cheat on you without feeling guilty - it's called 'branch swinging'. I've had two women do this to me already. Once there is even the remote possibility of this happening again, I walk.

 

[cockydude]

Thanks for all the replies guys. I have been reading at work today and also talked with 2 of my close friends who also happen to be co-workers, and i have come to this conclusion:

I am going to:

END THE RELATIONSHIP NOW. Do it nicely. No ultimatums (you already told her that you prefered for both of you to stop doing that).

One of two things is going to happen

1- Either both of you move on (which will save you a lot of grief)
or
2- She will beg you to reconsider. And if this is the case, then it is important that you tell her your conditions to reconsider.

I gotta be honest, and say that i hope the second option happens. But one way or another, i know i have to be honest, straight forward, and tell her that its over. At that point i will open up the floor to her for crying and pleading, and tell her what needs to change if we are to stay together. As a female confidant at work said today......'if she REALLY wants to be with you, these things wont even be an issue'. Incidentally, when she met her husband, he made considerably less than her. Although the roles are reversed now, she would stick by him in sickness and in health. Hmmm....sounds almost official doesnt it?

Ill keep you guys updated.

CD

 

[blueguy]

I would just start dating other girls. And make her realize you are glad she was looking to date other guys since it means you don't have to be exclusive anymore. You are the bird that wants to flap his wings, not be locked in a cage. It's her job to lock you in, but she aint doing a good job at the moment.

 

[DjVelvet]

Hmm, and I thought the thread starter is kinda uptight, someof the posters are getting rather rigid too.

Since she knows that you know about her logging in to dating sites, i would say Be cool about it.

Let her know firmly that you don't really like her doing so with a smile, and let it pass.. If she's looking for other potentials, I guess you have to do so too.. Cut her away before she do so.

I think its your inner self that needs fixing..

Bible_Belt says.
"Just dumping her is not enough fun. I'd suggest fighting fire with fire. Put your profile back up and become a male AW, hell, put one on every site. Be the mack daddy of the Internet and see how she likes it."

Poor advice, is the thread starter going to do so for every Attention ***** he meet?

Indifference is a man's weapon towards most sort of r/s problems. Who cares about girls' logging on to some dating sites thingee, though its fairly neccessary to monitor her consistency.

Man.. protect that heart of yours. Don't let it go deeper into the trap.

 

[hithard]

Protect yourself first ,these types of girls are for play only.If you feel like you can make a clean break why not have some fun with this and put a couples profile up looking for women only.After disscussion with her of course.It will let you know where you stand anyway.Totally dependant on your personality though, dont try and fake your way through while being emotionally crippled.

 

[woods]

Protect yourself first ,these types of girls are for play only.If you feel like you can make a clean break why not have some fun with this and put a couples profile up looking for women only.After disscussion with her of course.It will let you know where you stand anyway.Totally dependant on your personality though, dont try and fake your way through while being emotionally crippled.

Nice!!!

 

[Last Man Standing]

COUGH!!! (*Attention Wh0re*) COUGH!!!

COUGH!!! ("Hor") COUGH!!!

 

[WaterTiger]

You want to have some fun? Make up a fake profile and chat her up online. See what she says about you to a "stranger", then see if you can get her to meet you OFF-line.

Won't she be surprised when YOU show up instead of her Mystery Guy???

 

[Last Man Standing]

You want to have some fun? Make up a fake profile and chat her up online. See what she says about you to a "stranger", then see if you can get her to meet you OFF-line.

Won't she be surprised when YOU show up instead of her Mystery Guy???

The modern day equivalent of the song "Escape" - The pina Colada song!!http://users.cis.net/sammy/escape.htm

You know this song don't you Water Tiger.

 

[Shadow Dancer]

...SHE AS already shown what she is like, look she AS ALREADY crossed the FINE LINE of respect, now be a FUC*ING MAN and drop her on her ass for not treating with the respect you deserve from your WOMEN, there is that clear enough? no well then marry her you sad chump.

Dude, this guy came down hard on your but he speaks the truth. I just got out of year long relationship with a girl that always needed attention. And while she did take her profile off the dating sites she always did things to get attention in real life. She had been in several bands, 1 of them pretty successful. So not only did she need attention she expected it like it was her god-given right. She demanded a lot and gave back very little. She had disrespected me on several occasions but finally pushed it too far when she dissed me in front of the entire club while she was onstage during one of her shows. I broke up with her over that.

Really, she pushed it too far much earlier and realistically I should have broke up with her long before. In fact, I should have never got with her in the first place. But when you're in love sometimes it's hard to see what's really goin on. We came very close to moving in together...whew, glad I didn't do that ****.

Anyway man, I'm just telling you all this so you can see that I can relate to your situation. I don't know YOUR girl personally, but from what you've written it's time to let her go. It's past time. You can be like me and let another 6 months of disrespect go by or put end to it. Although I miss things about my ex (I broke up with her last month) like her smile, how she'd make me laugh, her bangin body, how I was proud of her talent and accomplishments, I actually feel so much more centered and peaceful now. I don't have the constant up and downs and don't have to deal with the bull**** she'd pull.

Before I got with her I was literally dating 5-6 new girls a month. Things were always on my terms. I had balls back then. In retrospect I can see how, little by little, I lost my nuts while with my ex. But that's another story for another time because this post is already long enough.

To recap:
-You ex is disrespecting you HARDCORE.
-You expressed your feelings but won't stop. Which is an even BIGGER diss to you. She is taking a complete **** on you.
-You can't change her. It WON'T get better.
-Either lose her or lose yourself by staying with her.

Your choice.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Integrity? Respect? Dignity? Honor? That shyt don't mean a damn thing!!!! Her pvssy is all that matters everything else is triviality!!!!!

 

[ThunderMaverick]

You want to have some fun? Make up a fake profile and chat her up online. See what she says about you to a "stranger", then see if you can get her to meet you OFF-line.

Won't she be surprised when YOU show up instead of her Mystery Guy???

Oh fu.ck. That is just sick. Not just on his part, but I think she would actually bite. The oroboros of disloyalty would have it's eyes wide open to it's actions after that. What a can of worms to open. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. Hahahaha

 

[Bonhomme]

This looks pretty closely related to the fascination many women have with soap operas... or us going on this site. I don't think it's a cause for alarm, as long as it's not affecting the rest of the relationship.

 

[Bonhomme]

Thanks a bloody lot for reminding me of the existence of that song, LMS. Grrrrrrr~~~~~

 

[amoka]

Just dumping her is not enough fun. I'd suggest fighting fire with fire. Put your profile back up and become a male AW, hell, put one on every site. Be the mack daddy of the Internet and see how she likes it.

Better advice.... :yes:

 

[Latinoman]

Better advice.... :yes:

I disagree.

Here is why...he is WASTING his time doing something...when he should be INVESTING more on other issues to better improve his life.

She is just a girlfriend. One that has been with him less than a year.

I mean, what does he win by doing this? The realization that she has NO respect for him? The realization that she prefers a "fake identity" over the REAL him?

That does NOTHING for his self-esteem. After all...the outcome is the same: ZERO RESPECT FOR HIM AS A MAN. And validating that only opens the door to a series of feelings such as "jealousy", "self-pitty", "insecurity", "wastefulness", etc.

 

[Slickster]

Plain and Simple

If this chick was "really" into you then NONE of this crap would be happening.

This is exactly the kind of shyt you need to nip in the bud right away!

BE A MAN and end it.

No ultimatums. Tell her that she is sending you mixed messages and you won't waste your time.

If she doesn't come around you are better off anyway.