gf wont get off dating site?

[John_Galt]

Hey guys, i have a relatively quick, simple question for yall. My gf and i have been together 6 months this month, and a few months ago i brought up the fact that i thought it was time to mutually take our profiles off of a dating site that we were both signed up on. I told her it is important to me, and that it isnt that i dont trust her, but it is just a sign of good faith in our relationship. She replied by saying 'but it is just entertainment for me, im not there to meet anyone else', okay...possible, because i do know lots of other women who do that. BUT, all of my close friends agreed with me that it was just not cool for her to continue to have her profile there.

So, i set the example by taking mine off. Now, she stopped signing on for like a month, (yes, i checked up here and there). But then, she signed on again, and sent someone a 'rose' with a message, etc, whatever. She is also signing on to MSN a lot more lately, at times of the night when i know she should be asleep. So, i brought it up again, very diplomatically. She had the same lame excuse. Am i out to lunch on this here? Or what? We spend the majority of our time together, so it is unlikely that she is seeing someone else, but still.....?

On a side note, she is 26, i am 31. Thanks for any advice you can give guys.

CD

Sounds like she's one of those relationship hoppers. Not saying your relationship is bad, but if it ever did, she'll have a guy on the side ready to fill the void.

 

[cockydude]

Well guys, here is an update:

We broke up two weeks ago this Saturday, after a morning discussion in bed. She kept saying 'i dont know what to do ****ydude, i dont know what to do'. At that point, we went into the relationship discussion (which i wont get into in detail right now), and basically she said, 'i think i have to go', at which point we said we would talk later.

So, i gave her some time to think, and then 4 days later, on advice from friends and etc, went and got 3 dozen roses (the most i have ever bought, keep in mind i did this of my own accord), knocked on her door, and we proceeded to have an hour long talk about the situation. Basically, it came down to a couple things, which i will get to in a minute. I told her i have never met anyone like her in my life, and i wanted to fight for us, and to keep things going and improve on them. I ended by asking her to please think about it, and that we would see each other the following Sunday (this past sunday). So.......

Sunday comes, and i head over to her place. We talk for another hour or so, and i tell her how serious i am about us, and how i want to know what the issue is, and what we (or I) need to do to keep it going. I tell her to give us another chance. She says........yes. I am happy.

Oops, i leave my phone at her place.

So, i come over the next night to grab it. We talk, cuddle in bed a bit, kiss, and i leave. I call her the next night to see if we can make some plans for this long weekend. No response, no callback.

Until last night (Thursday). She says she is quite busy all weekend and wouldnt be able to go skiing at the place i was wanting to, coz she has a lot of work on her plate despite the long weekend. Which i KNOW for a fact is true. Fair enough. So, she suggests we get together today, and do something. I agree.

So, today at about noon she calls, we decide to go for a hike in a local park, beautiful place......that i have been trying to get her out to for like 2 months. Sounds good.

We head up, have a great walk, some kino from my end, not a whole lot of response. Good hike though, beautiful weather. End up back at her place, and we talk. It ends.......

Basically, she says she just stopped feeling about me. She says that she tried and tried to make it go, and fought with herself, but it just went away. She says 2 things that make me think:

- She says she found herself not respecting me (and by extension)
- Didnt really ever fall in love with me (despite all the things she said, did, and implied)

It hurts. Bad. I find out that (with the help of a close friend of hers) she WAS very hopeful of a future together, and tried to get past the barriers that she thought were there, but just couldnt. All this despite the fact that I am her longest relationship (7 months) in about 3 years, according to her friend. Her friend also said that she knew about all of this, and was encouraging to her. She said she was '95%' there, but the last 5% (the future) was unsure.

Anyway, so.......now it is all but over. And, i sit here and think. First off, for those who havent read this thread before, a little about me.

- I just turned 32 last week.
- My father lives with me. (i know, not cool, but there is a good reason and it is only temporary, but i know it was a bit of an issue with her)
- I still rent, but will be buying a condo this year.
- I make $22CDN an hour, with advancement opportunity.
- I am upgrading my skills ( i only have a college certificate) to make more money/better job.
- I am an amateur actor ( I will be in a theatre version of the movie 'Proof' with Anthony Hopkins, this May)
- I am a professionally trained singer, and i perform occasionally
- I am tall and a little skinny, but i have been going to the gym recently.
- I dont feel maybe as ambitious and passionate about things in life as maybe i should.
- I think a lot of times, i am more emotional than i should be about stuff ( i was raised almost entirely by my mother)


So, keeping that in mind, let me mention the things she was looking for (sorry to make this post so long, but it IS MY thread

- Ambition
- Passion for life
- Someone who can support a family in the future

Correct me if im wrong, but dont i at least fit most of those criteria? To be honest, i am really, REALLY down about this guys......when her and i met, it was like fireworks for both of us, and i really thought she was the one. Someone try and make me feel better, please. I am really depressed and i am honestly starting to become a little scared about my future as far as meeting another woman like her. I told her i have never met anyone like her in my life, and she was in total agreement. Her friends say that if she hadnt felt so good about me, our relationship would have fizzled in a real hurry, like all the other guys she has dated in the past 3 yrs, so i am so confused. All responses appreciated.

cd

 

[Aaron B]

3 dozen roses?

For what?

Reward the behavior you like, punish the behavior you don't...

 

[Last Man Standing]

Sorry kid, but an "actor" doesn't meet her criteria for permanency!!! you should have gotten the clue by her exhibitng herself on a dating site -- it doesn't get cleare than this --- leave her alone!!!!! Leave her alone to keep your sanity and dignity - you will NOT get her back!!!! I don't believe she was ever with you!!!!

 

[champb]

I can understand why you would want her off those sites. Insecurity about this could have been the straw that broke the camels back. Try looking at it in a different way and maybe you won't feel as bad. By that I mean, it's always tough losing someone you have feelings for but be thankful for the time you were with that person, things you learned and the experiences you had. I know it's easier said than done, but it helped me. It's just better to try a positive spin on things instead of sulking over the loss. Something is always gained from relationships and you take that with you into the next. Never try to compare a future gf with a past one. You mentioned you would never meet another like her or being scared that you wouldn't. Just don't make the mistake of letting a good one pass you by because you are trying to find one like the last. You don't want to meet one like her, because things didn't work out.

 

[Ever onward]

drop her, now before she drops you. Walk away while you still have your dignity.

 

[jonwon]

Well guys, here is an update:

We broke up two weeks ago this Saturday, after a morning discussion in bed. She kept saying 'i dont know what to do ****ydude, i dont know what to do'. At that point, we went into the relationship discussion (which i wont get into in detail right now), and basically she said, 'i think i have to go', at which point we said we would talk later.

So, i gave her some time to think, and then 4 days later, on advice from friends and etc, went and got 3 dozen roses (the most i have ever bought, keep in mind i did this of my own accord), knocked on her door, and we proceeded to have an hour long talk about the situation. Basically, it came down to a couple things, which i will get to in a minute. I told her i have never met anyone like her in my life, and i wanted to fight for us, and to keep things going and improve on them. I ended by asking her to please think about it, and that we would see each other the following Sunday (this past sunday). So.......

Sunday comes, and i head over to her place. We talk for another hour or so, and i tell her how serious i am about us, and how i want to know what the issue is, and what we (or I) need to do to keep it going. I tell her to give us another chance. She says........yes. I am happy.

Oops, i leave my phone at her place.

So, i come over the next night to grab it. We talk, cuddle in bed a bit, kiss, and i leave. I call her the next night to see if we can make some plans for this long weekend. No response, no callback.

Until last night (Thursday). She says she is quite busy all weekend and wouldnt be able to go skiing at the place i was wanting to, coz she has a lot of work on her plate despite the long weekend. Which i KNOW for a fact is true. Fair enough. So, she suggests we get together today, and do something. I agree.

So, today at about noon she calls, we decide to go for a hike in a local park, beautiful place......that i have been trying to get her out to for like 2 months. Sounds good.

We head up, have a great walk, some kino from my end, not a whole lot of response. Good hike though, beautiful weather. End up back at her place, and we talk. It ends.......

Basically, she says she just stopped feeling about me. She says that she tried and tried to make it go, and fought with herself, but it just went away. She says 2 things that make me think:

- She says she found herself not respecting me (and by extension)
- Didnt really ever fall in love with me (despite all the things she said, did, and implied)

It hurts. Bad. I find out that (with the help of a close friend of hers) she WAS very hopeful of a future together, and tried to get past the barriers that she thought were there, but just couldnt. All this despite the fact that I am her longest relationship (7 months) in about 3 years, according to her friend. Her friend also said that she knew about all of this, and was encouraging to her. She said she was '95%' there, but the last 5% (the future) was unsure.

Anyway, so.......now it is all but over. And, i sit here and think. First off, for those who havent read this thread before, a little about me.

- I just turned 32 last week.
- My father lives with me. (i know, not cool, but there is a good reason and it is only temporary, but i know it was a bit of an issue with her)
- I still rent, but will be buying a condo this year.
- I make $22CDN an hour, with advancement opportunity.
- I am upgrading my skills ( i only have a college certificate) to make more money/better job.
- I am an amateur actor ( I will be in a theatre version of the movie 'Proof' with Anthony Hopkins, this May)
- I am a professionally trained singer, and i perform occasionally
- I am tall and a little skinny, but i have been going to the gym recently.
- I dont feel maybe as ambitious and passionate about things in life as maybe i should.
- I think a lot of times, i am more emotional than i should be about stuff ( i was raised almost entirely by my mother)


So, keeping that in mind, let me mention the things she was looking for (sorry to make this post so long, but it IS MY thread

- Ambition
- Passion for life
- Someone who can support a family in the future

Correct me if im wrong, but dont i at least fit most of those criteria? To be honest, i am really, REALLY down about this guys......when her and i met, it was like fireworks for both of us, and i really thought she was the one. Someone try and make me feel better, please. I am really depressed and i am honestly starting to become a little scared about my future as far as meeting another woman like her. I told her i have never met anyone like her in my life, and she was in total agreement. Her friends say that if she hadnt felt so good about me, our relationship would have fizzled in a real hurry, like all the other guys she has dated in the past 3 yrs, so i am so confused. All responses appreciated.

cd

FIRST mistake:
Not listening to advice when YOU ASKED for it.

Second Mistake:
Not putting the advice you where given and acting on it.

Third Mistake:
Taking that advice and completly doing the oppossite, nice guy stupid wan*er sh**, sorry i am brash! (if i show some lvl of anger its due to nice guy chumps like you doing what you always do and never never never never never never fuc*ing learn).

You should have walked away and kept your dignity intacked, instead you begged and pleaded with a women who is CLEARLY showing you a lack of respect, is her pus*y that great.

I KNOW THIS WILL NOT GO IN< you in the zone AFC zone, love or some other sh**, stuck in a loop and nothing we say or do is getting past that barrier you have up, so this post and all the rest where in fact a waste of forum space.

If you would have DUMPED her for DISRISPECT and LAID the god dam mother fuc*ing ground rules and not being a spinless nice guy chump she may have thought 'shi* i lost a great guy there' instead you become a submissive wuss boy wan*er listened to her puss* mates and her mangina Male friends and did the worst you could have possibly done.

I hope you learn a lesson from this and that lesson i hope you LEARN is:
Never comprimise your self respect, especcially not to your GF!
If your women shows a clear lack of respect you drop her ass and show her she is fuc*ing with the wrong guy and you dont put up with lack of respect and BS, that way she see's you as A MAN and not a wimp that tolerates all the cra* she can through at you.

but this is not about being abusive this is about self respect chump, something you dont have, selling your soul for ***** is where you are now!

I hope its worth it.

as doc love says there is only one parachute in the plane of love and he is right, you saw the fuc*ing crash coming you should have ejected but instead only YOU have yourself to blame for feeling like this.

Next time when you get a women, be more of a man and stand up to your ideals, if she does not fit them get another one, especcially dont tolerate a women that clearly lacks the repsect this one as shown you.

you seem like a nice guy chump, caught up in mangina land and a clear lack of self confidence, in that time to work on you and get over this shi8.

Work out, become a better man, if not for yourself, do it to show this women she as just made a huge mistake.

 

[blueguy]

So, keeping that in mind, let me mention the things she was looking for (sorry to make this post so long, but it IS MY thread

- Ambition
- Passion for life
- Someone who can support a family in the future

Correct me if im wrong, but dont i at least fit most of those criteria?

No. You don't.

Because your greatest ambition and passion in life is her. And you made sure to communicate that to her on multiple levels. Way to go.

She wants the guy who sees a bright future for himself. But your roses said to her, 'the only future I see for myself is you baby. I have nothing else going for me.'

Instead of pulling away and focusing on your bright future to draw her in to your own strengthening magnet of attraction, you pushed yourself onto her thus dimishinishing your attraction power and repelling her away.

Welcome to the game. It's time to start playing it.

 

[speed dawg]

FIRST mistake:
Not listening to advice when YOU ASKED for it.

Second Mistake:
Not putting the advice you where given and acting on it.

Third Mistake:
Taking that advice and completly doing the oppossite, nice guy stupid wan*er sh**, sorry i am brash! (if i show some lvl of anger its due to nice guy chumps like you doing what you always do and never never never never never never fuc*ing learn).

You should have walked away and kept your dignity intacked, instead you begged and pleaded with a women who is CLEARLY showing you a lack of respect, is her pus*y that great.

I KNOW THIS WILL NOT GO IN< you in the zone AFC zone, love or some other sh**, stuck in a loop and nothing we say or do is getting past that barrier you have up, so this post and all the rest where in fact a waste of forum space.

If you would have DUMPED her for DISRISPECT and LAID the god dam mother fuc*ing ground rules and not being a spinless nice guy chump she may have thought 'shi* i lost a great guy there' instead you become a submissive wuss boy wan*er listened to her puss* mates and her mangina Male friends and did the worst you could have possibly done.

I hope you learn a lesson from this and that lesson i hope you LEARN is:
Never comprimise your self respect, especcially not to your GF!
If your women shows a clear lack of respect you drop her ass and show her she is fuc*ing with the wrong guy and you dont put up with lack of respect and BS, that way she see's you as A MAN and not a wimp that tolerates all the cra* she can through at you.

but this is not about being abusive this is about self respect chump, something you dont have, selling your soul for ***** is where you are now!

I hope its worth it.

as doc love says there is only one parachute in the plane of love and he is right, you saw the fuc*ing crash coming you should have ejected but instead only YOU have yourself to blame for feeling like this.

Next time when you get a women, be more of a man and stand up to your ideals, if she does not fit them get another one, especcially dont tolerate a women that clearly lacks the repsect this one as shown you.

you seem like a nice guy chump, caught up in mangina land and a clear lack of self confidence, in that time to work on you and get over this shi8.

Work out, become a better man, if not for yourself, do it to show this women she as just made a huge mistake.

This should be stickied. Read this ****ydude. Take it to heart. You have a LONG way to go, but you have to start somewhere.

 

[squirrels]

- Ambition
- Passion for life
- Someone who can support a family in the future

Correct me if im wrong, but dont i at least fit most of those criteria?

The fact that you have to ask should at least tell you SOMETHING.

If she wants a big family, $22/hr CDN probably isn't going to stretch very far. Especially if she doesn't want to work herself. It wouldn't be surprising at all to find out that her parents and friends have been feeding her that "don't mess with that broke-ass actor who lives with his dad...find yourself a real professional man" crap.

I wouldn't buy into it myself, man. You're making some of the right moves, at least...furthering your education, pursuing things you enjoy such as theater and music, and at least looking for jobs with advancement opportunity.

But ask yourself...what are you truly passionate about? It sounds a lot like you hinged a lot of your emotion on this girl and I'm willing to bet she was feeling a lot of pressure to support YOU...if not financially, then emotionally.

Very few women have ambition...I've noticed this more and more as I date. Most of them are dependent on the man for inspiration in their lives. Personally, I'm looking for something more. I don't want a woman I have to "give a fish to", I'm looking for one I can "teach to fish".

What is it in your life RIGHT NOW that makes you feel ALIVE? That makes you feel empowered and in control of your own destiny?

 

[Vulpine]

Should've just bypassed all the drama and gave her the roses when you figured out she was on the dating site.

*clickety-click click*
Good luck, corkydude.

 

[Vypros]

I don't think anyone can say it better than jonwon. Listen to what he said and learn from it.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Troops,



Lots of DAM good advice on this thread. I just hope that the original poster takes it to heart. Use this SHYT as fuel for the fire that sparks him to change his life for the better-----so that THIS never happens to him again. I KNOW what I'm talkin' about. I've been there. Got the scars, the bruises, and the Purple Hearts to prove it...

The only thing that I'll comment on is ****yDude's self-made list of positve qualities----and also, his EX-woman's list of things SHE wanted in a guy:

This chick was a mercenary, soldiers. she was out to find a guy to fit certain criteria that she needed met financially and social-status wise. My gut tells me that the presence of ****yDude was OPTIONAL in her overall plan----ANY guy who could fit her BILL(s) would probably have done just as well.

Why? Because her interest level in ****yDude was low. This was a SEVEN MONTH relationship, troops.

Only women with LOW interest in you keeps her options open after 7 months into a relationship.

Only women with LOW interest fail to initiate phone calls, routinely turn down dates, and have to "try" to MAKE the relationship work.

No matter WHAT ****yDude did or DIDN'T bring to the table in terms of HER criteria, IF she was INTO him, NOTHING would have been able to keep her away from him.


Now, brace yourself for this SMART BOMB (cleverly disguised as a run-on sentence):

Women with HIGH interest level in you could even be in a HOSPITAL recovering from PNEUMONIA and STILL be so eager to see you that she would get special permission from her doctor AND her insurance company in order to have her bed-ridden Ass transported by ambulance over to YOUR house-----JUST so SHE could have "visiting hours" with YOU!

At the very START, whenever a woman starts sending you mixed messages, your best strategy is usually a STAGGERED RETREAT.

A staggered retreat is a withdrawal from a relationship that MIRRORS the randomness and sporadicness of the mixed messages that the woman is sending YOU.

You see, soldier, SOMETIMES it's NOT best to disappear ALL AT ONCE. Sometimes a tentative withdrawal at unpredictable speeds works best in situations where the woman is trying to "make up her mind" about you. A staggered retreat really DOES act as a mirror, in that it allows HER the time and opportunity to see how SHE'S acting MIGHT be causing YOU to reject HER.

If after a certain amount of time has passed (determined by YOU, of course), THEN you can go ahead and abrubtly pull up ALL stakes, rescue your dignity, do an about face, and go into a FULL RETREAT----and never look back.

But the MAIN point I want to get across is:

Women who are into you DON'T "try" to "make" the relationship work-----Rather, they make getting into YOU their LIFE'S work.



Peace...one day.

 

[Wyldfire]

"women" is PLURAL...

When you are speaking of ONE female the proper word is woman NOT women.

There is no such thing as "a women"...it is "a woman" or "some women".

 

[blueguy]

Don't let how much money you make and how it effects your status with women affect you. I've seen girls who list it at #1 end up dating plumbers or car mechanics. Even girls who have all their sh!t together with a nice degree and job have fallen for guys who've spent time in jail or can't keep a steady job. Choose your job for your own happiness. If a woman is not mature enough to understand where happiness comes from (and it doesn't come from nordstrom), she is not mature enough for you.

 

[Sinistar]

"women" is PLURAL...
When you are speaking of ONE female the proper word is woman NOT women.
There is no such thing as "a women"...it is "a woman" or "some women".

Wow, I wonder how many peoples misinterperatated jonwon's otherwise excellent accessmint due to the glarrring gramaterical errors

 

[drmeathead]

leave the *****. i know u got feelings for her but dont stick around to find out that she is no longer your exclusive partner. this nonsense she is babbling about what she wants and needs is bull****. if she really was in to you with high interest, she wouldnt care about anything else just that she was with YOU.

i dont know the girl but doesnt it seem she is in love with an ideal and is looking to fill that ideal with a warm body. whether by nagging and hasseling you to fit the bill or by searching the world wide web for it, she wants to be in love with some white knight from a fairy tale read to her as a kid.

you seem like a good guy with your heart in the right place and your head on somewhat straight. go find a woman that is a complement you and your life. not one who wants to shape yours to fit her frivolous fancy.

 

[bigjohnson]

drop her, now before she drops you. Walk away while you still have your dignity.

Pretty sure it's waaaay to late for that one. nothing I can say that hasn't been said already, and ignored.

PS - $22 CDN per hour at 31 years old isn't anything to write home about sport. Maybe I'm off, but it seems pretty average, and if she's looking for someone to "support" her I'd guess that means on the order of 1.5 - 2.0 times what she's making.

 

[Latinoman]

Roses for a woman that literally disrespect you?

LOL.

 

[jonwon]

Dam my orginal message contains so many spelling mistakes, it's making my eyes bleed! Shame i can't edit it for some reason, posting at work is not the best

quality input from victory again, but in all fairness Vulpine is spot on should have just given her the rose's at the start, this is where the OP is anyway.

"there you go honey, this is for being on an online dating site for the time we where together"!